School mum has asked me to lend her money for school fees

[LucillesLooseWheel]

DS is in a prep school (just starting Year 6) and about a year ago, a new boy started.

Yesterday, I got an email from his Mum asking if I could lend her nearly £4000 as she can't pay next term's school fees.

I can afford this, and if she was a close friend I would do so without hesitation. However, I hardly know her. We chat at the school gate/matches etc, and we've had a couple of quick coffees at playdates/parties, but that's really all.

She wants to pay me back over the next six months. The problem is, I'm really not convinced she can pay it back - the backstory that has emerged is long-term debt, home repossession, and now a redundancy. Neither parent is in a particularly well-paying type job.

It's not losing the money that's worrying me (although that's not great, obvs) it's the thought of the MASSIVE awkwardness every time in see her for the next three years if she doesn't pay it back.😬

So, my inclination is to say that I can't afford it, but it will be fairly obvious to her that I can (I'm not blingy at all, but we are lucky to have a large house in an expensive area). Also, I feel sorry for the poor boy He's happy in the school and Year 6 is a big deal - they are about to take high-stakes pre-tests for senior schools. If he had to leave, there's a reasonable likelihood that he would end up at the not-so-great comp near where they live. (There are some fab comps in the area, but they would be lucky to hit catchment).

WHAT SHOULD I DO????

I agree that the only thing to do in this situation is to signpost a parent to the school bursar. There are also a number of charitable trusts around that are able to help with school fees where there are genuine changes in a family's circumstances, in order for a child to complete a phase of their education without changing schools (most relevant in exam years of course but might apply in this scenario too). Those administering significant bursary or charitable funds tend to check fairly carefully what support is really needed.

I’d like £4K too. You don’t know me, but it will be awkward when you run into me on AIBU if you say no.

OP you won’t be the only person she’s asked, and if you give it to her you will never get rid of her (£4K ffs, who on earth asks for that much?)

This does happen.

My niece went to a very smart private school in an exceedingly rich area. BIL is rich (and flash, likes everyone to know it). SIL was approached by the mother of a popular girl, asking if she could borrow £30k. BIL was amenable but wanted security. There was none to be had, everything maxed out, loans galore secured on the house. So he said no, obviously no way of it being paid back etc.

This then set off an intense round of bullying directed at my niece, as apparently it was entirely her parents’ fault that popular girl was having to leave. In the end poor niece had to leave.

So tbh it might be worth mentioning this approach for money to the school so they can be aware what is happening.

This is deranged behaviour. Why do some people feel so entitled?

that sort of money, that's chump change. I used to lend stranger money and walk home if they need it, and I don't need it at the time. Her son could be smarter than the rich mum's son, I think in this society there are things that need to be considered. Why send her son to a public school, when there is an option of private school even if she got behind one time and asked for money. She's going to pay it back. There is always uncertainty of lending money to a family or to a stranger. I guess your society is broken that's why you all are dying to defend a mere 4000 not to be lent. I mean you all sympathized with the rich person and not the one in need, for a mere 4000. WoW so you're really easy to control in the UK, just peasants. I guess it's in your DNA to be peasants and ruled by elites and rich royals. It's fascinating. Now I understand the whole UK division over Ireland, and GB imperialism. Your DNA makes you hardwired and hungry to be controlled by rich royals and money. it's really astonishing, considering the fact that you all think 4000 is a lot, that makes you all below middle calls and poor. Yet, you all sympathized with the rich rather than the one from your class that needs 4000. Peasants.

that sort of money, that's chump change. I used to lend stranger money and walk home if they need it, and I don't need it at the time. Her son could be smarter than the rich mum's son, I think in this society there are things that need to be considered. Why send her son to a public school, when there is an option of private school even if she got behind one time and asked for money. She's going to pay it back. There is always uncertainty of lending money to a family or to a stranger. I guess your society is broken that's why you all are dying to defend a mere 4000 not to be lent. I mean you all sympathized with the rich person and not the one in need, for a mere 4000. WoW so you're really easy to control in the UK, just peasants. I guess it's in your DNA to be peasants and ruled by elites and rich royals. It's fascinating. Now I understand the whole UK division over Ireland, and GB imperialism. Your DNA makes you hardwired and hungry to be controlled by rich royals and money. it's really astonishing, considering the fact that you all think 4000 is a lot, that makes you all below middle calls and poor. Yet, you all sympathized with the rich rather than the one from your class that needs 4000. Peasants.

that sort of money, that's chump change. I used to lend stranger money and walk home if they need it, and I don't need it at the time. Her son could be smarter than the rich mum's son, I think in this society there are things that need to be considered. Why send her son to a public school, when there is an option of private school even if she got behind one time and asked for money. She's going to pay it back. There is always uncertainty of lending money to a family or to a stranger. I guess your society is broken that's why you all are dying to defend a mere 4000 not to be lent. I mean you all sympathized with the rich person and not the one in need, for a mere 4000. WoW so you're really easy to control in the UK, just peasants. I guess it's in your DNA to be peasants and ruled by elites and rich royals. It's fascinating. Now I understand the whole UK division over Ireland, and GB imperialism. Your DNA makes you hardwired and hungry to be controlled by rich royals and money. it's really astonishing, considering the fact that you all think 4000 is a lot, that makes you all below middle calls and poor. Yet, you all sympathized with the rich rather than the one from your class that needs 4000. Peasants.

@michelll

😂

Put the bag down and stop sniffing

Hey OP - how did it go when you told the CF no?

She's very rude to ask!

Politely tell her you are so sorry but cannot afford to do that (she has no idea your financial situation/level of debt/outgoings and even if she did she has no right to question what you tell her)

Tel her to speak to the school regarding financial assistance.

I find it suspicious to ask for a large some of money from an individual in the country full of all sorts of financial institutions that spam people with offers of loans and interest free credit cards.
If that mum is begging around she must have exhausted all other options by now. If she cannot get a bursary then probably they do not qualify because they have too much in property value/income. Basically the family cannot manage their finances properly. Why would someone lent them money?

I think she is cunning. She probably shops around school parents in a hope to bump into someone who does not care about loosing £4K.

Why politely?

OP should just laugh in her face & tell her to piss off.