The Cockroach Cafe (the successor to the Shiny Thread)

[MereDintofPandiculation]

A space for us all to get together for relief from caring, share news, frustrations, problems, or just have a rant. Everyone and everything welcome (though if you have a big problem needing advice, you may want to start a new thread so as to be heard above the noise of the clanking gin bottles and general chatter)

111 called. Recommended to see an ooh within 6 hours :( but the bleeding has stopped now, I feel fine. I don't want to go to ooh at 1130 tonight, I'm too tired and can't cope with any more angst tonight. I'm going to go to bed, I've been up since 630 am. If it returns or gets worse I'll call 111 again, I've agreed this with the Ooh service. Thanks for the advice. I'd have waited till the GP reopened on Tuesday. But honestly, I've no pain and I feel ok, miserable, but ok. What a decking horrid day.

nora please do something about the bleeding. Look after yourself.

Cross posted. 🌺🌺

Let us know how you get on Nora, otherwise we'll think the brothers Grimm have put some kind of hex on you....

Still chilling with cat
DF is looking bit better today
I’m ignoring phone messages from DM who won’t remember ringing anyway
DP took me out for splendid Chinese - back on duty tomorrow
Big hugs for all that need them

Love the cat :) and the rings.

I know I should be asleep but I got the urge to clean the kitchen. I'm in bed now.

Flaming how are you today?

How’s everyone?

I surpassed myself by flapping because I rang mum a few times and there was no answer. Turns out I’d forgotten she was having lunch with friends this afternoon. I’m only 43, is my memory going already?! She’s going to be 81 soon! Then again, she moans about how my generation can’t remember a phone number..

nora did you get seen by a doctor? hope you are ok...

rosa you wait til you're 58, I'm at the stage where I cant remember why I went upstairs!!

This time last year DM was in a massively expensive private care home and hating every minute of it. Came home from there and it all went tits up yet again. So weird to think she only had 2 more months...

I'm going to drs today. The bleeding is still happening, less than Sunday but still bleeding.

The Grimms have been back in touch accusing me of ruining my mums birthday and upsetting the olds because I told the olds what the Grimms were doing. It was the first thing I woke up to this morning and I just burst into tears. I'm alone with this shit, no partner, no siblings, just me. I want to walk away from all of it.

nora so glad you are going to the docs. Tell them everything, all the Grimm stuff too. Make sure you are registered as a carer. They may be able to point to support
So sorry you are having to deal with this. Could social worker help.
🌺🌺

Oh nora I'm so sorry they are trying that nonsense. Notice they are trying to make it about you being open and honest about what I'd happy rather than their terrible behaviour.

I get that this is really not fair on you and such a difficult position to be in.

Sending you very best healing vibes. Sometimes you just have to accept that you can't help.

Do look after yourself, too. All the best.

Nora I’d be tempted to say “you’re ruining my life” and then block.

Does your mum know you’re not well? Have you shown her the messages?

Can I join? Single parent to single mum. DM is "young" to be as physically limited as she is - she's 72, mental alertness excellent, and actually v supportive emotionally in a crisis, but I see her getting more and more anxious on a day to day basis, and so more vulnerable to people telling her she "needs" things smart meter She is really limited by arthritis and has a cluster of other conditions rumbling on that are more or less to be expected but hard for her nonetheless.

Positives: she lives nearby, she is amazing, my DC adore her, she has a will of iron
Negatives: did I mention the will of iron?! She's getting very down about how her mobility is decreasing, and I don't know how to help her manage her mindset/mood about it without sounding really annoying - clearly she's in chronic pain, and she genuinely can't move very freely, so "chin up" is quite reasonably likely to get me a verbal clip round the ear...

She's a bugger about not asking for help but then telling me how she's overdone it, so I am more and more trying to pre-empt what she might need. I don't resent that, but I suppose I am just quite conscious this is the start of moving into a very different zone.

Welcome Flathead

I had some issues with mum overdoing it. Tbh mostly she had to learn for herself. She doesn’t have arthritis but will get exhausted to the point of feeling unwell and low blood pressure drops more.

Some things she still does and there’s just no stopping her. I tend to think, well, she must be allowed her independence!

I've seen the Doctor, she was lovely. I'd had a scan two weeks ago because of very slight spots of blood, there was nothing abnormal. Doc says this could all be caused by stress, she said it's unlikely that it's not affecting my hormones. She was visibly sympathetic, I told her as much as I could get out between tears and sniffles. She's changed my HRT to a combined dose so I have a small bleed each month as she thinks my menopause is late and I still have endometrial tissue that is active. She asked about and urged me to seek support for me.

I told my my mum and their dad about the Grimms on Sunday, she's livid. I've blocked the Grimms on what's app now. I'll tell her about today when I call her.

I felt so alone and hopeless this morning, less so tonight. Thanks for your kind thoughts, I'm not sure I'd have managed this far without you all.

flaming glad the doc is looking after you.

Tbh the Grimms sound a bit like they threatening to huff and puff etc but have no legal foundation?

I have cried most of today
Cat support absent so am in the bath with a very large margarita
I had a different version of stressy bank holiday weekend when I was supposed to be chilling but DP issues n emergency surgery for DD MIL put paid to that
Slept worse than usual last night - drifted in and out for a few hours whilst listening to history channel and wave crashing apps
Managed to catch DF Dr at nursing home this AM said he’s stable but leaving decisions n action to MDT meeting
MDT meeting this PM waste of time due to non attendance, lack of communication, and inconsistent care reports
Then I found out poor DF has been let down by feed ordering system; combo of GP, dietitian, pharmacy and nursing home - net effect he has not been getting more than 300 calories for 5 days, before that he was vomiting so not had adequate nourishment for over 2 weeks - no wonder he is failing
Too weak to manage even standing hoist now so arguing with them about trying to get him up briefly to improve his mental state - in bed he turns into compliant patient mode and just gets worse
I could go on..........but am too tired
HELP - question for anyone with medical background - this morning they were talking about meds’ review n Dr was questioning whether he needed anti depressants - why would they consider not continuing them, he can’t tell them, has in the past suffered from serotonin syndrome when drugs been withdrawn, and has a 50 plus years depressive history
At the moment at least he’s not miserable or in too much pain
How can I counteract this suggestion

Jace I’m so sorry to hear all this

I’m not a doctor but am on antidepressants

Re your DF, I would ask if it is safe to take him off those meds when he has been on them so long.

What is their reasoning for wanting to withdraw it?

Re the food, that is shocking. Have I understood correctly- he’s been underfed drastically because of administrative errors? Doesn’t he needs glucose drip or something after this? Hugs to you and your dad.

That sounds overwhelming Jace I am so sorry - I am sure you're all over this, but in your shoes I might say "Please leave any changes to long-term medication until the team has demonstrated they can feed him adequately, because otherwise you won't have an accurate baseline assessment will you?"

It's so exhausting and isolating having to advocate for someone "against" professionals. They obviously want to make a positive difference, but it sounds as though they're leapfrogging over the basics in their slightly misplaced enthusiasm at the moment.

rosa and jace so sorry you are having so much s#£& to deal with.
No wisdom either legal or medical, but just wanted to send support,🍷🍷🌺🌺🍫🍫 and to let you know I’m thinking of you.

jace flathead nora big hugs and wine choc coffee cake etc (cba to do brackets for emojis!)

Just got off the phone from an hour long call with very old friend who is in the middle of the shit you all know and understand... she is a very wise person whose judgement I trust enormously.

Even she cant do it and is struggling. We all do the best we can and that has to be enough. cockroach one and all.

V wiseyolo

Flathead excellent phrasing!

sandwich I think you might have me confused with another poster? All good here, till the next problem of course!!

yolo thinking about those sorts of dates in the past is a bit shit isn’t it. A time when a crap memory like mine comes in handy!

Aw you lot are so wise and so kind. When my dr asked me where I was getting support- I said "mumsnet".

I know it's not mumsnet but sending ((((hugs)))) of thanks and support to all the cockroach cafe clientele.

Oops rosa I meant nora but you deserve flowers and chocs like we all do!
nora😘😘