Keziah, City, Choc et al support thread

[Keziahhopes]

Hi - found us a new home. Just didn't like the title of my old thread - and have found your support so helpful but would also like this thread to be less egocentric .

Choc -hope cbt assessment goes well.

City - how are you doing?

My physio exercises are helping me, but don't see stroke consultant until beginning of July. Still not had OT assessment, but dont' think will need it by then - just been horrible for dh to do everything for me since Easter. Now more independend - just had my first shower by myself!!

I'm ok here thanks city . I'm hyper-hyper (much like dd was earlier before she went to bed ) and have a tree with lights to decorate!! Yay!! I'd better hop to it . Hope you're ok too and better rested. And Keziah and lucky xx

Internet shop sounds good way to go Choc and your tree sounds very pretty!!

Yes, gp was for infections - got two at present. On antibiotics, but they will need to change them when the lab gets back to them (waited a week so far so shouldn't be too long), but it has run me down. Sorry - bfp means when got positive pregnancy test!!

My midwife saw me at 8 weeks, a different one at 16 weeks, my one at 24 weeks and then the midwife would next see me at 33 weeks - eek!!! My consultant says due to lack of fetal movement needed to be seen more regularly, my dh said my midwife wouldn't see me as she was too busy (and didn't need to see me!!!!) and I was concerned as she didn't answer my 2 questions, she just said "phone the hospital" and also she wrote 2 things in my book that were not true (ie discussed breasfeeding when she didn't even use that word!!) So consultant spoke to a senior hospital midwife who rang me and her solution was to make me drive 15 minutes further to see a different one. I told her it made me look as if I was in the wrong, that in my job if you didn't do the job properly you were made to improve etc and just burst into tears on the phone. Am so anxious - even consultant said she wanted me to have more regular checks and wasn't happy by midwife provision - but at the end of the day my midwife "wins" as has less work and gets away with it, it makes me look bad and I have to travel further which is not good when ill, plus it assumes I have transport which not everyone has.

Dr said to do nothing all weekend and not to go to work. Didn't work Friday, will miss work on Monday at until dr chases lab results, but if lab results missing (my last ones took 11 days to return) there is nothing they can do.

Sorry - me, me, me post. Had a day without tears - but dh knew I was very ill when I had cried for so long as I never cry - nor behave how I did when I am ok. Choc agree I didn't cry on ADs, as my lows were never so low.

Hope you had fun decorating tree, choc .. reminds me of elderly lady I knew telling me how she'd loved putting the tree up on Xmas Eve once the kids were in bed and enjoying their delight when they crept down to peek - RL dc probably don't perform to order < reminds choc's dd of coal filled stocking >

Keziah, your thoughts on the midwife you were uneasy about make perfect sense to me . I've seen very long threads where many , many posters complain of midwives inventing thingsto cover their backs - dicussing topics they are requred to raise at tht stage of pg - and frequently putting falsehoods in the notes . All very surprising for people who haven't had trust issues with HCPs till then .

Have also seen many people say they had a changing cast of mws throughout the pregnancy ( very glad you had a better experience , choc )
Truly don't think it makes you look as if you're at all in the wrong , but I can see why you might feel it at first . I think you'll be the latest person to have found by her , Agree the assumption about transport is unacceptable - I can't drive for health reasons atm , & most people I know have given up their cars .

< healing vibes for tiring infections > Hope the results are illuminating & you won't need different ABs < contradictory >.You must have been very fed up with the advice to stay off work but we want you in your cotton wool ...
The tears & uncharacteristic behaviour must be incredibly upsetting and I'm sure your DH understands - I'm like that when faced with lack of understanding on that sort of matter - can't imagine what I'd be like in 3rd trimester with 2 infections

Hope you haven't felt too tired after hyper day yesterday , choc , and extra - wired dd . Hmmm, rubbish rainy day , and I know you like to get out . < city continues to still scour retail sites for cells activity centres / intensive kiddie sports centres to tire out dd this holiday

Peaceful night to us all xxx

PS absolutely not "me me me " , *Keziah" . We're glad to see updates , and thaank you for using up scarce energy to do it . Am sort of relieved to see the nature of the stress you mentioned last week - can understand the upset , definitely , but have heard of this sort of thing before < less helpful than ever > . Your pg is supposed to be high care , though , so being mucked about is a very serious matter .

I've got my fingers crossed that your lab results won't be long back Keziah. What an ordeal having all these complications. This baby must feel so so special and I'm guessing perhaps this is what keeps you going through it all. Time is steadingly passing and each day that goes past is one day nearer to birth day . I can just about remember you at 8 weeks and that seems such a long time ago now. Hope you're doing better today (or at least not doing any worse). Hope you aren't too frustrated at not being allowed to work. I'm agreeing with city ref the cotton wool.

Talking of infections city did your DH manage to "eradicate" the virus from your computer? Touch wood I've not yet had a serious virus on my current computer. yes I had fun decorating the tree and am actually looking forward to christmas now. Quite spooky given that I was dreading it a little while back. I've been feeling a lot more stable emotionally the last few days < choc touches wood quickly > so thinking maybe the extra 75mg is helping now. I've been a lot more proactive with my work situation and have even managed to contact my union rep can you believe! (Mind you haven't got round to completing the autobiography I need to write to open a case - but hey one step at a time). Also finally spoke to advocate who was lovely but I decided not to use them but rely on my union solely. I've also done some more (on-line) shopping so I continue to completely avoid RL shops! All in all, I think I may be getting things under control . But ask me how I'm doing once I'm in the depths of the school hols!!

How are everyone elses Christmas plans coming along? I need to start wrapping presents - normally I don't bother until christmas eve and then end up going to bed really really late. Oh and I still have all my cards to do having spent most of yesterday helping dd do hers - of course she wanted to write the 40 something cards herself . I really hadn't anticipated this - can you imagine how long it takes a 4yo to do this?! Miraculously she didn't get bored and I suppose it's really good for her writing . Have a good evening xx

Hi - after chasing, lab results shown what the infection is and two types of medication that will work with it, one of which is suitable for pregnancy, so hope that helps. On it for 10 days. Pathetic amount of tears, just not coping with being ill for so long and just so low.

choc - wow to dd wanting to and managing to write her cards herself, that is some determination! What a lovely Mummy to help her for so long, definitely good for her writing .

Christmas plans - hoping to focus on that as nice distraction, tree half up so would like to decorate it next. Then cards, then presents. Agree doing wrapping not last minute really helpful - I like to do mine under the tree with twinkly lights, so hope get tree done!! Like your on-line shopping tactics.

Hurrah for lab results, Keziah!! Hopefully the end is in sight. Definitely get the tree decorated - something pretty to look at when you're sprawled across the sofa recovering . I've now done most of my wrapping for now - just got to wait for the rest of the deliveries before doing some more.

So hope the infections clear up soon , Keziah and you can feel better < feels helpless > You've had so much to bear up under this year that your physical & emotional reserves must be overdrawn .
It must be very hard to eat energy - boosting foods , fruit etc if you've got heartburn ... are you able to have dairy and lots of brocolli etc ? I dose myself up with big portions of very sensible food when ill but it's not so easy when you can only have little portions of blander stuff

Getting v excited about getting tree up here too , so had best get back to house tidying
Sorry not to have been able to say hi after reading your very cheering post , choc -keep dropping off to sleep on the sofa and missing most of the day < have been known to sleep through most of Xmas > I did ask DH on Monday to write a line I dictated on to here , without reading posts of course , but he didn't as thought I was joking

I know it's a small part of the picture that can be communicated on this thread , choc , but what fabulous improvemment. Am so glad you've dve been making decisions about the horrible situation & been consulting about it .Your dd is *brilliant , am with Keziah in thinking that's the most amazing determination she showed over the cards

What a lovely thing to do , wrapping pressies under the tree . I like sitting up by it , drifting off into into a soothing trance (or is thata migraine I always to leave it up for as much of January as we can - bad luck of course
Ah , perhaps it would be an idea not to leave most of the wrapping to DH an hour before visiting his family < cruel >
You sound a very adept online shopper , choc . I finally ordered DH's main pressie the other day , having left it for weeks till price reached a more justifiablwe one , so I have no idea if he'll have it in time for Xmas - good luck with deliveries . Posters on the other thread I post on are making me laugh about couriers keeping parcels in permanent transit & having to check the streetfor their vans for days on end , so I hope yours arrive without hassle.

Thanks for asking about PC virus , choc . DH thinks it just can't be eliminated , so we'll investigate during the Xmas beak . Staging an "intervention" again with DH as work so relentless and stressful as to be very dangerous to health & mh ... has been for years now . It's hard because he spent 15years getting extra qualifications & experience & it's a scarce type of job , though not well paid better than unemployed . He's also sat an age where hard to get new job . Only solution is to move to a less expensive area in terms of rentals , but we stayed here to be near elderly mums . It will all work out , just going to be bumpy .

Ah Kreziah < I keep fretting about ice & those broken links of mine icegrips.co.uk/

Yes, choc totally meant to say great with union and advocate contacts and support - that is really positive news. Having had to do that type of route myself with mental health workers (and therefore with work) I know how draining it can be, but also how empowering!!!

Isn't it lovely it is nearly Christmas - although chasing parcels is something I think we will all bear in mind (I only ordered mine yesterday as realised not well enough to get to shops!)..... if not, to use the phrase of a little girl I know we'll just have to say "the elves are a bit busy, it will be here as soon as they have finished making it" !!!!!!!!!!!!

City - no worries, am only moving between sofa and bed these past days!!

Got a holiday cover midwife appointment this week - ie with someone that isn't my horrible midwife, who is going to tell me who i see from now on, so hope they have space for me with appointments. Anxiety levels high, but taking dh with me (his work have been great thankfully!).

city hope Xmas break restful for your Dh - it is probably a busy time of year so makes this time even more stressful. It may (fingers x'd) improve in Jan?

Oh - have a big big meeting tomorrow, all mental health related. Dh going for my as I not well and probably best I am not there, as I will either totally break down and waste meeting time, or be so ok that nothing happens (and break down afterwards). deep breath - need it to be Friday!!

am distraught ..... my 6 sessions of help ended awfully - with referral to peri-natal team for assessment for social service involvement due to my labels and impending birth. Note no help, no therapy, no support - just further assessment, further judging, further stress. No actual therapeutic help will be offered until a year after birth,and even then they haven't said what it would be if any, that is if i get to keep the baby - which I really fear I will not based on lots of reasons to fear this (not me that is a problem) but for reasons I can't go into here. Crying not stopped. Left the session with this person distraught, but I'd had my time allocated and of course they don't actually care.

Might hibernate for a bit, so please don't stress if I am not posting, it is must my way of coping, or not.

Happy Christmas to you all.

(((((( Keziah ))))) What a way for mh services to handle it - could they be any more dangerous to your emotional , & physical health and pregnancy if they tried ...Am so sad you have to deal with this , and I hear you that it's not on grounds of concern about you , though certainly wouldn't think any less of you if it were .

I felt SS would take an interest if I became pregnant , years back when I was traumatised and ill , and psychiatrist and SWs lied and lied on my notes after I had begged for help for many months , so I have a minute idea of the injustice of the scrutiny and how you'll feel if they continue some level of assessment / involvement . I take a lot of interest in all this stuff and will look to see if I can find threads where OPs have had experience of assessment / involvement ( I know you won't be posting / chatting , and don't wnt to bother you )
.
They may well just be wanting to keep a light eye out however painful & unfair on you . Cooperation is as you know the vital thing ...sorry , as if you haven't been doing 10 000 % to prove you can cope brilliantly . You are incredible and your baby is so wanted ..

Of course we understand about you not posting , thank you for the warning . You're able atm to go out get advice / advocacy ... dear God , what with that and the meeting tomorrow , you can only try to keep calm till a glimmer of light shows , which it will... I hope the ABs work very soon so you can be well enough to get professional advice & support before Christmas.

Thinking of you over Christmas , thank you for thinking of wishing us a peaceful season , & we'll be sending as much strength as possible . Please contact by PM if can help in any non - thread way xxx

Oh Keziah. How unbelievably stressful . That was terribly unprofessional of mh to end your 6 sessions like that . They should have told you during an earlier session. I really hope your dh is able to attend all meetings etc both for support and as a witness in case of future dispute with services. I really hope this doesn't upset your christmas too much. Thanks for the warning about your hibernation - I certainly would have been stressing (images of early delivery rushing round my head ). Good luck tomorrow, you can do it. Then it will be Friday.

I'm not ignoring you city but just wanted to post a quick reply . I've had an unbelievably busy day and am now fit for only bed. I'll be back tomorrow for a proper post . Goodnight to us all xx

Oh god , just lost another post from Notepad - so sorry , actually thought I'd posted earlier

Thank you for posting when exhausted , choc - knew you'd be very worried .Hope you're OK - you sound very busy and positive

Hope meeting scheduled for today hasn't added too much stress , Keziah

Sorry , completetly forgotten what I was saying in this post - back later too
So wishing for peaceful evening all round xxx

Right I'm back again. We're a right pair city . Arghhh at your loss of post. I really hope that dh gets some spare time over the christmas break to

have another go at "managing" the virus situation. What security package do you use? I think you should change it . I recently changed from

Norton to Kaspersky (Norton seemed to slow my computer down too much). As for your dh's work situation I really sympathise. I keep wondering how many more years I can get away with before being at an age of being unable to get a new job. I think that is what scares me most about being unemployed. Not the short-term (I would enjoy not having to work for a year) but the fear of a years "sabbatical" turning into 10 years . I couldn't manage financially with that. I've got quite day-dreamy lately plotting a wonderfully rosy simplistic lifestyle aiming for self-reliancy (growing as much vegetables as possible, cooking wholesomely, enjoying time in the outdoors, learning new crafts etc etc). I love the idea of bartering in services though not sure whether anyone would want what I can do . Please come burst my bubble quick .

So I'm a lot more awake than yesterday but considerably more stressed today than yesterday, due to dd being incredibly over-tired and stroppy. I was busy and positive yesterday - managed to brave the town centre and it went fine. Hurrah! But I came back completely exhausted. After school dd helped me wrap a couple of her cousins presents (her first go at wrapping and she was put on sellotape duty!) Pretty successful though there were quite a few bits of sellotape stuck all over the paper unnecessarily! I've sort of finished shopping now as the last delivery came today. I've been incredibly lucky with all my deliveries as I've amazingly always been in at the right time. I've just got a few very small gifts to purchase now (and write my cards still). Phew! Then put feet up for half term bake cookies (as presents from dd), make decorations (she's insisting we make paper chains!) and try to get up to speed with the house tidying. The on-line shopping has been a god send city and like you I also practiced, though not very successfully, a bit of waiting for the price to drop . Only problem I now don't have wanted item because it sold out!! So glad you managed to get dh's.

Thinking of you and your meeting today Keziah. Hope it wasn't hugely traumatic. Sending you positive thoughts through the ether .

How are the preparations going lucky?

Anyway, enough of the essay xx

Hi choc and Keziah , sorry , been trying to post all day ( lost post in notepad again ) but good reason am so rubbish , honest . Thank you for post yesterday , choc

Migrainey again so may be a while till I come back tonight , but love to you both as always xxx

< choc waves madly >

I've suddenly realised how little time until Christmas . Hope everyone doing ok. Are you migraine-free city? I'm doing ok here just shivering in the cold . Oh and the wrapping is never-ending xx

< waves back and shivers madly in unison > I know choc , I'm well behind with house and cards (!) as so sleepy last week .. feel Christmassy , though

Going to get warmer this week , plus it's the solstice on Wednesday so longer days !!

As you kindly ask , I have another migraine now but can you imagine how happy I am not to feel most the symptoms

Thinking of you loads , Keziah* xxx

Quick wave from me. Cards are 90% done, but missed 2nd class postage, oh well they will just be late!!!

So pleased to see you , Keziah !! Phew , 90% - hope you put on the tree lights whilst you wrote them . Am doing ours now < always gets enticing cut price large cards then realises bargain is due to postal costs >

Have slept loads over last 10 days so have several pressies to get yet and plenty more housework , but will be very happy if manage to at least email everyone I've genuinely upset this year with lack of contact ( just that will take about 2 days ) Been to a couple of Xmas events this month and a family birthday , so are ready to hibernate but can't avoid family altogether

Hope your heartburn isn't too bad atm , Keziah , and that you'll be able to enjoy nibbles of Xmas food

Really liked your post , choc , and am still thinkng of sage advice for you Hope you feel on an even keel , as much as life allows anyway , and get the chance to make cookies with dd

Sorry am days behind with posting , having to do a bit at a time < whinge whinge >
< hands round large choccy reindeer (plural , obviously ) >

< waves madly >

< hands round crates of sprouts and parsnips so we can avoid the sharp elbows in the shops >

< sets out components for large gingebread house , hoping choc's dd is in building mood >

Well, got some horrible appointments in Jan now, BUT having had a week of great distress, that I never thought possible again, am going to try and not let is spoil this Xmas.... which realistically will be my only ever pregnant Xmas!

So city - yes to parsnips, but mmm to sprouts (force 3 down each year!!), thank you. I can offer home made fudge - butter fudge and choc fudge with cranberries and pecans!! (My effort today!)

choc did you get your dd's cards delivered and her presents made?

Back to feeling rubbish . Just got to get through xmas. Good to see you posting Keziah and on your feet making fudge. Mmmm yummy . Thanks too for the sprouts and parsnips city . I tried eating four frozen ones yesterday (after cooking them!) as a practice run for boxing day as I've never had frozen ones before. Oooh gingerbread house! Yes dd loves building things!

All dd's school cards have been delivered and she made the family cards today. But no baking yet. It's day 4 of 24/7 dd and I'm feeling the strain. I just don't feel I can yell "help" because everyone is so busy. Then found out my gp report is ready to be sent to OH. I'm dreading reading it .

How's the email writing going city? Better than dd's biscuits I hope

Thank you both for posting . Am so impressed with how you'e been dealing with frightening serious matters -sounds a very predictable reaction , choc - sorry , I always agonise over saying that - but . I would have expected having dd home all the time , hyper about Xmas would cause you symptoms anyway .
So sorry you don't feel able to ask for help ... have you chatted on the single parents board ? Just reading it gves a person some idea of the strain , which to me sounds terrifying but I'd like to think there might be practical solutions for you somehow . Perhaps yu will have to ask brother's family if dd can join them for a day ? < fount of suggestions that make people feel worse >

Keziah , I got a knot in my chest seeing you say about the week of such distress as you thought would never have inflicted upon you again . You are so , so determined , and I love the tidea of it being your precious expectant Christmas . Am sure the baby will sense the Christmas atmosphere < plays Christmas songs to Keziah's belly >

Sorry very incomplete post , have slept and slept this last 10 days , missing meals etc ... feel happy & Christmassy , though ( especially with those flavours of fudge & cute homemade cards ) Have managed to send Xmas cards - not the emails yet though - & will see in a minute if dh's main pressie is as described on amazon < sceptical> otherwise he'll have only his Mr Toad themed items ..

oh yes choc , on the sprouts and gingerbread house theme , do either of you remember the Far Side cartoons ? The December drawing on the calendar once was of "Edna's brussel sprout house" , where the wicked witch was having little success in filling her cauldron with children , for some reason ... doesn't translate into words , does it...

Choc - was with a friend today, who has no struggles and she is dreading all that time with her children also!! Can you arrange play dates for her, so you with other adults? Or will any family spend time with you? Lots of children's Xmas films if she will sit through them?

My fudge making was big improvement of days in bed, days crying etc.