The Cockroach Cafe Mark 2 (general coping with oldies)

[yolofish]

Morning all! regulars or newbies, coping with your oldies is a frustrating, exhausting and difficult business however much we love them. The Cockroach Cafe is open to all, a place to vent, rant, ask questions, get advice, and hopefully laugh too.

For newbies: why cockroach? My DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. My ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So cockroach mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

thistly no easy answers... dont envy you. Our village has put out a FB appeal for people to help others - pick up shopping, hospital lifts etc. I would do this like a shot normally, but DH is immunocompromised - so no, I wont.

sandwich come on over, but tread carefully with those penguin feet!

Friend of mine whose daughters are both doctors reckons that with shortage of intensive care beds, anyone over 65 will have no chance of treatment.

I've had the decision taken out of my hands - nursing home is closed to visitors. Now I just have to worry about my much older DH, and whether DS2 got back from Spain or whether he's stuck there, and how DS1 is going to survive on half pay now there are no airline passengers needing to be served, and whether my kitten's sore paw is enough of an emergency to take her to the emergency vets or whetehr she can survive till Mon and see her own vet.

Been out all day
Horrified by the rumour of elderly being told to self isolate for months

No one is going to stop me seeing my mum, surely?

I realise it’s to save the nhs the bother of treating them but still.....seems inhuman.

It's honestly looking all a bit shit. My neighbour, whose mother is in the same home mine did about 2 nights in, says visiting still allowed but they are hot on hand san, supervising hand washing etc.

I think autumn as individuals, unless advice otherwise, you get to make you own decisions

currently trying to work out how to get DD1 home from French Alps, which have basically closed...

it's all a pile of pants really!

Looks like the rumour comes from one article

I do wish the government would make some announcements daily.

Luckily mum won’t find out the rumour till she sees her newspaper tomorrow morning.

Mere, how does your dad feel?

Yolo, flights are still coming out of France are they?

autumn I think they'll give a few days grace to brit nats coming home like the USA has just done... if necessary we will drive down but I dont want to - its a fuck of a long way, DH immunocompromised, I'm not good at driving in France as wrong side of the road etc etc.

The worst thing of all of this seems to me to be the uncertainty, and the feeling that UK is doing much less than other countries.

Yolo, that’s good, hope she comes home soon.

Hoping also that the government are watching reactions to elderly being isolated. I see now it’s just an effort to stop them using beds. Wonder if we could register decisions alongside DNR?

currently trying to work out how to get DD1 home from French Alps, which have basically closed. DS2 is indeed in Malaga, everything is closed, AND he's had his phone nicked. He is not a happy bunny!

Mere, how does your dad feel? The urge to look after everyone is kicking in. Phone call from him last night, always a bit difficult because of his deafness, but he seems OK, and just concerned about whether he should ring me again this morning. Wanted to know where the bar of soap had come from in his cupboard, and told me he had been given a new touch control bedside light.

yolo How old is DD1? Flights are still going into France - LBA departure board today has all flights cancelled except one to Paris.

From BBC website: "Action to isolate the UK's over-70s for an extended period to shield them from coronavirus is planned in the coming weeks, Health Secretary Matt Hancock has confirmed.".

So how's that going to work then? I have an over-70 in the household. Do the rest of us self-isolate alongside?

I see now it’s just an effort to stop them using beds. Friend of mine whose daughters are both doctors says when it comes to it they simply won't treat, or even assess, over 65s. Yes, I know this is scaremongering. But realistically we know we have nowhere near enough intensive care beds, and they're not going to place an elderly person ("who is doing to die sometime anyway" as a PP elsewhere in MN so charmingly put it) as a higher priority than someone economically active or who is caring for children.

Sad as it may seem, I've found I seem to get better medical care if I say I do voluntary work than if I say simply that I'm retired.

DD2 booked on a flight on Weds. dint your poor son! what a nightmare even if too early.

Mere so your dad is okay with not seeing you?

sorry about your son's phone, what a royal PITA.

Re the over 70s households, I have a feeling that's what they will say, that everyone is on lockdown as much as possible.

Yolo, good that that's sorted.

Thanks sandwich and Yolo; i guess i keep doing what i am doing until such time as self isolation is called for.
I’m going to have a chat with her and other family members before calling to GP to update her EHCP. She almost certainly wouldn’t want hospital admission in case of infection.... not that she’d get it by the sounds of things.

The lack of decisive action on the part of the govt is painful.

Hope those of you with DC abroad get them back soon!

Thistly I'm guessing EHCP is Elderly Care Health Plan.

how do we get one of those? mum wouldn't want hospital admission if she got infected either but we need that formalised somehow.

Hi autumn, its an emergency health care plan. The GP writes on with their patient, and it sets out parameters. She has it in addition to a DNR. The paramedics consult it and use it to inform their decision whether to transfer to hospital.
It’s been great so far for us; means paramedics feel more confident about their decision making.

Thanks Thistly

I do wish the GP had told us this when she did her DNR.

Yes, it’s well worth discussing. My gran mentioned to an older gp that she was ready to go, and he closed the conversation down. He didn’t even suggest a dnacpr. We only got that once she was in an emergency situation last year.
It was a brand new gp who did the ehcp for gran, and only after several conversations with her and family members.
So perhaps younger gps are readier to go through the process.

I rather suspect, sadly, that GPs are going to be too busy coping on the front line than helping EHCP for the coming months. I really dont know how many elderly people will cope with isolation/quarantine for 4 months, especially if their only company at that stage is the TV which is not exactly cheeful at the moment. DM would have been going absolutely spare by now, and us by extension.

So mum's care home have said she cannot return there if she goes to my uncle's funeral on Tuesday, and they are restricting visitors to close family only. Mum understands, my poor aunt, aged 80 will have just me with her for the funeral. So sad.

Mere so your dad is okay with not seeing you? He'll survive, mentally he's tough. And he can still read, so I can write to him, and I think he knows that some at least of the care staff have his best interests at heart. So I think the lockdown won't be as hard on him as on some.

Rather depressing reading the two "isolate the over 70s" thread and find the majority of your fellow citizens begrudge any use of NHS resources on you. It's quite scary, having paid into the NHS for 50 odd years, to find it's suddenly being withdrawn from you.

flaming I'm sorry

Mere quite!

I've just had a chat with mum. She was having lunch with friends today - they were 4 instead of 8 because the others have sore throats. Frankly I see this as a good sign - the group were all over 80 and hopefully the virus is just moving through as an annoying sore throat. One of them has been gardening solidly for the last 2 days so might have caught a chill.

she also does a lot of volunteering, it would be insanity to ask her to self isolate.

mum seems to think that a) it will be a request not an order and b) she will still be allowed visitors. She thinks I'm overworrying.

I'm happy as long as she's okay, basically. But I'm putting together some stuff to take there just in case, and have told her I'm having a TV delivered there (!) so that if I get stuck there, we at least have 2 TVs. No way would my mum cope with things like The West Wing or Inside No 9!

mere glad you feel your dad will cope.

yolo I don't think for a minute GPs should give time to this now, but I do wish they had done it at the same time as mum's DNR - would have been so efficient. We weren't even aware such a thing existed.

flaming that’s so sad.🌺🌺
Sounds like sensible shoppingautumn!
What do folk think? Should we be taking dm out for lunch next Sunday to a small golf club? 94 but no major health issues? Wisdom welcomed.

sandwich Work on the principle that there will be no health care if she does get it. How quiet is it? Would you be able to sit a couple of metres from anyone else? Do you trust their hygiene?

I visited my parents today. DB1 was there and one of his adult children is in isolation with presumed Covid. His wife phoned 111 on Thursday and they were told they would phone back about testing but it would be 3-4 days, then the criteria changed so no test. Suddenly parents are taking it seriously, yesterday it was all a fuss about nothing. As I left my dad, who is 93, said "I hope we will be able to see you again". I managed to get to the car before I cried.
Nephew was very poorly for a couple of days but is on the mend.