The Cockroach Cafe Mark 2 (general coping with oldies)

[yolofish]

Morning all! regulars or newbies, coping with your oldies is a frustrating, exhausting and difficult business however much we love them. The Cockroach Cafe is open to all, a place to vent, rant, ask questions, get advice, and hopefully laugh too.

For newbies: why cockroach? My DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. My ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So cockroach mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

Carers deserve so much more than they get - money, respect, kindness, time....

Yes, carers do so much for such low pay.
Dm is v lucky with hers.
yolo today can’t have been easy for you..
nota sending hugs

dint I am laughing at your Dad's delight in the system failure! Mine would have been exactly the same.

Happy mothers day one and all, whether you still have a mother, or you dont, or you are a mother or you arent. and of course, cockroach all round.

SNAFU. Situation normal , all fouled up

FUBAR Fouled up beyond all recognition

dint see if your dad recognises the above words , used with great glee my my engineer dad who would have been 98 by now .

He took great delight in “ the innate hostility of inanimate objects “

Funny how things turn out. No way could I laugh at a lift breaking down at a care home during a time that’s already extra bad.

Trumpton I'm sure my Dad would recognise them (I certainly do, and must have learnt them from somewhere) - similar age to yours, also an engineer. Also spent much of his life working closely with military personnel, which has given him a rich vocabulary, normally not used, but which I had a taste of once when he rang me having failed to switch the burglar alarm off. I didn't recognise him, put on my snootyest voice, said I wasn't going to listen to language like that and put the phone down .

Vortex of despair alert

I’m missing my home terribly and tomorrow would have been my parents 52nd wedding anniversary so mum will be upset.

Just wanted to “argh” somewhere.

aargh indeed autumn, big safe hugs across the ether.

Thank you yolo

We all need somewhere to argh sometimes.
What can you do to makes yourself feel brighter , do you think ?
Or is it just a case of ploughing through .
It’s so hard , I am in quarantine following chemo and a mastectomy and I know mil is missing me dreadfully but I have another 10 days of quarantine to go .
Our rules are slightly different here and I usually do her shopping and change her bed .
Do you have something to treat yourself tomorrow ?
Be kind to yourself .

Thank you Trumpton

I don’t know really

It will help if mum isn’t crying all day but that’s so unfair of me to say isn’t it?

Meanwhile, I’m watching closely for possible further lockdown measures. I figured if I was with mum, I would be allowed to return home....I don’t want that window to close. India’s crackdown has stunned me - they have 10 deaths!

rose I hear you. Sending a hug too. Can you watch something on your tv to cheer yourself up?
You must feel really trapped. I couldn’t live with dm.
yolo how are you all doing?
Such strange times. Had to insist dm did NOT go outside in the garden on her own-she did with me yesterday- first time in 6 months... but v wobbly.....

Thank you sandwich

That’s good that your mum was able to go in the garden.

sandwich we are actually really good as DH deemed cancer FREE !!! following phone consult with oncologist. Some more scans and colonoscopy still to come (god knows when) but bloods showing zero.
All 4 of us home now, pretty calm, but we are lucky - big house and big garden so can all get away from each other.

I know for those of you still coping with oldies how bloody hard it must be, we say to each other every day 'thank god grandma is not here'. cockroach to all.

Yolo “ we say to each other every day 'thank god grandma is not here”

That makes me feel better.

Such good news re your DH!

yolo that’s brilliant brilliant news. Your gang so deserve it.
autumn how are you keeping busy?
nota thinking of you.
And cockroach all

how are you doing today autumn? hope your mum is not bringing you down too much.
Everyone else? I see Prince Charles has tested positive... Camilla negative. Hope he is OK, dont think the nation could cope otherwise.

Sorry just a rant. My father is driving me nuts. He’s been out and about 3 times today, to Waitrose, the cemetary, and then popped by ours to leave some biscuits for the children. Why am I tying myself into knots trying to buy 4 pint milk cartons for him to freeze, and signing up for milkandmore, all while trying to wfh and stay in the house . Has anyone managed to get across to elderly parents that their routine has to change? It’s like he can’t relate the gov instructions to his own behaviour

I printed off the transcript of the PM's speech so now it's not me being silly but "Boris says no". These are the list of reasons you can leave your house mum, where does it say "going out for a little run in the car"? Where does it say "does not apply to Knotaknitter'smum? Closing the library was the big thing, it's the one place she likes to trot off to.

When we've assimilated that we can move on to the next bit of paper covering the extremely vulnerable. I would like it if she turned the tv on and watched the news now and again because she's living in a different world to the rest of us.

Well, I hope I don’t get flamed....

I’m back at home. Mum said the worst thing that could happen to her had already happened, is pootling around in her normal way, has several phone calls a day, enough food to withstand a siege....

While I was having anxiety attacks and my blood pressure was rising alarmingly - it’s normally on the low side. And I realised I’m not even an emotional comfort to her, in fact, might be annoying her. So a friend gave me a lift home.

If mum is upset or angry, she didn’t show it.

I fear this lockdown going on for months. I assume if mum falls ill, I will be allowed to travel as it covers “emergency with family”.

autumn I think you are a saint for lasting so long....... 🌺🌺
Hope you are ok. You are very sensible if it wasn’t doing your health any good.....
Do not beat yourself up. You know she is fine. Look after yourself.

Thank you sandwich

I’ve been quite erratic

Had my work cancelled so headed over there last Tuesday thinking she’d really need me, but no.

I sort of wish I could have stayed but I could see I’d just have to exist in my bedroom, she’s not ready to change anything to fit me in, which is fair enough if she doesn’t need me.

When she said about the worst thing having happened to her, I winced a bit....I nearly died twice in my 30s but she’s probably forgotten about that now.

And I realised I’m not even an emotional comfort to her, in fact, might be annoying her. Yes. Just because someone needs help doesn't mean to say you are the right person to give that help. I learned that living with a depressed partner.

I winced a bit....I nearly died twice in my 30s but she’s probably forgotten about that now. She won't have forgotten but it won't be at the top of her mind. My DS was seriously ill when he was 4, but I wouldn't list it in my top 10 of bad things - on an intellectual level I might, but not on a gut-feelings level - he recovered, so all the emotion of that time is lost. Doesn't mean I don't love him.

Mere I know what you mean.

I woke up feeling so much better today. Just hope nothing kicks off in my rough area!

How are you all?