I can't do this anymore

[ChristmasGrinch24]

My mother in law has stage 4 cancer, caught it late.
I've been running around non stop for two months straight while also caring for two kids with disabilities.im also unwell myself with a disability.

Shes now at the point where she's not well enough to be living on her own, and she's moved into ours. And I just cannot cope.
This morning she wet the bed, so I can to clean it up. She doesn't know where she is half the time. Shes at risk of falling.
It's to much. To much on top of my other caring responsibilities. I haven't showered in over a week.

My partners sister is the biggest selfish known to man, she doesn't give a shit. She doesn't even ring up to ask how she is.

I can't have her staying with us, it's just to much constantly, what can I do?

Shut up.

Well said 😂

She's gone via ambulance now with SIL. I'm just getting the dc ready & we're going over.

Good morning @ChristmasGrinch24 - I hope you got a little bit of sleep, and I hope all goes smoothly today. I’m so sorry to hear about your DS, what a hideous time you have had. Keeping everything crossed for you and your poor MIL today. Don’t forget that in the fullness of time your home insurance will probably help you out with a lot of these expenses. I’m thinking of you.

As for your MIL, while she may hate the idea of the transfer, I really think once she’s settled, and is being properly looked after, she’ll be happier and more accepting of the situation.

Your SIL has behaved appallingly, obviously, but plenty of time to process that later.

Cross post - oh what good news

Ah, that’s great that she’s on her way to the hospice.

I'm sure she felt loved by the OP and her grandchildren.

OP has stepped up when her useless DP and SIL haven't!

SIL did redeem herself, I know why she acted like that she is scared of loosing her.
She really does love her mum, it's the unknown, it's the how do you live without your parents.
I'm sorry I've painted everyone in such bad lights, normally we are a close family. It's the stress.
Now things are setttling down, she doesn't even want to leave her at the hospice she's staying with her tonight. DP would too but he has to be here because of the kids.

Her grandkids think the world of her, she's the head of this family. always been the voice of reason, without her I think we all just got a bit aggy & cross because it was always her who we went for advice.
I'll update later because I'm going to make myself cry writing this, and I need to eat before I drive over.
Thanks ladies for holding my hand.

I'm glad it has worked out, that she will now be comfortable and that you can have some peaceful time with her.

You are right that people are not at their best under this sort of grief and stress and hopefully you'll now be able to give support and comfort to each.

Call 999, she needs to be in hospital. Once there, put your foot down and refuse to have her back in your home.

Could you click the option that says 'see all OP's posts'?!

Don’t know how to, as it happens!
Have read update now, though.

Glad she's been moved, OP. I think you are right, people resist the truth, which is their parent is dying, can't be kept at home, and need to go into palliative or hospice care (or hospice at home which is mostly very good). They struggle to accept that truth and that's a very difficult time then because the person can deteriorate whilst they are coming to terms with it all.

I hope it's a good visit and that you are not too exhausted, let everyone else carry the load for a little while, it might be you can pop in and then come home and rest, let SIL and your husband step up at this point, as people also need peace and quiet towards the end as well, so don't feel guilty if you are not there all the time. I also found going into the chapel in the hospice very calming.

I am so pleased that there is a hospice bed available, that really is the best outcome. You have been amazing btw x

You made this thread. You can't expect smoke up your for all of it. I get you've been put in a horrific position. But for a week? All from the outside is a week of this woman getting worse and noone stepping up. When it is your home so at that point it was your decision. *and when the 2 in-laws kept going round and round at about day 3 you stop them, surely!?
Because your mil would be hearing all this and it couldn't have felt nice. But telling a differing opinion to shut up isn't OK.

I'm glad you managed to get things sorted though I hope with what comes next your all OK.

How could she possibly consent/understand a DNR? The GP is utterly ridiculous.

They do have to have the agreement of the patient. Not ridiculous at all. My mother has one a DNR too. OP hasn't said that her MIL is unable to give this consent or that her mind has completely gone.

OP, I'm relieved to hear that you finally have a hospice bed sorted. I do hope that things start to ease up as much as possible for you now, and that they are able to keep MIL as comfortable as possible in her final days.

I agree with the shut up.

Just over a week is really good going to get a hospice bed.

Good for you. That was needed wasn't it? For you to add a jab aswell. For no reason whatsoever do you need to reiterate that point,it's not your issue. But I gather it mist make you feel good, so yay.

You are doubling down on your jabs at the OP, who is in a very shitty situation - so why shouldn’t others express their agreement with the OP? Honestly, telling someone to shut up is miles less offensive than berating someone with a dying loved one trying to do their best. Maybe just leave it, eh?

@Itsgottobeme sorry your life must be shit to come online & berate someone whose in a really hard suitation and upset enough already, I know it must make you feel better about your own crappy life to feel higher than others but just leave it. Go away your input isn't needed.

@Topseyt123

They do have to have the agreement of the patient.

Only if the patient has an understanding, which given what OP has said here, she definitely does not have.

@ChristmasGrinch24 I understand WHY your SIL reacted the way she did, but it’s still not good enough. As adults, we have to grit our teeth and deal with losing our parents, not make it worse for everyone. I’m assuming that she’s middle-aged, not a young adult.