Keziah, City, Choc et al support thread

[Keziahhopes]

Hi - found us a new home. Just didn't like the title of my old thread - and have found your support so helpful but would also like this thread to be less egocentric .

Choc -hope cbt assessment goes well.

City - how are you doing?

My physio exercises are helping me, but don't see stroke consultant until beginning of July. Still not had OT assessment, but dont' think will need it by then - just been horrible for dh to do everything for me since Easter. Now more independend - just had my first shower by myself!!

Phew what a day! I'm exhausted. I've only just finally got dd to bed. She's over-excited because it was her last day at nursery today. She'd better sleep in or else .

Ah Keziah there's still time to bloom . I was very, very tired for months and I didn't have any of the health stuff to deal with so you seem to be doing amazingly well. Hopefully your work days won't be too long. I can't wait until next week when I'll be doing the school run in my pjs so I can race back home to bed .

city off anywhere nice? Hope you had a good time whatever you're up to. Shame about dh back though.

Anyway will post now incase I lose my broadband connection. It has been so frustrating lately, argghhh!

Choc - your tiredness has spread here!! - yes, hope I do bloom as am definitley at the tired, fat and spotty stage here!!

Hope your dd has a wonderful first week in school next week xx

Well Keziah I do like to share !! Hope you have a very calm weekend before the storm of work. Is your pregnancy common knowledge there? If so, they might take pity on you :). Good luck going back. I'll be thinking of you whilst I'm lulling around the house. xxx

thanks choc - I am thankful for naps this week, not so next week, eek!!

No-one at work knows, but not sure how long I can hide it. Tried on work clothes - 2 outfits fit!!! Where I work there are currently lots of healthy and very pregnant women, on their 2nd pregnancy - with no stoke to recover from, no ill health whatsoever so pity will not be coming my way whatsoever, just expected to be 100% all the time.

Oh well, only bonus is have just bought materntiy clothes online (gave up in shops!), including a coat (mine only just does up, oh dear!!), pj's, 2 cardigans . Now parcels to arrive!!!

Enjoy lolling in the house - I have done that for 6 weeks xxx

Oooh sounds like Christmas come early all those parcels!! What a bonus indeed! Sounds like you really need them now though! Lol at the thought of you just managing to do your coat up . But damn all those healthy, very pregnant women .

Sorry you've been feeling extra tired , Keziah ( & some of us are fat & spotty all the time ) but am not really surprised to hear it , even without your health issues , as choc says . I wouldn't bre looking forward to be very annoyeddaunted by all those superhealthy pregnant colleagues without empathy for your situation - they bloody well should "take pity" a bit . Sending extra positive thoughts
Like the sound of your maternity wardrobe

All sounds so positive choc & am ing at you in your school - run pjs ... get to Style & Beauty for tips on a suitable school run dress ! your dd sounds brilliant fun & how lovely that she's so excited .

What a misery that you keep losing your broadband connection - is it an
localised provblem ? You'll have more chance to ring up the provider etc when dd has been at school for a bit .

Had lovely short holiday thanks , going to favourite places in Wales , which we dream about all year round . People are so friendly there . Was amazed dh's back allowed him to drive but he was struggling to walk up slopes & am a bit worried about the problem so we'll how he goes this week .

Have been catching up on chores & have 2 scary health appts next week so will be visualising Welsh hillsides [smiles] . Hope you both have a really restful weekend - it's been a lovely positive week on our thread , hasn't it < fingers crossed > xxx

Welcome back city! Glad you had a lovely short break. Is it an annual trip? It's unfortunate that your dh's back is still poorly though. I'm sure you'll keep an eye on him this week . So positive thoughts from me for dh's back and also for your appts this coming week. May the welsh hills stay within focus .

I've had a lovely weekend although not so much restful. Spent loads of time digging holes in the garden (again!!) and also today finally made [drum roll...] Keziah's onion bhajis . Big thank you Keziah they were great! So completely yummy that dd has decided she'd like a couple cold in her packed lunch! I did double the recipe but think I need to quadruple it next time as not that many made it to the freezer!

Good luck with your first week back to work Keziah. And city hope your appts aren't too horrendous xx

What cheering & encouraging good wishes for scary week , choc , many thanks .
Delighted with your dd wanting bhajis in her lunchbox - Keziah is feeding us well here, isn't she . I've been wishing I had a proper recipe to share , but I just stick to improvising & crossing fingers and the results aren't good enough to inflict on you two

So sorry I dozed off last night before waving at you both for good luck this week with starting school / back to work . Been thinking of you < nervous >

What an impressive weekend , choc ! Like the sound of digging holes ( you know the local wildlife will come & mark the area / dig it up again now ) . You must be so pleased at how amazingly well you've been doing for a good while now - < borrows a star - for exceptional - achievement emoticon from the blanket - making thread >

Hope you've had a peaceful weekend , Keziah & will enjoy the less exhausting aspects of work
Yes choc , we've always tried to go over there a few nights a year & would like to live there when circs allow . Thank you for positive thoughts for dh's back ( bit better , touch wood ) & for same re : scary appts . What a lovely phrase , "hope those Welsh hills stay in focus" < pictures them >
Good day to us all xxxa

city hope appointments go well.

I am shattered, tired. The thought of 2 more days at work looms ahead of me.

Oh no Keziah, can't imagine how fed up you feel at exhaustion plus pg plus exhausting work . Are you able to do anything butnap at will ? Can you take a long nap when you get home ? I find regular small snacks of protein like nuts / seeds / mini meals with pulses help massively , & drinking plenty of water - same old things I'm sure you already do . I can only be in awe that you got through today's stint .

Been thinking of you & dd, choc & < comforting after school drinks for you both & hot choc & soothing story for bedtime > Is dd very tired when she gets in ? I expect she's find it a bit overwhelming atm ? Hope you're not too stressed - speaking of being in awe , I'd be in a state at letting my little munchkin face the school playground - I saw on the starting school thread that one Mner's neighbour had watched the playground with binoculars from back bedroom to see if her dc was OK

Thinking of you both as you look after the youngest generation

OMG!! Really didn't think it would be this hard. Oh city you made me laugh with the binocular story! I couldn't wait to throw her out the door . My problem is the early mornings [groans]. I'm so out of it I keep dropping things though luckily nothing broken yet! Today I came home after dropping dd off and went straight to bed. Didn't get up until after 1pm but then there wasn't much time before having to do the pick up. The school day is just much too short compared to nursery hours. Dd is loving it though .

How did the appts go city? It's nearly the end of the week now Keziah -just hope you're bearing up with adjusting back into work. I really don't envy you. I'm sitting here thinking how I'm ever going to manage it. Hope Friday heralds a good start to the weekend for us all xx

< does cartwheels and waves pompoms for choc and her dd >

Excellent that dd is loving it !Throwing her out of the door She sounds very lively and enquiring so lots of new stuff to learn should use up some of that energy ...

As for your sleepiness and needing to sleep in late , whenever I get that it's a symptom of needing a break emotionally , < obvious > and often a warning sign of underlying anxiety , so we'll be keeping a close eye on you - there's something for you to look forward to , eh < soothing lemon balm >

Thinking of you , Keziah - you're probably already snoozing , and I hope the sleep is refreshing . Really admire your determination & hope tomorrow passes as quickly as possible .

Appts went incredibly scarily - harrowing , to be honest but are very useful progress . Thank you both so much for your support , and I tried very hard to seem calm and in control ( didn't manage it , but did better than last time )

Peaceful night and accident - free morning to us all xxx

So dd is loving it too! Napping is good - I am getting quite good at it too.

Well had a fantastic medical appointment today with a consultant who is really good (physical appointment) and she told me in no uncertain terms that I should cut down my work due to my health risks etc... and if I feel ill at all to go home and not go back for a week, as they can't easily pick up what I normally get ill with or treat easily with me being infections. I told her I could ask for some duties to be taken from me - she said, no - half days only. Eek! Went to gp - who agreed (as 2 consultants told me similar things in same week, one the stroke consultant!!) and has given me a a fit note for x number of half days for x months (to maternity leave).

Agghhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Work will not be happy!! Got meeting on Tue to discuss this - well work don't know that is what it is for!! So scared of them challenging it, gossip, making it hard for me etc...

city glad they over and you did better than last time.

Well if I am not going to be at work much I feel I at least ought to do one household thing a day - so cooking I will choose. Watch out for more experiments with recipes!! (I get bored on my own!!)

Oh my goodness Keziah this is a lot for you to take in in one day . I 've been worrying about the demands work is placing on you & am afraid I'm very relieved to see your doctors are unanimous that you need more rest , but am so sorry you have a wait now to see how work reacts , and other potential difficulties associated with it < caffeine free soothing >

I see that you must be very nervous about the work situation , but if they do prove unhelpful , then negative outcome would have occurred sooner or later . This way , you're protecting yourself & baby as early on as possible - you have been particularly brave forcing yourself in to work as you know infection can affect you very badly .< wraps Keziah in cotton wool > < Keziah fights it off >

Delighted your physical health appt was good , & hope you feel well supported .
Lots going on here but am sleepy & can't think of how to report it in any interesting fashion

Very excited at prospect of further tasty recipes ! I've made several batches of lentil bol and bhajis & feel very cooky indeed , and choc & dd eagerly await new taste experiences .

< after school soothing hot choc and wholesome to choc's adventurous dd > Don't worry choc , you'll adjust to the mornings soon !

Hope you both have a lovely evening xxx
Meanwhile , I too love naps ....

I'm here trying to avert crisis but wanted to say a brief hi to you both. city I'm pleased to hear your appts were very useful progress even if harrowing. They can only keep getting better and I'm sure next time you'll master the art of calm .

Keziah I'm also really pleased that you've been instructed to rest up. Must keep you and baby well. Work will have to take a run and jump hey .

Right I'm off to drug myself up and then going to bed. Safest place for me I think. xx

Hope you managed to get some sleep ,choc and that crisis is averted unless there's a "safe" waay of allowing it to express itself - sorry , I know nothing as you can tellbut .... .... are fairly symptoms & issues ( re) surfacing , or is clarity pretty eluusive at the moment ? How do you feel about the idea of self - referring back to the services as the counsellor told ? but you may not feel up to it / fear being "rejected", it may take a while to see anyone so even if you have doubts , I think you might neet o consider setting the wheels in motion soon and it would be so good if you could feel clearer .

Sorry if I'm brewing a storm in a teacup & you're largely just exhausted from the huge efforts and achievements of recent weeks

Am cheering your comment to Keziah re : her work
( We know it's a serious situation which could cause you a lot of difficulty Keziah but I repeat , if management / colleagues / general working culture has thepotential to be hostile , it may be better to have it come to a head sooner rather than later)
they'r

Thank you for boosting me up again choc , but I must say the lack of vaguely decent care for ms-ers in the nhs ( please trust me on this - not even asking for actual treatment ) plus prejudice against past mh issues that I'm encountering are a really bad recipe for keeping calm so perhaps I'm already doing better than I thought ... < feels brighter >

Sorry to be so depressing ... am very happy to see how much progress there 's been on patients' rights

Hope you both have a suitably restful weekend . I have a lovely but stupidly tiring day planned today < muscle - flexing emoticon > Sorry for rant

sorry for typos xx

at city's cotton wool! Have work meeting middle of next week (so normal hours ironically till then), so nervous - about work sending me to OH, wanting to get rid of me, not letting me do my xhours for x number of months (I will be bored if not allowed to!) and the stress and hassle I anticipate ahead. But this baby is precious so think I NEEDED telling not to push myself too much, as tiredness has physical implications. Also have got very anxious and mentally not been brilliant (but am avoiding that) the last 2 weeks as I have got more tired.

On a positive note - loving my parcels and contents! Now have clothes that fit, always helpful.

So sorry city that nhs provision and understanding is lacking. I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue about 7 years ago, retrospectively - it was horrible, and all tied up with mh issues too. xx

Choc - hope lovely weekend and all ok with you.
xx

< adds extra fluffy layers to Keziah's wrapping >

So hoping your employers treat you fairly & better than expected , & that your worst fears will be allayed . I know it's trite , but if your employers are too clueless to value your passion for your work & your commitment , someone else will . But I guess you fear it would be awkward in current climate to finnd a new position soon after stroke and ML / birth (((( Keziah ))) You gave choc Brilliant advice on dealing with OH & I hope they 'll be lessimagine you're concerned they'll be very intrusive than expected, argh .

You ' re amazing to be dealing with increased anxiety & state of mind being below par , without being able to take meds regularly ( I know it is an option for many pg women ) Hope you can manage some frivolous time once you've got the next days of normal hours over with .

Been thinking of you choc & sorry if you're having a bit of a "crash" after recent huge achievements . I think you really need support & therapy for mh as you have had so little up till now & recent months have been so hard . How are you supposed to feel better when there are still unresolved questions as to the cause of the difficulties , & problems with the meds ? Plus being in sole charge of an exhausting dc is incredibley hard on mh < teaching grandmothers to suck eggs > < broken record >

Thank you so much for support once again Keziah and I really sympathise with the hell of chronic fatigue (partly ) connected with with mh problems . Gutted to hear you were diagnosed retrospectively - grim grim, grim .
I'm very ashamed to say I find these connections humiliating , not "truly" so but that HCPs treat them as less important , though I know most try not to . I think we all have hard life lessons to overcome our egotism It's to do with having had the ms undiagnosed for years & years as people with depression & anxiety are "complex"- you know the story . There are a couple of researchers working on the theory that shame is actually an emotion with intense effects < obvious >

Sorry to sound serious & downbeat ... managed to do political stuff yesterday & go to dear friend's 50th birthday but am done in for days now- truly precious though to see old friends who'd travelled down .
Hope you both have a calm Sunday , with cheering distraction xxx

Not a horrendous weekend for me but just a battling one. I keep getting the "wanting to step off the world" feeling. Definitely crashed and feeling a bit ill-equipped. It's taking a lot of focus to stay in the real world. Also was told "That's life!" in reference to work, school routines, doing the shopping etc etc by my mother . Like I don't know that! But when I can't deal with life my natural reaction is to not have life! Why is it so hard for non-sufferers to understand that? Are they so ecstatic about life that they can't see why anyone would want to opt out? I don't know when I got this lazy.

Sorry I'm a bit ranty but I know you'll forgive me xx

rant away choc!!

Hear hear, Keziah ! Hope you got through today OK if it was one of your work days < fret> and if not , you weren't bored .
So sorry didn't post before - I press "send" but didn't double check as sleepy

Well done with the battling choc and not so well done to your DM for that remark ... I 've ranted all that stuff you said yesterday many times when going through tough patches .
I think would cautiously say I've been very surprised to find how an awful lot of people don't know how it feels to have a prolonged bout of vicious depression , or they seem to "bury it" / divert it into numbing behaviours & are only only able to fully experience huge unhappiness when they're grieving a loss . Some people really don't understand as it's a psychological defence mechanism that becomes an undesirable personality trait < ultra obvious >

I was staggered when I finally lost my depression as I had hardly ever felt so well and energetic in my whole life ...no wonder I'd achieved so little before - life was 20 times harder !

Must admit though choc , it's upsetting to see you feel that way , & I'd be so worried if I were your Mum - not meaning to make you feel worse , just sad you're not getting any therapy .

Fine here and sending uber - calming thoughts to you both - bet the full moon has been exacerbating circumstances involving tweaky people , & our anxieties in general - it's on the wane any time now xxx

I think I want off my meds but don't think my gp will agree.

Ahh city yes the full moon. An acupuncturist I saw years and years ago told me about this after a bizarre relapse. Don't know how true this is but she said there's a peak in hospital admissions around this time .

Your friends 50th birthday sounded rather pleasant . I've got an invite to a 50th wedding anniversary party next week and am hopeful it won't be too traumatic. I'm really not doing too well with crowds at the moment. So uber calming thoughts willingly accepted, thanks .

Good luck Keziah with OH meeting. I've still not had mine and just not in frame of mind right now to pursue it.

Good to hear from you , choc and if you want to see if the meds are indeed causing you really signficant problems ( I do think they may be ,from what you've shared with us over the months ) then your GP is not the finaal arbiter of your decision .... neither would a psychiatrist , if you we
re under the care of one as your difficulties merit - bah at under - resourced nhs .
If you decide to try again with cutting down / stopping , there are people on this board and on mentalhealthforum who will share their experiences , and plenty of advice on reputable mh sites

Thinking of you Keziah and really , really hoping the stress of anticipating the meeting - whilst working your normal hours - isn't affecting your health ... calm , extra cool - headed vibes to you

You'll be in a better frame of mind for your meetings choc when a course of action becomes more obvious & you've "settled into " it , even more obvious than usual > . Hope dd isn't tired of school yet !

50th anniversary party could be lovely and low key enough to face - totally relate to not feeling up to crowds but you may find quieter areas to chill out with similar people . ( unlike bangin' nitespots involved in friend's 5oth , dear gods )

sorry for typos xx