Keziah, City, Choc et al support thread

[Keziahhopes]

Hi - found us a new home. Just didn't like the title of my old thread - and have found your support so helpful but would also like this thread to be less egocentric .

Choc -hope cbt assessment goes well.

City - how are you doing?

My physio exercises are helping me, but don't see stroke consultant until beginning of July. Still not had OT assessment, but dont' think will need it by then - just been horrible for dh to do everything for me since Easter. Now more independend - just had my first shower by myself!!

Well saw person at work, will not repeat what they said to me - but end result is 2 more helpful people in management have sorted my hours out to reduce to what my medical note says. Need to do normal week this week (but have hospital one day so have time off) and hopefully start it next week. Bit more work to pass things over, but hopefully it should help.

Seeing obstetrician this week - really hope for a scan, or at least some reassurance that the baby is ok. Then hope to maybe do some aquanatal to help with mobility and energy if get the all clear. Being at home more is more time on my own, which with winter coming tends not to be a good idea for me (which is why work is good and losing lots of it is a loss!)

Hope 50th a nice experience. xx

city "Banging nitespots"!! Today I'd be right up for that . Feeling a bit more human apart from all the scabs on my face and ears from where I've been unconsciously picking my skin off . Yuck!

Yey to Keziah for the reduced hours. Perhaps you could learn something new to take your mind off having more time on your own. I'm in the middle of doing an 'autumn' clean. It's quite therapeutic getting to throw away loads more stuff.

This week has gone far too quickly and I haven't done half the things I wanted. And yet when I was working, 3 days seemed much, much longer!

Hope all is well xx

< peeps cautiously to see if choc is still out partying >
You sound so dynamic & achievy , choc , even if you don't feel as though you're getting it all done to schedule . Brilliant to get rid of things you'vre outgrown - I'm sorting through at a snail's pace too .
Ouch at picking face ... I do that too with areas prone to eczema - I scratch and develop scales < ahem>

Glad you have got the dreaded work meeting over with ,Keziah ( I was impatient to see if you were OK , but wasn't able to post , sorry ) .It sounds as smooth as I guess can be expected , once you got past the initial unenlightened person Very sorry the reduction in hours will be a big loss to you , and hope you find it less anxiety than you might expect
( Agree with choc it could be a good time to do mentally munchy things but I'm not sure if you'll enjoy my recommendation of between - chore reading www.marxmemoriallibrary.com heh heh ) Perhaps a nice spiritual / meditation site , or a literary one which will sweep you into other worlds ...meantime , hope the longer hours this week haveen't been harmful , 7 that you receive reassurance about baby .
Hope tomorrow a good day for you both xxx

Hello - well at last I have met a lovely consultant!!Obstetrician mainly went through my notes and medication, but was reassuring, will scan me herself at 20 weeks and has booked me another scan (normal growth one with sonographer) for 28 weeks. She has not stressed me out with more appointments, but I feel as if there is an issue I have someone who can do something.

They have found someone who will be good to cover me when not there and the people at work, on the whole, have been ok. So I feel a bit better. The good thing about my job is that I still have to work when not there, but can do it from home!! Once I stop needing naps would like to go swimming, to help mobility - but other ideas welcome

Hope lovely weekend for us all x

Brilliant to hear you have an obstetrician who inspires confidence , Keziah and you have a schedule of scans .
Excellent about your work cover , colleagues being decent and that you'll have some work to occupy you after all .

Oooh yes , swimming sounds good for supporting you when balance is awkward . Am wondering which book box I've put my book on seted exercises - tai chi etc - and will see what I can find next week . There might be something on the net too , but obviously need to find a really reputable site where a qualified physio has formulated the exercises

Hope you're well choc and had some time in sunshine today .
Miles behind with tasks here but faced scary stuff this week so am pleased [smile ] . Lovely weekend to you both xxx

Hi Keziah and choc - hope having good weekend . Fine here , though concerned about relative & friend in hospital .

Thinking of you both & wishing lovely day xx

Hi city, yes I've had a good weekend thank you. Yah!!! I feel like celebrating. I've spent all today in a forest (complete with picnic) and it was beautiful . Sorry to hear you're concerned about your relative & friend and hope you won't have to remain concerned for too long. I wasn't going to drop by tonight (soooo shattered - all that fresh air ) but glad I did. Hope you're doing ok.

Glad you're feeling better Keziah. It must be a bit of a relief that work are being ok. And good news about the lovely consultant. Be sure to use her if and when you need her. Ah so you enjoy swimming. What about a pregnancy aqua aerobics-type class? Another suggestion is knitting. And if you can't knit already, maybe learning? I'll keep thinking of ideas.

Best wishes to you both for the forthcoming week xx

City hope ok with your ill relative and friend.

Choc glad good weekend, sounds lovely time with your picnic.

Yes the ante-natal sounds a good idea, have found one about 10 miles away, will just check with midwife it is ok for me to do this week before I do more. Yes, learning to knit sounds good - especially with winter coming, and good for my left hand. I can do basic stitches only so far! xx

I'm still doing ok here but just really, really tired today. Must be the loss of energy from having a good few days. I finally pulled myself together long enough to ring my manager so hopefully I'll be hearing from OH soon. I was shaking when on the phone!! And afterwards I could hardly breathe. But I did it so just the union bod to contact now.

Keziah it's this week you start your reduced hours isn't it? So far, so good? Hope you managed to check with your MW about the class(es). As for beginners knitting, I know Debbie Bliss does an easy knits book for babies if you'd like to knit for the baba.

city hope you're ok. Any news of your friend and relative? Am sending get well wishes.

Sending you both positive thoughts (in the hope that some more will be showered back to me ) xx

Wow , choc !!!!!!! Wow , wow wow at you making that horrible call & taking the next step- am amazed at how much you're managing recently , brilliant news . Not surprised you're exhausted- would recommend taking some own - brand berocca type supplements for a day or two to help a bit ( am sure you know more about supplements than I do )

< positive thoughts pour onto choc >

Brilliant idea for Keziah to try aquanatal & I can so imagine you knitting industriously , Keziah - very soothing , too .

Sorry haven't been keeping up but have an exacerbation of my health condition after overdoing the social etc things , and we had an overnight stay in London the other day ( yay £19 motel deal ) , which was brilliant but ludicrously tiring . There's also been plus hospital visiting , medical appts etc .

MIL is being made a great fuss of in hospital , many thanks , but the working diagnosis is of TB & she's been very sick for about 6 years so won't improve massively now . She's on the strong anti - bs & we're glad of all the nhs treatment , compared to most people with TB .
We still haven't made it to see friend in hospital as have both had chest infections & it's harder to avoiding spreading germs on a crowded ward , but will go as soon as ... many thanks for asking ... friend has cysts on hip & lung , which I need to google to see if cause might be sinister

Hope you're not too exhausted or bored , Keziah . I've been wondering whether you can be provided with some counselling support around your health conditions as I fear you must still be worrying about the pregnancy , strong though you are < wishes could help >

< hands K soft wool & knitting needles as they may be more therapeutic than a mediocre therapist >

Had nice meetup with my Mum yesterday & am still very happy after seeing Brian Wilson in concert whilst away -you young things may not know him
Wishing you both improved energy xxx

Gosh city no wonder you've been unable to keep up with all the things going on in RL! I'm relieved to hear that you've heard news about your MIL and friend although the illnesses sound serious . I thought TB had been eradicated . Sorry to hear she's been sick for so long. (That reminds me, Keziah I hope your mum is doing ok).

Your social life is sounding pretty hectic too! A London trip and Brian Wilson concert. Actually I have heard of him !!! Though I do confess that I didn't have a clue until an ex went to see him in concert also. He was in his twenties so some young things do know him .
The anniversary party was a much needed good tiring night out after a, what I can only describe as, disturbed second half to the week. Unfortunately the work telephone call triggered me badly late Weds and into Thurs/early Fri. I was completely unable to stop it, because I didn't notice it happening. But the party gave me something to focus on. DD and I are both worn out now - we even had an afternoon nap (I can't remember the last time she's slept in the afternoon without much of a fuss!).

[choc waves a hello to Keziah]

Hope the weekend has got off to a good start xx

Another big achievement choc !!! < waves pompoms wildly > Sorry you had such a scary second half to the week That call is the sort of thing that would trigger me too. Really impressed & pleased you managed the big occasion , though I know what you mean about giving you a focus . Awwww at you & dd napping like that

Are you managing to keep a record of moods etc , as the not realising you were about to experience those emotions must have been awful , & is probably a useful clue in itself , whether a professional eventually helps you piece together the clues or you try some more amateur sleuthing . Meantime you're doing so , so well with day to day challenges and scary stuff.

at you whippersnappers knowing of Brian Wilson . He does have a joy in music which all ages in the audiences respond to with delight . ( good job , with gig tickets the impossible price they are ) . What music do you listen to , if you 're in the habit ? I know you love playing piano , so will know lots I haven't heard yet .

Yep , unfortunately TB is really on the rise again , especially in places where landlords illegally cram in many tenants . Am shocked to see the effects of it first hand & so grateful for the NHS . Some relatives have been screened but am worried about my nieces & nephew as MIL has been coughing helplessly for years - had best talk to her nurse .

I often wonder how Keziah's DM is too , choc , but from what K has said , the situation is very difficult & I don't mean to make things worse with my clumsy questions - wrong approach , I realise - sorry , Keziah ( am sure I've realised this before & here I am making same mistake again ).

How are you yourself , K ? Have been a bit concerned this week in case your cottonwool isn't protection enough < hopes calm & comforting wishes reach Keziah >

Have hideous med appt on Tues , brought forward , so am researching a decision as doctor instructed
Peaceful night to you both xxx

Well am afraid I haven't heard of Brian Wilson!!

Hope this week better for you Choc

My Mum is probably as ok as she is going to be now, thanks = more confused and less independent but seems happier now things are stable.

Me? Enjoying the sunny weather today Just anxious, with night waking and bad thoughts then really taking over. Missing my sleeping tablets to have a reprieve from it - and I need to get up in the night now, so that is making things worse.

Hope tomorrow's apt ok City - earlier is better I think, as it is over sooner!!#
xx

(Sorry , sorry - thought had pressed on this send early evening )
So happy to see you , , Keziah !!! You are so brave to face those fears & anxieties , the night time must be awful .It's made my week to hear you're OK, if having a very tough time < helpful as ever >

So very sorry your Mum is even less well , but being more settled emotionally is so important . Am trying to work out whether MIL needs professional help for depression & I can only imagine how sad it is to see that / agitation in your own DM . ( My Mum has bad anxiety and I can see total disaster looming if she doesn't get help for it before becoming really infirm )

Thank you for support once again with appts ... agree will be great if give doc all info required but can't source all the info I need to choose a specialist as he suggests who won't be available on NHS anyway. Am very glad to be offered some input .

Really hope you're recovering from hectic weeks and recent achevements , choc- it's been brilliant to see your progress these past weeks , & I know you try to pace yourself .

Here you are , you youngsters ( you may want to start at 1 min 20 secs )

Phew glad to see you Keziah. I was getting worried about you then (hmm me and my anxiety hey!) . The night doesn't sound great. You say you have to get up in the night now. Is that for meds? Ah I see about your mum. That's tough but glad she's a bit happier though. As for your mum's anxiety city, has she suffered for long?

An ok start of the week for me (thanks for the confidence boosting). I was feeling a bit rubbish yesterday hence the no show on here . Just feeling a bit disconnected (again) - I guess it's my defence mechanism cutting in.

Ahh music. I've been listening a lot to my old CDs lately: especially Muse, Radiohead and Placebo. Dare I say I quite like Coldplay songs too! I've decided to start listening to the radio too so I might find some "new" artists I like. Thanks for the Brian Wilson link city. It wasn't at all like I expected - musically it kind of reminded me of the Beatles so didn't hit the spot for me. But, I could see that live he must have been a spectacular performer.

Good luck for your appt city (here's hoping you see this before ). That's good it being brought forward, even though you might not think that now. I really hope you will be helped finding the professional you need privately (very unfortunate that the NHS can't provide - or perhaps it can?).

Night xx

Hi Keziah and choc . Hope you both got some sun on face today , and weren't too exhausted in warm temperatures - must be exhausting , Keziah .

Really enjoyed your post choc . Thanks for listening to link - will listen to some of your suggestions on Youtube . I'm thinking you may not be able to hear music at all , Keziah ? < puts foot in mouth > So sorry to bang on about it if that's the case ..

Will leave you both in peace before finishing replying to your post , choc ,as am about to fall asleep - just want to commiserate with you not feeling up to chatting , and the disconnectedness - I get the feeling you're making progress in spite of that < bullish >

Much - needed peaceful night to you both xxx
PS ... is it an option to have a TV on in the bedroom , Keziah ? I know that's disastrous sleep hygiene , but during an intensely anxious time I used to like Time Team repeats in the night

city - I can feel music and was allowed to hold the doppler handset so I could feel babies heartbeat!!

Mm, have a tv in bedroom - very tempting option, good idea. Am waking up due to baby bouncing on my bladder, as it is such fun having your own in-built trampoline!

sleep well xx

"Am waking up due to baby bouncing on my bladder, as it is such fun having your own in-built trampoline!"

. Oh yes indeed, such fun...well if you're a baby I guess . OMG Keziah have I really forgotten that bit of pregnancy?!!!

"I get the feeling you're making progress in spite of that"

city I still love your oober positive ways .

Actually I'm doing shit right now but thank you both for making me laugh. I'm overly anxious (work-related reasons again) yet trying to avoid the diazepam as I'm gradually working my way through the tabs. I know there's worse anxiety to come and my gp has said she won't give me another prescription. So do I try and tough it out or do I make things more comfortable now and worry about the future in the future?

city hope the hideous appt wasn't too hideous

Happy sleeping xx

Joining you choc on uber anxiousness, after got told today my psychiatrist (the one who blocked the ivf last year) has to know I am pregnant ... this is the dr who didn't even turn up to my last meeting and has caused me lots of distress

choc - think this baby will need a trampoline when it is a toddler as it likes bouncing - on the scans I have had, when midwife tried to get its heartbeat it kept bouncing away etc!!

choc - hope you can find other things to ease anxiety ... I found at night relaxing, switching off and milky things were better than caffeine and things I knew stressed me even if htey didn't solve everything. xx

Low today .... no idea why, it is hot and sunny!

Sorry you're feelin low today ,Keziah , especially that you're still being caused anxiety by that psychiatrist . I know I always trot this out "you need further advice" but is today's opinion really the very last word on it ? Are there any radical options ? I guess not really but please don't despair ... wish I could help .

Laughing at your bouncy baby < ouch ouch > Please don't be too shy to compare pregnacy experiences & tips , K & choc , I'm fascinated , & you deserve somewhere to itemise the discomforts < offputtingly nosey > Tears came to my eyes at the thought of you feeling baby's heartbeat .

Is dd still finding school interesting , choc, or is the novelty wearing off now ? I can see between the cheery lines that you're feeling low , but I do honestly thing you're doing brilliantly - you do need some support , though < fret >

Peaceful , sunny evening to you both xxx

I'm still with you with the anxiety Keziah. Sorry you're low today. You say you've no idea why but I'd say having to tell baby-blocking psych that you're pregnant is a good enough reason . It's horrid worrying about things that you have to do that you really have no say in.

city not shy - just not an elephant!! My pregnancy memories are waning fast. Actually Kez I don't remember having bladder problems until maybe 20 wks or so. But I did get kicked a lot! I wonder if any studies have been undertaken comparing how babies behave in the womb and what they behave like after birth. Eg trampoling/kicking babies = high octane whirlwind children .

Tbh city the anxiety is bothering me more at the moment than the feeling low. Both my hands from the wrist towards my fingers have been very tingly most of the day and I've really been having to concentrate hard on my breathing. I think it's been made worse because I only got about 2.5 hrs sleep last night but now I'm flying. I know I need sleep but it's almost like my body has other ideas.

At least we've had gorgeous weather today. Makes things seem that little bit better. xx

Hi choc and Keziah . Really sorry haven't been posting - have been reading of course - v tired in warm weather & have lots of obligations at the moment, though still less than you two , I'm sure .
( I know I've mentioned on other thread about sorting my frivolous clothes for friends' wedding but needed a lot of organising as am such a scruff most of the time ) but I physically can't always post .

Oooof chocat hands tingling from anxiety / hyperventilation ( am prone to it too ) so well done for persevering with regulating your breathing , which is hard going . I have pompous musings upon your anxiety to offer you but won't bother you with them on a Friday night when you might be better off not thinking "too" much .
Hope you've felt able to let the sunshine relax you a bit ( wouldn't have even crossed my mind when I was having lots of physical anxiety symptoms , so I admire the way you try to get out for therapeutic reasons ).

As you mention the dilemma of whether to try to save last few diazepam , from my experience I'd say it was very reassuring to have a few for emergency . You may well be getting some "rebound" anxiety from them by now - I certainly did - and feel better without them , especially as you sound rather like me in some of your patterns of anxiety / mood (??) ... am prone to "high" mood but never received any label associated with that ...probably your low moods are your main concern at the moment ( diazepam made those worse too ... I am still not "anti" them , but most people would be after my experiences with them ) .

Hope you're feeling better , at least in some ways , Keziah . Really , really wish we could help . Hope you're having cool nights where you are , to help you sleep between trampolining bouts ( still don't see how you could forget that , choc ) . Also recommend , if cable TV available , Discovery channel programmes or similar with panoramic landscapes of Ancient Egypt / about dinosaurs / deep space

Healing , positive thoughts to you both , having dealt with another challenging week .

Ahh thanks city for the lovely post . I've made mental note that you read posts even when too tired to post as shall wave a hello if ever on-line next time. I've got a bit of a short fuse today (lack of sleep and dd all day, eeks!) so will be so glad to get some shut-eye tonight - assuming I'm allowed to actually sleep. I succumbed to the diazepam yesterday as just couldn't take another day. The anxiety is still more concern than the low mood. I don't know what "rebound" anxiety is (so will go google). I hadn't noticed the diazepam making moods worse, was that your experience?

It's still very hot here so haven't felt like doing much. No doubt it is particularly tiring for you both too. Hope you were able to gleen some enjoyment from today inspite of the heat. Calming (diazepam-inspired) thoughts on their way xx

Hi city - have taken to recording programmes in case I need to crash in front of something!! So useful idea, thanks. Glad you got through another tough week.

Choc if it was me I would ask Gp why not prescribe more diazepam - agree being on them all the time is not good, but a few every month as a "back up", to know you have them if you need them seems a sensible compromise. I went through quite a few months when I needed to use them a few days a week and the medical people said it was sensible to do that rather than anything else!!

Hi Keziah, you're right - I'll try again. I know she's overly concerned about addiction. But quite frankly when it's this bad I'd rather take my chances. I've had another crappy, triggery day caused by contact from OH . I give up...

[choc says hi too to city and promises not to come back until in better mood]