School mum has asked me to lend her money for school fees

[LucillesLooseWheel]

DS is in a prep school (just starting Year 6) and about a year ago, a new boy started.

Yesterday, I got an email from his Mum asking if I could lend her nearly £4000 as she can't pay next term's school fees.

I can afford this, and if she was a close friend I would do so without hesitation. However, I hardly know her. We chat at the school gate/matches etc, and we've had a couple of quick coffees at playdates/parties, but that's really all.

She wants to pay me back over the next six months. The problem is, I'm really not convinced she can pay it back - the backstory that has emerged is long-term debt, home repossession, and now a redundancy. Neither parent is in a particularly well-paying type job.

It's not losing the money that's worrying me (although that's not great, obvs) it's the thought of the MASSIVE awkwardness every time in see her for the next three years if she doesn't pay it back.😬

So, my inclination is to say that I can't afford it, but it will be fairly obvious to her that I can (I'm not blingy at all, but we are lucky to have a large house in an expensive area). Also, I feel sorry for the poor boy He's happy in the school and Year 6 is a big deal - they are about to take high-stakes pre-tests for senior schools. If he had to leave, there's a reasonable likelihood that he would end up at the not-so-great comp near where they live. (There are some fab comps in the area, but they would be lucky to hit catchment).

WHAT SHOULD I DO????

WTAF? Who DOES that? Who the fuck would ask another school mum for four grand towards her own child's private school fees? What is she going to do when the next lot of fees are due? Ask another school mum for them?!

All sounds a bit weird to me. Why has this school mum even got your email address @LucillesLooseWheel ?

How does she have your email address?

Why is she not borrowing from the bank etc.?

I fail to understand the absolute neck of some people asking others for money for things they just can't afford, where there are alternatives.

Seriously, I wouldn't engage at all, and deny receiving the message if asked AGAIN!.

I once got asked for £10k by a school mum I hardly knew, to put towards their emigration costs. 😂The cheek of some people is unbelievable.
Most kids in this country are in state school, they survive.

Food banks are really struggling at the moment… think how many hungry families that amount could feed. Please consider donating to your local food bank.

CF alert!

Do not lend her the money...she barely knows you for crying out loud.

How absolutely absurd.

Why send a boy to a school that they cannot afford.

Is it just you that pays the fees op?

Seriously? Someone who hardly know said

“could you lend me £10k pls?”

Hard no. If you can’t afford to send your kids to private school, don’t send them to private school. She must have the hide of a rhino to even ask.

Why do you even have to ask on here ?

Can no one make their own decisions these days

I can’t believe you even gave this any headspace. It’s ok to say “no I’m afraid I can’t help but contact the bursar and see what they could do to help.”

I wouldn’t be surprised if the reason you’re sworn to secrecy is because all of the other school mums she knows have had the same request, and she doesn’t want you all finding out she’s planning to fund her child for the 3 years in prep via her kids friends parents…

You’d never get that money back.

I wonder how many other mums she has asked and also "sworn to secrecy"? She could be making a fortune

I’d politely say no and then ignore any further correspondence begging about it.

She must be utterly desperate to do such an inappropriate thing. However, she needs to recognise her circumstances have changed and that her son losing his place in school is the collateral damage.

People take children out of independent schools all the time for financial reasons. Better to happen now than before she was about to send him to private secondary and end up not having a place at all for him.

Exactly!

And in what universe would it be unreasonable to politely refuse?

Presumably you have friends amongst the other mums? Have you asked them if they also received? You don’t need to say from whom if you want to keep promise of secrecy

doesny matter if it seems obvious you have the money loads of people go to posh returants private schools have hardly any spare cash wedont know their perosnal bills etch

I wouldn't even consider this, just say sorry not possible

You'd have to be crazy to do this. The fact she's asked you, someone she barely knows, means she can't ask people she does know - and that's very likely to be because she owes them money and hasn't repaid anything.

It could be a scam though, too - I think I'd check that first.

You say no, obviously. You barely know this woman.

She's a cheeky fucker. I can't believe you're even asking what to do.

YOU SAY NO.

Because if you dont post on here no one will know about your big house,private school child and disposable income. None of that means anything unless you can tell other people about it these days.

The op has changed her name so it really is the daft way thing to do.

start a BS thread. I call BS on this. But will get deleted!

I can afford this, and if she was a close friend I would do so without hesitation
I wouldn't do that either tbh even if I had the money. Just asking for problems.

Anyway, back to this school mum. NO.

1. She will have asked loads of people
2. What happens next term when she can't afford that either?
3. You won't ever see the money again
4. It's sad that the boy is enjoying the school but more thought should have been put into whether they could afford the fees when he started a year ago. The financial difficulties a year ago were most likely foreseeable.
5. Having to leave at the beginning of Year 6 or even at the end of Year 6 isn't great but it isn't crucial - ie. a term before GCSEs or A-levels for example.
6. He will have to go to a state school like everyone else who can't afford the fees (or doesn't wish to send their child to an independent school).

You need to toughen up or you will get fleeced by everyone who sees you as a soft touch. Absolutely none of this is your problem. They should have thought about the long-term viability of the plan before putting the child in the school in the first place. He is their responsibility and theirs alone.

I wonder how many she has asked? Trouble is she is liable for this term now, whether child attends or not. In your reply maybe mention that the deadline for withdrawing at Christmas is imminent.