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Elderly parents
Original poster

Caring for elderly parents? Drop in for support, hand holding and whatever you need

992 replies

thesandwich · 04/04/2017 09:54

Continuing the long running threads for anyone juggling elderlies and everything else. Loads of wisdom, support and the odd laugh...
How are you all doing?
How is everyone coping with the extra teens with exam challenges?

OP posts:
Badders123 · 25/04/2017 09:16

Unmanned - I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear mum.
but how wonderful that she got her wish and that you got to spend her last days with her.
💐

CMOTDibbler · 25/04/2017 09:36

Flowers Unmanned.

bigTillyMint · 25/04/2017 11:00

Unmanned, so sorry for your loss but how lovely that your DM got her wish Flowers

ZaZathecat · 25/04/2017 12:33

All the best Unmanned. It's a tough time but take comfort from the fact that you always did your best for her.

picklemepopcorn · 25/04/2017 13:38

Oh unmanned! Flowers she went the way she wanted to go, bless her.

SuperDiaperBaby · 25/04/2017 14:59

Unmanned Flowers

Original poster
thesandwich · 25/04/2017 16:53

Unmanned I am so sorry for your loss- but you gave her what she wanted. Take care x Flowers

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 26/04/2017 16:20

Well, my mum has gone away for a few days. We don't know where or how long for... Hopefully she'll be back in time to pick up my dad's anticonvulsant prescription!

She's decided now, several months after his diagnosis in November, that POA would be a good idea. Whether we will find someone to say he has capacity or not is debatable. Depends how you assess it I think!

CMOTDibbler · 26/04/2017 18:02

I believe that they assess whether just at that exact point in time that the person understands the POA. I honestly didn't think my mum would be assessed as having capacity, but her default answer of yes to everything possibly helped.

For anyone who has followed the long running saga of my dads legs, he has now had an infection in both legs for 3 months, and they are oozing and horrible with non healing ulcers. He doesn't have enough blood flow for compression bandages, and despite the district and practice nurses doing all they can, plus lots of antibiotics, nothing is working. It now sounds like they are warning him of a clear possibility of him losing one of both - which I doubt he would survive tbh. And if he did, he couldn't cope at home.

But on the upside, though I don't have a name or identity, mum tells me that I helped her go to that 'nice place', so she obviously did enjoy her stay in respite last year!

picklemepopcorn · 26/04/2017 18:08

So both your parents are poorly? That's extra tough!

picklemepopcorn · 26/04/2017 18:08

Thank you about the POA, by the way.

MoreElderlyParentWoes · 26/04/2017 18:17

So sorry to hear about your mum, unmanned. Take some comfort from knowing you did your best for her.

I recognise your feeling of being burnt out, Cmot. Plodding on is such hard work, day after day.

Flowers, Wine and Gin for all

CMOTDibbler · 26/04/2017 18:31

Yep, mum has frontotemporal dementia, diabetes, and spinal stenosis (which very much limits her mobility). Dad has diabetes, heart failure, atrial fibrillation, kidney failure, peripheral neuropathy, blind in one eye, arthritis, and cognitive impairment/ very early dementia. He can walk about 10m currently and that looks like he'll keel over at any moment.
He's a stubborn old fool, and determined to stay at home, and they potter along courtesy of their carers, cleaner, gardener, handyman, district nurses, the massively understanding staff of Waitrose, and eating at a Hungry Horse pub everyday with the occasional drama. Though touch wood, its never been as bad as the year they had 20 emergency admissions to hospital between them. At one point both of them were in the same hospital

Badders123 · 26/04/2017 18:44

Oh CMOT! 😞
I am stealing myself to deal with possible amputation for mum in the future ... it's a grim thought isn't it?
Although it's lovely your mum enjoyed her stay in the respite!!!

Unmanned · 26/04/2017 18:46

Thank you all for your kind words 🌺

Reading through this thread I'm in awe of what you all have to deal with - makes my journey seem so easy in comparison!

Love, strength and KOKO to you all xx

Original poster
thesandwich · 26/04/2017 19:44

Hi all.
Unmanned hope you are getting some rest.
CMOT I am so sorry- it sounds like your parents are in a very precarious position, as you say propped up by an army. No wonder you are worn out- and your poor dad's legs. It is good to know your mum liked respite if that becomes essential.
Badders how did you get on with the doc?

OP posts:
SuperDiaperBaby · 26/04/2017 19:47

Unmanned I hope that you have managed to get home to spend time with your partner and get some strength for the coming days

CMOT your father's legs sound horrific. Dreadful.

Pickle could you do the POA yourself using the online guidance? Provided no one is likely to challenge whether he has capacity they are not difficult.

Badders123 · 26/04/2017 20:14

Pickles...If you go on the MSE website there is good advice on DIY POAs (and I think the price has just come down too)

Sandwich. Thank you for asking - I got on ok - I have more meds! And am off for an X-ray on Friday then a double appt in a months time...
I'm just so tried, and sore and fed up!

Original poster
thesandwich · 26/04/2017 20:42

Aww Badders. Glad doc was helpful🌺🌺🍷🍷

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 27/04/2017 06:07

CMOT! That's like a medical dictionary! What determination they have.

Thanks for the POA advice everyone. I'll get it sorted.

Badders123 · 29/04/2017 20:00

Asked mum to come and watch ds1 in his badminton tournament
She refused
If it was my niece she would have gone
Luckily ds1 doesn't mind - my pils came
Just pisses me off
And it shouldn't
I should be used to it by now 😞

MoreElderlyParentWoes · 29/04/2017 20:19

Oh Badders. That is sad. It's so hard absorbing so much rudeness and nagativity.

Badders123 · 29/04/2017 20:21

It's so infuriating
She moans all the time that she is bored and lonely
But she simply WILL NOT make ANY effort to go out and do things!!
Grrrr

CMOTDibbler · 29/04/2017 20:44

You have the patience of a saint Badders

Badders123 · 29/04/2017 21:41

I wish I did CMOT!
I grind my teeth a lot and poor dh gets an ear lashing about her latest actions!
In fact he got back from the US yesterday and one of his first questions was
"What's your mother done this week!?"
😀
I must have looked somewhat harried!
There is a village Fayre on Monday - I will try and encourage her to go for a walk round
with me
I shall probably fail
I know she is frail and scared but bugger me she is hard to like at times 😞