School mum has asked me to lend her money for school fees

[LucillesLooseWheel]

DS is in a prep school (just starting Year 6) and about a year ago, a new boy started.

Yesterday, I got an email from his Mum asking if I could lend her nearly £4000 as she can't pay next term's school fees.

I can afford this, and if she was a close friend I would do so without hesitation. However, I hardly know her. We chat at the school gate/matches etc, and we've had a couple of quick coffees at playdates/parties, but that's really all.

She wants to pay me back over the next six months. The problem is, I'm really not convinced she can pay it back - the backstory that has emerged is long-term debt, home repossession, and now a redundancy. Neither parent is in a particularly well-paying type job.

It's not losing the money that's worrying me (although that's not great, obvs) it's the thought of the MASSIVE awkwardness every time in see her for the next three years if she doesn't pay it back.😬

So, my inclination is to say that I can't afford it, but it will be fairly obvious to her that I can (I'm not blingy at all, but we are lucky to have a large house in an expensive area). Also, I feel sorry for the poor boy He's happy in the school and Year 6 is a big deal - they are about to take high-stakes pre-tests for senior schools. If he had to leave, there's a reasonable likelihood that he would end up at the not-so-great comp near where they live. (There are some fab comps in the area, but they would be lucky to hit catchment).

WHAT SHOULD I DO????

@Creativecrafts
You might want to check your 'sarcasm meter' settings - it appears to be broken!

You need to inform the school, this is NOT right by any stretch of the imagination.

I have never heard of this, say no, and report immediately to the school you are being pestered for school fees money by a school parent you barely know!

It could be called “Do they know it’s supper”.

The thing is even if you did lend her the £ (please don't) what happens next term when she has to find that terms fees and is also paying you back and the term after. Lending her the money won't help as its just a way of avoiding the issues.

I always find social media both reassuring and terrifying in this respect. There is literally no joke obvious or blatant enough that at least one person won't miss it entirely.

Is this a genuine email? Have you checked? I just qsk as you hear about people getting emails/WhatsApp from 'relatives' asking for money, it turns out to be a scam.

Absolutely not. The overwhelmingly majority of people who I know that are wealthy are asset rich not cash rich. They would not be able to produce large amounts of money without releasing something which you would not do for someone you barely know.

If you need an excuse, it is as simple as your money is all tied up and as others have suggested, direct to the bursar

Checked!! 😂

I agree don’t lie to her. Just say sorry to hear they are struggling and I am unable to help, try the burser as they maybe able to offer a payment plan

does not make sense though as most schools,offer monthly direct debit.

Feeling an idiot, to be honest!! Why am I so gullible?

Refer her to the bursar who will probably discover she does have the money somewhere! But no don’t lend her the money.

Aw... I love friends like you - so nice! 💕

God, it had never occurred to me that it might be a scam. She's sworn me to secrecy (fair enough!) so I can't ask anyone else.

I think I'm just going to reply with a polite 'sorry, can't help' and give her the bursar's email address.

Am liking the single idea. We could also do a calendar - there are some very yummy mummies, although I'm afraid that my presence would not help the cause.

I wouldn't do it and would simply say no. Great stealth boast though, that's fab you have a large house in an expensive area but actually you'd be surprised how many people in large houses in expensive areas are up to their neck in debt.

Absolutely say no. If you did say yes she would absolutely ask again. I would only agree in a close family/friend situation where I knew I would get it back

it is unfortunate for the child yes but it looks like the parent made the wrong decision committing to the fees in the first place. We can probably afford private school however have decided that with everything that’s going on, should we lose our jobs etc having to take the kids out of private school having started, would probably be far worse than trying to make sure they get into the best state school instead. She made a mistake, it’s not your responsibility.

I wouldn’t do it even if I was prepared to lose the money. Very awkward at the school gates either way!!

Wow. What an email to receive.

It's not helping her or her child to lend the money for school fees.

If she doesn't have the funds now, she needs to address it in a sustainable way.

Either by working with the school to understand hardship options, moving her child to non-independent school, etc.

She may have asked you to keep this a secret. You haven't agreed to.

Absolutely say no. The school will help for year 6 if she can show this is temporary and can be paid back or financial stability reached through the year.

If she can't afford the year 6 fees and can't convince the school that this is temporary, then the boy is headed to a comp anyway ....

Another person saying No.

You doing the right thing pointing her in the direction of the bursar - they’ll may be able to offer a payment plan or even a discretionary nursery. Her financial situation is not your responsibility.

Sounds like a scam to me! I would be telling the school what she is asking and maybe even asking other Mums I was close to if they'd been asked the same.

bursery

"Cut your coat according to your cloth" and all that - many parents can't afford private school for their children, but they don't go round asking other people to lend them the money for it. Redundancy and home repossession sound extreme, not just a brief period out of work and back to the previous financial position in a few weeks. She's mad to ask and it would be best to get her son into a state school asap rather than having to remove him mid-year if she convinces someone else to stump up.

God no. No way! I'd be mortified to have to ask a friend, let alone a random school mum. Wonder how many others she's asked

And what happens in December when she can’t pay the fees for next term? If she’s planning to repay over 6 months I can’t imagine she’s expecting to come into money anytime soon. If it was maybe “self employed DH finishes big slightly delayed job next week and we’ll have the fees for the year and pay you back then” I might consider for a close friend, but what you’ve described has “financial car crash” written all over it I’m afraid. Steer well clear!

I wouldn't lend her the money. It will lead to all sorts of problems and very likely more requests from her for more money.