Caring for elderly parents? Pop in for support/advice/a bit of a rant...

[picklemepopcorn]

Pace yourself, it's a marathon not a sprint!

This is a safe place to offload- don't be embarrassed about how you feel. No judgement here...

There are lovely people here with practical experience of some of the issues which crop up who'll share their hard won knowledge!

Stay strong, yolo🍷🍷

Care home just called. She fell at 9.45 last night, hit head, ambulance, arrived hospital 4am, being discharged some time today. FFS... still, always look on the bright side, at least I wasnt involved in any of this. May skip visit today depending on what time she gets back as she will be -horrible- very tired.

Heavens. At least they dealt with it all without you. I agree skip the visit.

Skip visit. I dont know where I read it but some advice on settling oldies into care homes was to give them a couple of days to get used to routines before visiting. That way they are not so emotionally dependent on visits and get to engage in/accept their new life.

Skip vIsit. I'm very impressed that you have lasted as long as you have. Ten years?!

Thank you @Jigglyguff ! Much appreciated. We'll look into it.

Yes think will skip visit today, and I do agree about trying to leave her alone for a bit. And as she doesnt yet have a phone I might be safe. Will hide until tomorrow unless I get a call from the home. She's just so damn needy, and I don't like needy!

Spoke to soon. Fell at midday, ripped skin on arm. Fell again at 2.30pm, so I went down when I found care home message as was out in the garden. Waited an hour for ambo while she got more and more and more confused. She has gone in ambo, I will get to hospital for about 9pm - Sat night in A&E going to be fun.

They think clean break of arm she broke 'catastrophically' 3 months ago. Confusion beyond words. Am going to press for MRI scan if they havent already thought about, am thinking poss brain injury from last night's fall (enormous black eye and bruising to outside of eye socket) and/or TIA.

Fuck it all.

yolo I cannot believe this. A huge hug from an internet stranger.

Thank you, much appreciated. I wish it wasnt true... and joy of joys my PIL are coming to lunch tomorrow!! I might not be here, who knows wtf will happen next.

When my lovely dad had become a little like this- tending to fall over if you took your eyes off him, I asked if he could be given sedatives/relaxants. They were very stern that we need to look after him better, not drug him for our convenience. Well, they were kinder than that but not much. It was awful. I do feel for you.

Oh @yolofish WTF!?! What a bloody palaver. I feel for you as there is nothing more you can do. There is no answer. So flippin' frustrating.
Hope you get home to your family soon.

Cockroach

Oh yolo. It sounds horrendous. I wish I could think of something helpful but you have already done everything just right and fate just seems to intervene to take it down.

So sorry this is happening.

How horrible yolo
Just when you should be able to breathe for a bit. I hope the hospital provide answers, care and a plan for going forwards.

Just checking in to new thread. Thinking of you all especially yolo

Morning all. got to the hospital at 9pm Sat finally home at 2.15am Sun, she had been xrayed - catastrophic fracture to the same arm she broke on June 7. Treatment is a sling, pain relief and rest, all those things that were tried back in June.

Confusion was out of this world, she cant find the right words for things and talks rubbish - some of it highly amusing (black humour sees me through). She asked me to pour cheese over her toes, worked out this meant blanket on her feet. Then we had a totally surreal convo about dead shrimps and the IRA - wtf. And she asked me to go to her sisters' bedroom to fetch something. One sister has been dead 20 years, the other 35, which is sad. Oh and 'you must open your flapjack'. Totally bizarre.

They are keeping her in overnight for pain relief for the fracture and hopefully something will kick in re the confusion. CT scan this morning was clear, bloods are clear, urine is clear. So fuck knows, except that I will be on the hospital run for the next few days plus trying to find out whether the care home will be able to cope with her. cockroach to all.

Oh, and for the first time ever I was asked if she had a DNR (is that correct?)

That was a bit of a facer, as far as I am aware she does, but its not in any of the paperwork at the care home, and without it if she should crash they would attempt resuscitation.

a) she wouldnt want that and b) resus is a pretty brutal business and she is a very frail, ancient lady with bones like swiss cheese.

So tomorrow morning I have to call the care home, say where she is and that I dont know how long for, and then go round to hers to see if I can find any relevant paperwork.

And of course she currently cant sign another one as is away with the dead shrimps and the fairies.

In our hospital it is called a Treatment Escalation Plan. The person it refers to must keep it with them at all times so my mum’s is copied to go to the day care centre with her (the day care centre that she never goes to because she refuses...)

Mum or family did not sign. Mum hasn’t got capacity and carers or nok were informed about it but it was the Drs decision

Tbh yolo as I understand it the TEP or DNR should be regularly reviewed at each admission so they can just do another one without you looking for it

Yolo you poor sausage. Good luck with everything. cockroach

Not caring yet, but it is looming and I am freaking out. 2 kids under ten and a job that doesn't leave me very much spare physical or emotional time for anything.

The main reason I've jumped in though, is to see whether anyone's had a parent in what appear to be early stages of dementia, who refuses to see a dr because 'there's not h I ng wrong, I'm just so busy, I forget things.' She's not busy. She sits in the house and forgets to put ham on ham sandwiches and claims trees in the garden were planted before I was born.

Flaskfan I managed to get a phone call with my mum's GP to discuss my concerns. We then cobbled together a Dr appointment for a routine check up, which included a memory test. That was enough for the GP to refer her to a memory clinic. My mum sort of accepts authority figures telling her things, but not me. She still claims she just has a poor memory due to not working, every day much like the rest, etc. However it helped me getting the diagnosis for her.

My Dad is the opposite. Totally sharp mentally and completing killer sudokos and the most difficult crosswords each day. However physically he is in an increasingly bad way and has dreadful sciatica. He still tries to do everything himself but is really struggling now.

Any tips for curing or coping with sciatica?