Abortion, im so scared

[wonderingwendy]

I just found out last weekend that im pregnant and I can't/don't want this baby .I am 34 and have 3 kids already ages 15, 12&7.
im having such bad anxiety about what is to come.i have seen gp and got the ball rolling and have an appointment for a dating scan and chat with a doctor/counsellor? this Thursday , im so scared of the scan what if I see the baby and change my mind ? even though every fibre in my body doesn't want to keep it.
what procedures will they offer me ? I must be put to sleep I will have a panic attack otherwise.
I also want to be sterilised at the same time, will that be possible ?
if any of you have experienced abortion please could you advise me of what is to come.
I think im about 7 weeks

[Figgygal]

I have PMd you OP

[Handbagsonnhold]

Yes I agree definately call Marie Stopes I found them very helpful. I'm quite shocked by your wait to be honest. I know I couldn't do it.
Hope you get sorted. Take care x

[wonderingwendy]

had a loo k at marie stopes website and the nearest one from here is a long way.me and dh don't drive so would cause alot of extra hassle for us.
the date I have booked is more suitable as my sister and her fiancé are booking that day off work so they can take me and pick me up.

[Figgygal]

With Marie stopes you don't have to go to a clinic you can do telephone consultation and then nhs treatment at nhs hospital it might still be quicker and closer than you think if you call them or are you resigned to surgical route now?

[wonderingwendy]

I think I will just wait for my booked appointment.
just so so fed up with feeling sick.

[catmadmum]

Hi Wendy. I just wanted to offer my support. I've just found out that I'm 4 weeks pg. It's totally unplanned and I have 2 dc already 6 and 4. I'm 41 and just can't envisage having another baby. I've got rid of all my baby stuff and financially things are really tough. We can't make ends meet as it is even though we both work f/t. My 4 year old starts school next September so we're looking forward to trying to sort our finances out. What a mess. I feel such guilt as I'm sure the kids would love to have a sibling.
I went to the docs today and am having a telephone consultation tomorrow with Marie Stopes with the idea of going ahead next week. I may still change my mind as I keep changing it.
I need dh to take me to the appointment but he starts a new job next Monday and so I may have to do it alone. Also have to be home by 3.30 for kids from school/nursery so panicking what I'll do if you have to stay all day.
I just wanted to empathise and to send a hug xx

[DropYourSword]

Hi. I just wanted to highlight to people that are upset about the 4 week wait - I certainly don't know about this but I am wondering if it actually is a necessity because maybe a surgical TOP needs to be done after a certain gestation. Maybe before a certain amount of weeks it's more dangerous...ie more likely to damage the uterus because the pregnancy is so small. Just a thought. But I think this should have been explained to you OP.

I noticed you mentioned about sterilisation during the procedure but they said they couldn't...It might be an idea to get a coil fitted at the same time. They are pretty fantastic contraception. I've got one that doesn't release any hormone because I don't get on with hormonal contraception and it's brilliant. Never have to reminder to take pills or have injections, no messing about with condoms, and it works even if you've been sick! It bloody hurt having it inserted, but if you're under an an anaesthetic in the first place I think it would be an idea to think about.

[wonderingwendy]

dropyoursword yes I think you are right about it needed to be a certain gestation to get the right result.
too soon and they may miss the pregnancy and I could still be pregnant afterwards.
another two and a half weeks to go , , feeling sick is more in the morning and by evening its better.
But boobs and nipples hurt so bad, I find this strange as I didn't have this with any other pregnancies ive had (3)
I just need it to be over so I can concentrate on Christmas.

[wonderingwendy]

catmadmum I totally know how you are feeling.
do you think you will go for the tablet option ?
are you "feeling" pregnant?

[UnknownGnome]

I'm in the same place as you, Wendy.

I have two children, 7 and 5, and I always thought I'd like mor. We weren't actively trying for a baby but we did have one foolish night. I wish I'd gone for the map the next day because I hada funny feeling but I thought I was just being paranoid. Plus it took 6 months and a lot of sex to fall pregnant with dd.

Im about 4 weeks now and I've just had my appointment through for 2nd december which feels ages away. And thats just for a scan and to make arrangements. Im the opposite to you- I want to be able to take the tablet.

I'm so unsure about it though. I feel hugely selfish. The reasons for not going through with the pregnancy are selfish. It's not a good time work-wise, we'd struggle tonafford daycare, our life is good and easy now and I think a new baby will add abterrible amount of financial pressure. Plus the house isnt big enough and we cant afford to move. My dh also works away and I worry that I won't be able to cope on my own.

However, I'm not sure I'll ever recover emotionally from the termination.

[catmadmum]

Hi Wendy and gnome. I'm still confused but had my phone consultation with Marie Stopes yesterday and have booked to have the termination next Wednesday. Gnome your reasons are just the same as mine. We weren't trying though and we were away staying with family so couldn't get the MAP.
My DH starts a new job next Monday but is taking Wednesday off but we have to get the kids from school by 3 so I can't risk the tablets as they might not let me out in time. I have to go the surgical route as its quicker but they don't have the GA option next Wednesday so it will be a conscious sedation. I'm petrified and would rather be put to sleep. How stupid not having the GA option every day!!
Also as I'll be only 5+4 will that not be too early for the surgical route?
I've been wavering so much but feel this is the right decision for us at this time. I just hope I can live with the decision and get through next Wednesday. God only knows how I'd cope if I had to to wait another couple of weeks. Good luck ladies and you are not alone. Xx

[DropYourSword]

Gnome, you need to be really sure it's the right decision for you before going ahead and you don't sound too sure. It's difficult enough for people who are certain, but it's very concerning that you think you could never emotionally recover from a termination. I think you need to talk through your options with someone in more detail to see if there's something that works better for you

[differentnameforthis]

tell them not to show you the scan. You can tell them that if it is a surgical termination, you want complete sedation, that is how I had mine.

I don't think they will sterilize you at the same time, but it doesn't hurt to ask.

I had a termination at 9 weeks a few years ago. It was an unplanned (contraceptive failure) baby & my youngest was 5mth old. I couldn't put my body through it again & three babies were not on my agenda.

I have no regrets, in fact unless a thread comes up here, I barely even think about it now.

The hardest part was feeling all the normal pains & discomforts of pregnancy, it was a constant reminder of my situation.

Once the termination was done, all the symptoms disappeared within days. It didn't take long to get back to feeling normal.

I know this sounds strange but whenever I go to the toilet I keep hoping there will be blood and that I will miscarry (sorry if that sounds so awful) I did that too...and I cried everytime there wasn't blood. :(

It won't last for ever, this will end. You have to be strong

[differentnameforthis]

The reasons for not going through with the pregnancy are selfish

No, they are not. It is not selfish to put yourself first, to think of your family, it is not selfish to do what is best for you & for them.

[differentnameforthis]

I feel such guilt as I'm sure the kids would love to have a sibling

They don't even need to know. My kids would like an ipad, one of them wants a shark, the other a dinosaur. Kids wants all sorts, but it isn't them who have to cope with the financial & emotional & physical fall out.

I want to tell anyone in this situation that you don't have to have the baby.

Your reason, whatever they are, are always valid.

I have no regrets. And I see, a few years down the line from my termination, that it was the best thing I ever did for myself & my family. I would not be the parent I am now if I had continued that pregnancy, for many reasons.

[sj73]

I've name changed for this but wanted to add my experience if it helps. I was also in the same situation as you ladies and terminated 2 weeks ago. I am 40 years old and have two year old twins conceived through IVF. Having spent years trying to conceive in my thirties, I really didn't think I was fertile. I had one off 'sod it' unprotected sex with my partner and found myself pregnant. I was absolutely devastated and surprised at how strongly I felt about not wanting to be pregnant after all those years of praying for a BFP.

My twins are two and they were a struggle to conceive, I was on crutches with SPD throughout the pregnancy as well as suffering hideous morning sickness. I found it tough being a mother of twin babies but the fact I really really wanted them got me through. I felt that I was beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel and was getting my life back again, getting on better with my partner again, getting fit and just feeling like myself. Then this happened.

My initial reaction was just gutted and then torn for about 2 days about what to do. The best I could feel about having another baby was resigned. When I saw myself with another baby I pictured myself as an empty, tired, old husk of a woman and a shit diluted mother. I also feel very strongly due to my past that babies should be wanted. They shouldn't be something you produce unwillingly out of obligation to society/guilt. That's not fair on anyone.

So I decided to terminate and felt sure of my decision throughout the two week wait for the op. The two weeks I had to wait were hideous. Really really dark. I think I was actually depressed. Not about having to lose a potential child but about being in that situation and being pregnant when I really didn't want to be. I knew that terminating wouldn't be a walk in the park but I had two difficult choices and I decided that I would rather feel sad about a termination than feel depressed about continuing the pregnancy.

The surgery was very straightforward and my initial feeling was relief. Then up and down. The hormones made me very weepy and I am still feeling pretty weepy at times but I think that's just part of the process and I'm just going with it and trying to ride the wave. I feel a lot better emotionally than I did when I was pregnant.

I haven't regretted it though. I would say however that you need to be pretty sure of how you will respond. I knew in my gut that I would feel like this about it. Sad but not regretful. I didn't have any doubts before that it was the right thing to do and i don't now. I can imagine that if I had, then I'd be feeling differently. Lots of luck to you all on here. It's really hard but trust what your gut tells you and be kind to yourselves. You will all be ok whatever you decide. Feel free to PM me if you want to know anything.

[ArabellaBeaumaris]

I just wanted to add that I had a medical termination at about 7 weeks a few years ago. It was mildly painful for a day, I had some vomiting & cramps but not major, & spent day in bed. There was very little blood. The next day I was up & about as normal. Good luck with your decisions. I don't regret mine.

[wonderingwendy]

arabellea
how old are your other children and how did you manage to hide your discomfort from them.
that is my reason behind just wanting to have it done in hospital under ga.my kids are not silly they are 15, 12&7 they will see me unwell and I can't bare for them to see me go through it.
coupled with the fact im a huge wimp

[ArabellaBeaumaris]

Oh sorry wendy my termination was before I had children. Although thinking back to my experience I think I would have been able to pass it off as a simple physical illness especially with a partner around to take the kids out, 'let mum rest' etc. But as I said my bleeding was light so that wasn't hard to cope with & would have been possible to hide. I completely understand your wanting to have the GA, just awful that it prolongs it all for you.

[wonderingwendy]

how are you all today ? x

[UnknownGnome]

I'm still in turmoil. One minute I feel relieved at the thought of not being pregnant next week, the next I'm picturing a newborn baby and wondering if it would really be so terrible. Then I remember all the reasons to not have a baby. Then I cry. I'm not sleeping and.can barely eat and dh and I have had a huge row. Bet you wish you never asked!

How are you, Wendy?

[UnknownGnome]

And my breasts have just started to become painful which is a constant reminder that things are progressing. I still hope to see blood when I go to the toilet

[catmadmum]

I'm ok but just dreading Wednesday. I find it hard to sleep too. I too keep hoping to see blood when I go loo. After 2 miscarriages before dc1 that just feels wrong. I'm 100% sure I don't want this child though so at least I am sure of my decision which I wasn't last week.
It's a horrible situation and would give anything to not be going through this. Xx

[wonderingwendy]

im ok thanks keeping busy helps.
I have just under two more weeks to wait.i can't wait for it to be over.
I totally know that feeling of wanting the pregnancy to end itself.
I found it all so hard before the scan , not eating or sleeping but now I know the date is set that has all improved. here to chat if you need a shoulder xx

[wonderingwendy]

unknowngnome
what did you and your dh row about ?