I can't do this anymore

[ChristmasGrinch24]

My mother in law has stage 4 cancer, caught it late.
I've been running around non stop for two months straight while also caring for two kids with disabilities.im also unwell myself with a disability.

Shes now at the point where she's not well enough to be living on her own, and she's moved into ours. And I just cannot cope.
This morning she wet the bed, so I can to clean it up. She doesn't know where she is half the time. Shes at risk of falling.
It's to much. To much on top of my other caring responsibilities. I haven't showered in over a week.

My partners sister is the biggest selfish known to man, she doesn't give a shit. She doesn't even ring up to ask how she is.

I can't have her staying with us, it's just to much constantly, what can I do?

@SheilaFentiman yes, definitely for CHC, I think it is also the case for Council funding but not 100% sure.

It's not uncommon for the nearest relative to live miles away and want a care home near them, not near the patient's original address.

@ChristmasGrinch24

Not saying to actually move her, since she's so ill. No one would want to move someone in MiL's condition.

Just suggesting DP's says it to put a bug up SiL's arse and 'prompt' her to be more involved.

But PP's are right, you're dealing with enough as it is. You've made your position clear as to what you're willing to do re driving. Time to sit back and let DP deal with it.

That’s what I would do, tell them either place is fine and the rest is up to them. Maybe they know that places become available on a fairly regular basis as old people die. It isn’t for you to worry about how long MIL may have to stay where she is as from your point of view, she’s fine where she is.

Have to say, at 4 stone your poor MIL probably does not have long to live anyway. Maybe she will end up staying at the hospice until the end anyway.

I've done it another way.
Before I was sorting out all MILs bills & running her car for her (which SIL is picking up in a few weeks to take back to hers) and now I'm not running the car in this cold weather or dealing with her bills or emptying the house (they wanted me to take everything they didn't want to keep or donate to the tip like I haven't done enough without doing 10+ tip runs!!) I know dp wont do it, so it'll fall onto SIL.
Call me petty, but I'm past the stage of caring about SIL.

@ChristmasGrinch24

Call me petty, but I'm past the stage of caring about SIL.

It's not petty at all!! You're looking after yourself and that's good. We have been conditioned by society to think that if we put ourselves first, especially in 'not my problem' situations, we're being 'petty', 'selfish', or 'unkind'. And when we complain about it we're told to stop being 'martyrs' or just to 'get on with it'. And isn't it amazing that the people who criticize us and guilt us the most are usually the ones who should be carrying the burden. Or at least half of it.

I hope you've had a reasonable Christmas @ChristmasGrinch24 and that you not posting isn't bad news

I didn't go yesterday as I had the start of one of my flare ups, still feel bloody awful today feel sick with a headache and dp wants me to drive & pick him up. 🤢
Evidently done way to much, no idea how I'm going to manage to drive!

Can't he get there himself? Bus/train/taxi?

You tell DH that you are too till and it would not be safe for you to drive. Because that is the plain truth. Post-holiday traffic is usually horrible when we're feeling our best. If you have a headache and feel sick you shouldn't be driving at all.

Your DH is going to have to figure out alternative transport for when you are too ill to drive. And with the proviso that I don't remember why he doesn't drive, he needs to learn unless there is a valid reason why he cannot.

He needs to stop leaning on you for everything, no wonder you are becoming so ill. You are literally propping up everyone. Please say no to everyone and turn off your phone. You are not a service animal for everyone else op. Your number one priority needs to be your own health and well being at this point.

Well I got a call to go over & say goodbye, I think the adneraline kicked in!
I've seen her (dc went into the family room) she's not going to last the next 24 hours. 😭
I had a good long chat with her, I like to think she heard me.

The nurses called his sister up, so when she got there I left dp with her and took dc home.
I'm heart broken.

I just can't believe how quick it's gone. She was diagnosed by a&e on 1st November.
57 days..... is all it took. Fuck cancer.

So sorry op. I’m sure she could hear you. X

I’m also sure she would have heard. If I remember correctly you said DMil was positively smiling when you got her into the hospice. DMil would be well aware you were the one who made that happen. Remember that radiance you sorted for her.

I’m so sorry to read this, despite all the complications you gave her so much care and consideration. She will be at peace OP and it sounds like everyone will have said goodbye.

I hope your SIL is still blocked phone wise, what a cow

I just wanted to say thank you to each & every one of you who supported me & gave me advice over the past month.
If it wasn't for all of you, I wouldn't of known what to do so from the bottom
Of my heart thank you because she really did get the very, very best care in the end.

So sorry that it is all ending now, but glad you had her somewhere peaceful. You did right by her, OP, always know that.

It's what we're here for, to support you xx

Take care of yourself xx

Your predicament was hellish and you were clearly frustrated but your fondness for her was also obvious. Your SIL behaved abominably. Hope you have happier times going into 2025 OP.

I'm so sorry @ChristmasGrinch24

Big hugs to you and your family

I am so sorry 💐

sorry for your loss OP, 💐💐💐

She passed away at 11pm.

So sorry Grinch. No consolation at the moment I'm sure - however you did your level best for your MIL and can hold your head high on that.

Sending love, OP