Keziah, City, Choc et al support thread

[Keziahhopes]

Hi - found us a new home. Just didn't like the title of my old thread - and have found your support so helpful but would also like this thread to be less egocentric .

Choc -hope cbt assessment goes well.

City - how are you doing?

My physio exercises are helping me, but don't see stroke consultant until beginning of July. Still not had OT assessment, but dont' think will need it by then - just been horrible for dh to do everything for me since Easter. Now more independend - just had my first shower by myself!!

Future make sure if you can that you include your mental health issues and difficulties - even if you don't have medication or treatment it doesn't mean you don't struggle. So for example, you can say:

I struggle with motivation to do xyz due to (for eg) mental health issues. Or I need prompting to take medication, order them. I need assistance to go to medical appointments due to lack of zyx. So if lack of motivation, low mood, depressive episodes etc etc (or whatever is relevant to you) stopping you do activities you enjoy then put it down. Same with physical issues - if at your worst physically you cannot buy food, prepare it then put that down! Say what you need help with at your very worst physically and mentally even if that is not every day.

Remember: you don't need to be getting actual help to receive DLA. But any medical letters, appointments etc you have had in last 12 months should go on form.

Will find my application and pm you some useful phrases!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Feel free to ignore my post, on my hobby horse at how we don't get the support we need in order to improve.

Oh Keziah I am just so touched that you've taken time when so busy with baby and infant laundry ,housework etc - thank you so , so much
Your suggestions help so much and I will keep trying to apply the logic of the way you've explained it throughout < bloody-minded > I promise I'll give them a long list of difficulties to disbelieve.

So sorry this has had to become your hobby horse , but very hel[
I felt I had to make a firm appointment with scary doc in case person pful for others you advise was concerned about contacted him - but they haven't , and place they work for said sorry I'd not found service satisfactory ( I haven't compained , for other.reasons)
( ignore this please , off at a tangent ) -
I have repeatedly tried to get mh help in last year but when I self -refer they seem to think I'm lying ( not always just to make me crawl away and not eat into their budget) and also that I might be lying about / imagining many of my physical issues < worst nightmare>- but then they notice or occasionally ridicule the difficulties they can see It seems a minefield of politics and lack of professionalism , but I am trying to see if I can get any balance at all between no help , and getting locked away ( really don't mean to be flippant when it regularly happens to other people , but has felt a distinct possibility at times lately)
no reply needed to my ramblings , am feeling very relieved at today's developments and HOpe we all have a lovely holiday weekend < ahem >

Hope your're not too unwell ,Choc , or traumatised by awful week . Wish you wern't having such a lot to deal with ((((Choc))))) but it will get better , in whichever ways < Choc murders future and stares at prison bars .. hmmm , that act was strangely therapeutic , thinks Choc > I'm around most days of the bank holuday if you want a chat .
Peaceful night to us allxxx

Hugs to both of you - hope you have a safe and bearably comfortable journey , Keziah ,and thank you so much again ,for boosting my shredded confidence
Choc , hope things aren't too distressing atm < sends more hugs and many reassuring thoughts >

I'm here and ok. for all the well wishes. Sorry I've missed you Keziah before your holiday time away. Hope you're having a lovely start to the long weekend with your family.

Ah future sounds like you've been having a rough time with things. But so glad Keziah's been about posting such brilliant advice much better than anything I could have posted It's unfortunate, but helpful for you, that she has had so much experience with the dla process. I'm very at whichever "prof" has been upsetting you so dramatically . I wish I could understand better what was said to you, though understand why your post has to be somewhat cryptic. As for self-referring to access mh help you have my utmost sympathy. I totally relate to what you said about them thinking you're lying as I've felt that too in the past in my situation. A lady at my Weds group (yes I did make it, was still slightly nauseous but significant improvement than can only-lie-on-back position I'd spent most of time in on previous days) did say that she finds hcps don't seem to believe people (herself) and probably me too (she correctly guessed) who come across as very articulate and intelligent. How they think we're exagerrating / faking our symptoms and so we don't get the help we need. She concluded the best thing was to get partners etc to do the talking about "how bad" you were etc. It'd be a last, last resort to be locked away so try not to fear the worst. That said I know I live in an area where they are really reluctant to lock people away and there have been many an investigation of death / committing criminal offences when the person involved would have been considered dangerous enough to be detained in a psych ward. I suppose I'm saying try not to fear the worst - easier said I know.

My nausea finally departed yesterday though still felt rather washed out as hadn't been able to eat much while feeling so awful - lost another 4 pounds . I did sleep it off with the aid of some diazepam after ringing DM to see about her coming over to look after dd if I required a&e. When it came down to it I just couldn't stand the thought of all that waiting. I wouldn't have been able to read due to the nausea so it would have been a very slow time. Yesterday I had to frantically finish off more of getting into the swing of it and finishing it off as got sidetracked Sat with coming up with ideas ) dd's jubilee costume (think large union jack flag cut up and made into an empire-style dress choc not enough of a techie to post pic). I'm just so relieved the nausea has gone < shame on you future for the lack of warning! Only joking >. I haven't taken any more and depending whether I see gp next week I may restart after the weekend.

I'll be around too so definitely up for a chat future. Hope you're currently not too traumatised. < sends calming valerian tea over >. It's certainly a rather hectic time for us all xx

Oh Choc, so relieved to see you , but the nausea sounds unbearable .
The thought of feeling too ill o read- hope you were able to listen to a quit radio station or something- we got a DAB radio in the sales so could hear audiobook style things , or you can have the Radio 4 /R4Extra things on Listen Again if you lie on sofa , ( what are these modern , portable laptops )

So glad nausea finally eased , but I had no ida Vit D could have such a lasting , powerful effect - the basic type of iron pills , maybe - so sorry , I will now always warn people from the first if have any inklings about problems ,

I do think may have been just as well tHat the P&N wasn't seen at A&E at same time as side effects , as could confuse the issue & have left you feeling worse . Hopefully timing will be better if ever need to go again
.
What youve written about conversation with your friend at group says about hcps is so helpful I can't even begin to tell you . It helps in so many ways - sympathies and for support group friend , and all of us . Sorry , still not articulate about ithis week's appt , scared and shocked , but trying to be positive & will try to say more .( poor Choc) Would be excellent to chat , thank you - idiot city forgot might be out for a bit this afternoon , bit not otherwise .

Dd 's costume sounds brilliant !!!! You don't just do the grudging basic
minimum , like I would , creative Choc ! Bah at lack of
photos .

Hope doesn't pour wih rain the entire weekend, & that Keziah
enjoys time with family
Out for aftrernoon if Dh feels better (lurgy) BUT in at all times otherwise ,climbing cleaning mountain and preparing for appts

< points dd to tent -tutorial on hierarchies and power >
< sends Choc to jubilee megatent of culture ( don't you can eat fun stuff yet , and don't think a spa would be your idea of fun - though I wish you could have a weekend of health farm , sleep , and recovery )
Hope all have good afternoonxxx

quiet radio station

PS Choc , forgot to say thank you for valerian tea < soothed> and vast support . Agree hideous that Keziah has had so much experience of process , but very, very helpful for me .

4pounds more lost Hope can nibble plain stuff .
I have seen some people on Mn take Vit D drops , slightly different composition , and wonder if might have fewer side effects ? Will find thread later I hope xx

No rain here today . Just as well as have had mountains to catch up with (grocery shopping, cleaning mountain, laundry mountain, washing up mountain, wash nest hair!) following my rather unproductive week. I definitely deserve the jubilee megatent and spa now (you're right, a spa isn't my idea of "fun" but I do enjoy them) so thanks for sending me .

It's possibe that the vit D drops have fewer side effects. One of the school mums suggested that I might be intolerant to one of the other ingredients of the capsules - I hadn't considered this. If it is the vit D I'm just relieverd that I didn't have the injection

You don't just do the grudging basic minimum
No I don't . I love being creative. I don't know how I survived working well clearly I didn't! in a non-creative field my entire life.

Hope Dh recovered enough to make it out this afternoon. Good luck with your preparations for appts. And if you prefer to fill me in on last week's horrendous appt off-line do PM me. Really hope it won't spoil your enjoyment of the extended weekend (am i right in thinking that dh not working?). xx

Yaaaaaaaay at no rain , Choc , and hope stays dry so you can rest
< platinum medal for enduring week and managing childcare , glorious costume and hateful mountains >

Yes , I can see you really need to express your craativity , and hope there will be much more opportunity in the future

Sorry not proper post , will bore on later

Lovely day to us all - now Choc, please don't be hard on yourself , you won't be able to tackle backlog for a day or two yet - many sympathies < sends cleaning fairies from other thread >
< fledglings and foxcubs emerge from future's matted hair >

aaaaaargh , meant determination to attempt hateful mountains in your medal citation

Popping on to say hello - wow at Choc's dd's dress, sounds amazing. Ds is dressed in blue, white and red clothes today!! Currently waving arms at boats on tv and gurgling away (after very little sleep last night - mmm!!)

xxx

Aaaaaaaaaa hat ds's outfit , Keziah ! Brilliant surprise to see you , nice to share unique occasion with your family , and the new citizen is obviously enjoying it < waves to little boy >

< brings out jubilee cake for weekend , keeping in airtight tin till you feel up to eating it, Choc >

< babysits whilst Mummy has 40 winks so city can begin her Marxist indoctrination of baby son

< gives Choc's dd large slice of cake and admires unique outfit >

Oooh lovely surprise Keziah. Ds sounds adorable in outfit < choc lines up ds for jubilee photo opportunity with flagdress-wearing dd >

Rain, rain and more rain today!! Argggghhh! Newly straightened-within-an-inch-of-it's-life hair no longer quite so straight (but at least foxcubs and fledglings parted company)

Bring the cake on , future! (Victoria sponge par chance? ) I could do with something sweet to go with my hot chocolate. I've been freezing cold all day but absolutely refuse to turn central heating back on. It's JUNE fgs!!!

< proudly places framed photo of resplendent dc on mantelpiece >

< brings Chocwarm rug , extra hot water bottle & drawerful of serums defeated by future's hair >

Aaaargh at freezing cold and messed up hair !!! Hope rain has stopped .
I forgot to give ds a big cheer for waving at the boars !!All evening I kept saying to Dh that K's baby son was waving < bursts with pride at dc of thread ..

Hope you're able to eat meals again , Choc - we need to build you up ,young lady .How are you feeling now ?

Good luck with mountains , or ignoring them for a while wher possible , and hope dd able to play royals / jacobins if been stuck in due to rain - she's a bit young for the concert on TV , isn't she ( and it's probably unsuitable , urgh Gary Barlow ) and I'm forgetting it 's probably on too late anyway

May I singlehandedly-handedly recommend you for a platinum medal for endurance and positivity this week -am sure Keziah will endorse

Really hope ds not too excited to sleep, Keziah , and that you have chance to grab a quiet walk / nap , though not easy I'm sure

< brings out festive buffet >

boats , not boars!

at boars!!!

heating went back on - couldn't take the cold anymore, lol! But at least a dry, sunny day today .

I'm feeling on edge. I've been putting off opening a letter for over a week but know I can't for much longer. But can't decide whether to have the Samaritan's lined-up for the opening < pathetic >. It's a shame I can't continue to do my ostrich act < now worries if recommendation for platinum medal will be withdrawn >

At least food is good though, .

You are patient with my mistakes

Sympathies on the heating ... I often find I want the heating back on in June ! Was fine here too, and saw tadpoles in neighbour's bathtub pond ar getting legs .e.

Will be around tomorrow sending symapathy and for handholding , but am sleepy so won't have any wisdom < no change > You are brave for mentioning it and deciding to open it , and I am inspired < nominates Choc for additional medal >

Hope you can have a rest to recover from family visit , Keziah, and was worthwhile . DS's sleep will probably have been a bit disrupted , though < sends more boars for him to count >

Peaceful night , all xxx

Just kept telling myself how pathetic I'm being - that I don't need the Sams on stand-by - and opened it. I was right, there wasn't anything written that I couldn't have anticipated so no shock there. But I was (and still am) in turmoil . It's like a nightmare replaying over and over (and yet it's not really what you'd call typical nightmare material iykwim). So having gone from feeling pathetic that it's taken over a week to read a whole heap of stuff I'd heard previously, I now feel pathetic for feeling traumatised having read it although actually nothing has changed ! This seems such a huge trigger for me and yet I've had almost a year's "distance" to "get over it". It's in my nature to be really crap at getting over things so it's just another one to add to the list I suppose. The night before I had bad dream about something else I haven't got over more than a decade on. I think I've neatly filed the boxes then I accidently drop one and the contents come pouring out again and some. < sighs >. So back to today, and it's been fight, fight, fight. And notched up a level since I've put dd to bed. I feel dreadful. I'm being stubborn. Don't want to be beaten take pills and go to bed so trying hard to distract. Distract myself to recovery. < laughs hysterically > Problem is I'm being distracted by my ideas of distraction! I'm thinking of too many things (obviously MN being one of them) at once so finding it difficult to "settle" on something. I'm surrounded by books (eg on gardening and soap making, 3 novels) and activities (learning to fair isle knit, tidying my sewing crate). It's the thought of the next 2, 3, 5, 10 years to end of life being like this freaking me out. I just want to jump off the luggage reclaim belt. < takes deep breath >

Oh and the heating is still on. I haven't felt this cold for months.

Please forgive my ranting. < hopes out of system now, phew > xx

((((Choc))))) Not pathetic at all- aaaargh , can't tell you how far from being that you are !
Sorry , really worn out so have to post in little bits -
well done , vastly so , on opening letter, and I'm sorry the contents are very hard ,even if not unexpected . oh I cannot find the rtight words , sorry

That's the thing that's causing me massive problems at the moment, traumatic memories being triggered, like you , often from years ago - I am regularly poleaxed by it , it is interfering with my life and I just want to say I do get it ! < ahem >

If Mn is part of the problem atm please don't worry about updating for days or longer while you see if you can settle to some of those lovely activities more easily .
< brain grinds to halt >
< sends positive vibes >

Thank you so much for updating ...I don't think yu do have to face a future of feelig like this , for a bit longer , yes , but I think what you describe will fall into place as you become "better" < words-brain meltdown > ... world is

Hope you're OK Keziah, & < not too tired , & that you enjoyed visit even if exhauting etc

...and Choc , don't ypu dare feel you shouldn't be upset to feel like this . I gave a me, me , me response there but I mean that I know it is hell , but I havemuch less to complain about as not been having to face it during a depression .

You sound a lot better than in winter , truly - I think that is a good sign , even if ithere is a lot yet to improve 'xxx

Thanks future really lovely of you to post when you're feeling so worn out. Know you've been having stressful time recently. Sorry you get the trigger thing too. I do feel pathetic because the events themselves are never "traumatic" - I'm just a sensitive, light-weight that finds it difficult living in the real world. I'm just wrong here. I don't know how you medicate against that < shrugs >. It's why I never get properly better. I completely agree with you I'm a vastly improved model than in winter but I'm still "wrong". I have no frame of reference - nothing concrete to aim at.

Actually, MN isn't part of the problem - it's part of the solution. I count that as part of my 5 a day . You know it's easy on the mind - and much easier than trying to learn how to hold two different pieces of wool in the same hand whilst knitting especially with shakey hands .

< waves to Keziah and welcomes her home >

Not a lightweight at all, Choc !!!! You have been managing much , much more bravely than I have , Choc , and thank yu sdo much for all the support with the stresses - but I know it shouldn't be so much effort for either of us and am starting to gear up to one of my very positive and determined moods to help us understand more .

I feel just the same about difficulty in coping with the world , & I feel a ot of the answers , for me, are in learning about aspects of AS , ADD and even "highly sensitive people" as some author trademarked them - not thinking for a second you could have associations with any of those differences , just illustrating using my examples .

. In the differences experienced by people who may fit partly into one or more of those categories , I can see myself , but I don't think I was necessarily born hardwired , and I don't think I am doomed to stay stuck with these difficulties - you'll know about epigenetics , which may bear out this optimism ...

Started to ramble on about how much more people vary in their prone-ness, or not , to anxiety or depression , but I think you'll have heard that one before Please do remember how amazed I was to emerge from all those years of depression , to find that life was unrecognisably easy- a diifferent world indeed . I can see now that it is a massive achievement to keep going .

Pastimes sound fab an love MN being one of your 5 a day

Oh misery though at shakey hands ... see how they go the next week or two before looking at things like the Vit D , side effect of V , etc. Please just try to give yourself real breaks this week .( and please, pease think again about retrying the Vit D capsules again -- can GP prescribe the drops ? )
Sorry for gloomy subject .. am being more positive and watching lots of Springwatch

Peaceful night to to you and Keziahxxx

Sorry for the extra "Choc"
< recycles bunting to join in K's welcome home >

Hello to you all .

So sorry you had that letter to deal with Choc. I point blank right now refuse to deal with all admin like that and make dh do it, which is the only way I can cope with it. I could have written your post - so I think your reaction is fairly normal, however unpleasant it was. But I wanted to encourage you that it will not be like this for zyw number of years... 5 years ago I was off work long term, couldn't even go to the corner shop and now I am able to work part-time and have a baby, something I didn't ever envisage. I don't know how it got to this stage (I know seeking help on here etc, keeps things at bay) but gradually new coping strategies that helped worked. Or perhaps I just became kinder to myself?

Am watching springwatch whilst dh tries to settle ds down. He doesn't like going to bed much before 11pm, so we are trying to re-educate him, bless.

Nice time away. Future - new proud mn auntie can say "baby D" is now gurgling at people like he is talking! Aww...

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Keziah , am amazed at baby D !!! < Who's an enquiring and sociable young man , then ?> How on earth is that possible at such ann early stage

So pleased it was a good visit . Hope you have nice calm week to recover , and that baby son gets back to sleeping earlier ..

K is so right that it's normal to feel that , Choc- I keep feeling bad that I didn't say that last night , instead of talking about our sense of feeling different .
How are you doing ? As such a long period of effort & anxiety lies behind the issue ( as if you hadn't noticed) you'll probably have a fairly strong reaction .< rpositive vibes >Can y do something outdoors /creative /slighly indulgent this week ? May be a tasll order to do much after feeillness last week & whilst assmilating news , but maybe you'll be able to get to one of your groups ?
l
Keziah , I'm amazed and inspired , Incredible achievemnet in that time . Lots we can all talk bout when have more opportunity , but hope you don't mind me saying that although I am very obvious in my anxiety in triggering situations , and have terrible organisational problems , I too have been as K describes, for along time - & though confidence to work formally is v wobbly , the rest of it is brilliant

Incredible post from K , thank you - and yaaaay for Springwatch - missed iwon't see till later as saving for when Dh returns from work

Mad pressure to finish house for workmen
f tries to climb mountain should have scaled a fortnight ago >

Hope feeling able to eat again, Choc
Peaceful night allxxx