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Elderly parents
Original poster

Caring for elderly parents? Drop in for support, hand holding and whatever you need

992 replies

thesandwich · 04/04/2017 09:54

Continuing the long running threads for anyone juggling elderlies and everything else. Loads of wisdom, support and the odd laugh...
How are you all doing?
How is everyone coping with the extra teens with exam challenges?

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 19/04/2017 07:37

It didn't read like that to me, unmanned, and my dad has terminal brain cancer. VIntage, that sounds like a sensible plan. Stick with it! No need to rock the boat.

Had a conversation with DM Monday where she said (slightly accusingly) that she thinks DSis and I must have more info than her as we are so pessimistic. I carefully answered that I suppose it depends what questions you have asked, and she said she doesn't want to ask those questions. So on we go. Someone has to ask, so they can be prepared and make sure decisions are being taken with knowledge.
The doctor mentioned DF could get his license back if he needs it in two years. I think he intended it as a softener for having to give it up- 'well you can ask for it back if you need it'. But DM is holding on to that as a suggestion DF will still be here.

Just to be clear, I'm not all doom and gloom with them! I just help with practical things like getting bank paperwork in order, and helping organise an agent for the property dad has always managed. I wish we could have some end of life conversations though. But mum isn't ready yet, though he is. By the time we get there, he won't be able to express or understand, I don't think. Sigh.

Flowers to everyone, and for those of you getting a break from it at the moment, however that is, relax and enjoy!

bigTillyMint · 20/04/2017 07:21

Vintage, I totally get that - I really don't know if me ringing my DM is beneficial or more distressing for her. I certainly don't think my last visit really helped at all. So don't feel bad - it's probably the best thing for both of you.

Pickle, helping with all the practical stuff is a really good thing to do. The other stuff will happen when they are ready.

Unmanned · 20/04/2017 19:55

Well after a lot of emotional blackmail, guilt tripping me etc I think she's finally realised I can't give her the care she needs now. I had to prove to her today that she can't get out of bed and stand now Sad

CHC have applied for a respite stay in a nursing home so we'll see what that brings.

Doesn't stop me feeling incredibly guilty - I always promised her she'd stay at home Sad

Badders123 · 21/04/2017 18:16

Unmanned 💐
You have done the right thing. Your mum needs 24/7 care and you cannot physically do that
I'm glad your mum has accepted that
Such a difficult situation for you all x
Mum is home, tired and with swollen ankles (?) but ok
I've dropped her meds off
Dh away for a week tomorrow
So no doubt there will be a crisis of some sort! 🙄

picklemepopcorn · 21/04/2017 19:18

Unmanned, she has stayed at home for as long as is safe, possible, sensible.

Just heard from a tearful DM who is discovering how hard everything is. Dad's phone has updated and everything looks different. You have to have insurance to book a holiday, but need to know where you are going to buy insurance. Everything is advertised at £X but by the time you have spent an hour filling in all your details, it turns out to be £X times 5. Even a coach trip to Jersey sets out at 4am and takes two days to get there.

bigTillyMint · 22/04/2017 07:34

Unmanned, you have done all you can and she needs more support now - well done for getting her to see that.

Oh dear Pickle. Perhaps it's for the best that she is realising that she cannot manage on her own?

picklemepopcorn · 22/04/2017 08:07

Well, yes and no. She needs to be a bit realistic, that is for sure, but she'll be scared about the future.
In the future, harsh though it sounds, she will only have herself to worry about and far fewer commitments. Booking a holiday will be easier, because there will be no time pressure either for the booking process or the actual time away.
At the moment, she's trying to book it now to fit in between medical and other important appointments.

Anyway, holidays are the least of it really, but it is what has upset her today. It doesn't help that she's trying to go somewhere lovely at a time and day that suits her with no early starts and costing 50p each.

Unmanned · 24/04/2017 15:48

Well I think mum may get her wish to pass at home Sad

She started to be very sleepy on Saturday morning and hasn't woken today since around 9 this morning. Not eating or drinking either.....

Badders123 · 24/04/2017 15:54

Thinking of you and your mum unmanned 💐

Original poster
thesandwich · 24/04/2017 19:31

Thinking of you and your mum too unmanned 🌺

OP posts:
Unmanned · 24/04/2017 21:15

Thank you both x the evenings are the loneliest times everyone gone home it's dark and it's cold Sad

Badders123 · 24/04/2017 21:33

Yes, evenings are hard aren't they?
How is she now?

Figureof80 · 24/04/2017 21:39

I recognise your lonely feeling Unmanned and send you my sympathy.Flowers

Unmanned · 24/04/2017 21:42

She's still asleep but breathing very laboured now. Her best friend of 30 years is on her way to keep us company bless her Smile

Badders123 · 24/04/2017 21:49

Oh that's lovely
Hope you manage to get some rest x

Original poster
thesandwich · 24/04/2017 22:07

Aww . Hope you both get some rest 🌺 🌺

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 24/04/2017 22:18

Gosh, you weren't expecting that, were you! I'm glad someone is coming to be with you. BrewBrewSad

CMOTDibbler · 24/04/2017 22:40

Sorry I've been MIA. I think I've been a bit burnt out with it all, and after 8 years and no change in sight its got a bit much as my dad declines too.

Umanned, its good to hear there is someone coming to support you

Unmanned · 25/04/2017 00:37

She's an absolute Star and I've been sent to bed! Thank you all for your support 🌺

bigTillyMint · 25/04/2017 07:03

Unmanned, I hope all is going smoothly.

CMOT, sorry to hear that you are feeling burnt out. It's not surprising - what a long slog.

SuperDiaperBaby · 25/04/2017 07:41

Unmanned I hope that you have managed some rest and that whatever today brings you find strength.

CMOT I have no idea how you have carried on for so long alone. I dread that may be the journey ahead for me. I can offer no help or advice but assure you many of us think of you and admire you. I hope you find new energy from somewhere.

Original poster
thesandwich · 25/04/2017 07:49

Thinking of you unmanned. Hope you slept.
Btm and cmot lovel to see you- sorry to hear you are feeling burnt out cmot- it is so tough just dreading the next phone call/ visit and knowing things won't get better. For us it was 8 years from fil's major stroke through mil's dementia until she died two years ago and he died at Christmas. DM is still going at 92 and pretty well but needs lots of support.
Hope you are doing ok Badders,pickle, pink, vintage and anyone I've missed.

OP posts:
Badders123 · 25/04/2017 08:10

Thinking of you unmanned x
And you too CMOT x
I'm off to the dr this morning then into work so busy day
Mums neighbour got a mobility scooter! - watch this space 😀

Unmanned · 25/04/2017 08:51

Well she got her wish bless her. Mum passed very quietly and peaceful at 5am today

Thank you all for your support xx Flowers

AvengingGerbil · 25/04/2017 09:07

Flowers unmanned

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