Keziah, City, Choc et al support thread

[Keziahhopes]

Hi - found us a new home. Just didn't like the title of my old thread - and have found your support so helpful but would also like this thread to be less egocentric .

Choc -hope cbt assessment goes well.

City - how are you doing?

My physio exercises are helping me, but don't see stroke consultant until beginning of July. Still not had OT assessment, but dont' think will need it by then - just been horrible for dh to do everything for me since Easter. Now more independend - just had my first shower by myself!!

So sorry Keziah, was trying to say best of luck for your scary appts but fell asleep on sofa again ...

at your nice clear phlegm , choc , and please take it really easy till fully recovered .
You & Keziah blooming well ought to be proud of facing the day ... I often mull over how brave people are to keep on doing it as I struggle up --then go for a nap on the sofa-

I thought you were being totally stoic about pg symptoms , Keziah but have no idea how you manage it ... sounds as though you were stoic too , choc . Agree must be even worse coping with mh symptoms without feeling drugs are an option . I always imagine even the most comfortable pg must be like being on a storm - tossed ship , sick and emotional ?< helpful > Blimey ,what are the basic emotional effects of the hormones ? Is it feeling weepy & very vulnerable or do you get irritability as well like with PMT , but far worse ? Are "Julie Andrews moments" a feature of pg hormones , or post birth bonding ? < off to look up the basics >,

Am cracking on with chores but they are many & it's no good stuffing myself with sugar / caffeine to get the energy to do them ....
< digs into hamper for selection of wholesome afternoon snacks >
Thank you choc for being potential agony aunt , of course not asking for a reply but if it distracts you , your subconscious may sort out my dilemmas

< every positive thought to you Keziah , hoping that med apts didn't distress you >

forgot to put out sweet things for Keziah 's recovered appetite ... the pound shop has rather expensive gelatine free banana jellies in for Xmas

< choc joins city in hoping that Keziah's not so nice med appts went ok. >

A strange spacey day for me - I think this has happened at every dose increase - I'm just waiting for the euphoria now . Physically, I've now developed an annoying cough, grrr!

Ah Keziah trying not to moan about pg symptoms . I was the same (until the final weeks when I just wanted the thing out!!). I'm not entirely sure of the role of hormones city . First trimester was awful a mixture of feeling sick, tired and depressed - always a great combination - yet trying to hide it all until the magic 12 week announcement. Second trimester I was happy and well-balanced. The Julie Andrews moments arrived after the birth. I loved giving birth and afterwards everything felt really easy . Probably had loads of hormones making me love the baby, and life and the universe, lol! Hmmm maybe my experience wasn't typical .

Go easy on the chores city < stern finger wagging > agony choc is awaiting

< waves at no by -now -snoozing agony choc >> So sorry choc , been nipping back & forth to Notepad since this morning to try to make odd dilemma intelligible - you know my editing capacity went long ago - ( in my late teens , in fact - poor brain ) then unexpected practical crisis put the evening into chaos . Sorry to have been so incredibly rude . but am just trying to finish the PM - please don't wait / write anything now < states the obvious >

Thanks for enlightening me & you always make me laugh
Many sympathies for spaced out feeling - something I would certainly be complaining about < comforting bedtime drink and for stoicism

So hope you're OK , Keziah xx

Don't worry city I wasn't waiting waiting .

I am surprisingly drowsy today. I certainly wasn't expecting to be this whacked out at this dose change (only a 50% increase rather cf the 100% increase at the last one). I'm so glad I didn't start the quetiapine too. Oh and still waiting for the euphoria .

< choc waves quick hello to Keziah >

Big rests all round xx

choc with V the dose changes do vary how the medication works. Above a certain dosage it works as an SNRI as well as just a SSRI at a lower level, so it is probably the way it is working that has changed, not the amount. For me I found when at a top dose it made me more tired, less volatile I guess. Not something I could cope with forever and work, but definitely it helped when I needed it. So hope it works for you. I really don't think you need something like Q on top of the higher dose V!!

city one physical appointmet went ok on Wed, although have to go back in 2 weeks as have a minor infection. But at least it will not get anyworse as they will treat in by then!! The other appointment was my 4th of 6 sessions of therapy. It was hard, as trying to really use them as realise the person I have got is great and helpful but we are only working on one thing and that is frustrating for me - as know if could have more sessions with this person that things could really improve for me. And no it is not an option.

BUT - better week mood wise than last week which was not the best!!

Nearly the weekend - though not sure if that is always the easiest .

Have you started Christmas shopping for your dd choc or is she easy to buy for as at the pink/plastic stage? We have written a list - which is a start!!

Sounds so miserable choc , thank God Keziah has experience of venlafaxine & knows about its change in function when dose is increased .
Very , very sorry not to have joined in the conversation last night , just so sleepy & frazzled - think I need to meditate , to be more organised .

Am incredibly grateful for help with my nasty dilemma & have finally PMed you , choc ( don't bother to read , not urgent Do wish ) Just wish I had

If you're anything like me when uber drowsy , please triple check things like cooker switches and locks etc , obvious >
Must be -impossible- hard to deal with active dd atm , so hope it eases off soon

Excellent that the counseller is so good , Keziah but totally disgusted the sessions so few . Feel so helpless - just wish ssomething more could be done .
Sorry to hear you have an infection & hope that soon clears . A non alcoholic toast to continued better mood

Hmm, I get stressed at weekend too ... still so much not been done but time for a bit of a break as a family - no pressure , eh Sorry if you mean something different, Keziah.

Having Xmas pressie list done is good going . I did get a few bits 2 months ago but nothing since . Am grateful dh's lot give a list ( of v modest pressie requests ) , saves stress & waste

Wish that euphoria would kick in for you , choc , to get you through the weekend , choc

Hope we all have a good evening xxx

Gosh you are more organised than we are with shopping city - we have written our list of who to buy for and what we might get them (no helpful lists from family to assist, though my nieces etc I will ask myself!!!) but that is it.

Well early night here as dh and I both shattered and almost falling asleep earlier. Thankfully bump not too big to sleep and is no longer on my bladder which I am most thankful about

Hope things get done, or much needed rest happens for us all xx

The last few days disappeared into the fog!! Along with the tiredness I developed a permanent headache which was unusual that was on both sides of head at once. Thank god you're so knowledgeable on the venlafaxine front Keziah as I was beginning to think something was wrong with me! Still no euphoria so I'm guessing that doesn't happen at higher doses .

It's good to hear the counsellor has been good Keziah but can't believe you're nearly through your sessions. I'm praying for (another) miracle - that you will be able to get more support due to your pregnancy.

I've bought a couple of christmas presents. But I think it's going to be easy this year as I decided to ask people (with squeezed finances I don't want to waste my money on things that people don't need/want) - so I'm definitely with you city on the it saves stress and waste. I'm you started shopping over 2 months ago! Very impressive. I remember as a teenager I used to buy christmas presents in the January sale! I can't believe I used to be that organised. What happened ? I have started looking for dd's but the way she's going at the moment I don't think Santa will be visiting her this year!

Here's hoping the weekend hasn't been too stressful for you both (Keziah feeling ok despite the infection??). I'm now off to reply to your PM city (before the dreaded school ironing - arrrghhhh!) xx

Impressed choc still doing school ironing! I know V changes can take a while to settle down, but do think it is worth persevering with -well it was for me. Once I got to the next dose it took a while to settle, don't think had euphoria sadly but was calmer and more stable I guess. Remember it is not forever - I changed doses through 4 years of being on V.

It is great to ask people what they would like - however my family are less than obliging, sigh!! However am ultra organised and have recorded what bought people last 5 years 's smugly so at least don't repeat things. Also agree no need to spend lots to get what people really appreciate. I have one friend who is incredibly wealthy yet she never feels the need to spend much money, in fact probably spends less than anyone I know but does think carefully about what she chooses for people.

Well our shopping meant I got what needs posting abroad at least and cards bought so can give dh the task of writing those

xxxx

Incredibly ashamed o be so uncomunicative , though I always think of you two & send positive thoughts . Been very sleepy and overwhelmed , so sorry .

That permanent headache sounds hideous, choc any other symptoms ? You used to have migraines , I think you said ? Hope has eased off , or does it need need a GP checking you over ?

Amazed you forced yourself to tackle the ironing mountain , let alone my agony aunt PM < implodes with guilt >

That is incredibly organised , Keziah . Oh dear at poor dd only getting a lump of coal this year , choc . Reminds me of SIL warning her dd that if she didn't tidy her room now , Christmas would be cancelled ... cue joyous giggles and no tidying .

Delighted to hear Dh has the Xmas card fun this year. Dh is a good feminist , but goes white at a small pile of cards < copy of "Wifework" in his stocking >

I only get a pressie for one friend . Agree v strict budget makes it harder , but I notice lots more good value choice in shops this year. Sounds as if your friend likes her friends to know she puts a lot of thought into the recipient's likes , & is shy of making them feel indebted .

Oh no choc , mh stresses do make organisation & sense of time float away , IME ,& buying pressies well in advance is only helpful if you don't misplace / break / forget to water them < ahem >
Love the shops all having websites so we don't have to wheeze round them being sneezed on by fluey grumps < adds helmet to Keziah's cottonwool suit >

Hope infection well under control , Keziah , headache vanished , choc , and websites have a good choice of gifts to keep dd very busy this holiday -whilst Mummy watches films-

at Keziah's incredible organisational skills < though left wondering whether it's bordering on OCD >. But thank you so much for inadvertently reminding me that I soon need to sort out my parents abroad postings (I'd completely forgotten this thing called postal time delay . Yet every year I suddenly remember about the time for last day of 2nd class UK postage and then hurriedly post abroad. One year they didn't receive their card until February!!!)

So glad to hear from you city. I was beginning to worry for a moment that you'd drowned yourself in a pool of guilt. So relieved I'm not the only sensible person who avoids shops in favour of their websites . I can't believe I used to cope without. In fact last week I decided to take a peak in 'real' shops and quickly lost interest after about 3 shops (gosh I've become such a lightweight). Oh something else to add to my former NY sale shopping for the following christmas story, I used to wrap them up as well!! Unfortunately invariably this resulted in me having to open the presents in the run up to Christmas just to work out who they were all for (tags kept falling off in storage!).

Headache has gone, yay (and yes city I do also get migraines) so hopefully on the mend now. It could even just have been the left over of the flu/cold thing from last week that hasn't completely cleared up yet. I've been feeling quite hopeful of the V increase today - much, much calmer so fingers crossed it holds. xx

s back at Choc - yep, very much bordering on the OCD. However, it was suggested by my dh who provided the book we use to record things in (also what received so can write appropriate thank you's!!!) so no hope of taking all the credit. We have small families which helps and just a few friends to buy for - and agree city my friend doesn't want people to feel indebted but also think she doesn't see that ££ ='s a good present either.

Gosh, never thought of buying in NY - that beats me for organistation choc and I know as soon as this little one is born I will never look organised again!! . And you got the fun of unwrapping and wrapping again!!!

yay for improvement choc.

Like the idea of gifts to keep your dd busy from city so Mummy can rest.

Have a permanently stuffy nose, but only at night which is most frustrating. And am unsure now how much of how I feel is mental ill health and how much is pregnancy related. Burst into tears much more now - never cried before. Ummmm......

Hello all, I am so sorry I haven't said hello for the past couple of weeks. I am mid anxiety hell and I just don't know how to handle it. I am about to change therapists from psychotherapy one to a CBT one. I have seen the psychotherapy one for the past 8 years so you would have hope by now that it would have worked. My very lovely psychiatrist got very bossy with me and offered to dump the other one on my behalf but I feel a bit like I have to do it myself. He also said I should be treating myself to massages and long baths. Ummmm, with two other dc who like nothing more than bouncing playmobil people from my huge belly into the water, I don't think they will end up being that relaxing. A lovely idea though.

Keziah, how's your tum? I am 29 weeks today and feel huge and squashed and claustrophobic and it is definitely adding to the anxiety. I am finding it difficult to sleep and I can't work out whether its because I am anxious or I have a huge boulder pressing down on me. How are you doing with it all?

City, hope you are both hanging in there. I know that feeling of being overwhelmed. I think it is a difficult one. Especially when real life is continuing in the background.

I don't know if this helps anyone, but my psychiatrist told me to make myself a timetable when I was feeling defeated. If you are feeling absolutely dreadful, break your days down into half hour slots. And you must put in the time you have to get up. And you must absolutely stick to it, no matter how dreadful you are feeling. Put in have a shower, get dressed, eat breakfast etc. If you have shitty chores to do put them in, but break them up in groups of 2 or 3, for example, 10 am washing 10.15 Make beds, but then you must put a reward in for yourself after 3 tasks, eg. cup of tea and magazine. If you need a nap, put it in, etc etc. His key point was to stick to your timetable no matter how awful you feel, but perhaps to not schedule paint bathroom on a day when you feel terrible. There is trying to maintain some sort of routine and then there is killing yourself trying to prove something to yourself, which I know I am extremely guilty of.

Anyway, enough blah blah. If anyone has any tips on how to dump your therapist, they will be gratefully received. I know the minute I start to say I am taking a break she will reply with, "Umm that's interesting, lets talk about that...." She is Freud reincarnate.
x

Oooooh choc , everything crossed that the V increase is staring to help! that sounds hopeful . Glad grim headache finally went .

Good to see you , luckywinner , & sorry about the severe anxiety , which I get too - we're all keen to find solutions to that problem on this thread .. Laughing at your dc' creative play techniques and sympathising with claustrophobia & lack of time for long baths etc as suggested.Apologies but am late to get to a meeting ( a pretentious political one, I don't work atm )

Is your arm still in plaster ? You must be finding childcare & home stuff exhausting now pg is advanced

Thank you so much for very detailed strategies for bad days , which will certainly help me - will report back . It's complex for everyone , isn't it .. I can't stick to planned tasks as get very sleepy due to ms (not uncommon , quite a few MNers with it , but as have had it for over 20yrs it does make me sleepy &slowmost of the time ) but in the past I used to have to fight low mood to not achieve tasks , so I can relate to that struggle , a common theme on our thread

Wrapped in January , choc That's quite a task , getting the cards off to your DM & DF so early

Argh Keziah at stuffy nose misery - is menthol considered risky in pg like essential oils < dunce >...I can only recommend looking up reputable sources of breathing exercises as I've found the problem eases as a side effect of changed breathing patterns , which are hard to replicate as you don't notice how you're breathing when doing mild exercise or hyperventilating slightly . Some people swear by cleaning nasal passages with salt water and a neti pot , but as a fellow sufferer I ought to be able to suggest something better

Sorry luckywinner , don't know what to suggest for your deicate task of leaving therapist , but will think on it
Peaceful evening to us allxxx

at your psychotherapist being Freud reincarnate luckywinner! Also that it's been 8 years! How about this for a suggestion for leaving? I'd probably write a letter (so you can finish what you've got to say without interruption) - yep, I'm a complete coward .

ROFL at your DCs creative play! I can well imagine. I've recently started locking my dd out of the bathroom while I'm having a bath just so I can relax in peace and quiet. It doesn't always go down too well (understatement ).

Ah so city are you going to try luckywinner's task planning? It's definitely worth a try. The CBT counsellor used to try to get me to do this. I think I was too ill at the time though because I'd go weeks being unable to concentrate/motivate myself enough to actually devise the plan in the first place never mind following it through! I could probably do it now, though I do find it hard to do the tasks I hate. Could you imagine me timetabling my ironing .

Hope the political meeting was productive city. Actually earlier this evening I was just thinking how we (the wider we) should really get ourselves more organised. I had just read Osbourne's autumn statement and was plunged into despair . And I'd been doing well today up until that point, arrgggh! Oh well at least I have nice day planned tomorrow as dd and I are off to visit friends as dd's school is closed due to the strike. Are you off too Keziah?

Keziah, I was going to suggest a eucalyptus steam inhalation before you go to bed. However I've changed my mind because it's a stimulant and therefore it might keep you awake. Maybe a plain inhalation might work? Can't think of anything else as there are many, as city said, that can't be used in pregnancy.

Letter definitely sounds best best option , choc
Good on you for withstanding dd's annoyance / pleading to come in bathroom with you ( hoew restful for you ).Hope you're feeling less exhausted ?

luckywinner's schedule is very helpful indeed , but I can't be hard on myself when unable to stick to it as symptoms vary from day to day - as Keziah* says, you end up getting used to having to live witth pretty big tasks not geting done - at scheduling your mountainof ironing - just thinking about it is enough to wear a person out

Hope you have a great day with friends , choc ... agree despair is appropriate < benign therapeutic smile >... and suggest the most functional response is to research interest groups eg retired / children / disabled , coalitions thereof ( 70-80 charities in each ) , the pages of the unions , anti cuts coalitions , and far left parties or socialist anarchist groupings . You could find more about the Occupy movement , especially on blogs - disparate aims but the point is debate and opening up of opportunities.

The above all work together in local anti cuts groups , & I belong to a left grouping which includes both communist parties and Labour , in unity for years now .

Sorry , must get on . Hope we all have a good day , and that Keziah is not too uncomforttable & is getting lots of rest . Sorry not a proper interrogation hello , Keziah , am thinking of you as always . Agree that a plain steam inhalation is good .

Hi - thanks, steam inhalation a good idea, as it is stopping me getting to sleep as well as horrible every evening. Will try tonight.

Luckywinner - am jealous of your 8yrs of NHS psychotherapy!! I have numerous wonderful labels, a horrible psychiatrist who just does labels and medication and have fought very very hard for 18 months to get the 6 sessions of psychotherapy that end next week. So if 8 years hasn't helped you then changing worker sounds good, if you have such a generous NHS that can do that. Also allows someone else the slot for the psychotherapist who may be waiting to see someone.

Can you believe I've been paying for it myself? I can't bear/bare (never know the spelling for this) to think of what I could have bought with the cash I spent.

Keziah it makes me so sad that you are having to fight for support and help. When you are in a fragile state of mind it is absolutely the last thing you need. Whereabouts are you?

The point of the timetable is it doesn't have to be climb mount everest at 12 . If you put what seems to you that day as the main task then it feels like you have achieved something. My main task today was wash pillows from where stinky brother has been staying for 6 months.

Arm better now.
Hope everyone's getting through the day ok. It's a hands and knees day for me.

Can I also just quickly mention something that's been bothering me, which maybe soooo random, but I can't stop feeling so sad for Gary Speed, for things to be so bad as to hang himself like that. It's the fact that he was on tv only hours before and then he goes home and kills himself. Of course I don't know anything about it, but I feel sad about he may have been covering up just how dreadful he must have been feeling. I remember trying to keep up that pretence, of hiding just how much I didn't want to be here, yet pretending it was all ok. And I am so sad that he will never see how much he was loved. When I was suicidal I always remember my dad saying to me 'you are a long time dead'. And he's right. But when you are in that state you feel nothing but pain, and all you can think about is how to get away from the pain.

Sorry for the wittering on. Thinking of his family lots.

I keep thinking about Gary Speed too , luckywinner -, quite understand how it's preying on your mind whn you feel so bad .
Perhaps ending your work with your l -term therapy is is a good opportunity to find really effective strategies for helping your painful anxiety / depression - sounds as though you're ready , & very willing to keep working at it . I was absolutely tortured by anxiety & depression till early 30s , suicidally so , but this thread shows it is possible for massive improvements of years on end , like all 4 of us have achieved ... it is harder somehow when it returns ,- do you feel that ?

Like Keziah , no joy on the NHS for years on end , & am l-term sick so not able to getprivate either . Of course , when paying , you have to trust the therapist to not be prolonging your treatment , but you must have to trusted her anyway to work with her . Many sessions of work seems perfectly sensible if a problem is deep seated .

Hope Keziah has had a calm week. Good grief , I forgot to sympathise with tearfulness , & can only imagine how much that adds to your joys.

Hope had lovely day with dd and friends , choc
Demo here went brilliantly , billions of kids on the loose in town , some joining in enthusiastically

Have v grumpy workman / men coming 1st thing Friday , so will be in flurry of cleaning till then but sending positive vibes to allxxx

Lucy gosh 8yrs paying - well in that case you should have no problem saying goodbye to them then. I paid for private help for quite a while, it was fantastic - then the person I was seeing decided to reduce her case load, with 2 months warning and that was that. I felt cheated - spent a fortune on it and we didn't even get to finish the piece of work we were working on, but I trusted her enough to communicate with my psychiatrist who as a result gave me horrific labels (and no help to recover from it!) and has left me unable to apply for jobs, means they refused me to have IVF (needed for male factors) as said I wasn't stable enough etc. Grrr (sorry, it still hurts). Needless to say I will not be going private again, even if could afford it (and can't unless well enough to work full-time, can't get full-time work with my labels etc etc)

Well have blocked and painful sinus. Another rant warning..... saw a Gp at walk-in centre (our Gp's don't work Wed afternoons), who took pulse (100 - was 80 a week ago), so said "virus" despite me detailing all symptoms. Worse thing is either green mucus which is going onto chest or so blocked and stuffy it stops me sleeping. So no prescription, nothing. Am worried as my throat infection started mildly and within 48hrs was in hospital on IV drips at 18 weeks pregnant. Did tell the dr this, showed him letters to prove my immune condition - "virus" was the answer. Thankfully have my twice a year immune consultant appoitnment on Friday so if it is bacterial at least she will prescribe antibiotics. Because I am pregnant I just burst into tears in car on way home (had to drive 11m to walk in centre to be told virus, yet the triage dr on phone said they needed to see me - grrrrrrr.....)

Glad you had a fun day city - but if you have a workman coming, perhaps clean after they have left rather than waste energy before

Lucy - live in middle of the country!!

Right - hormones need to calm down, baby needs to make popping noises to calm me down (so know baby is ok) and perhaps learn to kick me!! 26 weeks and no kicks .

Not surprised you're so worried , Keziah , and hope it eases a bit overnight so you can feel it's safe to wait till your consultant on Fri . What a frightening day you've had. You always make brilliant contingency plans , like taking proof of youar immune disorder ... < thoughts and prayers >

Labels , made on atotally unscientific , almost always subjective basis by utterly unnacountable professionals , giving a permanent record worse than a criminal record , in many cases... one of the biggest civil rights injustices of all time . So angry for you , & we must return to the subject of your work situation.

Thoughtful Keziah - this place takes a lot of cleaning - a rather run down student type house we rented cos lots of space & ii green area , plus I have this undiagnosed organisational problem which means I can turn a room into an episode of "How Clean is Your House " in 2 seconds flat , whilst cleaning endlessly

< scrub scrub zonk>

Choc, I think I will write a letter. I am also a complete coward. And she would probably spend the whole session saying, "Lets look at that....there certainly is a lot of work still to do..." and then I'll spend another 8 years there. However my next session is tomorrow at 9 so I have to pluck up some courage from somewhere to leave a message on her phone and then keep my phone on silent!

Keziah I know that evil sinus pain. And its so much worse when you can't take more than bloody paracetamol. I am 29 weeks pregnant, so a few ahead of you. This one has only really started to wiggle loads in the last couple of weeks. I don't know your full story so I won't start yapping on about can you change etc but I really am at your psychiatrist. Labels are at least pointless and at worst dangerous. It makes me so angry the state of the care of mental health. There are some brilliant people and then there are some really shocking people. .

I feel like I have taken over this thread with my therapy whinges. I left a message this am and now I'm feeling incredibly guilty!! Argghh.

Hope everyone coping on this lovely grizzly morning.

Keziah how are your sinuses?