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Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Family planning

Abortion, im so scared

275 replies

wonderingwendy · 01/11/2013 18:04

I just found out last weekend that im pregnant and I can't/don't want this baby .I am 34 and have 3 kids already ages 15, 12&7.
im having such bad anxiety about what is to come.i have seen gp and got the ball rolling and have an appointment for a dating scan and chat with a doctor/counsellor? this Thursday , im so scared of the scan what if I see the baby and change my mind ? even though every fibre in my body doesn't want to keep it.
what procedures will they offer me ? I must be put to sleep I will have a panic attack otherwise.
I also want to be sterilised at the same time, will that be possible ?
if any of you have experienced abortion please could you advise me of what is to come.
I think im about 7 weeks

OP posts:

Report

sj73 · 24/11/2013 21:09

I'm sending you all loads of hugs. I really know how you all feel as this was me two weeks ago.

Gnome: you poor poor thing. Are you still undecided? If you are, can you maybe try and get some counselling? I also found writing it all down really helped. I wrote a list of fors and against. It's so hard to think clearly when your hormones are all over the place. I felt furious with my partner when I was going through it. A mixture of hormones and anger that I was having to put up with it and not him. In this situation you feel like you are in your own bubble. Lots of love to you. You won't feel like this forever.

Catmadwoman: I know exactly what you mean about the knicker check. It's an absolute head fuck isn't it? I kept hoping for blood in the same way I would pray for white knickers when I was pregnant with my twins. I'm glad you are sure. I was also 100% sure. It was a no brainer really but it's still absolutely shit and really sad however sure you are. You'll be feeling a lot better once it's all over.

Wendy: good to hear you are keeping busy. I felt a lot better too once things were in motion and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Just keep busy busy busy.

Likewise, I am here for a chat if anyone wants to. This was me two weeks ago so I know exactly what you're going through.

catmadmum · 25/11/2013 09:32

Thanks sj73. Do you mind me asking what procedure you went for? My parents have decided to come and visit 2 days after I go through this and am wondering if I'll be feeling ok.
How are you feeling now?

UnknownGnome · 25/11/2013 11:23

It was just a non specific argument. The children were misbehaving so we were getting stressed with eachother and this whole situation is just adding to our stresses. Like you said sj73, I feel so unreasonably angry with him. He keeps changing his mind about what we should do which is so helpful to me. Then he says he'll support me no matter what and that irritates me because i feel like it's all on my shoulders. He can't do right for doing bring really.

Counselling's a good idea but if we are going for the termination i don't want it to be prolonged. I'm hoping I'll have a clearer head after our initial hospital appointment next week. I'm hoping for some kind of epiphany!

UnknownGnome · 25/11/2013 11:24

wrong not bring.

sj73 · 25/11/2013 21:27

catmadmum: I went for the surgical. It was absolutely fine. I was even ok after the GA and just felt like I'd been asleep. It's a pretty light anaesthetic and i was out for about 15 minutes. I was looking after my toddlers the next day and carried on as normal. I had a massive hormone crash about 2 days later and got very weepy and then on and off weepiness for the last 2 weeks. The last two days I;ve felt like the hormones have completely left my body and I feel so much more clear headed and fine about everything. The further away I get from the day I terminated, the more sure I am that I did the right thing. LIfe seems to be going back to normal again. I feel very different from how I felt a month ago, which was just awful.

Gnome: Maybe you need to tell him not to talk about it to you and just be supportive. I really didn't want my OH to offer his opinions once I'd made up my mind. I know he erred more on the side of not terminating but I hated knowing that. It made me feel incredibly guilty and confused. Not what I needed and not what you need either. I think you need to make up your mind on your own as it's primarily your life that will or won't be fucked up by another child. If you are swayed by someone else's opinion then you might resent them later if it wasn't the right one. Why don't you try and get some counselling over the telephone? Where I went offered me this. I reckon you'll feel a lot clearer about everything once you get to the hospital and have the conversation about the procedure.

Wendy: I hope you are ok.

Hang on in there everyone.

wonderingwendy · 27/11/2013 14:28

catmadmum how did it go today .Thinking of you x
how is everyone else?

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wonderingwendy · 27/11/2013 14:31

sj73 did you havr to takr another pregnancy test to make sure you are no longer pregnant?
I think I will be convinced that they hadn't got it all out

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wonderingwendy · 27/11/2013 14:32

have
take
spell check !

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sj73 · 27/11/2013 19:38

Ugh. I have to take one tomorrow but am terrified even though i'm pretty sure im ok as was sick the whole time when pregnant and thst stopped immediately. Still scared though.

sj73 · 27/11/2013 19:40

Catmadmum: i hope today webt ok. Be very very kind to yourself.

catmadmum · 27/11/2013 21:22

Hi Ladies,

well, it's all over, thank goodness. I'm ok although of course still hormonal and upset. The whole thing was fine though - just the waiting was the worst. I got there a bit early for my 9.55 appointment and waited to speak to a lady to run through my details and then waited for the scan. I didn't see the scan as you can't see the screen. I then ran through a few questions with scan lady and had a pin prick blood test to check my blood type. Then waited a bit more and then asked to go upstairs. I thought DH could come with me but he wasn't allowed. It was only once I got upstairs that I was told i'd be an hour to an hour and a half so I had to text dh to let him know. So more waiting - about 20 mins but if felt like forever - before I went in. The staff in the operating room were lovely and so much nicer than the staff downstairs who were a bit standoffish. One nurse held my hand and kept me chatting while the anethetist put the canula in. Once the drugs kicked in I honestly don't remember anything. Next thing I remember is it being all over - they told me it would be no more than 5 mins - and being wheeled out to recovery room. I don't even remember getting off the bed into a wheelchair. I was awake but just out of it thank god as that's not something I would want to remember.
The girls in recovery were lovely too, brought me tea and biscuits, and I sat there about 15 mins before I could leave. I left about 12pm.
There was no pain or cramping and only very light bleeding. I would recommend this method as the pills sound more prolonged and painful.

I'm so relieved it's over and know it was the right decision for me and my family. If anyone has any questions please feel free to dm me.

Good luck Wendy and anyone else awaiting this. I hope you get all the support that you need. Thank you to everyone who's contributed to this thread too as it's been of enormous help and reassurance to me at this hard time.

wonderingwendy · 27/11/2013 22:00

catmadmum
im so glad its all over for you.
you have been brave in doing what is right for you and your family.
did you have to have a pessary to open your cervix before the operation?
how many weeks were you ?
I have a week and one day until my op , counting down the days now. you are lucky that you could get to a marie stopes place.wish I could of but not being able to drive and the nearest one really far away it just wasn't an option for me.
take it easy and just be kind to yourself x

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catmadmum · 27/11/2013 22:53

Hi Wendy. No there was no pessary - just the sedation. Tbh they may have put one in but I don't remember if they did. I was 5+3 so early days. I really feel for you having to wait all this time. It's so unfair for you. Xx

wonderingwendy · 27/11/2013 23:03

im eight weeks now really didn't want it to progress this far.

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UnknownGnome · 27/11/2013 23:13

Catmadmum, I'm happy for you that it's all over and that the experience overall wasn't a bad one. It must be such a relief for you. I feel envious of your certainty about the decision. I keep swaying. I genuinely don't know what to do.

Wendy Sorry you're feeling anguish that your pregnancy has progressed further than you wanted it to. You do seem to have had to wait a long time. Do you have a sinking feeling every morning? I feel like it takes me the whole day to get my head around the situation, then i go to bed, wake up in the morning and start from the beginning again. My emotions are wrung out

wonderingwendy · 28/11/2013 14:19

how are you today catmadmum

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wonderingwendy · 28/11/2013 14:21

unknowngnome
yes I feel that sinking feeling every day but I think because ive waited so long for my appointment its wearing off . I still feel sick and sore .
are you still undecided? would it help to write down pros and cons of another child?
when is your dating scan?

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wonderingwendy · 28/11/2013 14:22

sj73
did you take the test ?

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sj73 · 28/11/2013 18:50

Wendy: No i haven't. I've just opened it and I don't understand how it works and it's making me all teary and pissed off that they can't even provide a pregnancy test with instructions! This is it: I have no idea which is the control panel, whether I'm supposed to wee on it or what. GRRRRR.

www.alere.com/ww/en/product-details/hcg-25-combo-cassette.html

wonderingwendy · 28/11/2013 19:05

was it from the hospital? or did you buy it

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wonderingwendy · 28/11/2013 19:07

I think you pee on a little strip then insert into the oblong thingy ? could be wrong. usually two lines is positive one is negative

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sj73 · 28/11/2013 19:15

Just worked it out. They gave me a lab test that not even the nurse on the helpline knew how to use. Its negative. God how i wish it had been so beautifully blank and negative a month ago. Thats the last time i ever poas.

I hope you are ok. Wendy: only a week to go. I felt so much better the closer it got.

Gnome: can you really try and imagine that your appointment was off and you were going to go ahead with the pregnancy? Would you feel relieved or devestated? Its so hard. I knew what i needed to do but it was still hard so god knows how you feel if you are unsure.

sj73 · 28/11/2013 19:17

Wendy: the weirdest test ive ever seen. A plastic rectangle. Ive peed on a million sticks due to my past fertility issues which now seem a bit of a joke.

wonderingwendy · 28/11/2013 19:28

sj73 what a relief for you.
Hopefully by Christmas this will be me .onwards and upwards

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sj73 · 28/11/2013 19:33

Thank you Wendy. Yes it will be you. You can focus on Christmas and feeling like yourself again. Onwards and upwards! (and sterilisation methinks)

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