Keziah, City, Choc et al support thread

[Keziahhopes]

Hi - found us a new home. Just didn't like the title of my old thread - and have found your support so helpful but would also like this thread to be less egocentric .

Choc -hope cbt assessment goes well.

City - how are you doing?

My physio exercises are helping me, but don't see stroke consultant until beginning of July. Still not had OT assessment, but dont' think will need it by then - just been horrible for dh to do everything for me since Easter. Now more independend - just had my first shower by myself!!

Bit low here too, well more than a bit. Horrible meeting just made it worse , I am either too well or not well enough and never know what to say, grrr....

Oh Keziah , you can't say the right thing at meetings where
you're being set up to fail there's an atmosphere of hypergilance . You are so sharp & if you can't do it , no one can . You have such a good chance of succeeding in your aims in the long run , but choc & I are so worried about the toll it must be taking on you

Am so grateful to hear from you at all , thank you . Thoughts and prayers ... can you do anything at all to try to take your mind off it , even Mning ?
I don't suppose your fatigue is any less but hope youu're not too uncomfortable and bored

Thinking of you , choc - realy upset to thinki of you getting that low and hope you can manage to express yourself to friends as am worried you might get so low you eventually lose your self control

Strange days here with ILs , as ever... will witter on more later as have huge backlog of chores

Peaceful evening xxx

Oh no! Christmas smileys have gone .

Ah city your post yesterday made me . I don't even think I do want any more talking therapy. I saw gp yesterday and didn't mention it. Have to see her again in 2 weeks. I'm considering trusting in fate. Allow myself to fall in the belief that I will rise again perhaps? I'm not sure how that sounds? Do you think I'm being reasonable? I can't tell anymore.

Sorry you're suffering too Keziah. We're here when you're ready (that said, city is probably more use than me at the moment, sorry ).

I'm intrigued by the strange days with ILs city. Is this to keep me tuned in? Congrats it may just work . Chores completed successfully? I vacuumed today to rid living area of all the bits of Christmas shit tinsel/fake tree needles etc left in the carpet after my dismantling session. Room is looking huge now the 6ft monstrocity is away. That was the extent of my chores. Oh and half of the washing up. The rest will have to wait til tomorrow as I can't face anymore xx

...And your post made me smile , choc! You sound very strong - spirited lately and FWIW I'm a great believer in Fate ( and in talking therapy , too !)
Lots to think about in what you say - not least what you were saying a afew weeks ago about wishing you could try some form of self sufficiency ... sorry , brain is cotton wool tonight so I'll waffle on about that another time

< waves to Keziah > Hope you find some way of calming your mind and wish it was easier for you to go out to met up with friends . In really tough times I have to advise hippy - dippy spiritual things to help you feel safer , & energised by the healing forces of the universe

You are always tuned in , choc Sorry have been very absentminded with ILs dramas ... poor MIL , as FIL is talking about not wanting her home from hospital (she's been discharged ) He has totally refused part time carers like everyone ends up needing eventually , so has reached burnout . He thought the state would pay for a nursing home if he dumped her ...can you imagine how DH and SIL feel... they lost their other brother a few years ago too & I don't know what he's advising from up there on his cloud .
Still , all this may sort of make things clear to the family and give everyone some closure ... it's been really hard to be asked to play along with their version of normality all these years , and very dangerous for the grandchildren . Looking forward to good fearsome care managers making a fuss of MIL and putting him right....

Right , need to watch films with DH to take his mind off it all ... he's got the 60s TOTPs on at the moment , as usual , bless him

Peaceful night all and endless stream of calming thoughts to you both xxx of

Lol city! Hmmm yes I vaguely recollect enthusing about self-sufficiency .

Did I understand this correctly? You're FIL has dumped MIL because he thought the state would pay for a nursing home . Poor, poor MIL indeed. And poor DH too . Hope his mind is able to be taken off it all. I'd struggle with that one.

Tonight will be a peaceful night. I'm currently doing good after a couple of weepy nights. Self control has gone out of the window though as I'm sat here finishing off a bottle of wine (I'd opened it to make risotto). At least it doesn't feel like a complete disaster (the drinking not the risotto). I blame trying to switch when I take ADs. I woke up today and I was just utterly sick to death of waking up feeling like shit and exhausted to drag myself up, to then take venlaxine to then fight the afternoon to stay awake before getting more energy in the evening/night. So now I'm taking it at dinnertime. Unfortunately in the past when I've done this it has impacted negatively on my sleep. But it's not exactly working now so it's worth a try.

Hope you've had a peaceful weekend xx

I didn't quite word that right , did I Pretty peaceful , thanks , though very worried about MIL's return home tomorrow - we'll have to speak to care manager etc ... don't know if FIL will agree to watch out for her safety in any way , which would of course be an emergency situation

Many sympathies on the exhaustion you've been experiencing , & hope the new routine will help soon
Hope you 've found some comfort this weekend , Keziah , and aren't as physically uncmfortable by this stage in pg as I fear - you know we're thinking of you lots

Sorry for rubbish post- just wishing you and Keziah a peaceful night xxx

Hi. Sorry for short message. Am ok but in hospital due to infection so not able to post. On dh's phone. IV antibiotics needed.

Hugs to all x

Oh you poor thing , many hugs ,and hope the 1V starts to work very soon . Have seen amazing results with them .- but of course you know more about them than you should have to

Brilliant of you to find way to post . Hope hospital not overcrowded from usual winter causes ...right ,don't forget hand gel can't kill everything so don't even think of eating from your hand or putting a hand to your eyes / face ! < wraps sterile cottonwool round Keziah Does the bed have a tv screen, and if so can you get subtitles ? Sorry , you're probably very sleepy

Hope you get some proper sleep tonight , so difficult in hospitalxxx

Oh no Keziah! Really thought you'd escape the whole IV antibiotic hospital thing before birth . Hope infection not making you feel too rubbish. And as city implied hope you don't catch anything from your stay in hospital. Thanks for ingenious posting. (Ooops I guess you won't be able to read this yet ).

city so MIL is due home today. Is that care home? Home home? FIL not at home home? .

My turn to apologise for short message. I'm shattered. Nearly fell asleep reading dd's bedtime story (ok I confess she read more of it to me than I did to her!). I'm hoping it's the evening V and not due to a hangover! But mood wise, so far so good . Soon I'll be brimming with vitality xx

< waves to Keziah > Sorry for wittering on about germs in hospital- how helpful . Worried about your spirits , stuck in bed . Perhaps DH could bring you a simple craft kit for when the infection wooziness starts to lift .
You are really brave about being in here ...hope its not too noisy and grim & you'll be back home very soon

Hi choc- I was worried about all the infections around at this time of year

Brilliant to hear your mood is improving !!! Clever dd , too ( and I remember you replying to me once , bemused - I don't think I'd want an exceptional dd " but she does sound bright . Is she enjoying scchool atm ?

Now , have I not given you my pointy - nosed about the evils of , young woman ? Nothing worse for the mood , no matter how little it affects you and
pretty much how rarely ou drink if you do so at all regularly < rants illogically >

Not sure what FIL is plotting next but MIL is home and we'll see how they get on with temp carers getting her up / to bed ... I suspect staff will refuse to work in presence of FIL's comments on the world , sigh ... don't worry , I'm reminding MIL of her legal rights , including to a divorce

Here's to your fatigue falling away along with Keziah's infection < healing thoughts >

Have spent too long Mning and must get back to chores ...love and prayers to you , Keziah & hope all have a peaceful evening

Hi , how are you doing , choc ? I know we're both wildly sending good vibes to Keziah and hoping things there aren't too worrrying < hopes very hard >

Hope your mood and energy are levelling out . Sorry for lecture about alcohol in last post Hope you've had glorious sunshine there as we have here , with spring blossom and amazed songbirds

Have slept most of the day so far so had best get on

Hi. Quick post on borrowed phone. I'm doing ok, got own room as am infectious! Been in 4 days now so may be home soon.

Sorry short post x

Yaaay for own room !!! Very glad to hear . Brilliant to see you post , thanks .
So hope you can come home soon xxx

Hellooooooo .

Keziah I know I said put your feet up but this is taking it a bit far . Joke aside, good to hear from you and that you may be home soon. Yay!

city, you did make me chuckle with your alcohol lecture . So no damage done! In fact I had already given myself lecture. It was the first drink (or 3...4..) that I'd had in around 8 months as I don't tolerate alcohol at all well when depressed. But I'm pleased to say that I must be cured because I've been fine. I slept a lot Tuesday (so only fair you did today, lol!) but today I've been pretty active drilling holes and putting up shelves and dd's clock. God I love my power tools . So copious amounts of was obviously just what the doc ordered.

Hope MIL is settling back in at home and that the carers are coping with FIL's comments. Divorce!? Grounds of unreasonable behaviour I'd imagine . I like it. xx

PS city dd is loving school. She wants to go every day, lol! I'm sure that won't last! And she's feeling particularly chuffed with herself at the moment because she's been moved up two reading levels because the books were too easy for her .

Arghhh! At the end of March I'll probably lose my employment support due to government cuts. Apparently support will only be funded for patients in secondary care and will be given as a direct payment of CASH into their bank account (so they can use it as they see fit to "improve their well-being"!!! ). Does the gov have any sense?! (Rhetorical question ). Let's hope I've found a new career by then . city did you ever contact Shaw Trust? I don't know whether these changes will affect you so might be worthwhile contacting asap if you haven't done already xx

Oh dear gods choc , what a nightmare - don't worry , they'll probably have to suspend these types of measures for ages while people take govt to court . Sorry , honestly don't think govt is anything but utterly hostile ( ditto previous New Labour govt ) but as you know am an optimist about revolution!
Very sorry you have that to add to your stresses & we can help you in your fight .

I haven't contacted the Shaw Trust yet as health condition had an extra relapse all December but am trying to restart my long schedule of appts and form filling , with Shaw Trust sounding like light at the end of the tunnel . I have to admit am getting not a penny in beenefits atm - not enough inNI contributions , DH earning that bit too much ,& above all the dla process keeps defeating me as knackering & hospital stuff horrible < well -knownChumbawaumba chorus starts up in city's head >

I bet you wish school was open at weekends for dd to indulge her love , choc - especially once dd can get herself up and to school on her own Am delighted she's enjoying it , what a good sign that she'ss so excited to spread her wings

All your drilling and shelf -fitting sounds amaazing - are you a bookworm ? , looks at boxes full of books > I hope you've been feeling reasonablye level , until the esa letter turned up of course
Quite relieved you've forgiven me my anti alcohol lecture - really sorry though that I forgot your saying once before that you mostly avoid - of course I remember now ,

Felt better than usual today so have achieved more with spring cleaningg (will be agents' inspection soon , argh )

Obviously we're both thinking about Keziah and sending best wishes at all times . Wishing she could be home away from germy people, noise etc .

Hoping for a peaceful night for us allxxx

Glad you had a better day city. Unfortunately, I'm under the weather here with a chesty and head cough/cold (accompanied by aches and pains) - can't quite call it the flu as I've been able to get out of bed with about the same amount as effort as normal. So glad I did those tasks the other day. I do read but not huge amounts these days as I often can't concentrate well. That said I rely on the library loads so don't actually own that many books. The shelves are in the kitchen - for the things I used to put at the back of the worktop if I didn't want dd to reach for them. She's grown too tall now so there's nowhere out of reach otherwise .

Sorry about the esa confusion - I'm still on sick pay from my bastard employer . I meant to say employment advisor. Form-filling - eek!! I didn't realise you had to have made NI contributions to get benefits . Why do some people fuss so much about people getting benefits then if they have had to have made some contribution at some point to qualify ? I've heard the dla process is notoriously hard. I recently met a lady who was turned down first time round even though her gp & consultant (for a physical problem) and psychiatrist had all said she'd definitely get it. Would it be useful to get somebody like CAB to assist with completing the form?

Is the agents inspection imminent? I hope your better spell continues xx

< choc wonders if Keziah is recovering and/or home yet? >

Think that just means you always have to put in massive efforts to get up , choc Hope you're on the mend as some of these chesty bugsare awful .
We're both fretting about your infection , Keziah , and hoping the IV ABs have worked their magic

Oh my , I was forgetting the sheer number of objects which need to be kept out of reach of curious little hands.
Sympathies on the books & concentration thing , but thank goodnesspeople power for the library

Ah yes , your payments are made by your bastard , quite right too .. Hope the poor lady you were talking to gets some justice very soon. Thanks, I did get brilliant help from CAB years ago & still got turned doewn for dla , but have to try . Not easy with conditions which vary from hour to hour ( which is most people , really )

Right , it's all white out there so am hoping you can stay tucked up till you feel up to a gentle walk round the block < hands choc & Keziah comforting and an old musical or wildlife programme which take no effort to watch >

Hi - home today after 7 days in hospital. Pleased to be home as hospital so busy staff had very little time to do their work, so it was quite lonely and hard to get help when needed it sometimes (like comitting everywhere and not able to get out of bed) but when they had time they were very good. Feel quite weak and still suffering from pain from infection, but they can't give me any more medication for now, need time to see if infection fully gone or if it is going to come back - so culture will be sent off to lab for whatever it is they do! Am 32 weeks, so only 2 months more of problems to face caused by pregnancy - always was high risk for these things, so this is the first really serious infection, so doing ok with that.

Will read up and catch up with all your news on coming days, but my brain isn't too concentrating right now. Am thankful for little things, comfy own bed, a sofa, own food, peace and quiet but missing daily monitoring of baby!! xx

Joyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Keziah !!!! So happy to see you home after long , long week . Absolutely brilliant of you to come & update already

The lack of help when immobile & then sick everywhere etc is everyone's nightmare - hateful underfunding governments

Keeping everything crossed the infection is cleared and so sorry you're in pain

Aww , the daily monitoring must have been so comforting & sorry you'll miss it .. You are a fabulously brave expectant mother to go through such grim months to get baby safely grown
< sorry , really sniffly here[grin} >

Sorry , headache ( ha ! thinks Keziah ) will post more later ...

< waves to choc >
< swings Keziah and choc round and round and round .....>

Yay Keziah!!!! Good to hear you're home . Bet you can't believe it. Hospital sounded a bit of an ordeal, so glad you survived. Shame about losing daily monitoring though.

I'm doing better. I sound worse than I feel though it won't surprise me if I lose my voice again.

city have you got snow where you are? . It's not white here thankfully . I managed a very short walk mid afternoon and was shocked at how cold it is having not left the house since school run Friday. We returned home pretty fast after that!

Ah you have previous dla experience so you must be quite familiar with it. Hope this time is more successful. It's interesting what you said about your condition varying hour to hour as there was a 20-or so minute period this evening where I felt absolutely fantastic and my head was just flooded with all these thoughts about how I am going to go back to work right now!! It was really bizarre, and then the feeling kind of evaporated and I thought good job I hadn't [gone back to work] . I guess what struck me was how will I know when I'm "better"? How many "good" days etc is enough to be considered recovered? Hmm....

Sending gentle thoughts for speedy recovery Keziah (and you too city if head still bothering you) xx

Yo , choc ! Glad you're on the up but it sounds as though it's been a horrible one, hot lemon s to you both

How are you doing , Keiah- still in pain? Hope you're at least able to enjoy being at home

Poor poorly choc , assailed by artic air ...told you you wouldn't like it , but good that you got sdome fresh air

Am needing a rest before finishing post but just sending good wishes xxx

< sends a quick wave > as I'm awake and here . I spent too long asleep this morning/early pm after the school-run . Ah well. And I need the distraction - my post-illness mental state is a precarious one. Hope you are both resting zzzzzzzzz xx

PS I'm awaiting the finished post city

• I was up then too (being sick sadly!) so understand sleep time isn't always the usual hours

It is good being home, but still feel rubbish so saw Gp who was reassuring but can't do anything... had some advice on eating little and often to reduce sickness and increase fluids. Suggested moving my next lab test forward by a day as have high pulse which we don't know is new infection or from previous one. I almost cried, as just not coping being physically ill on top of everything. Going to see my CPN today - first time in 4 weeks, but don't expect anything from it.

Gosh - so frosty!!! Any snow near you? ~Some due here soon.