I can't do this anymore

[ChristmasGrinch24]

My mother in law has stage 4 cancer, caught it late.
I've been running around non stop for two months straight while also caring for two kids with disabilities.im also unwell myself with a disability.

Shes now at the point where she's not well enough to be living on her own, and she's moved into ours. And I just cannot cope.
This morning she wet the bed, so I can to clean it up. She doesn't know where she is half the time. Shes at risk of falling.
It's to much. To much on top of my other caring responsibilities. I haven't showered in over a week.

My partners sister is the biggest selfish known to man, she doesn't give a shit. She doesn't even ring up to ask how she is.

I can't have her staying with us, it's just to much constantly, what can I do?

I know you may not want to do this but if Community Palliative Care aren't coming today, you can always dial 999 and get her into hospital.

She can then be fully assessed there, and discharge planned to a safe environment.

Still waiting on Macmillian nurse coming out, but will be some point this afternoon!
If they say hostipal she will just have to go with it as she's not been to the toilet today and just slept. X

She should have had a doctor out though, why has no one come to check her for a uti?

^ this

I have no idea why nobody will check her for a uti, if needs be I'll ring the damn ambulance myself.
I'm fed up this evening the district nurse got the wrong area and now having to wait and see when they will come out. They told me I need to regiester her at my GP! I told them
No she's not here to stay permanently that we are sleeping on a air bed because she has my bed and we're not equipped to deal with this and that the whole point of them
Coming out is so they can make a plan that doesn't evolve me & my partner being full time carers for her because we are already carers to two disabled children! My kids are distressed seeing their nana like this. It's not fucking on.
Shes said as well if we put her anywhere she'll kick off and I know it's the cancer and she's not thinking straight but she can't just put this all on us.

I know I sound so selfish but I don't want her dying in my bed. I don't want my kids knowing she died in our house. I don't want that at all.

OP - ring an ambulance or get her in the car and take her into A&E. I know it isn't the best place for her but after 5pm on a Friday you're not going to get anywhere until Monday at the earliest.

I feel for you and your family I really do. Such an awful way to end a life.

Oh and you're not selfish at all

Seriously, ambulance.

It's just going to get worse over the weekend, she isn't known to any of the services she should be and she's no-ones priority as she is 'out of area'.

I would ring 999, say she has suddenly deteriorated and isn't eating or drinking and get them to take her in and arrange care from the hospital, and not from your home. There may be a district nurse line, and an SS line which runs over the weekend, it depends on the area, I would pester them night and day and say she needs palliative care and a morphine drip now and call back every hour (that is if you haven't taken her into A and E which is what I would do).

Make it clear there is carer breakdown and you have no equipment or medicines to nurse her at home and that she needs palliative care at home now, as in today. She can't wait for assessment next week.

At the moment, she's falling through the cracks, and you are so busy with your other responsibilities you aren't able to phone enough and advocate for her.

I feel for you OP, the system is very unclear and who has responsibilities is very unclear, but you do not have to look after her at home without any medicines, any district nurse or palliative care team or the right equipment. If you do that, she will get very sick, bed sores, may have a UTI, so take her into A and E now and go from there, and if you can't leave the kids to do that, then start ringing the above people every hour on the hour.

I have no words of wisdom but really just wanted to send love and hugs and really hope you get some help as it sounds so hard. Please never think a single thing you have done is selfish I think what you have done is the complete opposite of that.

Oh my, this Is ridiculous.

Phone the ambulance and tell them, your MIL is end of life but has been left with no palliative care and is in extreme pain. Tell them, you cannot continue caring for her and you’re at carer breakdown.

Also call your local authroity social services, they will have a 24/7 line.

I don't think you are selfish at all.

Try and get her to A & E. It's the only way you might get anywhere over the weekend.

Hospicrs are mostly run by charity so it’s hard to just build more and fund the running of them. The ones near us are constantly fundraising. The government needs to get their finger out and bloody fund them as they are an essential. My FIL died in a hospice and my Dad in an NHS ward, the care was night and day. The hospice was peaceful and so helpful, the hospital was what you’d expect.

The typical hospice only gets 1/3 of it's funding from government.

Macmillan has basically left palliative care now, there are some teams still called 'Macmillan' but they won't be funded by them - Macmillan funds a post for 2 years but insists they are badged as Macmillan forever. A lot of teams have quietly dumped the name as it is confusing now.

If she’s not been moved to a hospice, take her to A&E and explain she’s not eating or drinking and has no one to care for her

I haven't read the thread but why are you looking after her ?
Can't you get carers in to support ?

I know quite a lot about how things work with SS etc?

Anything is possible but you need a hard hat and determined disposition

Because the hostipal sent her home knowing she lives alone, knowing she was wobbly, knowing she had no OT equipment, knowing she was being sick, knowing she was only down to 5 stone 5Lb and I wasn't going to let her suffer.
District nurse rang me and coming this afternoon after lunch, going to check her health and assess her. She's detoriated a bit more in the night. My SIL is trying to make it for when the district nurse comes out.

Des she have money? Can you employ private carers to take on some of the burden of care ? Otherwise call SS care point and ask for advice . They can assess and send carers ( obvs all very simplified) .. you aren't obliged to care for her yourself

No she has no money. District nurse is coming to do this & asssess what she needs, I'm going to tell them after today I can no longer care for her.
Which is true, I've been sleeping on air bed in a freezing cold lounge and it's flaring up my own disabilities I've gone all stiff and now can't help lift her up or support her while walking, it's impossible.

You need to call social services and ask for an urgent care assessment ..

No words, other than I’ve been there 💐

Did the Macmillan nurse ever come? Or was it they who got the wrong area?

How far does she live from you? If your DP is on emergency leave could he take her home and stay with her, calling for medical / SS help from there, leaving you with the kids? That way you’d have your bed back and when you dealt with the agencies the status quo wouldn’t be that she is in your home?

What did you do in the end? If you don't mind me asking.

You need to put your foot down and make your hygiene a priority. Why’s nobody else giving you five minutes to shower?