Abortion, im so scared

[wonderingwendy]

I just found out last weekend that im pregnant and I can't/don't want this baby .I am 34 and have 3 kids already ages 15, 12&7.
im having such bad anxiety about what is to come.i have seen gp and got the ball rolling and have an appointment for a dating scan and chat with a doctor/counsellor? this Thursday , im so scared of the scan what if I see the baby and change my mind ? even though every fibre in my body doesn't want to keep it.
what procedures will they offer me ? I must be put to sleep I will have a panic attack otherwise.
I also want to be sterilised at the same time, will that be possible ?
if any of you have experienced abortion please could you advise me of what is to come.
I think im about 7 weeks

[wonderingwendy]

how many weeks were you ?

[ILetHimKeep20Quid]

7

I think I went into more detail up thread.

[wonderingwendy]

been having period type pains today .maybe im miscarring or is that normal in early pregnancy?

[ILetHimKeep20Quid]

I kept thinking I was getting cramps but to be honest I think it was me clinging on to hope that I wasn't actually pregnant

[wonderingwendy]

knowing me its probably just wind !

[goodasitgets]

I had a medical one. Bled, then v v bad pain for an hour before I passed the sac. Bled for about 10 days heavily and then lightly for a bit longer

[wonderingwendy]

that sounds awful. I know myself that it would be really distressing.
can I ask would you have rather had the surgical option?

[goodasitgets]

The only distressing bit I promise was the pain. It hurt. But (tmi) I felt like I needed the toilet and when I went and pushed, and it came away the pain instantly stopped
I have heavy periods anyway so the bleeding wasn't too scary. I used the old fashioned type thick maxi pads
I think surgical would have terrified me, I've never had sedation or anaesthetic

[wonderingwendy]

oh hell my 12yr old dd just asked me for a baby sister
do you think she has figured it out ?

[SunshineSuperNova]

I'm sure she hasn't, it's just something children say.

Huge hugs x

[wonderingwendy]

dd keeps patting my tummy and saying your getting fat , ive also been sleepy every day so when I try to have a nap she demands to know why im pretty sure she has geussed and its only going to get worse.
I feel like chopping my boobs off they are THAT sore.
I wasn't offered any counselling when I made my decision to terminate , was I meant to?
the consultant didn't even ask me my reasoning behind it .I kind of wanted to discuss how hard it would be for me and my family.

[SunshineSuperNova]

I don't know about counselling, but it sounds like a good idea.

Big hugs to you lovely xxx

[wonderingwendy]

I have just been to the dentist with my three kids.had to fill out a form and one of the questions that was on there was are you pregnant so I ticked yes.kids all seen by dentist then it was my turn .she read my form and announced to the room oh your pregnant. omg I could of died.i should of put no. I wriggled out of it by saying she must of read it wrong.
and to top that off I went to pay for my check up and because I said I was pregnant I didn't have to pay so kids wanted to know how I got it free.cue another crap story from me about over paying last time.
I royally fucked up

[Lottystar]

I can completely understand why you have made this decision and it is your choice, absolutely and utterly. I had a termination in my mid twenties as the father was not going to be involved and I could simply not go it alone and I was frightened. My Mum had been a single parent and I knew I was not strong enough at the time to do what she had done. Anyway, I had a surgical procedure at Marie Stopes under anaesthetic at 9 weeks. It felt like a conveyer belt system of one woman in and another woman out and I remember waking up in a room with other women in discomfort, a pain more felt in my bottom area oddly. There was a lot of bleeding. It was not a nice experience. I just wanted to say that whilst some ladies manage their emotions well after a termination and feel relief, I did not. I still feel guilt and regret to this day, it has not been easy. I don't want to make you feel any worse but pls really, really know 100% this is what you want as there is no going back afterwards. I wish you all the best in whatever you decide x

[EarthMither]

RTFT Lottystar - OP has made her decision & now needs support, not handwringing reminiscences

[wonderingwendy]

I know that this is the right thing for me and my family.
I have had crippling pnd after two of my children and to be honest I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
it was horrendous to give birth to a beautiful baby but wish you hadn't bothered. I never want to feel such darkness again.
I love my three children so much and they were all very much wanted .how is it fair and right to bring a baby into the world when its not wanted?
I know I will only have relief not guilt when its all over.

[SunshineSuperNova]

How's your day been Wendy? x

[wonderingwendy]

hi super
ive been ok today , trying to focus on Christmas presents.
still feeling nauseous though.
3 more weeks to wait

[SunshineSuperNova]

Big hugs lovely xxx

[Lottystar]

EarthMither, no need to be rude, I wasn't. I said it was utterly her decision, of course it is and I can empathise both ways. I was sharing my experience of a termination and the feelings I felt afterwards. You have to be 100% sure and in the op Wendy said if she saw the baby on the scan she may waiver thus my response in my post. I have no agenda and was being honest and genuine. Wendy's post and reply explained her pnd and it's all totally understandable. I wish her the very best.

[SecretRed]

I had a medical termination 3 years ago. I went to a Marie Stopes clinic who didn't charge a fee (I think they claim back from nhs).
The pain I felt was very mild, more like period pain and whilst it was distressing passing the pregnancy I don't regret it. I had a bfp on the Saturday and took the pills the following Thursday. X

[Figgygal]

Wondering sorry I haven't read all of your thread except your recent posts about having to wait for a month I would second trying Marie stopes about the medical route I know you wanted to avoid that but what are your concerns about it?

[wonderingwendy]

regarding the medical termination. im so scared of the pain, I have very painful periods anyway which I take medication for. also I would have to be in pain and dashing to the loo in front of my kids who are old enough to realise whats going on.
also the effect that it will have on my mental health especially if it resembles a baby (what comes away)

[Handbagsonnhold]

Op can you not ask them for an earlier appointment? if you don't wish to have an early medical ....it seems an awful long time to have to wait another 3 weeks. Awful for your state of mind. I know years ago I had one and as soon as your mind is made up you just need to get it sorted.

Hope u manage to get in quicker somewhere.

[basgetti]

Hi OP I posted earlier on your thread and not sure if you saw, but just wanted to reiterate that Marie Stopes also offer the surgical option under sedation and you can self refer and it goes through the NHS. You mentioned counselling and they offer this via the phone although it is not obligatory. Just thinking you may be able to be seen much sooner this way, the waiting must be awful. Hope you are ok.