Caring for elderly parents? Pop in for support/advice/a bit of a rant...

[picklemepopcorn]

Pace yourself, it's a marathon not a sprint!

This is a safe place to offload- don't be embarrassed about how you feel. No judgement here...

There are lovely people here with practical experience of some of the issues which crop up who'll share their hard won knowledge!

What would happen if you straight up asked? Will you move in and help after my opp? I know you moved Sis in with you, but I don't want to put you to too much trouble...

I can't credit the favouritism. To be fair to DM, she's pretty vile with all of us! The other two think I'm a bit golden child, but I'm just more practiced at handling her. There certainly isn't up front favouritism. I can't wrap my head around how that happens.

Thanks everyone
Think the advice to keep powder dry is v good, thanks, exactly the words I needed to hear.

Sorry for those with other sibling issues.

Sorry to hear about the favouritism. These I’ll elderlies bring up all sorts of other stuff from the past- why stirring the pond isn’t always wise when we are not strong.
Protect yourself as much as you can light
yolo how you doin?

Very strange visit today. DD2 and I arrived 2pm, she was asleep.

Normally when asleep if you touch her or say her name she wakes pretty instantaneously. Nope. We were there for 40 mins, she kept her eyes open a max of 3 seconds, maybe 10 times. Dont think she recognised us but could remember what she had for lunch.

Asked to see nurse, no one senior available but managed to confirm that she has had no new meds (and in fact less than normal); bloods/urine ok, still no stool sample results.

Phoned again this afternoon, got nurse in charge who said she was still resting; I pointed out this not normal for my mother, could she please get a medical doctor to see her. This has to be cleared by the orthopaedic team.

In the meanwhile no one will speak to DB on the phone as he could be 'any random gentleman' and needs a password. Cant arrange password over phone, I have to do it in person with the ward manager who may or may not be there when I can be.

I have the feeling she is slipping away - which is no bad thing - but on the other hand it would be good to feel that someone is aware of the situation. Nurse in charge has the phone manner of a wet lettuce, if I thought she was even interested or listening it would be helpful.

cockroach all round, especially those with less than helpful sibs.

I will phone much later and see if I can get a different nurse in charge who may be more helpful. This one seems to enjoy putting up obstacles.

yolo hope you get some answers. cockroach

Oh Yolo, you're between a rock and a hard place - not easy. Hope you get some answers later.

I have no siblings - sometimes that's a blessing as I can make a decision without having to ask anyone else. Other times, it would be good to share the burden with someone who understands the exact same situation and the emotional turmoil.

Cockroach to all

I really wish medical staff would have some empathy for relatives who can get no info from their loved one and are reliant on being able to speak to them. It seems like you’re in a black hole of info at times. Your mum needs an advocate for her. It’s you and they should enable you to be that for her.

Coffee anyone?

Ew. I'll stick to the thanks.

DM seems to be fairly relaxed at the moment, managing on one phonecall a week. Long may it last.

Yolo, best wishes and many cockroaches.

Perhaps the fight has simply gone out of her. Perhaps she realises that going home is no longer realistic. If so you know you and your brother did everything you could for her. Or perhaps, after the events of the past few weeks, she is simply exhausted and needs time to catch up and adjust.

Whatever happens I hope the next few days go smoothly.

Hi, can I join this thread? Started a thread in Dementia but i don’t think it gets a lot of traffic these days...

Poor MIL has undiagnosed Dementia from what we can tell... DH going to visit today/tomorrow to speak to SFIL about getting her diagnosed. Heart is breaking for my DH, his lovely mum doted on him as her only baby and now she just thinks we’re a nice friendly young couple - not a scooby she’s his mum.

Hi Gateau
Sorry for your situation

Hopefully someone with useful knowledge will be along soon

Arrived 3.20pm today, ortho had still not done rounds. Screaming with pain, hand gone numb, upper arm bent at horrible angle, anxiety very high. Discovered they had taken her off anti anxiety meds due to sleepiness, and only pain relief has been cocodamol.

Later: ortho reg took one look and said 'she needs to see consultant'. Only, guess what? consultant not in today, they wont page him, and it is not the done thing to get another consultant to see her (not that he did anything to her apart from say yes its catastrophically broken, only suitable treatment is sling and rest and pain relief).

Reg wrote her up for oxycontin and lorazepam on as needs basis; we are told she is now calmer and pain reducing - but whole arm numb. Reg has taken photo of her arm and emailed consultant but he still wont be in til tomorrow.

Fucking shambles, all of it.

Yolo, they took her off anti anxiety because she was sleeping? WTAF.

we are caught in the middle of horrible hospital politics. Ortho consultant not there today; it's 'not on' for another consultant to question what he did or didnt do... I am taking copious notes and have been writing a timeline since June 7. So far I am at 7 pages with evidence of lack of care throughout. DB and I are just trying to decide most effective way forwards. She is currently on a gynae ward as only place with isolation rooms; nurse today said she would be better on ortho ward as 'that's where the doctors are'. At this point I asked if her stool sample was clear - oh yes. Buck passing comes to mind.

natoth exellent!