Is 4 kids too many?

[Mumsie2024]

Hi, would like to know your thoughts?
is 4 kids a step too far? Currently have 3 kids and thinking I’d like a 4th but not sure if it’s hormones!
What's the verdict?

Well I was one of 5 kids growing up and it didn't seem to do any of us any harm. 😁
Less common to have large families now but if you feel you can manage it then why not?

For most people, yes. I think it becomes a struggle financially for many. But it is down to your personal circumstances.

I have four but mine are more like two and two which is why I had a fourth. I would think about the dynamics between your 3 and how naither would fit. Age gap? Is the fourth much younger or a similar age gap? Car? Would you need to get a 7 seater or do you have one already? This does become an issue more later on too as 7 seaters are fine up until age 10-11 but after that it’s a squeeze. But in a two car family you can have options. Bedrooms? Have you five? Our kids often chose to share but the choice to have their own room was always there too. Again this is more important in the later years of tween/teen. Environment- meh- my sister and her only child and husband have more money so have been to Canada, USA and Australia plus Europe at least once a year- always fly- in the same time period we have been abroad (Europe) three times. So I’m not convinced my carbon footprint is worse than hers…
It needs to be a head and heart choice. But you wouldn’t regret a fourth child- I still wonder what a fifth would have been like and kind of glad DH is older than me so we “had” to stop- as if we’d started younger we’d have had a football team 😆

Yes. Everyone I know with 4 kids, whether they are working or stay at home parents is absolutely stretched to the limit in terms of time and attention. The wheels have usually fallen off for one child. These are all rich people on very high incomes (bankers - kids met at private school) so we’re not even talking about the financial impact.

I think it’s the time and finances issue that are most pertinent.

As a previous poster said, it’s either the very wealthy or the lowest end of the scale who consider it.

if you have any aspirations for your children’s further education, school trips, assisting with weddings or first properties, it’s going to be a big chunk of money to find four times.

I’m youngest of four and love it. My best friend from school is the eldest of four and also has a lovely rich family life now in adulthood.

We have four and I would definitely say it’s too many. I absolutely adore them, and our youngest is the light of our lives, but as teenagers they’ve needed so much more from us than when they were little, and I can only see that getting harder as the younger ones grow.

All I can say is there is a BIG leap from three to four.
We only planned on three. The fourth was a big surprise.
Had to buy a much larger car able to take six people. Ended up having to extend the house to add two extra bedrooms as they got older. Buying far more food. Handed down kids clothes but they had worn out after the third so had to rebut for the fourth. Ditto baby equipment and toys. No take outs, meal outs for kids birthday treat only, one week holiday a year and that had to be camping due to costs. Had to say no to after school activities, clubs or anything that cost to kids. Almost no sleep or time off from parenting. Child care unaffordable so stopped working so DH could step up and take extra hours as it proved cheaper.
It’s do able but it is not easy. It can make the difference between being able to do some of the nice things and having to cut to the bone to make the money you have cover the essentials.
BTW hormones lie…they can make you think another would not be so bad whilst forgetting to point out the daily reality of more than three plus lack of sleep. Four teenagers was hell.

I think it depends on the family. It would have been way too many for me, as DS2 had SEN and physical problems. It took all my energy to focus on helping him as well as caring from his brother. But if your children are healthy, neurotypical kids who don't need lots of extra attention and monitoring, and if you have a big income that is unlikely to become unstable (eg family money, not dependent on a single salary) and if you are good at wrangling them all to get dressed, eat up, into the car etc, then why not, if that is what you want.

I love hearing this! I really hope my kids grow up feeling grateful for their siblings. My partner is one of four and they are so close. Maybe that’s why I wanted four!

It's so dependent on your circumstances, can you afford another? Can you manage another (and what if they had even "mild" sen) Do you have a big enough car?

For me the answer was no because I valued a lifestyle that wouldn't have been achievable with 3 let alone 4 and my eldest has autism so needed a lot of attention.

@Developedanillness so 1 extra person is really going to make a difference to the plnet is it?

4 is too many

Get a grip 😂

I have three and I wish I'd have had the confidence to go for four when we had the chance.

Oh, I see the mathematically challenged anti-natalists complaining about large families when the tfr is on the floor are out in force today.

Adding more to me previous post...so yes we have 4 DC. I've been a sahm for many years.

DH works full time.

We have one car (a 7 seater). We only y holiday in the UK once a year to visit family. DC have quite simple tastes so are happy with cheap days out like national trust. We have family gym membership which is a large expense but we use it a lot. All clothes are second hand or occasionally Primark for the teens.

Actually, worldwide birthrate is below replacement.

I have 3 and I would have liked to have had 4, but unfortunately marriage breakdown stopped me. I feel confident I could have managed 4 even as a single parent - I've always worked and spaced my children such that my maternity leaves covered some of the expensive childcare years and managed my hours such that I could take them to school in the morning, then used a combination of childminders and after-school clubs in the afternoon. I have a 5 bedroomed house and had a 6 seater car. I honestly don't find 3 children especially expensive and I have a single income, plus child maintenance that although hefty compared to the average still doesn't bring in as much as a second adult with a part time job would. I don't claim anything other than child benefit.

However - I do live in a relatively cheap area for housing and work locally. A large commute would have made things difficult. My ex is also a high earner and paid maintenance of around 1000 per month (worth bearing in mind that CMS doesn't require any more maintenance for 4 than 3 if your marriage breaks down).

If you are managing well with 3, then if you want another do it.

I have 4. All close in age.
I love it most days lol

Not Africa. We still hardly need more people just for the sake of it though do we

It's not just you having one extra though is it? There's 8 BILLION people on earth and it's just not sustainable.

I’m tired after two and I’m only 30, don’t think I could handle a third never mind a fourth. If you’ve got the energy, time, money etc then go for it

Africa's birthrate does not make up for the low birthrate worldwide. Africa's birthrate is also dropping fast.

A birthrate that's too low can lead to serious social issues.

Who else’s benefit is a decision to have kids ever for?!