Caring for elderly parents? Pop in for support/advice/a bit of a rant...

[picklemepopcorn]

Pace yourself, it's a marathon not a sprint!

This is a safe place to offload- don't be embarrassed about how you feel. No judgement here...

There are lovely people here with practical experience of some of the issues which crop up who'll share their hard won knowledge!

If you are juggling the needs of older relatives, come and chat and vent and handhold here

And the old thread...

Caring for elderly relatives? Pop in for support, a hand hold, advice, whatever you need.www.mumsnet.com/Talk/elderly_parents/3186530-caring-for-elderly-relatives-pop-in-for-support-a-hand-hold-advice-whatever-you-need

Thanks!

New thread much appreciated pickle

Less than 4 hours to go. Anxiety levels at defcon3 (for all of us?). Wouldnt put it past her to refuse to go still... and there was a minor panic when the power went out as she still upstairs and no way to get her down without the chairlift. Luckilly it came back on immediately and the enablement team should be there by now and we have agreed she has to come down with them (she would prefer breakfast in bed but this involves awful contortions around the sodding chairlift while carrying a tray, and DB and I have visions that the banisters will give way and we will be in freefall to the ground floor...).

will update you with moving shenanigans later!!

She would prefer...

I would prefer to drive a cabriolet and wear designer clothes. However, it's a people carrier and Florence and Fred for me.

Hello all! Rubbish WiFi here so a brief hello from me- and welcome newbies, rant away. We all support and listen, and rant when we need to.
Yolo- everything crossed for today.

Hi - can I ha e some advice please?
Does anyone have an Age UK panic alarm for their elderly relatives? If so, does the relative press it all the time? We are thinking about getting one but MIL will either use it everyday or not at all.

Operation completed, she is installed and as cannot walk cannot escape... room is 'pleasant enough, perhaps a bit small?'. Lunch was about to be served so DB and I left and will go back about 5ish with things she has already decided she must have despite having been asked a hundred times this morning. DB goes home tomorrow. Phew!!!

sandwich hope you are having a lovely time.

neffall those alarm/lifeline things are a good idea, but they do have to be told when to use them, ie lifethreatening fall yes, moving pillow one centimetre to the left, no.

ha, should have said: the other room we were offered overlooked the graveyard. I said I thought better not!

I'm chuckling about it Yolo- I can almost hear her saying it...

Neffal there is a different kind you can get which calls automatically if it detects a bump. It's worn as a wrist band, and if it jolts as though their has been a fall it calls automatically.

I haven't used it, but I looked into it.

For the person on the earlier thread who said as soon as you get one thing sorted another pops up -
When I was gardening on Sunday another neighbour asked if everything was ok with the fire brigade being called out. I actually can't bring myself to ask my mum what that was about.
I arrived at DMs yesterday to be told that she has a mouse in the house. I suggested it would be company for her as she keeps telling me she is bored/lonely... She was going to ask a neighbour to borrow their cat. I left at that point.

Thanks for your replies. MIL has had two silent strokes so every time she feels dizzy she calls DBIL to take her to A&E who then send her home as there's nothing wrong with her. The wristband one sounds good. I'll look into it and pass the info into DH.

DB and I had to have several stiff drinks after tonight's visit. She ate all her lunch, and went downstairs to meet other residents and the 'small animal visit day' met a guinea pig and a small animal with a hard back. B asked if it was a cockroach, but she thinks not - yay! I suggested tortoise but it wasnt one of those either... but was apparently then left alone to scream for hours with her door locked? I dont think so, but she was in mid panic attack when we arrived so we talked her down and then fucked off back to mine for wine.

So mes amies on this treacherous journey, please raise a large glass of your favourite whatever in honour of your support you have all given me. I suggest the toast is 'cockroach' xxx

nota perhaps she wanted a visit from some handsome firemen? re the mouse, she could befriend it, or you could buy her a pet rat???

Yolo - 'cockroach" to you. Sleep well.

Yolo well done!!!! cockroach to all!!🍷🍷🍷🍸🍸
See someone is onto dms penchant for visits from nice young firemen.....

So has anyone found that their parents are avtu tougher than you thought and you're over worrying?

I might be doing that. I'm so confused right now.

Also confused by the cockroach thing?

*avtu = actually
No idea what autocorrect did there!

Hi Lighthouse, I think it's quite common for our parents to actually be more capable than we think they are, or that they let on they are. We do more and they do less in return. I think that it's good to let them do as much as they can, while they can.

A day of mice, cockroaches and !

cockroach explanation: DM met a "small animal with a hard back" but couldnt say what it was, DB suggested it might have been a cockroach?! (he is warped... but was bloody funny at the time)

Night all, first night in my own bed for a week. And she cannot escape, AND she doesnt have a phone... yet.

Lighthouse, I am often amazed by how tough dm is. If we reflect on what they have experienced, they have done so much.
Sometimes pausing and not acting means dm solves the issue.... and also feels good about it. Sense of achievement.
And coachroach is yolos proposed toast to all of us in the trenches!

Thanks for the reassuring words
I may be over worrying.

Thanks also for the cockroach explanation. Yolo, enjoy a night in your own bed.

Lighthouse, DM was waited on hand and finger by DF for years. She was always ill, disabled, needed help with personal care. Never made herself a coffee...

Since his sudden severe illness, and eventual death, she's proved pretty capable of looking after herself.

Sorry, 'Cockroach, Mes amis! Bottoms up!'

My mum is incapable of pressing an emergency alarm but they have one just so my dad can press it if he is taken ill. My fear is that he won’t have time to do so and she’ll be wandering for 24+ hrs before help is found. I’ve considered asking them if I could install a camera but as my dad is compos mentos it would be too great an intrusion for him.