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Family planning

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Original poster

My daughter has had an abortion

257 replies

Overthinker78 · 18/10/2023 06:35

Please help me do the right thing. I

My 24 year old daughter has had a medical abortion at 6 weeks. She had become pregnant following a holiday one night stand and was clear from the outset that she did not want to go through with an unplanned pregnancy alone. As gently as possible, I tried to get her to think through all options and let her know that she would have my emotional, practical and financial support if she chose to parent but - if she did not - I would understand and help her through the procedure as best I could.

My views have always been strongly prolife, having chosen to keep my dd, despite pressure to abort from my parents 24 years ago. I have been that scared girl with an unplanned pregnancy but she turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. I tried to show my daughter that good can come from something that feels like a disaster. But at the same time, I understand that she is frightened

Since my daughter's abortion, I have been consumed by feelings of guilt and worry. I can't shake the overwhelming fear that she made the wrong decision and that, perhaps, I didnt do enough to save the life of my potential grandchild. I feel panic and worry for her mental health when the weight of her decision kicks in.

I would appreciate any advice I can get to help me move towards a fuller acceptance of this situation so I can be a better support for my daughter.

OP posts:

viques · 23/01/2024 01:12

Autumcolors · 18/10/2023 07:42

If you want some pro life post abortion support send me a Pm. I have some Uk places/resources that can try to help. Your feelings are entirely valid. As is your grief and pain.
I will only send links for you to contact phone numbers.
otherwise Google
pro life post abortion support uk
and there are organations such as Life, and Good Councel Network that can help you get some support

You do realise that it was the OPs daughter who had an abortion? Not the OP?

viques · 23/01/2024 01:27

Butterflymask · 23/01/2024 00:41

hi,
i hope any one can give me some help , my daughter who is 19 , i thought was very close with me , we have been through a lot together , she does have a sister and 2 brothers, been through broken marriage with me, and i thought we were pretty close , she has had 2 consecutive miscarriages, which i supported her through her devastation when the scan was non viable and cried to me, we all knew she was craving a child, then a couple of days ago i find out that she had an abortion , i and her sister are struggling to come to terms with it , as she was desperate for a child and do not understand why she didnt talk to us, where as we would of helped her and guided her with all the options open to her, to make the decision which was right for her, i am struggling as a mother and any help would be very much appreciated .

I think your dd has “made the decision that was right for her” . I think the support she needs from you is about contraception , strong stable relationships and self esteem.

Three pregnancies by 19 is a lot. Is she making good choices about the men she has relationships with,and knows what she wants out of a relationship? I would worry that maybe she needs to understand that getting pregnant doesn’t mean that it is a strong relationship, or that a pregnancy will cement a relationship. When you describe her as “craving a child” it makes me worry that she thinks a child will provide something that is missing in her life, but that is not a child’s purpose and is not a good enough reason to have a baby.

Totks · 23/01/2024 12:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Butterflymask · 23/01/2024 13:44

thank you people,
i suppose it is why she never told me as i would of supported her, and i will try to be talking to her, as to why she so wants a child and relationships as she sees her sisters children, nieces and nephews a lot so knows they can be hard work. Thank you every one, for your comments much appreciated.

Butterflymask · 23/01/2024 13:46

thank you , some good help and i will have a good chat with her, and try to see what is going on , as i did not know anything about it. Which saddened myself. but thank you for your help , it is much appreciated.

StopStartStop · 23/01/2024 13:54

OP - her body, her choice.
You've done the right things. You've supported her. Now you need to keep that up.
Get help for yourself, get counselling/therapy. Talk it through with a stranger, not with your dd.
Sometimes there's no right answer, just the least-worst, and learning to live with that afterwards.

henrysugar12 · 23/01/2024 19:34

@Butterflymask her body, her choice.

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