Abortion, im so scared

[wonderingwendy]

I just found out last weekend that im pregnant and I can't/don't want this baby .I am 34 and have 3 kids already ages 15, 12&7.
im having such bad anxiety about what is to come.i have seen gp and got the ball rolling and have an appointment for a dating scan and chat with a doctor/counsellor? this Thursday , im so scared of the scan what if I see the baby and change my mind ? even though every fibre in my body doesn't want to keep it.
what procedures will they offer me ? I must be put to sleep I will have a panic attack otherwise.
I also want to be sterilised at the same time, will that be possible ?
if any of you have experienced abortion please could you advise me of what is to come.
I think im about 7 weeks

My dh is here but i'm feeling quite angry with him so i'd rather be alone. The nurse told me to spit it out because i broke down when i first put it in my mouth. Afterwards she said if i was going to take it i had to do it soon because it was dissolving. I just threw it back to get it all over and done with.

I know that you've struggled with your feelings about this over the course of the thread. Do you think that you went back to the clinic because deep down you felt it was the right thing for you? Can you hold on to that thought?

That's what i have to keep telling myself. It's so hard though.

It is hard. And I expect hormones are playing a part too. When do you return to the clinic for the second part? How are you feeling about that?

Tomorrow. I'm dreading it.

Will your dh go with you?

I have had the pill option and had a very bad reaction to it. I have heard that they've improved it since I had it though. I won't go into detail here unless you would like to PM me, but if you're scared I would go for GA.

He'll take me and bring me home but i don't want him there throughout the day. I know i took the pill of my own free will but i don't feel like i had a choice and i blame him for that.

I think that's a very normal way to feel. You make a decision based on lots of factors, and pressures either spoken or felt from others

Oh Gnome! I wish i wAs able to hold your hand. Ok. I think whenever we make drastic decisions like this it is human to instantly doubt and regret them initially. Like i said, i went through a few dats of doubr after mine; partly hormonal, partly a reaction to having made a decision i couldn't go back on. This feeling doesnt mean it was the wrong thing to do.

You said you really didn't want to be pregnsnt. You went back to the clinic after your initial visit. The feeling might be confused today but you had very strong feslings about not continuing wuth the pregnancy and you need to really try and listen to that voice again.

Why don't you write it all down to get some clarity? I know a poster on here who wrote a letter to her potential future baby and she said that really helped. Try and get some counselling but whatever you do please take care of yourself and do whatever you need to do to get through it.

So many of us go through this and come out the other side kniwing they had made the right decision at that time and what was best for ourselves and our families.

I had the medical many years ago. In my case it was fine. Like a very heavy period. So please don't worry.

Sending you lots of love.

I wish I knew what to say gnome
im sorry you are feeling so bad about this.are you feeling pressured into the termination by your dh or is it what you want ?
it was hard enough for me even though I was doing it for my own reasons so I can't imagine what you are going through. please keep posting so we can offer an ear . thinking of you x

I do feel as though i wasn't given much choice. He always said he'd support whatever i decided but he also said he didn't really want three. And if he talked about having another he would talk about the negatives - sleepless nights, me having to cope alone when he's away. We argued about it so badly that i had to consider whether i would rather be a single mum to two or three children.

I took the pull. I can't blame anyone but myself for that. But i didn't feel 100% sure about it and for that reason i shouldn't have taken it.

Gnome, I really feel for you. Now is not the time to go into my story, but it's very similar to yours.
I don't know how your life will pan out, but for me, looking back it was absolutely the right decision even though it was agony to go through at the time. I still bitterly regret it, but it doesn't hurt me any more.
I hope you get to that point too.

so what happens if ypu don't take the next pill tomorrow? I don't know much about the medical as I wanted the surgical. what does the first pill do ?
wish I could give you a hug xx

It blocks the progesterone which is essential to the progression of the pregnancy. I haven't bled or cramped yet but my breasts are no longer sore so it's obviously worked. The nurse told me.she knew of a couple of women who hadn't returned for the pessaries and their pregnancies had progressed but i think that's rare. The message they give you at the hospital is that.there's no going back.

She gave me.the option to wait She said she'd book me in for a surgical in January to give me mire time. I think a part of me just wanted the situation resolved. I felt like if i walked away again i'd continue in a state of limbo. I just think it was a snap decision (even though it took four hours to make it) and i should have walked away. But who knows how i'd be feeling now if i'd walked away?

I see so will you take the pill tomorrow?
you must of taken that pill for a reason.just because now isn't the right time for another child this doesn't mean that in the future you could try again if that makes sense. so if you dont take the rest of the tablets tomorrow can you still go in for the surgery ? because it will still be there. imo that would be gentler on you.

I think I'll have to take it Wendy. I could probably wait for surgical removal but i think its for the best to get it out of the way.

I'm trying to remember how i felt before. I didn't want to be pregnant, prayed for blood when i went to the toilet. Now i find myself hoping to not see blood, which is ridiculous considering i opted for this.

Like you say, for some reason i took it. I could have walked away but i chose to stay and take the tablet.

try to stay strong. this too will pass xx

I'm so sorry gnome. I really feel for you. I just wanted to send you another hug.
It will be 2 weeks tomorrow since my op. I am doing well. Bleeding has more or less stopped now and cramping too.

I hope you are doing well Wendy.

hi catmadmum
im okish .Having night sweats even though I don't have a temp? must be my hormones im guessing. im very sensitive to hormones which is why I don't take the pill.
do you need to do another pregnancy test soon ? I wasn't advised to ?

thinking of you gnome x

Start your own thread Kilmuir. This isn't the time or place.

thankyou MNHQ