The Cockroach Cafe Mark 2 (general coping with oldies)

[yolofish]

Morning all! regulars or newbies, coping with your oldies is a frustrating, exhausting and difficult business however much we love them. The Cockroach Cafe is open to all, a place to vent, rant, ask questions, get advice, and hopefully laugh too.

For newbies: why cockroach? My DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. My ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So cockroach mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

It’s my own experience with pneumonia that puzzled me

Maybe it depends what form you get.

Yolo, they’d have neighbours who could do that surely?

My father had pneumonia earlier this year. Apart from coughing up quite a bit of phlegm each morning, it didn't seem to cause him any great discomfort. I've read that in the elderly it doesn't cause a lot of pain. Or it may just be that it's better than the alternatives.

Mere “ Or it may just be that it's better than the alternatives.”

I’m thinking that might be it, but also it probably depends on the type. I had a friend who had pleurisy and didn’t feel too bad!

My mother has just made the following statements within a minute

“They’re going too far with all this”

“Why don’t they just shut everything with no warning? It’s for the good of the people”.

Mmmmkay.

When I had pneumonia I just felt dog tired and really light headed so I suppose it varies.

Will today’s announcements help your dsdint?
How are you managing living with your mum rose ?
Spent a couple of hours with dm today which was plenty😉

sandwich I’m trying to take the view that there’s a war on, if that makes sense!

But she’s so pleased to have company, things like eating a different dinner at a different time would be impossible. That said, cooking for two makes more sense at such times.

I do think I’d have found it very hard to live in my small flat if a lockdown with local walks is imposed. Plus with pubs shut I reckon people will be out drinking in the street I live in - there’s 3 pubs and hardcore drinkers will congregate on nearby benches, I reckon.

autumn I think I've said it before, but you must have the patience of a saint!

Will today’s announcements help your dsdint? No, I don't think they will. He says "...a grant to cover most of the wages of people who are not working but are furloughed and kept on payroll, rather than being laid off" - ie explicitly excluding those who have been laid off. And although he talks about backdating to March 1st, that's the money that's backdated, not the people who are included.

But - good news - he's got an interview today, and a job offer. Both are zero hours minimum wage, which is a step down from 20hrs guaranteed and a bit above minimum wage, but it's work.

Meanwhile the home tell me DF has retired to his room "to draw up a plan to deal with this Coronavirus".

dint good news about your ds’s job. Good luck to your df coming up with the solution! Bless him- one way to cope.
rose very sensible attitude- does your dm have a garden? The garden centre told me yesterday there’s been a huge run on compost and seeds..... takings are up!
cockroach all

yolo wish I did, it would make it easier. She’s trying her best though.

sandwich yes, she’s has a garden but she’s paranoid about security which makes things interesting. If this goes on till summer I certainly couldn’t sit outside of an evening.

mere glad he got work. Tbh if I wasn’t staying with mum I’d have gone for supermarket work as I likely don’t have any other options next couple of months.

Just rang DM (Alzheimer’s) she has no idea what day it is or if she has been out
Rather confused re Coronavirus but does know it’s Mother’s Day and wants to see me especially as she can’t even go to church
Self and DS are both feeling ok and have been home working most of week - I can go n pick her up - feed her and return her home
I am minimising risks?
Worried about her MH as much as physical

Jace, all I can say is that if I still had work and was going into central London, my mum would still want to see me. I take the point aboit mental health and I know it’s got to be balanced against public health but I can’t help thinking humans trying to battle the earth is a bit optimistic anyway.

You will be in a car, yes? I’m sure there’s MNers who’d say no way, but I’m not one of them.

jace I feel for you. I will be going to see dm as I’m effectively part of the carers team- just me and dh at home, we don’t work and have been social distancing for a while. She would go batty if no contact.
But everyone’s circumstances are different.

I'm also intending on going to visit DM later, she would not understand if I didn't, plus she relies on my for so much.

In other news, some of you may remember me sharing my DS's mental health issues. Well I'm afraid I had him sectioned last week and he was a danger to himself and others. Unfortunately the unit he is on is allowing no visitors due to Corona. He hates me and blames me for betraying him, the only contact I've had with him since he has been in has been a string of abusive text messages. The unit are talking about releasing him tomorrow.

Fuck knows what is going to happen. I feel like I am in a really shit sci fi plot where too many things are being thrown into the mix.

nota I am so sorry. I can’t add anything helpful- unless saying it would be an unsafe discharge, but in these strange times that’s hard. What support is there for him?
How can you look after yourself?
Vent away here- all we can do is listen. Sending 🌺🌺🍷🍷🍫🍫

Thanks sandwich but I really don't want to derail this thread into being about something completely different than what it should be for. x

nota we can listen. So sorry to hear this xx

nota I’m so sorry.

If you want to post about it here, I definitely don’t mind.

Hugs from a safe distance.

nota we’ve been through so much on this board together- please feel welcome to post if it could help you at all.
🌺🌺

Thank you all. Ironic that on mother's day I should feel like a total betrayer of my son. He has sent me a text message this morning telling me to fuck off and that he will never forgive me for putting him through this.

So sorry nota that’s awful. You are doing the best you can for him.
🌺

nota as we all know we lash out at our nearest and dearest... you did what was best. big hugs xx

nota

sandwich Df phoned me yesterday. Seems to have forgotten his plan for Cornavirus, but was in cheerful mood - the lift has broken down at the home, and they're all in chaos carrying dinners up and downstairs because they can't get residents on the top floor down to the dining room. There's nothing that cheers my father up more than watching a technical failure cause chaos. (provided it doesn't hurt people).

mere oh those poor staff!

I’m just speaking to a friend who is not seeing his mum but she still has carers going in. Seems mad to me.