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Original poster

Abortion, im so scared

275 replies

wonderingwendy · 01/11/2013 18:04

Sad I just found out last weekend that im pregnant and I can't/don't want this baby .I am 34 and have 3 kids already ages 15, 12&7.
im having such bad anxiety about what is to come.i have seen gp and got the ball rolling and have an appointment for a dating scan and chat with a doctor/counsellor? this Thursday , im so scared of the scan what if I see the baby and change my mind ? even though every fibre in my body doesn't want to keep it.
what procedures will they offer me ? I must be put to sleep I will have a panic attack otherwise.
I also want to be sterilised at the same time, will that be possible ?
if any of you have experienced abortion please could you advise me of what is to come.
I think im about 7 weeks

OP posts:
Original poster
wonderingwendy · 07/12/2013 22:41

I had mine done yesterday and im nearly back to normal again.i do recommend it.what did your dh say about you not being able to take the tablet today ?

OP posts:
UnknownGnome · 07/12/2013 22:48

No, didn't sound pushy. I've wondered the same myself. I'm just so emotionally exhausted.

The tablet felt like poison. There's something about having to administer it myself and then spend the following hours waiting for pain and bleeding, and then of course the day-long stay in hospital a couple of days later.

I don't know what to do but i'm grateful for your support.

UnknownGnome · 07/12/2013 22:50

I haven't spoken to him properly because he's away. I'll speak to him tomorrow. I think he wishes i'd taken it though.

mineofuselessinformation · 07/12/2013 23:03

Gnome, you need your dh there with you. To do this on your own is very tough. Tell him to get his arse home.

differentnameforthis · 08/12/2013 01:44

but do you know they didn't ask me once if I was still wanting to go through with it. I geuss if I was crying they might of.

I don't think that is unusual. None of the drs that did mine asked me at any stage either. I guess they figure that asking may put that little doubt in your mind, or that you would make it known that you can't go ahead.

I had counselling on the same day for mine, you saw the dr, saw the counsellor & then had the procedure.

I hope you feel ok. The first few days were the hardest for me, purely because I didn't know what to expect.

Be kind to yourself.

differentnameforthis · 08/12/2013 01:46

I think one of the problems is that i don't believe my reasons for having an abortion are good enough.

They ARE good enough. They are as equally valid as anyone else's.

Original poster
wonderingwendy · 08/12/2013 18:49

how are you today unknowngnome

OP posts:
UnknownGnome · 08/12/2013 20:43

Today I'm feeling pretty crap. Dh will give no consideration to how difficult i'm finding this emotionally. He just doesn't want another child and can't understand why i can't just take a little pill. Life is shit. Sad

supafish · 08/12/2013 20:52

I had one and realy wasn't too bad the actual procedure !! Afterwards a different story , fell apart for a little while and felt very guilty even tho it wasn't desision and the right one at the time !!! Sending you strength hunnie xx

MuffCakes · 08/12/2013 20:53

Hi, do you mind if I dump on this thread to?

Ex sex and found out tuesday. So so so confused I can't keep it, I do just want to be back to normal but I'm so scared of taking the pill. I had a late abortion before and that was nothing compared to thinking I have to take this pill.

I feel so sick, I can't do nothing with my dc I just feel like crap Sad

Have a phone consultation wednesday and then they will book me in. The most thing I'm scared about is vomming. The tablet effects apparently can make you sick and I really hate sick or others being sick around me.

I can't go to work either, I work in a kitchen I called in sick friday but I will have to explain to my boss why I need at least a week off. I can't even walk to the shop without heaving or feeling dizzy. I haven't been in this job long (2 months) have no rapport with manager and I'm in charge this we coming.

I really wish things were different, I would love a third but I cannot cope with doing it all on my own for a third time. Its bad enough feeling so ill atm. Sad

catmadmum · 08/12/2013 22:30

Hi unknown gnome,

I'm so sorry - you poor thing. You must be in complete turmoil. I couldn't do a tablet as I couldn't go back for both days. The day I went they didn't do a GA option so I had to have a sedation where they don't put you to sleep. It was a good option as I was out 30 mins after the procedure.
I think the way I made my decision was knowing financially we can not afford a third dc. Also I went onto a thread about three child families. There were a lot of adults who really did not like being the oldest of 3/ felt pushed out/ didn't have a great relationship with their siblings. I know it sounds like a crappy reason but my 2 are so close and I love my little unit. It works and I didn't want either of them to have to share me or feel put out. I'm nearly 42 and worried there may be a health issue. Again I felt like a selfish horrible person but all those thoughts helped me make my final decision after initially being so torn.

Wish you all the best. If you do want this child then you need to talk to your dh again. It's your decision. My dh would have kept it but I made the decision for my own sanity. Did you have the counselling?

catmadmum · 08/12/2013 22:37

Muffcakes. Welcome and I'm sorry to hear that you too have a really difficult decision to make. I found out I was pg 3 weeks ago. Totally unplanned and unfortunately not a child I felt like I could have. I had the termination 11 days ago and had the surgical procedure where they sedate you but aren't put to sleep. It wasn't painful and I was in and out in 2 1/2 hours. The pill didn't seem nice and the sedation worked in that I felt nothing and remember very little.

Good luck and there are lots of us in this position so feel free to ask questions. Hugs to you xx

MuffCakes · 09/12/2013 08:01

Thanks cat, I really would prefer that but im going to take the quickest option whatever that is I just want to feel back to normal asap.

I am struggling with feeling like crap.

Rang work this morning explained what I'm doing and how crap I feel and they've said I can take as much time as I need off unpaid although I have got stuff I can do at home to make some money back up.

So it's a relief in one way was really worried they would be shitty.

sj73 · 09/12/2013 13:09

Gnome: is there any way you can go for the medical? Do you think you would have gone ahead if it hadn't been for having to take the pill yourself? Did being in that situation make you feel any differently about what you want to do? You must be in such a state. I think sometimes we can be paralysed by indecision and it's really hard to get out of that mode. I think talking to the right people such as experienced counsellers might help? I think you did the right thing not going ahead if you were still unsure. I don't think this needs to be rushed just yet. The important thing is that you feel sure you don't want to be pregnant.

Wendy/ Catmadmum: I hope you are recovering well.

Muffcakes: sorry to hear you are going through this as well. I know what you mean about going for the quickest option. I would research both though as the pill option isn't for everyone. I was told that with the surgical it would only be a difference of a wait of 3 days. Something has to show up on the scan in both cases (I think) Can you take some phenergan for the sickness?

MuffCakes · 09/12/2013 14:10

Thanks sj73 I will go to the chemist and get some. Means I don't have to try and fail getting appointments with the dr then.

It says on the label you can only take it while pregnant if its prescribed andnot in the last two weeks but as I'm not keeping it I'll just tell the pharmacist its for travel sickness.

I need to feel well enough to get on the bus for when I have the first appointment.

When I speak t the dr wednesday I will ask about dates for surgical, I would prefer it more because its over and done with on the same day although some areas let you have second pill at home.

gnome With the termination I had a few years ago I made up my mind by thinking whatever way I go I will have to live with this and so will my other 2 dc. What can I live with and what will I struggle with long term. Sometimes I think about it but after a month of grief (I was sad) it was fine. It is fine to feel sad about whatever decision you make, just because it's horrible and sad to do doesn't mean it's the wrong thing.

sj73 · 09/12/2013 14:17

I took it when pregnant with my twins and it was fine. I don't think it's over the counter even. I definitely never got questioned for buying it. (it was originally prescribed and then I just carried on buying it myself)

I hope you can get an appointment asap. The sickness went for me pretty much straight away. Are you just going through your GP or a pregnancy advisory service? It was much quicker going through the PAS as they see you straight away and fix a date asap. At least in my experience, although I still had to wait 3 weeks for the op because of the scan. I had to wait until something showed up for them to proceed with surgery.

sj73 · 09/12/2013 14:20

Gnome: So true what Muffcakes says. Just because it's sad doesn't mean it's the wrong thing. I think you need to try and work out if the fact that it is sad is stopping you from making the decision or because you think it's wrong for you. (i don't mean morally wrong, I mean wrong as in the worst thing for you)

UnknownGnome · 09/12/2013 14:31

I've done it. I've taken the pill. Feels like the worst going I've ever done and i think it was the wrong thing to do. i feel I made.the decision for the wrong reasons. But it's done and i'll have to get over it.

sj73 · 09/12/2013 14:52

Oh bless you Gnome. It is normal you feel like this my love. When I went into surgery I bawled my eyes out and could hardly breathe for crying but it was still the right thing to do. Just because I was sad didn't mean it wasn't right. It is normal to have a strong emotional reaction as you are human.

Keep reminding yourself that you don't want to be pregnant. That is the right reason. I know it feels bad at the moment but it won't feel this shit forever I promise. Take it very very easy. Please be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up. You have very very valid reasons for having taken it. A pregnancy should be a wanted one and you really didn't want this. xxx

MuffCakes · 09/12/2013 15:04

PAS service, they will tell me wednesday the appointment for pill date. They do the first one on the phone.

gnome that is normal, just because you chose to lose it doesn't mean it's still not lost iykwim. Grief is normal just keep the bigger picture in mind. You made your decision for the right reasons. Really take up the free counselling to talk it out and move on.

Original poster
wonderingwendy · 09/12/2013 16:43

oh gnome thats so sad ,please dont be so hard on yourself ,sending hugs x

OP posts:
Queezy · 10/12/2013 11:59

Gnome, are you ok? I've been following this thread and wondered how you were doing today?

UnknownGnome · 10/12/2013 12:23

No I'm not okay. I really think i did the wrong thing. I've been googling about medical abortions all morning. Found a couple of stories about pregnancies continuing successfully after taking the abortion pill. I'm not stupid though, i know it's pretty much a done deal.

I just wish the nurse had taken the tablet from me when i spat it out.

I'm in such a state today. I can't believe I did it. I hate myself.

Queezy · 10/12/2013 12:26

Oh gnome. I don't know what to say, you must be in total turmoil. Have you got anyone with you at the moment?

Queezy · 10/12/2013 12:42

What did the nurse do when you spat it out gnome?