Keziah, City, Choc et al support thread

[Keziahhopes]

Hi - found us a new home. Just didn't like the title of my old thread - and have found your support so helpful but would also like this thread to be less egocentric .

Choc -hope cbt assessment goes well.

City - how are you doing?

My physio exercises are helping me, but don't see stroke consultant until beginning of July. Still not had OT assessment, but dont' think will need it by then - just been horrible for dh to do everything for me since Easter. Now more independend - just had my first shower by myself!!

More rain here... quite thankful as means have excuse not to attack the wilderness of my lawn! We have a nest of swallows/swifts that at least are benefitting from my lack of tidying! Plus the slugs.

Future just sent you 2 long pm's in reply - let me know if they don't arrive.

Olympics are great distraction for me. Not able to really enjoy them, but am distracted by them. Is dd enjoying cheering GB on more choc?

apologies for absence in coming weeks, sad times ahead and limited internet access during those times.

Oh Keziah I am so sorry for these times ahead . We will be thinking of you till you can post again . So hope all goes as well as it can .

Thank you so very much for amazing PMs - just seen & will reply asap but you will probably not see before next stint of hard times , so just sending love & prayers
Sorry not proper post - just nipping to late chemst ( nothing bad)! loads of love xxx

I'm thinking of you Keziah and wishing it wasn't you going through this right now. Glad you were able to find the right piece of music: I'm sure it'll be beautiful whatever version. Lots of hugs coming your way for the next few weeks ahead. xx

Glad it's nothing bad future - might have worried if you hadn't said . Know what you mean about lacking in interesting conversation. I'm incapable at the moment . Will have to pull finger out if I'm to fill in hole left by Keziah!

Home alone tonight. I'm struggling with mornings at the moment, plus DM is going home very soon. < choc tries not to panic > I mean I've been so spoiled the last few months.

Scary how the evenings are pulling in. I was out repotting some seedlings that weren't thriving very well at all (waterlogged) and could have done with an extra 15 mins or so of daylight.

future hope you ok after your chemist run. And Keziah, on the off chanceyou happen to see thread, hope you're holding up ok.

Sorry Choc PMed but somehow didn't send it
I know your DM has been amazing help Have been some huge one -offs and you will not need her in same way again ... incredibly hard on you though and there need to be other things you can do in emergency < beats own record for unhelpfuness >

< joins Choc's non-panicking efforts >

Are the mornings partly made worse by tiredness, Choc < nosey > As if there not hard enough . Hope "night off" helped

Hope you get a bit of dry weather[ this weekend . I always feel unsettled in
August & try to prepare for the "dark evenings" ... will be getting light again before Christmas !
Excellent you've been keeping up with garden - repotting is undreamt
-of organisation here What are they seedlings of ?
(Am fine , thank you ! bllomin' chemist had shut early)

future Hmmm it could be tiredness making mornings worse but then I don't think I'm any more tired now than when I "settled" into the higher dose. Probably just worn down. And that's what's depressing - worn down yet with sooooo much support. Night off did help. Slept straight through until 8.30 after posting then thought "Oh I'll just get up in a sec" then was woken up at 11.30 by dd and dm at the door. She was nice about it which I was thankful for because couldn't of coped with a "joke" about how I wasn't up and dressed yet.

at it will be getting light again before Christmas - I hadn't thought of that! Seedlings are mainly basil (not the usual style but one used in pizzas) with a couple curly parsley and oregano plants. Believe you me it wasn't organisation. I had already lost quite a few plantswhen we had all that torrential rain a while back, lost another 3 in the last week and I couldn't bare to lose the remainder having tried so hard this year to cultivate.

Glad you fine. Acutally I was impressed that you had a chemist open so late (well thought you did ). The only ones I can think of are the ones in supermarkets!

Hi - back, very tired... dh doing amazing job with ds as I had had enough by friday.

Will read and catch up - did see you been gardening choc - sounds great.

Ah Keziah, pleased dh is doing amazing job. Hope you're able to recharge your batteries a little. Yes I do keep trying with the garden

Glad you're back Keziah , you must have been great help . Glad Dh excellent and so , so sorry not replied -zonked by hot weather ( lucky here- hope spreads to you both ) and getting Dh to get fresh air / time with loved ones ( he is even more zonked than me )

Thank you for lovely post , Choc - pizza basil sounds yummy and glad been gardening .

Sorry not proper post still but would just say please don't be demoralized by feeling worn down - in terms of thinking that will continue , I mean . You will feel better , dd will feel more settled in various ways ... I'm sure Keziah will have best angle on it when able to .

Keziah , you must be shattered & I hope you can have times of calm at home . Hope we can helpwould helpif I managed to post on thread , PM about simple things
Hope bth sleep OK xxx

PS Choc , have you had any luck with vit suplements that don't cause nausea ? Hope so

@ future, I could sleep ok if dd didn't keep me awake/keep waking me up! Third night in row she first prevented me from eating my dinner after I'd put her to bed (I was feeling too nauseous at dinner time), then woke me up middle of night (between 2 and 4am) and then woke me up before 8am. I don't get it. I'm trying to wear her out by keeping her busy in hols doing activities (swimming, skating, trampolining, cycling etc) but seems as though I'm wearing myself out yet it's having limited effect on her ability to sleep! She is knackered (but still carries on like a duracell bunny) and has bags under her eyes the size of dinner plates but still she rarely sleeps before 9pm . I said to my mum I feel like putting tranquilisers in her sports bottle - I wasn't joking . 'Nuff whinging from me...sounds like we're all pretty zonked.

Yes am back on the Vit D3 capsules but low dose every other day (when I don't lose track of which day!). Interestingly I have been having periods of nauseau but hadn't put it down to the vits until i read your post. 'Tis probably anxiety related though. Also taking them how I now am has turned a 30 day course into a 120 day one. After that still got to wait a few weeks before follow up tests so it feels really drawn out.

Despite feeling the calmest I have all day I should go to bed now and prepare myself for the hampster wheel that is tomorrow. Night xx

sorry sleep is hard Choc - I so love my sleep and struggle to get up with an enthusiastic baby who seems to think early morning is good time to play (once he has had lots of milk!). Sounds like you have had lots of great activities for your dd so lots of happy times for her even if she is still a bouncing tigger!!

Am going away without internet access for a week or so now, for the sad funeral so please don't worry. I think what is helping me most on this thread is being able to talk about "other" things - if you know what I mean and trying to carry on as normal as can be. My ds insists on that as he knows nothing else - he is giggling away so much now. Trying to get him to sleep in day is hard - so lots of short walks in the pram at moment. dh is taking holiday so at least help with ds in coming days.

Total awe at your efforts to give dd lots of activity Choc< weeps at tired but determined duracell bunny / tigger child >.

< quails at thought of dawn feeding marathon followed by exuberant play >

Thanks for posting amazing ,Keziah ,and hope more than can say that the sad week will have some less grim moments , & that the very sad service will go peacefully . Please be very , very gentle on yourself- there is such a feeling of unreality at these times & if you are at all like me might get moments of having the sense of a "barrier" , like a physical wall , when trying to enter places which are emotionally loaded < obvious >

Glad Dh able to have ds more and hope you will have lots of lovely family time in coming weeks / months.Biggest aaaaaah yet at DS insisting upon "normal" life... he sounds such a joyously playful little boy
Thank you for telling us no net so we won't worry

Aha , Choc- sorry so nauseous , argh . Will look up Mn thread I think I once saw
Agree with Keziah these are brilliant memories for dd, and good for her in every way unscrew's dd's sports bottle

Lots of love from us here , Keziah and familyxxx

I'm done for but had to sneak a peek . Ah amazing Keziah thanks for thinking of us - we promise not to worry. A very sad week for you indeed. I truly hope that despite the sadness and emotional intensity you will find a little bit of comfort from the service. Agree with future about ds sounding a joyously playful little boy. You're doing a fantastic job
Sending you peace and strength for the week ahead. We'll be here when you return xx

PS oh and today dd was asleep within 5 mins of being put to bed!! Batteries have obviously run down .

oh no, just lost post & have to go out - beautiful words Choc , post laterx
Thainking of you, K x

You are amazing at finding absolutely the right words at grim times , Choc . Hope Keziah that grief and practicalities won't totally block your ability to take spiritual nourishment you need for calm and strength ... many hugs from our thread .

< cheers dd's fast sleep the night before last but bet she woke fully recharged in the morning >
< offers to do cyber bedtime stories by downloading the worthiest stories ever , to send her straight to sleep >

Hope K that ds isn't too unsettled in his sleep routine - pretty impossible I guess - but that DH is able at least to do more of the settling etc atm

Hope you'll both be getting more sun now < wishes extra warmth for Choc & dd's and Keziah's crops >

Fine here - loads of stuff to do for house inspection soon . DH never usually takes all his holiday entitlement, but intends to this year Have lots of dull plans ,spacing out scary stuff over the coming months , & little outings too , I hope

DM woking chipping away determinedly at offloading old stuff so has more options if decides to move outd
Will PM you before later evening , Choc -nothing exciting!

Wishing us all a peaceful nightxxx

PS Really sorry about that , Choc -couldn't find the Notepad I'd put post in & was making us v late as usual

Phew made it to the end of week! Sorry I missed you yesterday future but I've had yet another trip to a&e (dd again). Was so stressed out, made worse by mum infecting me with her anxieties that because I keep having to attend a&e I'm going to be investigated by social services. Anyway, dd is fine - but I'm a little shakey as started having flashbacks (actually I'll PM you).

Glad all is fine your end. Dull plans sounds rather nice. Can't believe you have house inspection soon - is it normal that these are so frequent? (Excu0se my ignorance. I'm relieved I don't have to endure that - it would panic me. I'm in that dh doesn't normally take all holiday entitlement but relieved he will this year. Let's hope weather stays nice for those outings! Today it feels as though summer has arrived, yay! Lots of playing in the garden with dd .

Thank you for kind thoughts... and thank you future for what you sent, you so didn't to dd that.

Not really around for a week, but got internet access today.

Choc glad you made it to the end of the week. Please don't worry about taking daughter to a+e = this was one of my fears and I spoke about it with mental health worker and they said that a+e treat all people the same, my difficulties don't change things. Obviously at times social services will be contacted due to hospital policy not because of anything else - for instance a friend's baby rolled off her changing mat onto the floor when nappy was being changed as parent turned back to get a clean outfit and didn't know dd could roll so young! They obviously took her to a+e (all ok) to be checked out, she was fine, but next day had a "courtesy!" call from social services as per hospital policy to just ask what they would do to avoid it again .... er, answer was not to leave dd on high changer ever again! One month later same dd was in a+e for falling off something else onto tiles, dilighent mother took her to a+e and next day, social services called. Again, mother had answer to how to prevent it, which is all they asked and end of situation. Mother spent much time in a+e when ds was ill with asthma - no calls. So please don't worry - hospital staff worry much more about people who leave illnesses and injuries not those that go!!

Thank yous o much for posting , Keziah < and in awe at you getting through awful, awful week . Hope you have some quiet family time today or
time to potter in greenhouse etc ... I know being in activbe emode has
been best but must have be exhausting & hard to be around relatives so much in uniquely awful circumstances . I know you are dreading "crash " and we are thinking of you & are around to chat when you want

Thanks for saying no net for a week , and sorry only card,felt bunch of flowers would have upset you so here p

Am sure Choc will be massively helped by your amazing advice & sounds like experiences I've heard / read about , with vital points added

My pc has been down over 24 h as router malfunctioned , then 2 other big [problems , so couldn't PMeyou , Choc < sobs>- sending now- hope you & dd OK
loads of love to you both - fine here . Love to ds & dd xxx

Back in land of internet ...

CPN offered me crisis team - uh, what could they do for me exactly. I don't show my emotions in ways strangers can understand - had bad bad support, or lack of from them in the past (told me to watch tv, have a bath and light a candle presicely), so back to weekly visits from cpn. She is nice but totally useless in that doesn't actually do anything when sees me, says nothing, asks nothing.

What to do now Olympics is over? For me, build a highchair as it is soon time to start weaning, read weaning books, and ignore the jungle of my plants that have not been picked and ignored.

So good to see you Keziah - thought you might not be on net for a few days
please forgibve lack of PM no , it's truly unforgiveable

Glad they offered crisis but wow , what help exactly is cpn giving you I think in your position of strangers not necessarily getting you - am similar- I would do same as I think you are , using self-help , planning projects , sget out if feel able , etc , though maybe counselling from a relevant voluntary org is a possibility at some point ?.

Make one , Keziah ???!!! That tops even your record for determination . I'm proud of myself for having just fashioned a feline rain shelter < easily pleased >.

< cyberaunties get out pompoms for weaning > Well , a young relative held a weaning party for her baby , & showed us baffling pics
Am clueless about weaning so amazing to see babies eat solids .. can't wait till you report baby son is munching cherry tomatoes etc < overexcired >

Choc , really hope you are are ok . Hope stress of dd possibly being indoors
last few days hasn't been worsened by rain , and that you will get chance to go to group or something for yourself ...< imagines self as F/T parent for 6 long weeks >

Sympathies on neglected plants ,Keziah - you sowed a vast variety but I think few
gardeners are going to reap much this year < sprinkles sleeping dust over ds and healing dust on dd >

Oops - not make from scratch, sorry my brain wasn't thinking as I typed - I mean it came in a flat pack as wooden, so had to be assembled together. Dh did it this am as thought of me with a screwdriver was enough for him!

Plants - need to rescue potatoes, lost much of soft fruit as not here to pick, but rain meant little to lose so that is ok. Got cucumbers and tomatoes salvaged, lost salad crop really due to lack of water but at least salvaged 2 things!!

Off to library this week for more books on weaning I think ... got ice cube trays at the ready for freezing food.

Yesterday at least CPN agreed no crisis team - guess the only use of them is they are available 24/7 and cpn is only availabe 4 days a week in office hours, and then in reality only one visit a week and no phone calls. Seeing cpn today, so am sure when she has seen me that will be the end of offer of crisis team, guess it is just normal practise to offer for someone in my situation. I think I will more likely need that support/lack of in a few weeks not when I am actively planning things to do to keep going.

Choc - so what has dd enjoyed most of her summer activities? Any one of them worth carrying on in autumn at a reasonable rate?

Well my ds is having his first nap of the day, due to getting up at some ridiculous time. He fell asleep in my bed so can't leave him to do housework - what a shame