I can't do this anymore

[ChristmasGrinch24]

My mother in law has stage 4 cancer, caught it late.
I've been running around non stop for two months straight while also caring for two kids with disabilities.im also unwell myself with a disability.

Shes now at the point where she's not well enough to be living on her own, and she's moved into ours. And I just cannot cope.
This morning she wet the bed, so I can to clean it up. She doesn't know where she is half the time. Shes at risk of falling.
It's to much. To much on top of my other caring responsibilities. I haven't showered in over a week.

My partners sister is the biggest selfish known to man, she doesn't give a shit. She doesn't even ring up to ask how she is.

I can't have her staying with us, it's just to much constantly, what can I do?

Call social services and tell them. Carer breakdown is the phrase to use

This is your partner's mother? Shouldn't your partner be doing all of that?

However, as they aren't, you need to take action to look after yourself. If she's EoL, she should be NHS funded. If not, is she self funding? Otherwise you need to get SS on board as suggested by PP. Who has PoA?

Call social services, tell them you can’t do it anymore, tell them she will be laying in her own mess from now on, filthy dirty and hungry.
Lay it on thick and they’ll step in, this is what I had to do with my DM.
Before I did this I was getting know where fast with her care.

That is so much to deal with. No wonder you can't do it all. You've done more than enough already. Please call social services.
Why are you blaming SIL and not your partner?!

As harsh as it sounds, she's not your mother and you have enough on your plate. If your DH won't step up to sort this, what I'd do is tell him and his sister that you are refusing to provide any more care and you will be telling adult social services that they will need to step in if DH/sil refuse to look after their own mother.

Where is your partner in all this ? It’s his mother ?

Does she not have a palliative care team involved if she's stage 4 who you can speak to and ask if there is anywhere she can go to be cared for. Having just lost my mother in law and my mum last year to stage 4 that progressed quickly I know how tough it is, you have my sympathy.

How did she move in without carer support?
Dh needs to arrange housekeeping support to change beds etc and carer support
But main point
Tell dh she moves out tonight As you cannot provide the care she needs

Whatever your partner is doing while you’re busting a gut to care for his mother, he needs to stop, and take over from you.

DH needs to step up and get appropriate care in place for MIL. Her needs are only going to increase.

Don't blame SIL before DH!!! Just because she's a woman, presumably.

DH needs to be doing all of this so you can focus on your family.

If he can't / won't then you need to ask social services for carers / hospice / care home etc

I'm the selfish sister in law in a similar situation- I've got my reasons and very strong boundaries, no way I'm martyring myself to the extent my sister in law is prepared to do.

My partners sister is the biggest selfish known to man

He doesn't seem to be any less selfish

Why isn't your partner clearing up after her and providing the care? It's not your role!

Are you my sister in law? Because you can come get your mum now please. 😂

First poster nailed it.
She should have a Social Worker- that’s who you call. Be firm. You cannot continue like this. She must be admitted somewhere TODAY.

Does you MIL have any money? Did she have a house or any assets. Can you use her money to pay to get some help.

Why are you dealing with her care? It's your partners problem.

She doesn't have a care worker or social worker. She has a macmillian nurse who only offered steroids. No talk of hostipal help or hospices. She definitely doesn't have long left, I'm really angry that they knew she lived alone & basically sent her home with zero information.

No she has no money.z

She could of sorted this when she was lucid if they had given her the information. Can I ring her GP and demand she goes into a hospice?

Where is your partner and what is he doing to help HIS mother?
Why did you agree to her moving in with you when you were already finding it tough? I think you need to start speaking up and get your partner to look into hospice care.

Never agreed. She was just staying the odd night here and there. We saw her last week and she was perfectly fine. No confusion, really sharp etc.
She came and stayed 2 days later and was a completely different person and it was clear as day she wasn't safe to be on her own. She doesn't know where she is most of the time.
It was an emergency but my partner isn't doing anything to sort where she goes next! Him & his sister are clueless.

He has been helping her around the house & outside making sure she doesn't fall, doing her meds and trying to get her to eat etc but I'm doing the bulk of it as he's embarrassed to get her dressed etc it's so draining. I couldn't just send her home like that I'm not a monster.

Exactly.
And why did OP even start this?

If you’re doing the bulk of the care for your MIL, your husband should be picking up absolutely EVERYTHING ELSE in the house. The cooking, cleaning, childcare. Everything!!!

Don’t blame your SIL when your husband is living under the same roof doing the bare minimum and watching you run yourself ragged.

He sounds like a lazy git.