Keziah, City, Choc et al support thread

[Keziahhopes]

Hi - found us a new home. Just didn't like the title of my old thread - and have found your support so helpful but would also like this thread to be less egocentric .

Choc -hope cbt assessment goes well.

City - how are you doing?

My physio exercises are helping me, but don't see stroke consultant until beginning of July. Still not had OT assessment, but dont' think will need it by then - just been horrible for dh to do everything for me since Easter. Now more independend - just had my first shower by myself!!

Sounds an awful day , choc , bad luck for it to happen now . Hope the week improves . Diazepam prescribing is a very interesting issue for me , too , but am too done in to be cogent about it tonight .Thank you so much for your kind comment on my post the other day .< extra healing vibes >

How have you been in this baking hot weather , Keziah ? Glad you've built up a reserve of nice programmes , & hope the cooler nights help you sleep between inevitable wakings . Are you finding daytimes as trying as they were during the summer holidays ? Sorry , I know I sound negative < hands K new knitting pattern >

Had an amazing Saturday at best friend's wedding , which was big but determinedly not poncey , and was very lighthearted . You'd smile hearing about the the clothes / transport / entertainment but would be too identifying ... saw loathed ex there too , & coped quite well but wished I felt better about it all. Met dear old friend who asked to keep in contact , which I'm delighted about .

See you both soon - am so in awe of the big things you're both deaing with xxx

So glad you had lovely time at wedding city.

Choc, hope gp more helpful next time. Sorry bad day.

Am using dh's phone to type this as sent into hospital sun for IV meds. Feeling much better, hope home soon. Heard heartbeat so hope all ok.

Keziah sorry you're stuck in hospital but glad you're feeling better.

city sounds like you're the only one having any fun . Your friend's wedding sounds like it was rather... er... entertaining?! Nice that you had a good time.

Here's to the rest of the week - it can only get better for me xx

< intensely positive vibes to Keziah & LO > How worrying frightening for you & DH , but sounds like the IV meds have done their job first go . Hope this has shown your HCPs are on the ball , though of course you will have been hyper alert to any signs of the difficulties you might be at risk of at the moment , & probably had to educate them quite a bit about them . What can we do to help ? < plots anything that might give you a few moments of diversion from worry >

I imagine you feel weak & sleepy - if you're able to doze a bit you might at least feel less stressed at the time . Feeling shaky physically & emotionally isn't the best state for achieving calming meditations but I'm sure you make huge efforts to think of cheering things when circumstances are tough & tedious < totally unhelpful >

Thank you so much for finding a way to tell choc & I what's been happening - you know we really appreciate it . Fingers crossed you'll be home in a day ot two .

You sound as though you're feeling awful ,choc , so I really hope the week is indeed improving for you . Please feel free to PM if you ever want a chat - I know I take ages to answer but I'll always do my best < leaves slug trail >

Masses of positive thoughts and prayers for you both xxx

Sending you both very best wishes as you deal with important matters xxx

Thanks city. It's good to know you're there . Less awful, just weird now. Can't really describe it so won't try - but you'd think I'd be able to by now. Oh well. (Warning: Bit of a ramble coming!) This year just feels too long. The way I am has become my life rather than a part of it - that's sort of what it feels like. The sudden "click" of everything is grand is taking forever to materialise. Soon I'll be buried by the snow. Brrrr.

Hope you've got some nice things planned for the weekend. I should be diy'ing (that is nice for me - usually) if I can muster the motivation. I actually can't believe it's soon Friday and I've done little all week (more than turn up for a MH appt a month early!).

Are you on the mend Keziah? I hope so and also that you're now back in the comfort of your own home.

xx to you both

Very glad you feel less dreadful choc I don't know about descriptions but you have certainly evoked memories in me of grim times so I do relate and sympathise .You'll think I'm being sarky but that was a very poetic post .

I really like to think that the sense of your life being overtaken by your difficulties will be ease soon and you won't have to carry on feeling steamrollered , but I know these issues have rumbled on for a long time and even a year of great uncertainty can feel so , so frightening .

Hopefully more appropriate professional help , a review of medication & - this is all so much easier said than done - resolution of work uncertainty will put you on a far happier path . I'm thinking the missing link may be a suppot group like the one you mentioned dropping into . Do you get a chance to chat to dear friend living far away ?

Am annoyingly delighted to see about you having an MH appt , but can just imagine what a setback it was after psyching yourself up for it .

Thinking of you Keziah & hoping with all my heart things are OK . Feel very impotent here & as your concerns are likely to be the sort needing you to reach very deep to cope with . On more trivial note , really respect your matter of fact attitude to hospital and hope the care & conditions have been good .

Am fine here - in awe of dh worrying about his DM and friend being ill at the same time as being snowed under with 14h a day work < ranty deep breath > in a workplace where everyone is eventually driven out by the bullying ... sound familiar , anyone ? Sorry . A motivation for all these med appts is to get better evidence in case need social housing etc if redundancy strikes - would feel a bit safer then .

Hope you feel up to starting your DIY - does dd like to "help" ?

Peaceful day to you both xx

at dd helping with your DIY choc, although she did fix your lawnmower if I remember rightly!!

Hope we all have nice, calm weekends. I am home now, thanks - on nasty antibiotics so not feeling great, and dh's having to make up his hours of visiting me now I am home, but comfy pillows and things to distract with are most welcome. Anxious to know how baby is, 2 weeks till my scan.

Totally thrilled to see you're back home at last , Keziah , & in awe at how you've coped . I saw your post last night , but PC had small invasion of viruses so couldn't reply at the time .Hope you're feeling a little better today .

Bah at your dh's work not giving hm the visiting time as compassionate leave - it's a further strain on you .

Hope you won't have to take the really strong ABs for too long . Can only imagine how long that two weeks will seem , but am sure your obstetrician will give good guidance if you have access to her by emil or phone ? I know that's not very likely .

Think choc's suggestion of learning to knit will be really helpful for you , but if you're not well enough to start something new , what works for me is a combination of escapism , with historical or literary sites to help me change my mental landscape . www.oldbaileyonline.org/ is not too cheery , though ... will dig out others if you can bear it!

Don't forget to lose yourself in Mumsnet sometimes too , and if you like a change of "scene" there are good US forums which I reckon might suit you as you are always striving rather than putting up with limitations ( though I realise you are having to do that almost continuously at the moment ).

Also recommend something you really believe in , like local campaigns / community efforts , religious sites .. Don't forget also threads / sites which support those in particular situations , which you may have intended to look up one day .

I'm thinking you might be good at puzzles and / or maths , &know lots of people who like to do sudoku etc when unwell & worried .

Am well but busy with voluntary stuff & visiting MIL - she's a bit better but still there .

Thinking of you choc , and really , really hoping weekend turns out better than recent days .

Peaceful sleep to you both xxx < get well soon , Keziah >

Thanks for lovely ideas there City - yes I love sudoko you are right (but am rubbish at maths!!! ). Had horrible night - woke up early house with horrific headache, all pressure at back of head, woke up dh in tears - tried hot shower (no hot water, gah!) and medication, cried lots and went back to sleep for 8hrs. Think it was reaction to thought of being ill again, but in reality it was just a horrible cold starting... so lots of hot water/lemon/honey.

Glad your MIL is a bit better city.

How did your diy go choc? I have sent dh into the garden to tackle the dead summer flowers !

Glad you're back home from hospital Keziah. Shame about the horrid cold though. Hope the couple of weeks before your next scan go without incident and/or further illness .

Glad your MIL is doing bit better city. How's your friend? Ity sounds a very stressful time for dh and yourself. Is redundancy on the cards then? It's contagious .

I've had a positive day despite dd being challenging. I managed to buy the materials for my diy project that was the extent of my diy! My excuse is I'm now waiting for the wood to acclimatise to my house . You're right, dd loves to "help". I caught her sandpapering the walls a few weeks back (she'd been watching me sandpaper the slats of her bed earlier!).

I went to support group last week city, first time in about a month. Unfortunately the school-run now means I only get 45mins or so to spend at the group. It was ok but I didn't get to chat with a support worker. Also I had a brief out-of-character feeling of hostility towards one of the other service users so it was probably good I couldn't stay long.

I'm now on way to climb Mount Ironing. dd has no school clothes so I can't put off any longer either. Bah!

Here's wishing us all a peaceful week xx

Sounds terrifying Keziah , given all you've been through , & thank goodness you slept after . Bet your poor head felt even worse medicinal .
I've been concerned your illness & hospital stay around Easter sounded likely to leave you with PTSD , & wonder if you could dip in & out of a support forum / group to help you try to come to terms with such frightening experiences at an unusually young age , & any health concerns since the hospital stay .
I daresay your situation is pretty specific , & it's obvious you're very independent & self - reliant , but don't you feel a forum / group of people you gradually get to know would be good on days when you do feel more anxious about health ? eg one of the antenatal threads on MN to help you count down till the scan .

Yep , thought sudoku was "you" but surprised you're not a maths whizz ! Bet you're being modest .

Your sandpaper - wielding dd sounds fab , choc - sorry she was challenging today .
Brave of you to go to the support group again, brilliant . Pity you still haven't had chance to chat to a support worker - you need support !! Sorry you were put off last week by someone with their "head in a bad place" or such - sorry , am sleepy ...

Thank you so much for asking - yes , dh been through a shocking 15+ yearslargely because of me but recent years have been very happy despite insecure workplace etc . We 're trying to sort out safety nets as finances will always be a problem ... would love to make a longish distance move when MIL no longer needs us .
< foolhardy >
Thank you for remembering hospitalized friend - he got out this week, though will have to see if scary problem is fully cured by yet more ABs . He's been allowed home due to clever pump which flushes his operation wound !

Good to have got the DIY materials - you sound very capable at things I know nothing about , but could enjoy , if capable ( hmmmm ... )

< ultra - gleamy medal for climbing Mount Ironing >

Hope your foul cold passes soon ,Keziah - extreme sympathy if you feel you can't take much for the symptoms
Peaceful week to you both xxx ( please watch lots of escapist TV , Keziah , or MN loads )Sorry sooo long

at Choc's dd sandpapering the walls.

Needed a smile - nightmare with 2 consultants and Gp today.. blood results are worse, but no-one will treat this time so panicking lots. Scan on Monday so just need to keep going till then.

((((Keziah)))) So sorry you've had such a scary & turbulent day . Naturally you are worried about increased risks , & you have my total awe for your courage dealing with the difficulties , but the adverse events are still unlikely to happen ( am not naive , I know you have had those 2 events before , but this may so very well be fine , despite treatent being ruled out atm ).

So shockingly hard on you that the doctors won't treat the increased risk showing up - so sorry if you would wish to make that choice yourself < frustrated > You will have done everything in your power to alert HCPs to factors they might otherwise overlook , & to find appropriate care - you & your dh are in a different league when it comes to dealing with health matters / professionals , which probably makes this even harder

Hope you can rest / sleep OK , & can continue recovering from severe cold , & taking things 15 mins at a time if you have to . Please let us know if we can help < city prods unimaginative brain >

< prayers & thoughts for healing & for calm to get you through till scan >

Hope you've had a reasonable day ,choc , & that dd has been tired out by enjoying school

Peaceful night to you both xxx

Oh gosh Keziah I feel such a wuss. You seem to be coping so remarkedly given all the health complications and baby etc. city is bang on the money when she says "total awe". I'll second that. I just feel so useless - it would be great if I could donate my life to someone more worthy. Mine really isn't that bad so I'm either incredibly ungrateful or beyond fixable. I've got a really good feeling that after all your struggles things will work out for you .

city think I may have said this before but 15 yrs is amazing. It's nice to see you both so "together" through thick and thin - I guess that's what it's about really (and why mine came crashing down around my ears like the Berlin Wall). When a couple are strong the outside can't touch it. Hmmm. This is all a bit deep for midday, lol! You can probably tell where my head's at. I'll say no more and wonder off to pester elsewhere . xx

Thanks guys - Gp told me to take week off work, I said "why when medical people doing nothing?!" and went to work - feel better just carrying on as normal, even if things at work annoyed me (hey that is normal!!)

How is your DIY project choc - is dd looking forward to more sandpaper time :-) x

at Keziah defying doctors orders!! You know best how you feel, but take it easy... (lecture over ). Diy project is progressing well - the wood is continuing to acclimatise to the house!! That said I'm not good with sharp things right now so will wait until I feel a bit more grounded. I've lined up dd's project though (to sandpaper a block of wood that I'll then attach some hooks to so she can hang stuff at her level).

Today my "work" issues have taken up most of my energy. I know I need to "move on" emotionally but it is a struggle (but I've had lots of telephone help from far away friend who's made me promise to be kinder to self ). Good news on the diazepam front. At my appt, gp was supportive so I don't feel so pressurised to ration them so drastically (though she couldn't help but add the bit on about "only take them when I really can't take the anxiety anymore as the less regularly I take them, the less likely I will become addicted to them", bless her).

(a quick wave to city - hope you're busy resting (contradiction?!) and/or enjoying the autumn day).

Good evening to you both xx

Good on you ,Keziah ,am sure that stint at work was a good distraction but please consider staying at home for the rest of the week . I'm thinking your GP 's advice might be wise ... ,so please do indeed take it easy . Wish we could make time fly till Monday < hands Keziah giant bag of knitting wool and beginner's manual > < finds K has already mastered all the stitches and produced pile of garments >

Oh God , I didn't mean to sound smug choc - dh has only put up with me because he's a saintly person & we're soulmates , not because I'm witty / attractive / clever ( or even able to pay my way or present him with dc ) . We met when I was in my teens , & years away from being stable ready to settle down , so it's been pure luck and I used to despair when I saw other people's smuggery , as I could never imagine achieving a good relationship .

Very touched by what you said to K about feeling helpless & wishing to donate your life to someone more "worthy" - no no no ...wuss indeed . Very glad your dear friend has helped you see you're being very hard on yourself lately ... you have sounded v seriously depressed at times , & most posters on this board would be you hoping you could get more comprehensive support as you review tyour situation , & experiment with medication (am sure you'd like that too , & will find it - ) Sorry to be repetitive

Sorry for silence - been zonked . Had brilliant but wildly busy day yeaterday - achieved lots of goalsand have slept entire day today except for hospital visit ( MIL v weak, poor dh )

< disjointedly returns to previous subject >
So , so pleased choc to see how much you're tackling wrt the way you should proceed , thoughts on past relationships and work , and nerve - wracking conversation with GP . Excellent to hear the wood is acclimatising beautifully, & you knew Keziah & I would enjoy hearing about DIY project for dd

Peaceful night to you both xxx thinking of you often , Keziah

choc love the sound of your dd's project, she will love that! I can just visualise a little girl I know doing that and think it is great that you include her too . Sorry work is so stressful, but glad your Gp has seen sense and prescribing you medication you need!!

city at achieving so much, then resting. I am being good too - worked mon, tue, now having 2 days off to rest (am prioritising what is imp at work and just doing that!!). So sorry to hear MIL not doing so well.

Have scary meeting with psychiatrist next week, who not know I am 19 weeks etc etc.... psych so not supportive, but neither has offered me any treatment - grrr....

Glad you've been able to balance the week energy - wise , Keziah . It's been baking hot here , so if it's warm where you are it's just as well this is a day off .
Excellent !! at you prioritising strictly at work. Are you finding the bump is altering your balance & mobility markedly now ? YOu are amazingly uncomplainig about the symptomds of pg - I certainly wouldn't be ..

Really , really feel for you wrt this meeting ... what a time for you to suffer an influx of stress hormones . I don't suppose the advocate who was helpful last time is available again ? or were her sessions limited to one or two ? As ever , best not chat about it here - please forgive me if I fall asleep in a minute & it doesn't arrive till tomorrow .

Have you had a sunny day and the good spirits to enjoy it , choc? - obviously not wanting you to answer if it's the latter & you just want some peace ! Watch out , that wood might strech and split or something in this warm weather [hsmile]

Gorgeous day here , felt like a really special day round here .Hope you can both enjoy some family time this potentially sunny weekend .

So chuffed been managing to deal with a rather serious ongoing situation ... I reckon some ofmy relatives are sending ther support from the nextlife
Just heard MIL had feeding tube op earlier , & gone well so far .

very peaceful night to us all xxx

Humph , thought had added a [hsmile] for news of MIL

city that is good news about your MIL's op [hsmile]. Does that mean she's doing better than in your previous post? Such worrying time for you both. Pleased that you've been busy (and resting too - gold star for Keziah also [hgrin]).

I awoke at 6am from a horrid work nightmare . I hate getting these dreams everytime I'm triggered by work. My work friend has been persuading me to come back. She thinks I'm making myself worse by being at home but I don't think so. I feel cheated that I'm not well enough to apply/be interviewed for other jobs but I'm enjoying being creative and getting to know some of the mums from school.

An ok day today, apart from the work nightmare and my mum saying, amongst other things, that she's disappointed in me . I don't feel as bad as I could have done so I hope it doesn't hit me later. She says she never thought I'd be the depressed type, and that growing up I was clever and pretty and that she thought I'd end up doing great things. What 'great things' she wasn't able to tell me. [choc shrugs].

At least the middle of the day was good, lots of sunshine here too - great for my therapeutic walk [hsmile].

Can't believe you're almost halfway through your pregnancy Keziah! Sounds like you could do without the psych meeting. Is this the one where psych finds out about the baby? I guess physically you probably can't hide it any more [hsmile].

Well done city for dealing with your serious situation. You know we're here for you but please don't feel you have to divulge if you don't want to [hsmile].

Off to try to catch up with some sleep. Goodnight xx

P.S. city I didn't think you were being smug at all [hsmile]

Oh no , (((choc ))), I'm afraid I do think that what your DM said may will hit you , and have long lasting repercussions in your life , but not only negative ones , by any means ... This would seem to be part of a pattern of behaviour on the part of your DM , and I feel your life will change for the better if you explore this dysfunctional attitude of your Mother's ... it's a much - used example , but could you really imagine saying the same to your dd ?

I found my MH had no chance of improving till I very gradually came to understand the dynamics of all my relationships - well , the basics of them < modest >

( Am not brainwashed by psychabbble , honest , & have partly forgiven both my DM and MIL huge , huge things , so am not one to take family matters lightly ) ... my English is worse than ever tonight , sorry

I recommend the relevant support threads , reading around the subject , and addressing it in counselling , when you can get it - all spread over the months , of course

< soft cushions & rugs and a calming aquarium to watch , with pussycat to nuzzle you & gallons of hot chocolate >

I do have one or two humble suggestions to make by PM re a couple of the other things you mention , but have been zonked today & now have a migraine , so you are spared for now [hgrin] Glad you got time in sun yesterday , & are keeping in touch with work friend , though it may not be easy for you .

Thank you so much for support with odd situation , what a lovely thing to say - am coping atm ,

Sending vast amounts of positivity to you , Keziah . Hope you have a restful weekend with lots of distractions - we need to come up with more for you , heh
Hope we're all having a peaceful night

Have a 2nd infection, found out from microbiology results from hospital tests on 3rd.... what a shame it took 11 days to tell me - so more treatment, and risk of it spreading to kidneys due to how long it was untreated - but with no one checking anything!!