Keziah, City, Choc et al support thread

[Keziahhopes]

Hi - found us a new home. Just didn't like the title of my old thread - and have found your support so helpful but would also like this thread to be less egocentric .

Choc -hope cbt assessment goes well.

City - how are you doing?

My physio exercises are helping me, but don't see stroke consultant until beginning of July. Still not had OT assessment, but dont' think will need it by then - just been horrible for dh to do everything for me since Easter. Now more independend - just had my first shower by myself!!

Oh no Keziah that's terrible news! I can't believe they took so long to tell you. You really don't need this. Here's hoping that you're not too poorly. Hope you can get to your scan and that it will give the reassurance you need. Sending you all the positive thoughts I can muster.

Many thank yous again city. I'm Having a peaceful night after a peaceful couple days so so far so good. I've come a good way to understanding the dynamics of the relationship with DM, maybe that's why I wasn't and still haven't (touch wood fast!!) been hit by her latest comment. It's bizarre though because when she said it it was said so matter-of-factly that I'm sure she doesn't even think it's an awful thing to say. I'm being kind to myself still though. I await your humble suggestions with intrigue [hsmile]. Hope you've had a restful weekend.

Here's to the new week ahead xx

Good grief Keziah, was that test taken at the GP's surgery before you were taken into hospital ? How grim if you've missed almost 2 weeks' treatment ... have you had to get a prescription from an OOH service ? Really hope the infection was low - level or something whiith no consequences , on this occasion .< ignorant >
Hope you're improving , slowly but surely, on the nasty ABs , and you're still finding it achievable to balance work with rest .
Am also thinking of you the scan tomorrow

Thank you so much for posting tonight , choc as I was wondering how you were . , and about to apologise for dramatically overstepped the mark with my thoughts on what your DM said . I knew I was over - involved & some need , but feel so strongly when I heard someone being , as I see it , emotionally amanipulative / abusiive . You sound as though you've worked through a great deal & are being incredibly strong .

The apparently emotionless delivery you mention reminds me of things I've seen people say on the threads about "toxic" family relationships , though I don't know much about it all , just nod along in recognition as I read .

So happy to hear you're being kind to yourself . When I wrote that bit about] I think I managed to include it in my ramblings after all sorry

Am well but totally wiped out < whinge , whinge >, with too many tasks / people who don't really understand health condition , expecting things done in a timely fashion - hahaha . We did "take" my DM to a family celebration last night , which involved all sorts of scarynew & long - lost people , but was memorable [hsmile]. Right , time to explain limitations more clearly , & complain much , much less !

Peaceful night to us all , & most positive of thoughts for scan , if it's tomorrow , Keziah xxx

Hi Keziah , been thinking of you today and so hoping things are OK xxx ... we're obviously not expecting you to post if extra stressed . Do hope infection is being successfully treated .

Hope you're having a good day , choc , whilst sending your megadose of positive thoughts to K xxx

Am very busy but less grumpy - peaceful evening to you both

I can't imagine you being grumpy city [hgrin]. I know what you mean about explaining limitations. It's hard though isn't it. I think other people who don't get similar symptoms (whatever the cause) are generally hopeless at taking explanations in. [Hmm I don't need to tell you that I'm sure!!]. Just keep trying for your own sanity as nothing worse than people having expectations that you know you can't possibly meet. Stay firm [hsmile]. Hope you are less wiped out. Sounds like the family celebration was rather draining [or have I added 2 to 3 and got 6???]

Is a "toxic" relationship the same as an unhealthy relationship? Or is a toxic a specific sub-category of unhealthy relationships? I would like to read up on this so if you have any specific thread in mind I'd really appreciate knowing. It has taken me years and years to get to this stage of acceptance (I think I mean acceptance). I'm actually beginning to wonder if DM has mh issues herself (though she considers herself 100% "normal"!!). It's difficult to tell because I have so little childhood memories.

A low-key day today. Feel like I'm coming down with the lurgy [hsad]. Though nothing as serious as Keziah I'm sure. Hope you're doing ok Keziah and that you made it to your scan. Thinking of you [hsmile] xx

Ps I really like these halloween smileys [hgrin]

Hello. Hope you have escaped illness choc though there is lots going round. Had my scan - little baby weighed 11oz. Baby all ok, but some concern over placenta so get 2 scans in December (27 and 29 weeks), so my goal is for baby to keep growing and to get to 29 weeks when see consultant again.

Saw scary psychiatrist - thankfully had a student with her so was more professional. Went as well as can be telling her I was pregnant, but she guessed from seeing me (let me tell her) - so will see whether the letter is as positive as she may have appeared in appointment. Not sure about care now, all up in the air - well "care" is a bit generous to say. Aim is to avoid intervention in a negative way, so was ultra smiley in appointment.

Am feeling better now on AB's but they are making me flat and yukky. Consultant not happy that took so long to get result, so now all results to go through her or gp only! Could do without 3 weeks of infections.

hope both of you ok - is dd enjoying school choc?

city glad you able to do things a bit more right now. Do you have to plan big events and break things down? I was wondering whether, with lower energy levels myself, I need to start planning and doing things for Christmas and birth of baby sooner than I would normally expect to and thought your advice would be helpful.

Hi Keziah and choc , deeply sorry not to have been posting but health condition making me very sleepy & "jelly" at the moment . Have been following avidly , to see how your health & baby's is ,Keziah , and your state of mind choc & during this life changing time of managing stress , assessing , experimenting & decision making ( your post was lovely , & thank you for your very gracious patience with my simplistic musings [hblsh]

So glad your consultant is keeping a close eye on any results ,Keziah , & being vigilant with the placenta . Your goals are very sensible & yet of course , you are doing amazingly to not burst with anxiety at times . I wish there was more we could do - ? Hope you get the chance to offload stress to friends - trouble is , phone no good to you for the purpose , & email / skype not quite so immediate . Sorry if patronising < clumsy >
Excellent , 11oz already!!! Well grown , clever little baby chubster [hsmile] < sniff sniff >

Can't believe you braved that meeting after double infection , treatment & managing your anxieties about blood test results etc < hellish > That you managed to "show a steely face to your doubters" - in a smiley way - absolutely staggers me , & seems very wise . Hope the letter won't upset you .

Bit more chuntering on to do "at" you both in reply to recent posts , but please forgive me if I have a nap first ... is it as sunny where you are ? Beautiful day here .

Yes indeed choc , enthusiastic user of Halloween smileys here - you are very restrained [hgrin]Have you shown them to dd? ( prays choc's dd doesn't learn to post on MN just yet ) Hope your cold has been a mild one ? - agree with Keziah there have been lots of early viruses around < replenishes Keziah's cotton wool & plies her with megadoses of probiotics >

Gosh really don't know where this week has gone! Wow Keziah about the baby, I didn't realise they can work out how much the baby weighs. Are you planning to have a 3D scan at any point? Here's hoping the placenta concern isn't too serious (and that the extra two scans are more for reassurance).

Made me smile about you being ultra smiley at psych appt. Hopefully won't now think you're manic [hgrin] [hgrin] (pregnancy hormones and all that). Hope antibiotics haven't finished you off. They do me. I escaped illness (after afternoon in bed) so for that I'm relieved as has meant I'm finally on my way with the diy project (hooray!!). It certainly has been keeping me busy (and away from mn [hsad]) so was lovely to see yours and city's posts.

No I haven't shown dd smileys, city. The computer is never on when she's around as she won't leave it alone! She'd probably even manage to hack into my mn account too [hshock]. Sorry to hear health condition has been "slowing you down". Let's hope you have a resurgence in vitality ready for the weekend [hsmile]. We've been having sunny weather too although today was bitingly cold (as I found out when I did the school run without gloves [hshock]). At least I'm prepared for tomorrow.

I'm feeling fairly optimistic at the moment (quick! bottle it ready for times of need [hgrin]) as I'm seeing a careers advisor tomorrow to try and work out what I'm going to do with the rest of my never-ending life apart from endless diy projects I keep creating [hgrin].

You two make me smile - thank you [hgrin] (a halloween smilie for you choc). Glad you not succumb to a virus choc and able to start your DIY project ... am guessing DD will be doing her own little project you have planned in half-term. Gosh, yes I am relying on my yet to be born child to record programmes etc (not my forte as I have to record subtitles too!!) and am sure they will master it by 3!! So wise to keep computer away from her [hgrin].

city hope you have napped enough and are recovering well from your busytimes.

Am so glad this week is over. I have to have closer mental health monitoring - but the person I have been given (cpn) seems ok and doesn't seem to want to interfere, see again in 3 weeks - during pregnancy but that seems to be all for now. Found out no diazapam allowed really in interest of baby, so that is going to be hard. I think one of my problems is that I can "hide" how I am (until I crash) !! As showed this week.

Well 10 days off now - which us good timing. Oh and bought baby some babygros to celebrate getting to 20 weeks, despite a dodgy placenta!!

Hope good weekend coming up for all (warm scarves and gloves needed perhaps!) [hsmile]

Oooooooooooooh what exciting posts - have ground to a halt so will have to refuel but you are both at such important times in your lives & being incredibly focused with all the new phases .

(I was indeed picturing a hacking scenario with your dd , choc [hgrin] & am beside myself laughing at idea of Keziah's tech - savvy infant )

Yaaaaay at babygro buying - many congratulations on being 20 weeks old , little one ( Is a [hgrin] too scary for one so young ? )

Peaceful sleep to you both xxx

city - I am totally serious about a tech savvy infant, I have seen what a friends 4 year old can do!!

Holiday time - and NO nasty appointments [hsmile]. Oh, choc is your dd into pumpkin carving (well you doing it obviously!!)

city - refuel lots!!

[hgrin]I absolutely did realise you were serious about putting your tot to work ,Keziah ! Your friend's 4 year old sounds brilliant . < opens drawer full of remote controls & defunct gadgets which will help baby exercise his / her developing brain >

Thank you for orders to refuel - am sleeping lots but also starting managing tasks a bit better , phew . So pleased you've got next week to relax , Hope the clocks going back won't cause you or choc to feel iffy . The CPN sounds sensible , Keziah ... I remember my old GP lamenting that the monitoring aspect of a CPN's work seemed always to make the patient feel much worse . Sympathies about managing without diazepam - I know how that feels for me , but you have many serious things to deal with so it's not the same .

choc , If I were you I 'd be marching dd to the pumpkin shop & getting so over - excited with hoping she 'd have a memorable time that I'd just ruin it all . Am sure you do clever craft things with dd , though I'm sure it takes up reserves of precious energy . Your DIY project sounds excellent & am so happy to hear you've felt able to consult a careers guide - hope they know their stuff .

Where we've lived in recent years Halloween is brilliant as dozens of tiny witches & ghouls go past all week to parties in nearby community halls - very effective sillhouetted against the dramatic trees round here .

Am so sorry I didn't post last night ... I laughed at your post Keziah then fell asleep on the spot . As usual , I didn't have time to post in the morning < bad time maanager > Local group I belong to arranged a meeting to enable people with disabilities to group together to fight all the cuts & media propaganda about the issues < determined emoticon > .

Still catching up with the fascinating posts from both of you this week

Hope we all have a lovely weekend ( beautiful sunshine here today , hope same for you two )

Keziah sounds like you're pleased its holiday time [hsmile]. I can't say I'm as pleased [hgrin] - I'm counting the days! I've forgotten how tiring 24/7 of dd can be. She's loving school so actually she also wishes she wasn't on holiday either! I've arranged a couple of play dates (HELP!) to try and keep her amused (as well of course as her diy project).

Well city so much for the peaceful sleep. I had an awful lot of bizarre nightmares about drowning myself (not my method of choice I have to say) but it was part fantasy world and part real life of a landscape that I recognised but couldn't quite place. So because I was distracted about trying to find out where I was (in the dream) the dream kept repeating but subtley changing until eventually I'd had enough and woke myself up (was utterly exhausted). Today's tiredness was accompanied by a blinding headache spent most of this afternoon in bed - hmm just like the good old days.

On the positive side had a good meeting with employment person. I get to see him every 2-3 weeks to support me finding my way forward into new career/job which is incredible. When he told me this I was astounded because it's more often than I see the cpn!

Hope weekend going well for you both so far. Can't believe you're halfway there Keziah (yes think you're allowed to 'celebrate' with babygro purchase [hwink]) xx

Spooky city. Are the clocks going back tonight?

Must admit I don't really "do" Halloween though I did buy dd a witch costume. So no pumpkin carving in our house. Might do apple bobbing for dessert one evening [hgrin] [hgrin] (choc wins world's cruelest mummy award!)

Cruel mummy indeed ![hgrin] Apple bobbing is the most fun anyway , & results in hilarious photos ( in dd's new costume , of course).
Tried to answer "my" bit of your posts last night but zonked again , so sorry not ignoring ! ( was finishing late post on other thread . Good job didn't get backs , as had been going to assert that the clocks were going back last night ...

Sympathies on the marathon hellish dream & hideous headache after . Sounds very specific situations being relived/ addressed , which I hope hasn't been too upsetting .
Hope your subconscious was processing stress & issues in that way rather than displaying more problems in waking hours - has often been my experience & have definitely found myself being less stressed after , even after dreams about serious issues , so I hope it'll be the same for you .

Sorry you're facing such an intense halfterm < wilts at prospect > . I notice a lot of mentions of the horrors of playdates on Mn , so I hope the other parents will be lovely . Are there any local craft / other workshops during halfterm ? I'm sure you look out for these things .

Fabulous that dd is loving school & you ' ve obviously been very successful encouraging her to enjoy new challenges ( this may sound obvious stuff but I'm thinking back to nervous small self & know the healthy attitudes take a lot of groundwork - & then don't always "work" smoothly)

So delighted to hear the careeers advisor will be supporting you further ! Sounds excellent & hope you find the right route for you .< wants to ask lots of questions >

May I ask if this is someone with a private consultancy , or part of the DWP or a community / charity advisory centre ? Wondering if have one round here . I had an amazingly good experience with Disability Employment Advisor , but as soon as moved in with now DH I wasn't entitled to any funding , as I've never been able to work for long enough to get contributions - based IS / esa . I 'm casting around for the best advice available round here for the time when when I improve enough to make better plans .

Hmm, am in such a spiky mood this last couple of weeks I'm making it really difficult for dh , who is up to his eyeballs in stress & work . I know why the stress is showing ( sound familiar ? ) but it's clearly time to initiate big changes - so am excited .

Hope we all have a cheery Sunday with minimum irritation xxx

< off to inspect small but pleasing pumpkin in grobag >

[hsad] today but trying to keep distracted until 9.45pm (need to be awake when bread machine finishes). Have literally plummeted - yuck. Again it feels much, much worse after the good few days I've had. It's hard to keep battling.

city I will pm you about the employment advisor (the least I can do and it'll keep me out of mischief).

choc hope today is another good day and not like Sunday. Great DD likes school (they don't all!) Hope apple bobbing successful, I enjoyed that as a child [hgrin]

Well, have a small success with mental health people - 18mths of waiting and I get to see someone.... not sure what they can do, no doubt will say pg so can't see me, but for first time in 5 years have been offered some help!! So want to not be as bad as I was over this winter, as doing first winter without medication in years and really want to avoid unit for pg mums etc.

city - you have grown a pumpkin, wow!!

Sorry for grim day , choc, am especially bad at expressing myself today but am thinking of you & so hope you won't be feeling disheartened . disheartening

Thank you sos much for the PM & so sorry won't have replied till late evening . Can't get over the way you thought of someone else when feeling so low & exhausted 9 after awhole weekend of intensive dd care , too ).

Brilliant news about some level of MH support , Keziah - after the effort & initiative you & dh had to use to get any help at all , in the most extreme of circumstances .

Can't begin to say how much I feel for you wanting to avoid needing pg mother unit . Although I can see you know your way around the MH system , I hope the unit would turn out better than experiences of other women you may know locally lead you to dread

Sorry , that sentiment was caused by dh & I being in contingency plan mode - as we all have to be now & again ... I have a good feeling about you & baby wrt to this stuff .You have my unbounded admiration for trying to avoid medication , & of course choc & I are now going to fret about how much you're going through trying to continue without any .

Thank you for making a big fuss of my pumpkin [hgrin] - "New England" seeds from bargain bin < sends one over ready carved >
< toffee apples to choc & dd >

ooh - I love toffee apples [hgrin] too x

< guiltily wheels large barrowful of extra - gooey toffee apples round to Keziah's back garden ready for halloween & bonfire night > and .
[hblush] was trying to pass round the seasonal trreats fairly as choc & dd don't do the pumpkin bit [hgrin]

Hope you're having a good day , choc , & dd not too challenging

Sorry , mad rush ,argh xxx to you both

Day not good again [hsad]. Really too much stress - yesterday and today had conversations with work / OH. Then cried uncontrollably in front of dd, just couldn't help it. Of course she got worried sick and kept asking if I was crying because of her [hsad]. Off to try to post elsewhere for advice/experience on OH matters.

Can I scoff the toffee apples now city? thanks xx

thanks city - think we can all have toffee apples [hgrin] as after all it is part of our 5 a day [hgrin] [hgrin]

Sorry Tue not so good choc - good to get some advice for OH. I have had my fair share of dealings with the, good and not so good experiences if you want to pm me etc. However, remember you are due x number of months of full pay for your job, then probably x months at half pay so do feel you can take ALL of that no matter what anyone says. Your DD sounds very sweet when she saw you upset - and anyone who thinks up a diy project for a little one is a very dedicated Mummy.

Clocks back this Saturday.

Wow, at long last got referred to a psychologist who is good (never, ever had any talking help on NHS), of course it is VERY time limited.

Excellent news about the psychologist Keziah (about effing time [hangry]). Maybe you'll find (like me) that mh "support" improves with child (although perhaps profs are more concerned about the child, call me cynical...).

Thanks for PM offer. I may take you up on it another time but for now trying (probably wrongly) to distance myself from it. I didn't even manage to post last night. Basically I'm just getting a feeling that employer are moving to dismiss me [hsad]. Maybe I'm just paranoid.

< choc graciously accepts dedicated mummy award - shame both diy projects have ground to a halt though >

Hello to city too [hsmile]. Hope you've managed to slow down from the rush. xx

Bearhugs to you , choc , I would have cried too . So sorry you had to feel guilty in case dd was distressed - makes me feel quite tearful myself , seeing you recount that . Really hope things work out "for the best" - trite but you sometimes see it happen . What an awful time for you .
Am in awe of the way you've been tackling these issues & have been thinking of you . Hope you find some good advice online & maybe from your union , new advisor or legal advice centre .

mummy doing amazingly when under nightmarish stress . Can you ask one of your friends who 'd try to do aemergency childcare , or are they all hopelessly tied up ?

< jelly fangs & bat shaped choccy [hbiscuit]s to you & Keziah >

Delighted to hear about the psychologist , but absolutely outraged at your PCT - shameless . It should help you in every way to just feel supported , even when sessions do end . Hope you're not bored during your well - deserved time off . How are you finding balance & mobility with good heavy baby growing fast ?

May I deliver your for bravest mummy dealing with anxiety without her meds ( though she must feel free to change her mind too , of course )

Things much cheerier here but am very behind here with essential tasks like replying to your very , very kind & helpful PM about work advisors , choc Incredibly sorry but am so sleepy . Hope you both get a decent rest tonight < tries to be optimistic about this >

Thughts & prayers to worried & anxious people who are both being amazingly strong ( & still find time to make each other laugh ) xxx

Where did your pretty bouquets go , Keziah ? I forgot how to do them , sorry