Keziah, City, Choc et al support thread

[Keziahhopes]

Hi - found us a new home. Just didn't like the title of my old thread - and have found your support so helpful but would also like this thread to be less egocentric .

Choc -hope cbt assessment goes well.

City - how are you doing?

My physio exercises are helping me, but don't see stroke consultant until beginning of July. Still not had OT assessment, but dont' think will need it by then - just been horrible for dh to do everything for me since Easter. Now more independend - just had my first shower by myself!!

Too right Keziah that days of uninterrupted dc are hellish , even if you're not trying to recover from huge stresses . for doing such a hard job , choc, and I agree you might need to call on emergency backup now , but don't know if any available this week

Am so happy to see you say recounting fudgemaking instead of the dreadful times you've had recently , Keziah , and prescribe lots of soothing documentaries on BBC4 - good one about bells rthother day , went on for hours

Felt awful for DH as his DM had dramatic haemorraghing overnight on Weds from her suspected TB , but so far not been admitted to hospital , which would be tiring for her & not necessarily of much helpe longterm . She had a good night's sleep last night , amazing .

Ooops , sorry , posted too soon , talking about depressing things . You two would be shocked at slovenly state of home & self after fortnight of relapse & snoozing & DH working like a demon , but I know how lucky I am to have been able to potter gently round late night shops recently , as dh can drive me & I don't have dc to leave tied to their beds

Hope today not too stressful for either of you , and you both get a bit of he Christmas feeling that doesn't depend on much going to plan

Oh gosh it's almost here and I'm sat on the floor surrounded by wrapping paper and failing miserably. Unfortunately choc is stressed of sorts . The worst kind - the type that paralyses you. I actually logged on last night and was completely unable to type.

How awful for your MIL city . Must be very worrying for DH and you. Let's hope she remains stable enough not to need admitting to hospital. (Btw my SIL's family member is finally out of hospital so thankfully my concerns didn't materialise). I don't think anything could shock me about state of home and self though. I've got a right one here! And here was me thinking that I did almost nothing when dd is at school. But I must do something because my home & self is ten times worse at the moment. And I'm entertaining on Boxing Day (away Christmas Day so have tonight and tomorrow to tidy, plan etc). Keep telling myself I can do it .

It's reassuring to hear about your friend Keziah. Sometimes I never know whether my lack of child coping skills are due to illness or completely normal . The problem is I mainly remember the first 3 years as a bit of a breeze (even with a divorce) . I was trying to set up a play date but everyone so busy before christmas. Hopefully we'll meet up with old nursery friend after christmas. Unfortunately the play date she had half term didn't go too well and the child doesn't want to come back!! It's a shame because I'm now friends with the mum. I live in hope that one day dd will become less Jekyll & Hyde... She can be soooo loving, thoughtful (even today she's asking about getting every Tom, Dick & Harry a christmas gift!!), caring for smaller less confident children and then the next hitting kids across the face . Yep it's not so much of a breeze now.

Okay, this has been therapeutic - feeling less paralysed now . Maybe I can finish wrapping! Just in case I don't make it back tomorrow hope you have a very Merry Christmas. I would offer home made cookies round but they're still not been baked . Ah maybe virtual cookies instead then. And Keziah do make the most of your last Christmas in peace and quiet . Christmas will never be the same again! Love to all xx

Creepers what is with me and these emoticons ?!! Sorry

it even

What a lovely person you are ,choc< chomps delicious virtual cookies >, sorry fell asleep (on sofa again before replying & wishing you a very Merry Christmas - you got in first ! Wrapping sounds good , and your plans
should give you a break

So sorry for the paralysing stress & I hope you have indeed felt up to doing the chores since < "You can do it , choc! " says the panto audience >

The way you describe that feeling when you sit down to post has made me realise I too am affected in that way , but had lumped it in with the memory problems / fogginerss , so you have made me mfeel I can find ways to improve the problem - & I'll be sure to share tips when I find strategies Really hard for you, and I hope you'll feel better if dd has some time with other relatives this Christmas ... I was going to say how capable you sound even before you said the first years with dd surprised by being fairly easy to manage ! As you know I m the type of person who was baffled by other children when I was one myself , so feel useless as to helpful ideas for you . < city sets herself lots of reading in the Parenting topic for homework >
< weeps at thought of RL small children >.

Thank you for good wishes about MIL , and I was thinking yesterday of your SIL's rtelative but was outdoors with no pen / phone & by the time I got back in to note down to ask you about them , I'd forgotten what Iit was ....Has s / he been in hospital since since health scare began ? such a depressingly long stay if so , but hope the problems are stabilise .

Thinking of you as always Keziah and hoping you have that feeling of true Christmas time warmth and continuity that stay with you as circumstances shift . Very excited here for you to have this precious Christmas & I hope your loved ones are as ewll as possible .

Best not try to chatter on more as need to install Notepad on this hard drive - thank you for excellent advice on the virus , choc- it actually killed off the hard drive the next day ! DH set up a hand - me -down one ( I was envisaging months without internet )

Giggling at your heartfelt advice to Keziah , choc ... picturing dd's angelic behaviour all Christmas

at choc apologising for emoticons

Mm - virtual cookies, yum!!

Happy Christmas to you . And choc hope the 2 days with other people gives you time and space that may help from dd and a chance to refresh, though know that is not always the case at festive times!!

Just the 2 (plus bump) of us here, which is equally different for us so hoping my hormones don't take over and we can enjoy it.

Happy christmas xxx

Thank you , Keziah , Merry Chtistmas to you both and precious bump .
A Christmas at home sounds lovely - I know it's a strange feeling adapting from a day with lots of relatives - and hope hormones give you an easier ride

Hope you and dd enjoy today &7 tomorrow , choc

Dh and I enjoying hibernating and doing little family visits ... going to walk to nearby church now to listen otside to the carol singing ( notshowing off here - have been snoozing & tree still not decorated )

lots of love to all xxx

Phew I survived. Hope you had a good Christmas. I actually had my dd taken off my hands christmas eve by my brother - I'd been upset and stressed about my lack of a decent night's sleep due to dd's excitement. She couldn't get out of the house fast enough!! It was a bit surreal when I woke up christmas day after my lie in. I had loads of tidying to do so spent most of the day cleaning . I really didn't mind as it makes me feel more comfortable about having guests over . Boxing day was a success, yay! I wasn't stressed at all (oh ok maybe a little bit). And now today it's been a restful one. Definitely the 2 days gave me some time and space without dd under my feet so much.

Hope you managed to get your tree decorated city < choc imagines city slaving away through the night hanging baubles from branches > xx

< celebratory wave to choc > That's absolutely brilliant , so pleased you got such a lot done and got some time to yourself . I'd be so proud of myseelf after your achievemets yesterday .

Will post properly later , sorry , but sending love to you and Keziah , about whom I'm feeling a bit concerned today for some reason - as if life isn't hard enough without me fretting at you , Keziah

Peaceful night to you both xxx

Choc that is brilliant that dd got to share her excitement with other family members , giving you much needed time and space. glad Boxing Day went well for you.

City - I am ok, think the quiet Christmas I didn't want was what really needed! Am going to try to enjoy this week, as nasty week following ... have about 12 people for New Years Eve buffet - so just survived big shop in supermarket, sigh .... Going to try making Chestnut Parfait in advance (had tin of pureed chestnut that I wanted to use up ) when have more energy!!!

Hope resting and playing with toys (dd at least for the latter) going well.

< waves wildly > Thank you for update , Keziah , so pleased you've been feeling better and are still doing festive things . Very impressed with big shop . Extra rest for you now , I'm afraid - and please remember to gret some ice grips for your shoes
Ooooh , chestnuts are my favourite - my Mum makes a very sweet icecream with puree and sweetened condensed milk , French idea maybe

Agree was lovely for dd to share Christmas excitement and also think she sounds healthily adventurous , enjoying faamily stays etc . Hope you can get through rest of holidayts Ok , choc , and am determined to be festive here for weeks & weeks yet ! < likes glittery winter festivities >

Sorry not caught up with posts - we finally had our Christmas dinner late last night and spent most of time today visiting MIL , who had bad fall with head injury yesterday , but consultant amazed no serious damage . Pretty concussed though , so is not quite in reality ... 3rd serious problem in a week , so she did need care for lung problems .

I think often of your DM , Keziah, and hope things are as stable as possible

< wonders how long choc's dd can occupy herself with lumps of coal >

city sorry to hear about MIL, but hope she is being well looked after and good that there was no serious damage with the fall.

Am definitley taking your advice city and resting.... my energy levels are very low!! Aim is to do one "thing" a day and stop at that. Hence chestnut parfait still to be made!! Yum to your Mum's ice-cream - and I intend to use festive emoticons till at least 6th Jan. I love lights on our tree too and may "forget" to take it down for a while. My Mum seems to be as stable as she can be, got quite used to being called my dn's name now . You rest too, despite lots of visiting of MIL etc.

Well my 30wk midwife apt went well, very helpful and I am getting home visits from now on -yippee! which will help with tiredness and energy levels lots. Just 18 days left at work, but I may decide to go earlier and be sensible. I only do 12hrs a week since stroke. Baby measuring at 27 weeks which we are thrilled with as huge concern was baby not growing enough.

Have family here for weekend, so if don't get on wishing you all a very Happy New Year xxx

Keziah things are certainly looking good for you right now . I'm so impressed at you having a New Years eve buffet (and surviving big shop!). It will all go swimmingly I'm sure. And as for the baby... wow 30wks. So that's a March due date then? That's soooo soon . Home visits are great! So much more convenient MW running late when you're in your own home.

city how unfortunate your MIL having so many problems in such a short space of time . I can imagine it was an ackward time with understaffing at this time of the year as well. Hope she's recovered/recovering. And as Keziah says hope you're able to rest. Glad you finally got to eat your Christmas dinner .

Thanks for the new year wishes Keziah and Happy New Year to you too. Good luck with your buffet. (I'll hold out a day or two for my official new year well wishing ).

Are you having a quiet NY city? I've not got any plans. I tend to struggle with new years (the fact that often it seems as though I've made little progress within the year) so will keep it very low key. Probably have an early night with meds and pray fireworks don't wake dd up!! And then wake up NY day and panic about the things I need to sort out in 2012 and fast. It will be a year of change for us all .

Thank youi for kind good wishes for MIL, Keziah and choc . So sorry your DM is not always "with" you all , , Keziah , when she isn't even elderly , and at a time when you must want her to talk to . There's a good thread in the "Elderly parents" topic you might people visit when you canfeel likto allow yourself to think about it , but at the moment , you have plenty to handle

Such brilliant news about the improved growth rate - just what we want to celebrate New Year and am relieved you won't have to go miles for your mw appts
Hope you have a lovely time with relatives , and don't beat yourself up if you can't do the food etc - sympathies , the extra -lowered energy level must be horrible

Another one here who intends to have tree up all winter if poss
Sympathies on not liking NY , choc We never go out for New Year , and like to just watch a film - will be around to bestow my official wishes , too < Empress of non - achievement here >
But agree there's a lot of change ahead for us all

Thank you both for lovely posts all through busy festive season xxx

Happy New Year wishes on their way over to you city . Plenty of virtual too .

My early night went out of the window but at least it has been very low key. Hope you enjoyed your film. See you in the new year xx

Thank you , choc ! clinks happily -with choc and Keziah and wishes us all strength and many joyous momentas in 2012

Sorry your peaceful evening was scuppered and hope you sleep well , choc and dd lets you have a lie in

Hope you've been enjoying time with family , Keziah, and haven't too much heartburn to enjoy some of your NYE delicacies

MIL seemed hopelessly ill yesterday but ABs have given a lot more hope ... very good way to start the new year

Thought were being burgled earlier < hopes was fireworks noise > so we pt on all the lights etc
;oads of fireworks round here

Hpe good day tomorrow xxx

So city you beat us all to it with the first post of the new year . You must be tired with all the worry about MIL and the possible attempted burgulary.

Hope the buffet went ok Keziah and that you are now catching up on some well deserved rest .

Over here it's all gearing up already. I've found out that I've got to see OH doctor too. Do you have any experience Keziah? I just feel so stressed - I'm frustrated. I was on edge awaiting the gp report and the OH report based on the gp report but then to find I've got to see their doc as well... What do they want from me???

Also, over new year I met up with the friend that said I was selfish a while back and it felt odd. Something in the relationship has definitely been broken and yet I hadn't felt this was going to be the case beforehand .

So that was my shakey start to 2012 lol! But head up, chin up as they say. Hope your start was more positive. I'm off to have that early night I should have had on NYE xx

Oh choc , talk about being thrown in at the deep end after coping with so much last month . I would cautiously say I think it's to be expected to have to be examined by OH doctor , though they sometimes seem to say so a lot later than you'd expect , but Keziah and your advisor (rep , if I remember - sorry ) will have sensible advice

So sorry to hear about your friend . I feel she doesn't understand your honesty and I'm tempted to say she isn't openminded / ready enough to allow herself to accept that what you said on the phone that time is valid . ( If you're like me on this , it feels right to be frank about these things ) . I'm not surprised you're shocked , and think there already was something wrong in terms of experiences / emotions your friend hasn't come to terms with < complete babble here >

Thinking of you loads as always , Keziah , and hope you're as well as possible . You were thinking of ending work before the last week or so , I think ? Hope you're not travelling in the scary gales < hands round Kendal Mint Cake as lantern sputters >

Happy New Year!!

Choc yes have experience of OH Dr. I found them surprisingly not "on the side of work" but more on the side of the law - i.e. if you have evidence to support what you are saying, that is medical, then they have to accept it. So for example I was able to say when I started anti-depressants and for how long I worked on AD's without it affecting work. OH Dr's tend to think that if there is a medical problem and there is medical treatment for it then they are satisfied. Seeing them is fairly standard I have found - being nervous is normal, if you have advocacy support that is useful perhaps talk to them about what they suggest etc. If you know what you want out of it that helps, going with a clear plan of what you are wanting (even written down a tick list of all the points you want to make is helpful for some people - I need to do that as I forget things).

Remember OH are there to help people into work and stay in work. Sadly bosses try to use OH as a big stick to threaten people, but that can't be their job. And work bosses are not medical people, so use OH to clarify situations. Try to think about what you want from work - eg them to accept that changing your role/redundancy threats/increased workload (or whatever the situation is for you) caused you extra stress and anxiety and it was that work related issue and lack of appropriate support ( change my words for whatever are right for you) that caused you to be signed off, as previous to work changes you worked your hours without significant absence. Then think about what you want from work - a phased return, part-time hours, appropriate job for your skills, redundancy with sick payments, further sick pay to the maximum you are entitled to until your Gp signs you back for work etc etc.

It is normal to be anxious, it is unknown and any type of assessment can feel threatening. If you can go in calm, know what you want out of it and with questions to ask or relevant evidence (even if just your words - eg I was bullied with no evidence but plenty of words to say about it which was listened to) then your place of work have to accept what OH decide. Then if work become difficult OH can become a place of support for you - my OH kept me off work on sick pay longer than I thought I needed, arranged phased return and said if work caused problems to contact OH (work caused massive problems but sadly not ones OH could help with, so I chose to put up with it and cope and find another job with support of OH!!)

Sorry for going on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Are you still on sick pay? good to know how long it lasts for and what you hope to happen after it runs out (mine was x months full pay, x months half-pay). Even if OH say you are not fit for work, get that report and you can use it to claim ESA etc etc if you need to go down that route.

I have a scary appointment tomorrow, unknown referral and no support etc.

Don't know where I'm heading. I'm on thin ice at moment but just wanted to wish you luck for appointment tomorrow Keziah.

(((((((( ))))))))) s to you both - thoughts and prayers , Keziah and choc you are going through a scary time and agree with Keziah serious anxiety very normal , but I guess that's not the bit you're worried about

Thinking of you both loads

What a lonely illness. Here, but not talking . Thoughts that should feel horrid but don't. Been here before though and should probably feel worried. Going to attempt to take down Christmas tree - distraction therapy (and sleep avoidance). for hugs city. Much appreciated. Hope you're doing ok and resting in the post-Christmas lull. Keziah how's you after your appt? xxx

So sorry you're feeling like this , choc and you shouldn't have to be so lonely - is there no way you can express these emotions to your good friend who moved ? It's hard enough speaking about it , without distance possibly distorting things ... time to talk to GP again and say you maybe didn't feel straight enough in your mind last time you saw the psych and said you didn't want more talking therapy ( I know she agreed , but I think that did surprise you ? ) It's in the nature of being human depression etc to be unclear about your needs

How about the drop in , and are there any actual support groups available ? I know you probably can hardly function atm , but there mighgt be a group used to people not yet up to sharing , but still able to benefit from being there

Please PM anytime ( says city who is nowabout 6 weeks late in writing a thank you PM for the absolute miracle you wrought in my thinking about my DM .... I was right about to blow all those years of effort , and you cleared my mind ! She has not only been drawing closer but has been able to give DH a lot of support and cheerfuness during his DM's awful illness and his family's difficulties ( plus he's able to worry less about my DM - so is very grateful for your help )

Will wave more later as am rushing about with chores and hospital visiting but am thinking about you and Kziah more than ever , hoping that for both of you this is the darkness before the dawn xxx