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Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Family planning

Abortion, im so scared

275 replies

wonderingwendy · 01/11/2013 18:04

I just found out last weekend that im pregnant and I can't/don't want this baby .I am 34 and have 3 kids already ages 15, 12&7.
im having such bad anxiety about what is to come.i have seen gp and got the ball rolling and have an appointment for a dating scan and chat with a doctor/counsellor? this Thursday , im so scared of the scan what if I see the baby and change my mind ? even though every fibre in my body doesn't want to keep it.
what procedures will they offer me ? I must be put to sleep I will have a panic attack otherwise.
I also want to be sterilised at the same time, will that be possible ?
if any of you have experienced abortion please could you advise me of what is to come.
I think im about 7 weeks

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wonderingwendy · 28/11/2013 20:30

im too fat for a sterilisation

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wonderingwendy · 30/11/2013 18:56

how are we all ?

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sj73 · 30/11/2013 21:35

Hello Wendy love. All good here. I've been thinkingof you. How long have you got to go now?

wonderingwendy · 30/11/2013 22:51

five days to go ,can't come soon enough.

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catmadmum · 30/11/2013 23:36

Hi ladies. I'm doing fine although went out last night and ended up blubbing about this week's events to a friend. Was mortified when I woke up this morning. Feeling a bit crampy today - like a painful trapped wind and very bloated. That could be down to the amount of wine I consumed last night!
Still thinking of you Wendy and everyone else.

UnknownGnome · 02/12/2013 19:48

Hi everyone. I had my initial hospital appointment today. I had the scan and they struggled to find the pregnancy as it's so small. It is, however, there. I'm booked in on Saturday to start the medical process. She said they'd only allow me to take the tablet if i'm 100% sure though. Which i'm not at the moment. I it's what i want. Although i could have taken the tablet today and i refused That's mainly based on me being unprepared for the next stage in a couple of days though. I can't take the time off work and my Dh won't be here to take me home afterwards.

I wish i just didn't have the tiny bit of doubt about it.

I hope everyone else is okay.

UnknownGnome · 03/12/2013 08:34

Actually Wendy, I've just notices that your children have an almost identical age gap to mine, if i were to go ahead with this pregnancy. Can you remember the early day with the third? Were the order ones okay or.did the arrival of a little one have a negative impact on them? Was your third planned? Sorry for all the questions; I'm sure you're not particularly in a place where you want to be interrogated at the moment!

I'm aware you've got your procedure soon. I'll be thinking of soon. Not long until your nightmare is over.

UnknownGnome · 03/12/2013 08:36

Catmadmum, i'm sure your friend didn't mind you getting blubby. We've all been there! You've been through a lot recently and it's natural to need an emotional outlet now and then.

wonderingwendy · 03/12/2013 16:50

hi unknowngnome
yes the third was planned. I don't think a child knowing that they were an accident is a nice thing.
it was very hard with three my daughter was five when ds 3 was born and she took it badly.she was incredibly jealous and felt so left out.my older boy was a great help though.
Didn't help that I had crippling depression and anxiety. I had a mental health nurse for ages.i saw a phycologist often and was on hormone patches and anti depressants.
I found every day tasks so overwhelming and I ended up with a home start volunteer who im still close with now.
I didn't have any family support and my marriage was rocky too.
not the ideal way to have a baby
all of this is in my mind and is what has made the decision for me easy.i have no doubt whatsoever that this is right.
I don't want you to think im heartless im well aware that I am doing a bad thing to my own flesh and blood its sad but I have to put my health and the wellbeing of my "real " children first.
im so sorry you are undecided it must be awful
my sister has let me down and now cant take me so I have had to ask a friend to drop me and I have no idea how im getting back yet.
I very annoyed with her actually

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UnknownGnome · 03/12/2013 20:33

Wendy, i don't think you're heartless at all, and i don't think you're doing a terrible thing. I hope you don't feel I've insinuated that. I'm also considering it; I only wish I could be more sure about what i want to do.

Having a baby is a huge decision to make; it's difficult enough to come to terms with when it's planned. And the emotional wellbeing of the mother is one of the most important factors. You have a few cells dividing inside you at the moment, that's all. You're not destroying a life, you're ensuring your life and that of your family is not destroyed. Please don't ever say that you're doing a terrible thing. You're not.

I'm so sorry you've been let down. Is there no one else who would be able to support you and take you home? I'd be angry in your shoes too, although i would hope whatever reason she has for letting you down is genuine and unavoidable. Did she give a reason? Doesn't make it any easier for you though. You need someone with you.

wonderingwendy · 03/12/2013 21:02

sorry I didn't mean you had insinuated anything.
my sister said her bf would be able to take the day off to drive us there and back but now she said he is working. she has the day off so now she wants to come but she could be waiting for hours and hours knowing my luck.my mum said they will bring me home but will have to lie to my dad about why

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UnknownGnome · 03/12/2013 21:35

It's just an extra complication you can do without isn't it? I haven't told my parents either and nor do i intend to. I really hope you get it sorted x

sj73 · 04/12/2013 13:24

Lots of luck today Wendy. I hope you are feeling relieved afterwards.

Gnome: is there any way you can get some telephone counselling? You still sound torn. Did going to the hospital make things any clearer for you?

wonderingwendy · 04/12/2013 14:01

its on friday

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wonderingwendy · 04/12/2013 20:53

feeling really weepy tonight
I dunno why just am ?

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UnknownGnome · 04/12/2013 21:41

Hormones? They're probably playing a part. Plus it's a really stressful time. Sorry you're feeling down

mineofuselessinformation · 04/12/2013 22:28

Wendy and Gnome, sending you both huge hugs.

UnknownGnome · 04/12/2013 22:56

Thanks mine

sj, you might be right about counselling. I've been talking to a couple of really good friends who are very supportive and level headed. Talking helps but i never become any clearer in my decision. I've never been a confident decision maker, and whichever way i go, i always end up wishing i'd taken the other option. That's not so bad when you're talking about which Chinese meal to order. This is a little more life-changing! I want someone - or my body - to make the decision for me but i know that only I can make it. Not my friends, not dh, not the lovely sister at the hospital, me. And the weight of that is sitting heavily at the moment.

I have to make a decision and know that the decision I make at the time will be the right one at that very moment.

I still can't believe i'm in this position.

Wendy, I hope you're okay.

wonderingwendy · 05/12/2013 11:34

i had a bit of a meltdown last night - it all became so real suddenly ,i told dh i was feeling lonely and that him not discussing it made me feel like he didn't care or worse was upset at my decision,i was also angry that in the 6 weeks since i have known i was pregnant he hasn't made the appointment to have a vasectomy.
it will all be over tomorrow and for that im very thankful.

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sj73 · 05/12/2013 15:38

Gnome: I really hope that you get some good counselling. A specialised abortion counseller would be so used to dealing with women in your situation who are completely torn. I think you can get telephone counselling through Marie Stopes and other providers. I really think you are doing the right thing by waiting until you are more sure. I can understand your dilemma. There are two shit choices and either choice might be the right one and either might be the wrong one. It's a case of choosing the lesser of two evils really isn't it? I found picturing myself going forward with the pregnancy and imagining it made me really sure as the thought of continuing just made me feel really depressed. I figured I would rather be depressed because of a termination than depressed because of a pregnancy. As it turns out, I'm not that depressed at all but that's because I was so sure of my decision.

Wendy: lots of luck for tomorrow. A meltdown is so understandable. You've had to be so strong for the last month and I guess it all has to come to a head at some point. I must have seemed like just a date before and now it's real. I can understand your issues with your dh. I am furious with mine. Irrationally so. I'm so pissed off I've had to go through this and he hasn't. Yesterday I got furious with him for not helping with the housework but insanely furious. I'm actually raging at the fact he's been as happy as larry for the last month. I'm massively PMT though (hallelujah!) so hopefully the rage will subside soon!

sj73 · 05/12/2013 15:39

Catmadmum: I hope you are recovering and feeling ok with everything. A meltdown is totally normal!

UnknownGnome · 05/12/2013 17:50

I'm the opposite with my dh Wendy; I get annoyed because he talks about it too much to me! I feel like he wants support from me but i don't feel i can support him-I've got too much on my own shoulders.

wonderingwendy · 05/12/2013 18:41

unknowngnome we need to swap dh's
feeling so sick this evening, must be my bodies last little hoorah.
feeling nervous now.

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UnknownGnome · 05/12/2013 20:18

This time tomorrow it will all be over. That must be a good feeling. You should plan something to look forward to. A takeaway and a film or something. And you'll finally be able to look forward to Christmas

UnknownGnome · 05/12/2013 20:37

I think i'm coming round to a.decision. I keep thinking about how i felt when i got the pregnancy test results. It was dread, fear, panic. No positive emotions. And still I hope to see blood when I go to the toilet and feel really disappointed when it's just more discharge. The complete opposite to my previous pregnancies. I want the pregnancy to end, i just wish i didn't have to end it myself

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