The Cockroach Cafe Mark 2 (general coping with oldies)

[yolofish]

Morning all! regulars or newbies, coping with your oldies is a frustrating, exhausting and difficult business however much we love them. The Cockroach Cafe is open to all, a place to vent, rant, ask questions, get advice, and hopefully laugh too.

For newbies: why cockroach? My DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. My ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So cockroach mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

Havent been here for a while, I feel so much for those of you coping with oldies, especially if in a care home with no visiting and all of the associated anxiety.

I hope everyone is doing as well as they can cockroach to all

Do you mind if I have an early morning, can't sleep download? Just struggling with flooding the being strong for everyone bit tonight. Dad, 93 and frail had a fall the other night and mum called the ambulance. Paramedics got him up and checked him over and decided he was just badly bruised so he didn't go in but it I'm scared I won't see him again. Mum clearly has some form of dementia and can't understand that DS2s June wedding won't be going ahead. Hopefully they can still get married and hopefully DH and I will be there but every day she tells me how much she is looking forward to it and I've given up explaining. DS2 is due to start university in Finland in August and can't postpone to next year because of Brexit and I'm scared that it will be years until I can see him again if there is no vaccine. I haven't seen him since Christmas, he was due to come down at the end of March.
MIL isn't coping well and is refusing to get up 2 or 3 days a week so FIL is getting very distressed.
DH is self employed and has no work. I'm still working but all my projects are on indefinite hold and I'm working entirely on Covid impacts so I can't get away from the bloody virues. God only knows whether I will have a job afterwards if projects get cut to save costs.
I know there are people in worse situations but tonight I'm just done.

country download away. You are dealing with so much s£&* and uncertainty. 🌺🌺🌺
I read a wonderful quote which said were not in the same boat- we are in the same storm but different boats. Some people like you have so much more uncertainty and worry on every imaginable front.
How are you looking after yourself? Can you get out for a walk/ into a garden? Please try and find ways to recharge- but rant away here. 🌺🌺

The download worked. I managed to get to sleep even if it was only 45 mins before the alarm went off. I do go for a walk first thing every morning, we are lucky to live where we do and I go to the yard and see my horse in the evening. A couple of the other owners are vulnerable so I'm looking after 7 each evening so they don't have to come out. I love the bit about different boats in the same storm.

Glad you got some sleep and you are making time for you.

My DM also doesn't understand, and keeps on at me to take her to get her hair cut. I keep having to dodge the issue.

nota it grinds you down trying to explain the same thing every day doesn't it. When mum goes on about the wedding I just say we'll have to see what happens and pretend June is long way off now. MIL now has a chest infection but apparently it's a normal one so she's on antibiotics.

My DD has a boyfriend, they are about 6 months into their relationship. DM thinks that they are about to get married (they aren't) and that she hasn't been invited. So I get the enquiries about a wedding that doesn't even exist!

That's a fun one. DS1 is in a similar situation, a couple of months longer. At least mum doesn't think they are getting married but does keep asking why they aren't yet.

And when on earth are my boys going to have children

Having to answer the same questions and explain no you haven’t been anywhere and no I won’t cut your hair( unless she wants one like dh on number 2...) and yes it is quiet everywhere..... get v hard.
Hope you are doing ok nota and country
cockroach everyone.

PIL are taking lockdown very seriously. They have been out exactly once, to the cashpoint, armed with masks, gloves, hand san etc.

MIL has taken to ironing the newspaper every morning before PIL reads it. I said "how very Downton Abbey" which I thought was funny, but it didnt go down well...

I mean, I do get it, he is 90 in July and she is 82. And they are very fortunate where they live and to have a good support network. But ironing the newspaper made me laugh!

cockroach to all

Ironing the newspaper? Genius. Maybe I'll do that to my post when it arrives.

Ironing newspapers- hmmm must tell dm.......

Ironing the newspaper? Genius. Maybe I'll do that to my post when it arrives. You'd have to avoid the little plastic windows in the envelopes - they'd make a right mess of your sole plate.

Good point

True, and I'd have to take the post upstairs to our bedroom where the iron/board lives and then it could have shed germs everywhere? I'm not quite sure how PIL logistics work, but anyway they are ok although getting twitchy at the thought that the over 70s may never be allowed out agan.

Horrible times for oldies and those coping with them.

although getting twitchy at the thought that the over 70s may never be allowed out again. Not surprised, I'm getting twitchy about that, and I'm not quite 70 yet.

Not been on here for a while
DM dementia getting worse - she is coping ok with lockdown but lack of social contact other than family doing shopping and phonecalls is just upsetting her
I can’t do anything about lack of routine but that’s what she needs - at least pre COVID she had church and coffee mornings regularly

Is there anything she would enjoy doing ?
If she has a garden could you take round a few bedding plants that she would enjoy planting ? Or even a couple of pot plants to look after ( although obviously you could end up watering etc )
Or if her dementia is quite advanced a doll to care for ?

I thought I would check in as the thread is no longer showing on my ''I'm on'' list.

Things relatively ok here. DM still doesn't have a clue what's going on in the world and why myself and DB 'refuse' to take her to get her hair cut. I've been going to see her 2 or 3 times a week to take her food, do a bit of cleaning/gardening etc, but trying to stay 2 metres away from her. I went to see her on Wednesday when it was v hot and she still had her central heating on. Poor thing was sat in her underwear, melting.

I've been working from home for two months now, and am trying to keep on top of my own mental health by going for a walk or doing a spot of gardening each day. I don't always manage it, but I am grateful for a garden to sit in if nothing else.

Hope everyone is ok, cockroach all.

Mum has a revelation where she gets it that I'm staying away not because I think she's infectious but in case I am. Next time I see her we do it all over again. It's been nine weeks now and each time it's a fresh realisation. I do have more appreciation now for the importance of structure in your life because I have no idea what day it is - Alexa could tell me anything and I'd believe it.

My MIL looked at me, saw I'd had my hair cut and told me I should cut hers. How I am to do this while remaining six feet away I'm not quite sure but I'm not doing it because there's so much that I can do wrong and I'd never hear the end of it. I suggested she could stand in front of a mirror with scissors, like I did, or wait for the hairdresser to open again. I dare say I'm being bad mouthed to the family for my unreasonable behaviour in not giving her what she wants but I don't care. Not caring is remarkably freeing, I wish I'd reached this stage decades earlier.

Good to see you nota and knota
‘Tis v quiet on here as I think we all soldier on with no idea what day it is.......
Understand completely about the importance of gardens. It has been a lifesaver.
Here dm too keeps moaning about her hair but no way am I trying to cut it.......

because I have no idea what day it is Yes, I was thinking the other day they'll have to make changes to that dementia test!

Nice to see you all, Jace, sandwich, Knot, nota* and anyone else I've missed. It's been so quiet here recently! I guess everyone's gardening - the gardening board has been heaving.

I'm feeling smug about hair - It's 50 years since I've been to a hair dresser, so I'm not feeling the loss. There's an advantage to normally having your hair long and shapeless - no amount of neglect can make it look worse. I feel sorry for those with neat short cuts.

Hello everyone

I am a regular but have NC over the years

I remember Thigh, the Vortex of Doom etc

I hope you and yours are all okay

It might seem odd but I wanted to say bye and thank you. I have to deregister because on Friday night, someone started a thread to get me banned and though there’s great support here, I don’t feel safe staying on.

If anyone knows any other places to chat about elderly parents, I’d be grateful for recommendations

All the best