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Original poster

School mum has asked me to lend her money for school fees

390 replies

LucillesLooseWheel · 01/09/2022 11:35

DS is in a prep school (just starting Year 6) and about a year ago, a new boy started.

Yesterday, I got an email from his Mum asking if I could lend her nearly £4000 as she can't pay next term's school fees.

I can afford this, and if she was a close friend I would do so without hesitation. However, I hardly know her. We chat at the school gate/matches etc, and we've had a couple of quick coffees at playdates/parties, but that's really all.

She wants to pay me back over the next six months. The problem is, I'm really not convinced she can pay it back - the backstory that has emerged is long-term debt, home repossession, and now a redundancy. Neither parent is in a particularly well-paying type job.

It's not losing the money that's worrying me (although that's not great, obvs) it's the thought of the MASSIVE awkwardness every time in see her for the next three years if she doesn't pay it back.😬

So, my inclination is to say that I can't afford it, but it will be fairly obvious to her that I can (I'm not blingy at all, but we are lucky to have a large house in an expensive area). Also, I feel sorry for the poor boy He's happy in the school and Year 6 is a big deal - they are about to take high-stakes pre-tests for senior schools. If he had to leave, there's a reasonable likelihood that he would end up at the not-so-great comp near where they live. (There are some fab comps in the area, but they would be lucky to hit catchment).

WHAT SHOULD I DO????

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 01/09/2022 11:40

No I wouldn't do it unless you are prepared to lose the money

Tibtab · 01/09/2022 11:41

Why on earth would you say yes? Think to yourself why no one in her family or close friends will help her out.

PainsandAches · 01/09/2022 11:42

I'd tell you're not able to loan her the money but advise her to speak to the school as many have processes in place for this very situation

BodenCardiganNot · 01/09/2022 11:42

WHAT SHOULD I DO????

Say no.

Peridot1 · 01/09/2022 11:42

Just say no. Even if you have a big house etc she has no idea of your financial circumstances.

SpikeyHatePotato · 01/09/2022 11:42

Don’t lend it, but you could suggest she speaks to the school bursar, there may be support available that is she not aware of

Comedycook · 01/09/2022 11:42

I'd say no without hesitation.

hewouldwouldnthe · 01/09/2022 11:42

say no to the cheeky fucker

AverageJoan · 01/09/2022 11:42

I would definitely not lend her the money. What happens when she can't afford the term after? Sounds like she's got long term financial problems and owing you the money won't help anyone. Just tell her you're not in a position to lend that kind of money at the moment, it's not unreasonable given some people can barely afford their own expenses at the moment.

ApolloandDaphne · 01/09/2022 11:42

You absolutely should say no. If they cannot afford the fees they will have to send him to a state school. It isn't like there is no other education option.

BodenCardiganNot · 01/09/2022 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AnotherNewt · 01/09/2022 11:43

Decline, and suggest she talks to the bursar as a matter of some urgency to arrange for how she can pay by instalments over the next 6 months. She isn't the first and won't be the last private school parent to have a cash flow hiccup

RedWingBoots · 01/09/2022 11:43

"No"

If she has difficulty paying the fees and no family will help then she needs to talk to the school.

If the school can't help then her child will have to transfer to a state school. Her child will learn not to live outside your means.

SurpriseSurprise · 01/09/2022 11:43

Goodness no! It’s one thing If you were good friends but no chance would I do this

Bobbins36 · 01/09/2022 11:44

Run a mile from this.

Swearwolf · 01/09/2022 11:44

Chances are he will end up in the state secondary anyway - if she can't pay the fees this time, how is she going to pay through private secondary school?

CloudPop · 01/09/2022 11:44

I heard about someone like this. Asked loads of parents for loans - when it all came out she'd fleeced tens of thousands out of people and had no means or intention of paying any of it back. Not sure what happened in the end.

Loachworks · 01/09/2022 11:44

Not a chance. There's a reason she has to come to a relative stranger, usually a lot of burned bridges nearer to home. Also doesn't school have a bursar to help in these situations. Children leave public school all the time. This is not your responsibility.

Comefromaway · 01/09/2022 11:44

No way!

My golden rule is also never lend what you can't afford to lose.

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 01/09/2022 11:44

Don't give her the money. It doesn't sound like a temporary thing. If she can't pay this term's fees she won't be able to pay next term's or the term after that (let alone pay you back — which is why I said "give" not "lend"). It's just making it worse for her kid if he has to change school mid-year.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 01/09/2022 11:45

Can you lend me 100 quid OP? I really need it for, err, reasons.

Don't be so bloody daft.

abovedecknotbelow · 01/09/2022 11:45

What should you do?! You say NO.

Advise to speak to the school.

sheepdogdelight · 01/09/2022 11:45

You are under no obligation to lend (and it will most likely be "giving" them) money.
Nobody "needs" money for private education - if it was for Year 11 to enable him to complete his GCSEs in one place, I might be more sympathetic, but this is a primary school child who will be approaching a natural transition point anywhere.

If you have money to give away I think there are more deserving causes.

Unbridezilla · 01/09/2022 11:45

Why on earth would this ever be anything but a simple "no"? She is massively cheeky for asking, and it's not your problem that she has been living beyond her means for some time.

You can say it nicely "I'm sorry but I can't help you. Is the school able to offer you any burseries?"

AgathaMystery · 01/09/2022 11:45

School bursars are really experienced at this. they will be sympathetic. It’s okay to pay fees monthly too.

It’s not just £4K she needs either - she’ll need it again in Jan and again at Easter.