The Cockroach Cafe Mark 2 (general coping with oldies)

[yolofish]

Morning all! regulars or newbies, coping with your oldies is a frustrating, exhausting and difficult business however much we love them. The Cockroach Cafe is open to all, a place to vent, rant, ask questions, get advice, and hopefully laugh too.

For newbies: why cockroach? My DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. My ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So cockroach mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

Ah - with dad, getting rid of the pad is no problem, problem comes if he's left it too long and has leaked, when of course it's a full change anyway. These are huge pads. Maybe it's easier with men, with the bulk of the padding at the front.

If faecal incontinence, then definitely pants.

And in case it's helpful for anyone else reading this - pants can be got rid of quickly and easily by tearing down the sides and pulling out like a pad. No need to drag sodden pants all the way down the legs and over the feet. There is a tear line, but not very obvious, and I didn't realise till I saw a care worker doing it.

Thanks for all the experiences! V useful
My amazon preferences are v erm interesting these days.........
Hope everyone is doing ok.

I'm the same Sandwich, I think I've broken the Amazon bot.

We have had an unexpected development. Mum came home from staying with my cousin and announced that she was in charge of her life and if she didn't want carers she wouldn't have them.

Then this morning I was just getting her breakfast when she had a call - the carer was outside and couldn't find the house. Apparently Social Services were supposed to tell us that she was coming but they hadn't.

So although she didn't want it she now has carers coming in twice a day. The lady that came this morning is lovely and mum liked her.

Then the company phoned me and made a appointment to come and do the paperwork on Friday morning. Mum has always gone to bed at 10 p.m. but the carer will be coming at 9 p.m. I am walking on air! The thought that I can be with her all evening and home on my sofa by 9 o'clock is amazing.

A carer coming at 9! Brilliant. My mum's come at 6 and they argue (every day) about whether it's too early for dinner. Lol at the amazon bots, mine is simultaneously recommending books on parenting teenagers and incontinence products

hairbrush that’s brilliant!! Did you get your weekend away?

Yes - we had the weekend away. Even though she had been poorly. She went to my cousin and was well and truly pampered.

She was also told that she would be staying with my cousin for the duration of my daughters' weddings thus leaving me free to look after the girls. Obviously she will be at the weddings - my cousin's children are in the wedding party and the little girl will be with us - but my cousin will get mum dressed and take her to the church in her car leaving me free to hitch a ride with the bridesmaids.

Mum isn't very happy this evening - she keeps saying she is all shaken up and confused because she doesn't know what's happening but I have promised to stay until the carer arrives so it's not like a complete stranger walks in on her.

Not going to have the most fun evening with her tonight but it will be ok eventually.

she keeps saying she is all shaken up and confused because she doesn't know what's happening I've been surprised at how unsettled my father is at the tiniest changes to routine. It's seems to be a common feature of the elderly.

hairbrush she has had quite a bit of disruption... but hold the line. She will get used to it, no doubt moan but you deserve to have some time out and with weddings etc going on, you have other priorities.
Good luck!

So the carer came just before 9 and mum said that she would get ready for bed then come back to the living room. I nearly cried because I know she would then need me again at 10 o'clock to help her to bed. But the carer said that she had to leave her in bed so that was that.

I did say she could call me for a chat if she wanted to. Less than 5 minutes after I came in when I was trying to balance three bowls of dog food while three dogs tried to get me to feed them she rang! She wanted to know if everything had been turned off in the living room? Was the door locked? Had I closed the curtains? Yes, yes and yes!

I can't believe I am sitting here at 10 o'clock with the dogs fed just waiting now for DH to come home. Peace!

Hairbrush “ She wanted to know if everything had been turned off in the living room? Was the door locked? Had I closed the curtains? Yes, yes and yes!”

Sorry, do you mean in your bit of the house or hers?

Hers - had I made sure that all the things I make sure about every single night and have done for the past 7 years have been done? This is going to be a learning curve for both of us. I felt so guilty when I got home I nearly went back to sit with her for half an hour!

Oh I see, that makes more sense.

I admire you for dealing with this so kindly

So it's 10 a.m. and I haven't seen her for 12 hours! I feel ridiculously guilty because I know she is unhappy. But we've got to get through this. I am going to spend an hour or so with her this afternoon which I don't normally do.

Sending strength hairbrush. You can get through this and please don’t feel guilty. You deserve your own time. It will get easier. Often on these boards we talk about applying Teflon to the shoulders to protect ourselves- sending you a bucket load

How are you all doing with your oldies and corona? The one thing we have all been saying to each other is "thank god gma is not around for this". The stress would have sent her, and therefore me, into the stratosphere.

So for those of you still in the trenches etc.

I managed to take a consignment of toilet paper to DM last night. She'll probably outlive the rest of us as she is made from 100% grit and determination.

I know I shouldn't get upset when the dementia speaks, but she kept asking me about DD's wedding (there isn't one), what her ring was like (also, doesn't exist), etc. It's not one I could play along with as it took me a while to get it.

Mothers day looks like we will cancel the table DB booked, and he and I will just do something at DM's house instead.

I'm not sure that either granny really gets what's going on. Over the last four weeks I've managed to get one of them to fill her shelves and freezer so that if I self isolate she has food in the house. The other is used to shopping every day, never mind that she can't get further than the dustbin now, and is confident that "someone" will be there to shop for her. I've stuck some tinned stew on the shelves, veg and ready meals in the freezer and that's as much as I can do.

I want to wrap them in cotton wool and board up the front door but while that's ok for a week it's not going to work for months. I am trying to introduce Facetime so that they'd still have contact if I'm shut in but seeing as mum has forgotten she has an ipad I doubt this will go well. The carrot there is that she would get to see her grandson because at the moment there is no way I'm having the two of them in the same room. He's at uni and is the biggest transmission risk.

It’s really hard. Don’t want to panic dm but have been trying to stock up her supplies without her noticing as she always comments about what I bring.
Balancing getting her out if possible with risk- not sure about using the lovely wheelchair taxi folk at the moment.
cockroach all.

FIL, 90 in July, is still going up to London, speaking at events etc. MIL, 83, is much less mobile and hence a bit more stay-in. However, they were both here last w/e with a similar aged friend.

DD2 now working from home rather than commuting to London - thank fuck - DD1 still in French Alps but I expect her to be sent home next week, either because France closes borders or because bottom falls out of ski market.

Curious about what prompted name change yolo? Deep significance?
Good to hear oldies still out and about- will try and keep getting dm out to keep us sane!

sandwich name change due to ongoing totally ridiculous conversation in royal family section... suffice it to say, a lot of hilarious convos about penguins.

Hello everyone.
Have occasionally lurked in the past, and always felt so grateful that my gran is so appreciative of what i do to care for her. She lives in a bungalow on the same street as me, and is currently struggling to keep her routine together. She has carers once a day.
She definitely can’t manage without someone popping in on a daily basis.

What do people think? Is it better for me to just keep the normal routine? Or find a way to reduce my contact with her? I serve the public in my work and have children attending school.

Once again, i am often so shocked by the experiences other people have of caring for elderly relatives; the sense of entitlement, the inability to think beyond themselves. I admire those of you continuing to care for people under such difficult circumstances.
Everyone must be making difficult decisions at the moment.

Okaaay yolo might venture over there when I’m bored😉😉
Penguins you say?
Hello thistly no wise words.... apart from wash your hands?? So hard to know. If you have any doubts, stay away, but who knows? I am retired but have reduced volunteering etc to reduce risk to dm..... you can’t do that. Much sympathy.