Keziah, City, Choc et al support thread

[Keziahhopes]

Hi - found us a new home. Just didn't like the title of my old thread - and have found your support so helpful but would also like this thread to be less egocentric .

Choc -hope cbt assessment goes well.

City - how are you doing?

My physio exercises are helping me, but don't see stroke consultant until beginning of July. Still not had OT assessment, but dont' think will need it by then - just been horrible for dh to do everything for me since Easter. Now more independend - just had my first shower by myself!!

me - I don't know AFAIK wither.

Yes, Choc we have been trying for many many years (am over 35) for children and got nowhere.

Hi Keziah and choc & sorry , knew I shouldn't have put in that abbreviation - it's "as far as I know"

Must have been devastating Keziah to have miscarried after such a hard road , and I can't imagine how depressing it must be for you to know someone due around the date you would have been. Really hope though that it ' s a hopeful sign any further treatment you might be able to have can work .

Sorry to stupidly misread what you said , choc , & hope the worst of the negative feelings ease off soon . Can we help in any way ? Don't be too modest to talk about your stresses if you want to . Hope you get some decent sleep .

Thinking of you Keziah for health appointments and sending prayers & positive thoughts to you & choc for the coming week .

City I won't forget that abbreviation in hurry!

Keziah you know it's not too late for you.

And yes city I am modest as I don't really have stresses. There's stuff in the background (single mum, work reorganisation, limited support), but mostly I need to make decisions about employment, home and school (ie when to send dd) and keep putting it off.

I just feel completely down and it happened too fast and intense and i didnt (haven't) come up quick enough. I've spent literally hours and hours on the phone the last couple of days and it just feels like I'm wasting everyone's time - I feel bit better then minutes/hours later it's like I've never had the conversations. But I finally went back to see my gp today (I'd been avoiding her - easier when the lows had been higher) so now back on venlafaxine. She's convinced this is the one I've been the best on. I'm not so sure but don't feel in position to argue with her anymore (she is lovely honest). It will hopefully buy me some time. I just don't tolerate starting ADs well, I'm only starting on 37.5mg and already I was nearly sick, and in public .

Thanks for prayers & positive thoughts city. Definitely need them, as with Keziah mine is also a week for health appts, though the urge to cancel them is huge. Take care you two x

Choc - venlaflaxine is awful to go onto, or off - but I have found it really good when on it. However there are the tablets and the capsules - I got sick with tablets, ok with capsules (though they only start at 75mg, sigh)... hope they really help you. Thinking of you with those appointments - I so know the feeling of wanting to cancel - lets celebrate our success on Friday here!!

Very positive to have gone back to GP choc and to try a firm course of action . Really hope you feel less nauseous soon - only tried ADs twice in my youth when bullied into it by GP & felt as though I was dying on 10mg - to be fair I had undiagnosed neuro condition causing that , but the nausea and nightmares were too much for me so I admire those who persevere . I couldn't force myself even when severely depressed . ( me me me )

Can really relate to your feeling of needing to talk for hours when very low , then feeling all the benefit seemingly disappear - just awful , does seem the sort of low period where ADs could help .

I'm awed choc at what you claim is your only slightly stressed life , with such responsibility and at a time of important decisions & work change . Will bombard you & Keziah with positive thoughts & prayers for your dreaded appointments . Hope they'll bring truly positive results for you both .

Hope today has been OK for both of you xx

You two are lovely thank you . I've done a lot less talking today so must be doing better in spite of the lack of sleep. I'm perservering with the venlafaxine, but had to split dose today because couldn't face the nausea. Yes I'm a wuss! That's interesting Keziah about the tablets making you sick but not capsules. Eventually I'll be moved onto the capsules but she wanted me to start off really slowly. And City I thought I was dying on 10mg of citalopram so you're not alone! But some people are lucky.

Yes City you've summed it up nicely, important decisions & work change. It's just unfortunate I decided to get depressed again in the middle of it all.

Bring on those appts, Keziah! Your turn soon City.

city- I didn't cry today, that was good and decided seeing the advocate on Monday was helpful as we know what we are doing for the big meeting on Friday even though she can't support. So AM going to have a good day tomorrow!! I tell myself.

choc - capsules are more expensive as slow release! Also on capsules the 3 doses are 75mg, 150mg, top dose being 225mg (as works differently to tablets). To increase and decrease these my psychiatrist (nice one, no longer got) said open up capsule and count bits out and do the maths; absolute pain but only way to do it!! It is an awful med to go on - I am reducing it at present, on very low dose - but reacted badly when came off it last time, so determined I will not. Need to be off it for ttc! Was told could stay on it, but I can't get pregnant naturally as it made my prolactin level too high. But it is a good drug (but not one I am ever going back onto!)

Hi Keziah & City, good day for all? City I didn't see your post again last night . How are you doing?

Glad the advocate was helpful, Keziah. My first appointment today made me think of you. There were only two people there and that made me anxious so can't imagine what it's like with more. I don't know how you do it. I hated feeling outnumbered even though they were lovely. Will your dh be there to support you Friday? Sounds like you're getting ready to ttc! That's exciting . Maybe that'll be the extra push to get off the last bit of the venlafaxine. Strangely though I don't remember what it was like coming off venlafaxine. I know I didn't open up the capsules - I'd of ended up with more on the floor! I also said I was never going back on it...hopefully you'll be more resilient than me!

Choc am never going back on venlaflaxine as it is stopping me get pregnant and I am desperate at my age for a child that is the only reason!!! It is not being strong, it helped me for years. Glad you only had 2 people there, that is common for them to work in pairs.

Today was awful - work nastyness, can't explain it all here but it has really upset me and made me feel a failure.

Ah Keziah, have a hug. You're definitely not a failure x

tonsillitis - again gave up on work, came home.

Oh no Keziah ,ill on top of work foulness , really hope you get a proper sleep to help . Just lost a long post as the add your message box keeps demanding I log in again then losing my post really sorry , need a rest before trying again - or can I put it on Notepad first < mutters >

Nasty meeting tomorrow, so can't wait till Friday night. Am glad Gp said didn't need hospital unless I got worse = got worse when home from Gp, but thankfully blood pressure adn temperature much better than then. Slept this afternoon, now wide awake - sigh!

how frustrating City you lose post. Have a good sleep too xx

Get well soon and good luck tomorrow, Keziah. Hope dh is going.

Hi City, glad I'm not the only one to manage to lose posts!

Oh no , I slept & slept - knew it was dreaded meeting for you today Keziah & wanted to celebrate belatedly with choc that she braved her first session of her therapy & it went well, if very nervewrackingly.

Sorry to hear you'd need hospital to check / admit you if got worse Keziah - I guess it's v important your BP doesn't go too high & they have you marked down as at riak in those circumstances . I know temperature rises have a big effect on neuro symptoms .

Hope temp & BP continued to fall and you've been able to stay home & make the appointment if it's "meant to be " , which is a ) indefensible & offensive nonsense to most people and b) why are distressing / destructive outcomes "meant to be" ? .... but I hope you know what I'm so clumsily trying to say .

Very positive thoughts to you both xx

PS Hi choc & argh at the post - losing [shock} and thank you Keziah for your most successful wishes for my good sleep - hope yours was as good .

Bit I'll so short post. Voice gone, temp got too high and had bad night but better day today physically. Meeting not good care co ordinator sacked me. Will post more when bit less I'll. Glad slept well:)

Thank you so much for posting when you feel so horrible , Keziah , choc & I really appreciate it & have been thinking of you today.

Am so depressed to hear meeting was grim & about what the so called care coordinator did & I hope new ways of supporting you can be worked out , however invisible they are at the moment .

Hope you can sleep better tonight & feel positive thoughts reaching you .

Thank you so much for bothering about me getting a decent sleep when you've got so much going on - I had lots of positive events today .

Hope you're feeling better emotionally and physically than a few days ago , choc . What an incredibly hard week you've both had ... hope there's a calming weekend in store .

Hi Keziah , so hope your temperature, BP and physical health generally are improving . Please don't worry about posting til you feel like it ,obviously and I hope you can rest and try to lose yourself for a few minutes in watching something good .

I like to listen to radio programmes on the i player facility when needing distraction - radio 7 maybe . Sorry , you must feel too horrible to concentrate on anything , but if I can't listen for long I still find a classic story etc can give me a mental image which sparks my sleepy imagination & really helps me sense the wider world - ahem.

Hope you have a good day choc , with some little treat after the achievements of this week.

Hi - temperature seems to be near normal (well my normal now) and am on 6g of antibiotics a day = phew!! Voice is just a croak, cough seems to have come on so am hoping it doesn't go to chest but seem to have halted the tonsillitis from going septic again, which is a relief. Yes city - I have taken to having the tv on and listening to the tennis - watching it not quite working etc!!

city so glad you had lots of positive events.

when up to it will post a big mental health rant -but no energy right now!

Not up to physio exercises either, boo hoo.

Glad you're on the mend, Keziah. You still managed to beat me to post! Sorry you didn't have a good end to the week . I'm joining city in feeling depressed about your "care coordinator" situation. I really hope there is other support out there for you. Keep posting here if it helps. We'll listen.

Hi city sounds like you're doing well. I wish I could manage to sleep as well as you can! I'm definitely doing better than early in the week. I'm not getting so sick but sleep is still a problem. I'm trying to give it a couple more days before giving in to the zopiclone.

Radio programmes on the i player facility - I'll have to try that. Sometimes I don't fancy watching anything but want distraction so that might do the trick.

All my appointments this week went well (sorry Keziah to be celebrating alone) though I may possibly be being sacked from my CBT counsellor. I've got another session to work on intrusive thoughts but he thinks my self-harm is a problem so possibly going to refer me to secondary care, whatever that is.

Hope rest of weekend is as good for you city, and that it improves for you Keziah.

So relieved you're getting better Keziah but dear God at that dose of antibiotics . Watching tennis is an excellent idea & hope you're able to have healthy smoothies / very soft as your immunity is probably zonked out by all that infection. < patronising >

Thanks for managing to post and reassure us & don't worry about telling more till up it . ( and please keep any planned tactics you eventually decide upon close to your chest in case a MH worker recognises your case - I know you're very cautious ).

We're celebrating with you choc , you took huge steps this week & I hope future ones are as helpful - we'll be here for any blips too . In 12 or so months I betlife will be vastly better for you.

Thanks for weekend wishes , am good & busy& enjoying the outdoors when I can .
I know how lucky I am with the deep sleep - caused by neuro condition , & unique to each person - it can change overnight though if you develop a lesion in a part of your brain which causes sleep signals not to be felt . Am amazed to have had delicious sleepiness for 6 years now & hope I keep it permanently ! I recommend audiobooks playing as you try to sleep , either for you to listen to , or more quietly in the background.

Peaceful night to you both xx

Oh city excuse my insensitivity regarding the sleep. Of course I remember you have a neuro condition - didn't mean it to sound like you're lucky for having one because you can sleep well, sorry . I'm just so conscious of my sleep disturbance at the moment. I'm k-n-a-c-k-e-r-e-d! I was nearly asleep at 3pm but have dd back with me & she was charging round so no chance of any decent sleep then! And now I'm wired (and shattered too - is that possible?) as been up drafting a letter for work that's due tomorrow.

Oh well at least I've been outside enjoying the weather today. Good you busy too. Hopefully the weather will be good tomorrow - I have the grass to cut .

Hope you're on the mend Keziah and that you'll be up to physio exercises soon.

Please don't worry at all , choc, thank you so much- I know how soul destroying that wired but worn out feeling is & truly appreciate it when I'm sleepy . I really admire the way you're managing your energetic dd and work concerns , especially when you've been having a rough patch with MH. I can't begin to imagine how a night like you describe must have left you ...

Glad you've been enjoying the outdoors - what is this grass cutting of which you speak ? off to find my scythe as mine is too long for the mower

Hope choc's work and dd are less knackering this week , and Keziah's well on the mend - not nice to feel like that in hot weather . Don't be too worried if you do feel weak and "jellyish" Keziah , both heat and infections do have quite a dramatic effect sometimes - doesn't mean the neuro condition has restarted < so patronising , but it can feel scary >