Page 6 | Is 4 kids too many?

Devianinc · 16/02/2025 01:53

Yes, a college education for each of your kids will be unattainable unless you have children that can get a free ride on their sports abilities or knowledge of science and computers.

getahhtmapub · 16/02/2025 02:20

Upstartled · 15/02/2025 10:27

Global fertility rates are below replacement levels. All the additional growth that we'll see in global population levels will be entirely down to increasing longevity as more and more people acquire access to basic provisions in life and healthcare.

From here on in we are going to see dramatic drops in fertility rates. Especially in developed countries.

You are essentially advocating a human Ponzi scheme.

tallcurvey · 16/02/2025 02:57

@Mumsie2024

yes totally

stayathomer · 16/02/2025 03:40

We’ve 4 kids, if you don’t mind chaotic then I’d go for it. All four are the loves of my lives and there’s juggling and you’re always tired and busy but I love life that way. I think 3 is the edge of orderly!! I think you know I’m your gut if you want 4 or not and only you and your dh can decide

Thornybush · 16/02/2025 03:55

We have 4 and absolutely adore our little (big) family. Life is absolutely crazy but so much fun. Our house is chaotic and there is so much laundry which is my biggest struggle! I wfh and dh works full time but is flexible. We are both exhausted but it is all worth it. Nights out are rare but once in a blue moon suits me as I'm so exhausted. All I want to do is sit down and watch tv with a glass of gin on a Friday night.

If you do decide to go for another you should look into gender swaying. It's not guaranteed but could up your chances of a baby girl. It's normal to want one of each, ignore the trolls. Of course you'll love baby no matter what.

46mumof6 · 16/02/2025 04:05

I have 6 all adults now. Loved having a big family, they may not have has holidays abroad and their own bedroom but they are all super close even now, they are 28,27,25,24,22,20.

before people say it's to many due to the population, my sister had 1, my sister-in-law none so we had their share as well.

It is a personal decision I didn't see much change from 3 to 4 apart from a bigger car.

SilverDoe · 16/02/2025 04:19

I have 3 and that's definitely it for me, I've lost all broodiness and desire to have another. I do still get pangs about babies but I'm quickly brought back to reality!

I really love all of them and wouldn't be without any of them of course, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed and thats with support around me. However, mine are young with small age gaps and one of mine has SEN so that influences my perspective. Something to think about though; if you do have a neurodiverse or disabled child you could really throw the balance of your life out.

TappyGilmore · 16/02/2025 04:23

If you can afford it, go for it. And I’m not sure that four would really be much more expansive than three anyway. I grew up as one of three and I would certainly not recommend having an odd number.

Original poster

Mumsie2024 · 16/02/2025 16:55

blueshoes · 16/02/2025 01:50

Last sentence was spiteful and unnecessary.

Nowhere did you say you would be thrilled with a boy.

On the contrary, what you did say is "I have 3 wonderful boys and while I know you can’t plan it, the opportunity to have a girl would be amazing. I would love to see my boys growing up with a younger sister to protect."

You are backtracking and being offensive whilst doing it.

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lol 😂

OP posts:

blueshoes · 16/02/2025 16:58

Mumsie2024 · 16/02/2025 16:55

lol 😂

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Loss for words?

Mumsie2024 · 16/02/2025 17:01

This reply has been deleted

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Thornybush · 16/02/2025 17:02

You mean lost?

Loopytiles · 16/02/2025 17:07

At the teen stage much could depend on how your DC are. I’m personally finding parenting two teens, one doing OK one with a MH issue, and working really hard. (DH shares parenting and doesn’t work away).

Also your attitude to risk around your paid work and financial independence. I don’t know many mums working FT with 3 or more DC and imagine that’d be a big challenge.

‘ I would love to see my boys growing up with a younger sister to protect’ is a silly, stereotypical thing to say about both boys and girls IMO.

Don’t think 4 DC would change the ‘middle child’ dynamic, you’d just have two middle chidren in DC2 and DC3.

Ph3 · 16/02/2025 17:09

@Mumsie2024 I just read your update about have 3 boys and whilst I can understand the want of having a girl (one of each) I don’t think it’s really about chaos (because that’s justo fine imo) it’s really about affordability - specially as if your kids are all close in age. What happens down the line where they are in their teens and want to go to uni and you’re shelling out at least 20k a year (if we are lucky!) can you afford that? Can you give them the best options if so yes go for it! If not I personally wouldn’t.

Foreverbold · 16/02/2025 17:12

I have 3 wonderful boys and while I know you can’t plan it, the opportunity to have a girl would be amazing. I would love to see my boys growing up with a younger sister to protect

and this is why our society will never progress, why women will always be seen as the inferior sex, because the parents who are supposed to be teaching their children about equality are actually the ones causing the harm. Imagine a mother teaching her kids that boys are there for the protection of girls. Gross

Original poster

Mumsie2024 · 16/02/2025 17:13

Ph3 · 16/02/2025 17:09

@Mumsie2024 I just read your update about have 3 boys and whilst I can understand the want of having a girl (one of each) I don’t think it’s really about chaos (because that’s justo fine imo) it’s really about affordability - specially as if your kids are all close in age. What happens down the line where they are in their teens and want to go to uni and you’re shelling out at least 20k a year (if we are lucky!) can you afford that? Can you give them the best options if so yes go for it! If not I personally wouldn’t.

Yes we can afford it. We are both high incomers, money is not an issue.

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Original poster

Mumsie2024 · 16/02/2025 17:17

Foreverbold · 16/02/2025 17:12

I have 3 wonderful boys and while I know you can’t plan it, the opportunity to have a girl would be amazing. I would love to see my boys growing up with a younger sister to protect

and this is why our society will never progress, why women will always be seen as the inferior sex, because the parents who are supposed to be teaching their children about equality are actually the ones causing the harm. Imagine a mother teaching her kids that boys are there for the protection of girls. Gross

really?

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blueshoes · 16/02/2025 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I am not a troll. I have been on this site for more than 2 decades. Just because I have pointed out how you have been rude and back-paddled does not make me a troll, as if.

If you can dish it out, you can take it.

blueshoes · 16/02/2025 17:19

Mumsie2024 · 16/02/2025 17:17

really?

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Yes, it is gross and retrograde

Bbq1 · 16/02/2025 17:22

Mumsie2024 · 14/02/2025 23:52

Hi, would like to know your thoughts?
is 4 kids a step too far? Currently have 3 kids and thinking I’d like a 4th but not sure if it’s hormones!
What's the verdict?

I know a family of 8 children ranging in age from 3 - 18 including twins! We have one ds. It's personal choice and circumstances.

wafflesmgee · 16/02/2025 17:22

I think it changes you as a person and as a family, you become much more inward looking and us against the world-y after three because logistically there’s less time to do stuff in the community/commit to friends outside of home etc. that’s what made me stop at three, because I knew if we had 4 we would be a more insular unit and I wanted my three to look outwards too. E.g. I still have a career with 3, with 4 I would have had to give it up.
a bit abstract but it makes sense to me.

wafflesmgee · 16/02/2025 17:24

You can of course still work with 4 but I wouldn’t have been able to and still be the mum I want to be ie fully present and able to support my children with hobbies/play dates
with 4 I’d have needed to not work in the daytime to keep up with home chores to enable said play dates and hobbies for the kids

Original poster

Mumsie2024 · 16/02/2025 17:30

wafflesmgee · 16/02/2025 17:22

I think it changes you as a person and as a family, you become much more inward looking and us against the world-y after three because logistically there’s less time to do stuff in the community/commit to friends outside of home etc. that’s what made me stop at three, because I knew if we had 4 we would be a more insular unit and I wanted my three to look outwards too. E.g. I still have a career with 3, with 4 I would have had to give it up.
a bit abstract but it makes sense to me.

This is a very valuable point. There’s a fine balance where a career has to be sacrificed
even more and then with more kids it’s more difficult to maintain or build back up after maternity leave for example. With less kids career progress can still be manageable if someone really wants to and has the means to.

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Original poster

Mumsie2024 · 16/02/2025 17:34

wafflesmgee · 16/02/2025 17:24

You can of course still work with 4 but I wouldn’t have been able to and still be the mum I want to be ie fully present and able to support my children with hobbies/play dates
with 4 I’d have needed to not work in the daytime to keep up with home chores to enable said play dates and hobbies for the kids

This is so important, I like being present a lot and keep childcare limited as much as possible. Time together for hobbies and activities is what make memories.

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Daisy12Maisie · 16/02/2025 17:36

Yes I think so especially if you want to help your kids post 18. If there are then 4 sons/ daughters in law and 12 grandchildren that's a huge family. Are you going to watch all the school plays? Be able to get them all Christmas/birthday presents?
Help with homework? Teach them all to drive? Drive them all back and forth to uni?
I'm from a big family and it means the louder ones get their own way all the time. The quieter ones get walked all over.
I could go on and on and on but 4 in my opinion is too many.