Keziah, City, Choc et al support thread

[Keziahhopes]

Hi - found us a new home. Just didn't like the title of my old thread - and have found your support so helpful but would also like this thread to be less egocentric .

Choc -hope cbt assessment goes well.

City - how are you doing?

My physio exercises are helping me, but don't see stroke consultant until beginning of July. Still not had OT assessment, but dont' think will need it by then - just been horrible for dh to do everything for me since Easter. Now more independend - just had my first shower by myself!!

waves hello and feels more human. Yes, 6g of antibiotics always makes the pharmacist check but at least no hospital trip this time, yay! I think I am better at getting to a gp before infections get too bad now, which is the aim.

Well am determined to have a positive week. Dh has 2 or 3 things planned to try and sort things out for me - one phonecall booked for tomorrow, one 4 page letter written (won't say where that is going!!!), etc. I have 2 sessions left with agency nurse, then that is it for now.

choc glad you had good apt's. If you lose the cbt person for 2ndary care that means that where you live they obviously have resources (yippee) and you might get access to them as you are too ill for cbt -- rather than where I live and get told am "too ill" for help. Duh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so really hope you get something helpful for you if that is the case. I have never got as far as cbt so don't know what it is but it is also meant to be quite good.

Well, tennis watching for me - hope voice returns properly too.

Oh, grass cutting - am in awe of you doing that!!

Excellent you're feeling better Keziah & I'm sorry I didn't realise infections of that sort are so potentially harmful to you . I haven't been watching the tennis , which I love - must remember to see what's left of it where possible . Good luck with thereturn of your voice .

Am in awe of your well-studied plan & I hope the phone call & letter bring the desired results , & the remaining agency nurse sessions are of help .

As Keziah says this bcould indeed be a very positive sign that you'll get extra support , choc , and I hope you've had a reasonable day today , and some time outdoors again .

Am well enough to have been able to spend had the day doing jobs at homes ( and Mumsnetting loads during recovery time ), despite the heat

< gets lost in long grass of back garden >

Peaceful night to you both

Glad you're feeling better Keziah. Has your voice returned? Must have been awful with the temperature in this heat. I love the heat but even found the past couple days a bit too hot. Shouldn't complain though I guess - it'll be winter soon .

Actually city wished I had left the grass yesterday. You've got the right idea. My grass was a bit too long for the lawn mower but it's a cheap one so I thought I'd try anyway. Now I've managed to break it! Luckily I only had a small patch left to do which I ended up doing with a strimmer. Hope you were less destructful doing your jobs.

So glad you've got your dh on side Keziah with trying to get you the support you need. [joins city in hoping desired results are achieved]. Do you think you'd benefit from cbt? It's such a lottery isn't it? [tries not to feel guilty for possibly accessing more support for self]

Might join you both in some tennis watching .

Want to talk but can't .

Sorry to sound random...

Hope you both ok.

Sorry if I'm getting the wrong end of the stick choc but I'm imagining you're not feeling great , so sending verybest wishes & positive thoughts . No one has to explain anything here < says she loftily > Hope you get some of the support you need.

Been trying to post here today but having PC issues & difficulties getting the post to actually reach this thread , argh . Hope your infection is continuing to clear up , Keziah , and that the important phone call & letter business goes OK.

Me too with the broken mower , choc Always end up using the strimmer, however careful I am not to run over big clumps . Have never been the most coordinated person , so I approach all physical tasks with a sense of great daring !
Hope you both have a peaceeful evening - sending extra positive thoughts for the week

PS choc , is there anything we can do to help at all ? Would have been nice if I'd thought to ask earlier [hmm}. Hope you get some sleep

Hi choc - how are you today?

As for me, infection seems to have almost gone, down to maintenance antibiotic dose of 1.5g a day

Hi, I'm doing ok today - thank you. I wasn't feeling great yesterday (thanks for best wishes, city). Something happened late night Tues/early morning Weds which has shocked me. Something that has never happened in 15 or so years. You may not be able to help but I'd like to pm if that's ok (if I can work out how - I've never done it before). I just don't want it 'out there' . I'm probably making this sound worse than it is, sorry. It's not major, honest.

Good news about the antibiotics Keziah. I don't know much about them but 'maintenance' sounds a good thing

Ok three attempts later I think I've managed to pm! Thanks for your support - I really appreciate it. Feeling rather lonely right now .

Hi choc , so sorry something has shaken you up . Yes , please PM - I find it can take a few tries to get the log in facility to work & , later , to open the inbox .
Hope you're feeling OK today & have had some time to yourself .

That was a shocking infection , Keziah , & I hope that maintenance dose isn't giving you sideffects - I'm always recommending probiotic tablets .
Am thinking of you this week re: letter , phone call etc - very best of luck.

I'm fine & getting on with everyday tasks, & trying to have one of those once every few years clear outs , spring clean etc , & sort garden for letting agent inspection - sounds so little but I'm limited physically , so progress is v gradual ! After that I'll have to tackle scarier stuff like you two are .

Am blissed out by today's sunshine ... hope you both get a decent night's sleep - easier said than done .

Hi city, thanks for the warning about the pm. I thought I'd succeeded . I'll try again in a bit.

Your list sounds a lot! I've had a leisurely day to myself roaming around town/park in the sunshine. Definitely blissful. Just need the blissful sleep now!

Hi choc , sorry you had to write it out again - The first one did turn up , but later than you'd written - maybe 25 min later ...I was only able to check again 5 mins ago . Am PMing back now

Incredibly sorry for the length of time it takes me to squeeze words out of this poor brain , choc - I'm sure I'm making you worry more , & stay up past your bedtime - so sorry . Hope you have a peaceful night - am around a while longer but please don't worry about replying .

That sounds a lovely day - you really needed that.

Peaceful night to you and Kezziah.

Sorry for the extra z there , Keziah - Freudian slip !

Thank you city. What you've written is incredibly helpful. I'm going to try to go to sleep now - will reply properly tomorrow. Goodnight x

How's the infection, Keziah? Hope you're well on the way to a full recovery. You can ignore my PM as city has very kindly sorted my "problem". (city I've replied properly now so let me know if you don't receive it and I'll resend ).

I had a bad CBT session - just couldn't engage. Actually feel like I'm really wasting his time now . Just feeling low, lazy and hugely negative (though maybe as I recognise it I can't be that bad?). Having kept quiet about Tues/Weds I somehow let slip (well he asked the 'right' questions and I was too disconnected to lie in my response) that I sometimes feel like I would try to kill myself if it could be guaranteed that I'd die (he knows I have a fear of failure that prevents me from trying). So now he thinks I'm about to end up at a&e so gets me to sign a new safety plan to protect "him/them" (even though I already did an unsigned one with his colleague). I'm going round in circles. The work reorganisation is completely destabling me (hmm not that I was ever properly stable) and I feel like I'm being backed into a corner. Just feels completely logical at times and yet I recognise it is so wrong . The "one day at a time" mantra is depressing me more.

Blimey, I'm ranting...sorry (but I needed to ).

Hope your moods better x

Hi - pm'd you anyway as was feeling left out - this is my bad attempt at teasing by the way!

choc - by the way I think it is NORMAL to have bad sessions at cbt and stuff = so that is normal. And it is fairly normal for people to talk about ending life etc. I went through all of this, no forms to sign etc though but that is more due to people!, and I think counsellors need to realise that the process of counselling actually makes things worse to start with before better.

choc - go for 15 minutes at at time?

Well - had a vaguely positive letter from Gp. BUT am positive about it, it could have been worse. So Gp supporting - yay!! Got a really important meeting in 2 weeks time - would value positive thoughts/prayers (whatever peopel do!) for that.

Ok - tennis watching for me. Have a lovley night.

Keziah, Don't panic received loud and clear thanks. I didn't realise cbt counselling was meant to make things worse before better. I thought that was just "normal" counselling (which I've had stacks of ). So I'll be quiet now...[hangs head]

And I agree with you that it's fairly normal to talk of ending life so why so cautious regarding the form signing? I'm beginning to get a bit paranoid now .

That's good news about the gp letter. I'm impressed that you've received a response so soon and that he's supporting. Will start conjuring up positive thoughts/prayers ready for your big meeting. It has to work this time .

P.S. I got the teasing btw!!

yep, it has to work - new mantra methinks!

Hi choc&Keziah, sorry for not posting at all yesterday but have caught a shadow of dh's flu . I didn't see your kind post last thing Thursday night , choc Your lovely PM arrived fine- v sorry not to have told you so & replied yet.
You two are powering on so strongly , despite feeling so grim at times , &. I dearly hope you both feel much closer to your goals & will have no more obstacles to face from staff who don't understand your needs / prefer to play politics .

Agree withKeziah that the CBT is meant to be really challenging , painfully so at times . Hope my caution about full disclosure to professionals hasn't made you worry more about the safety plan thing - as Keziaah says ,voicing those sentiments is common .

Am not surprised that you often see your MH distress a alogical response to the current stress , and yet also very unhealthy - there's usually some of both in our symptoms . I do feel quite strongly about the " one day at a time " mantra that was stressing you a bit : I think it's shortsighted & doesnt acknowledge the structural problems of people's lives . I find it's useful for certain situations , bad for others , & that no problem can be tackled with an automatic response except in a crisis (where you have to make extra efforts to" debrief " later ) ... sorry , will bother you with that stuff another time.

Very encouraging about the GP's response , Keziah, & your positive attitude will be helping you I'm certain . The way you & your dh have been handling these circumstes has been a revelation to me .
Although you may not get a 100% fair agreement in two weeks, the sheer weight of the needs you have had left unmet , the number of ways they've been in dereliction of their duty of care , surely mean the consequences of not coming up with something helpful would be counterproductive for them . ( sorry so garbled ) .

Hope you continue to recover from the infection - how is your poor voice? - and get some fun / fresh air to help .

Lovely day to both of you- billions of chores here instead of weekend at a political thing as hoped , but not fed up as have lots of positives atm.

poor you city - it is horrible not feeling well... hope your dh better so you can rest more.

Thank you so much Keziah, you are lovely to think of me when still getting over your vicious infection . Dh is on the mend , thanks , & I didn't get it nearly as badly , which is a massive relief as I have stuff to do & he's been working all hours .

Hope your voice gradually returns - scary when it takes forever . Sending positive thoughts & prayers and hoping this fortnight will be otherwise calm for you.
Hope you're enjoying the weekend , choc, & manage to snatch a few minutes in the sun with a book ( pretty impossible with a dc , I know )

Please both of you try to get plenty of rest in this amazing heat and I'll think of you when watching the final today .

Voice is returning - just can't project it really! A peaceful week ahead then and so glad on lower dose of antibiotics and thankful how much better I am feeling.

Went to a coeliac show yesterday and got LOTS of freebies - that was really good fun and nice to try lots of different foods :-) so videoed the tennis to watch last night.

city - tennis is good excuse for a rest I think today so hope you ca have one.

Aha , definite progress on voice but obviously still very inconvenient . The mega dose of antibiotics must have made you feel so grim & you didn't even mention it .

Glad you found such a varety of products at the show . Have some of the gluten free products stopped being available on prescription ? Its all seems hopelessly expensive , on top of the self discipline you need with coeliac , & the inconvenience of finding palatable products .

About videoing the tennis , am old enough for video to be something I didn't get till early 20s so am still thrilled by it . Wish I'd thought to tape Goran Ivanisevic's matches , my fave.
Thank you , I will take extra rest & not try to rush recovery to fit size of tasks ! Blazing sun here , blissful again . Hope choc's sleep has been better than recently , but it's harder to sleep deeply easy if it's warm and still in your part of the country .