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Original poster

Abortion, im so scared

275 replies

wonderingwendy · 01/11/2013 18:04

Sad I just found out last weekend that im pregnant and I can't/don't want this baby .I am 34 and have 3 kids already ages 15, 12&7.
im having such bad anxiety about what is to come.i have seen gp and got the ball rolling and have an appointment for a dating scan and chat with a doctor/counsellor? this Thursday , im so scared of the scan what if I see the baby and change my mind ? even though every fibre in my body doesn't want to keep it.
what procedures will they offer me ? I must be put to sleep I will have a panic attack otherwise.
I also want to be sterilised at the same time, will that be possible ?
if any of you have experienced abortion please could you advise me of what is to come.
I think im about 7 weeks

OP posts:
Original poster
wonderingwendy · 05/12/2013 21:38

I feel for you unknowngnome
you just want for someone to take the decision for you but in reality only you and you alone know what it is rightSad
lots of hugs

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UnknownGnome · 06/12/2013 07:58

Thinking of you today, wonderingwendy Thanks

sj73 · 06/12/2013 09:32

Thinking of you Wendy and hoping you feel enourmously relieved afterwards.

catmadmum · 06/12/2013 15:49

Wendy, thinking of you today. Sending hugs your way.

unknowngnome - I know exactly how you feel. That's exactly how I felt. Couldn't understand how I was so horrified as I'd been so delighted every other time I'd got a + test. Circumstances change though, life with 2 kids is a handful and whilst plenty of people go on and have 3 or 4 (or more) I just never wanted to have more. Having made my decision and having the termination last week I know it was the right decision for me and it is getting easier each day to deal with what I did. Only you can decide but I just wanted to say that I what you're feeling is perfectly understandable.

tiredteddy · 06/12/2013 17:25

Wendy, been thinking of you today. Hope you are ok, relieved and resting now. Hugs xx

UnknownGnome · 06/12/2013 17:40

Thanks catmadmum. I'm just so confused. I get inconsolably upset when i think about having an abortion so that means i want to keep it, yes? But i have no positive feelings about continuing with the pregnancy. I think one of the problems is that i don't believe my reasons for having an abortion are good enough.

I'm dreading tomorrow. I'm scared that I'll regret my decision as soon as I've taken the pill. But thinking that they won't let me take it also worries me. It's just hideous.

I hope you're okay Wendy and looking after yourself. I hope you got your lifts sorted with minimal hassle.

sj73 · 06/12/2013 21:33

Hi Gnome
I was really torn when I first found out but came to the conclusion that I was torn not because I might want to have a baby but because I felt like as a mother I shouldn't have an abortion. I felt like my reasons weren't good enough. But I couldn't feel any more than resignation about going forward with the pregnancy and I knew that that feeling of sad resignation would stay with me for a long long time and that it would make me really depressed. I spoke to a friend who told me that not wanting a baby is a good enough reason not to have one. Your reasons are the right reasons for you.I don't know if this is helping but can you try and put aside any potential feelings about how you 'should' and 'might' feel?

I really really feel for you. It's so hard, especially when you are feeling like this.

I don't know if this helps but I had mine four weeks ago and am feeling so much happier and am really sure I did the right thing. I don't know if this helps you as you aren't in my shoes and it's different for different people.

Original poster
wonderingwendy · 06/12/2013 21:55

hi ladies
firstly I want to thank all of you who took the time to give me support and advice on here.
so its all done
went in and was given a side room all to myself which I was so very great full for.this meant that my sister could stay with me all of the time apart from when I was in surgery.
got there at 10.30 my best friend dropped us there, I was sent for blood tests and had my obs done (blood pressure was high) probably because I was anxious.
had a few vaginal pessaries to open my cervix and went down for op at 1.30.
the worst part was the cannula, they couldn't find a vein in my hand so had it in my inside elbow sooooo painful think I said jesus christ ! had a beautiful dream about my sister and I as kids hand in hand running through a field of flowers.
woke up at 2.30 coughing (was the pipe being removed?) fell back to sleep for a while and woke up with an oxygen mask on, had a chat with the lovely nurse and had some water.
I had period type pains so they gave me liquid morphine.
went back to the ward relaxing for a while and had a wee which was completely red with blood .
put my knickers on with a sanitary towel , a little heavy the first time I changed it but not so bad now.
had some manky cheese sandwiches and a banana.
I was discharged at 7pm.
my dad came to get us ( mum told him I had a cyst removed)
I was very brave and I can honestly say im so very relieved its all over .I am 100% sure I did the right thing. no tears which for me is a miracle.
just wanted to tell you it really isnt so bad and im so sure the surgical route was the best decision for me.
The nurses and doctors were all so sweet and gentle with me.but do you know they didn't ask me once if I was still wanting to go through with it. I geuss if I was crying they might of.
Thinking of you all and anyone would like my help or advice please message me.

OP posts:
UnknownGnome · 06/12/2013 22:14

I'm so pleased it's all over for you Wendy. And that you had a positive experience. The dream you had sounds nice Smile

mineofuselessinformation · 06/12/2013 22:27

I'm glad you're ok, Wendy.
Gnome, lj's post is very wise. This is not the time to think about what you should or should not do, it's the time to think about what is right for you in your life now. If you can do that, you will be able to make peace with your decision, whatever it is.

mineofuselessinformation · 06/12/2013 22:28

sj, not lj, sorry.

UnknownGnome · 06/12/2013 22:31

Thanks sj73, it does help. I feel exactly the same way as you describe. I feel selfish but honestly i don't know if i'd cope with another child. I'm on my own a lot of the time and my ds already makes comments about how nice it is to spend time alone with me when we get opportunity because my dd is very demanding of my time. How would i give them all enough love and attention? But i do feel really sorry for what i'm going to do. I wish i didn't have to do it. I feel so sad Sad

UnknownGnome · 06/12/2013 22:32

Thanks mine. It does make sense. It's just so hard.

sj73 · 07/12/2013 07:52

Argh I've just post something but the computer ate it!

Wendy: I'm so happy to hear this is all over for you and that you are feeling relieved. No more limbo and lots of looking forward. Wishing you an easy recovery.

Gnome: I feel so sad for you I really do. I wonder how you are feeling this morning? I think you need to stop using the word selfish. Choosing one of two very difficult options is hardly selfish. Neither of them are easy and you are thinking not just of your own sanity but the stability and harmony of your family by wanting to protect the status quo. I think you need to think of it more as 'self preservation' rather than 'selfish.' because you most definitely aren't.

Lots of luck today. Here for hand holding. You won't feel as shitty and sad as this forever you know, although it feels like it.

Original poster
wonderingwendy · 07/12/2013 08:01

I wasn't given any antibiotics or a pregnancy test for a few weeks time? was I meant to have them ?

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Original poster
wonderingwendy · 07/12/2013 08:04

unknowngnome
I am thinking of you today .sending virtual hand holding. please post here if you need advice xx

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UnknownGnome · 07/12/2013 09:10

Thanks for all your advice and wise words. I'm waiting for a friend to pick me up and take me to the hospital. I'm still feeling torn and i honestly don't know what I'll decide to do until i'm there.

sj73 · 07/12/2013 09:45

Thinking if you. X

Original poster
wonderingwendy · 07/12/2013 21:18

are you ok gnome ?

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UnknownGnome · 07/12/2013 21:47

I couldn't take the tablet. I'm still in limbo. I don't want a baby but for some reason i just couldn't take it. I sat at the hospital for 5 hours trying to make a decision Sad

Original poster
wonderingwendy · 07/12/2013 22:04

oh no you poor thing.did you have anyone with you.did the staff try to help at all ?Sad Sad

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UnknownGnome · 07/12/2013 22:11

I went with a friend. The staff were lovely but as they explained, they're just there to administer the medication; they're not counsellors. They were patient and kind.

I don't know what to do. On the one hand I went to the hospital; I made it there when i could have cancelled at any time. So that tells me that part of me wants the abortion. On the other hand, something stopped me from willingly taking the tablet. I've never felt so confused in my whole life.

Original poster
wonderingwendy · 07/12/2013 22:17

do you think maybe the surgery would suit you better? im so glad I did it that way .the physical act of doing the termination ypurself maybe is why you couldn't do it.if you let the doctor do it while you are asleep will make it easier?

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UnknownGnome · 07/12/2013 22:32

Possibly. It would just mean waiting longer and having Christmas in between. I'm going to speak to the unit again on Monday.

Original poster
wonderingwendy · 07/12/2013 22:35

I hope that didn't sound too pushy I was just thinking aloud . wish I could take it away for you .Sad

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