Binge eaters accountability thread

[LucyLatimer]

A thread to check in and say how we are feeling with no judgment. Taking one day at a time.

Its gone a bit quiet on this thread hasn't it!

I've been lurking on here for a while as I am trying to understand whether I may be developing BED. I am in recovery from anorexia and have been for 7 years. My weight is at the low end of healthy - BMI 18.5-19. I generally follow a loose meal plan to ensure I eat enough, but when this is not possible I find myself overeating.

An example: I went to a 5 day festival last week so I did not follow my meal plan and anorexia saw this as an excellent opportunity to restrict. 5 days of this resulted in quite a deficit and caused restrictive thoughts to continue this week even though i am supposed to be back on my meal plan. Anorexia is sneaky and it was only today that I realised what a deficit I was in (around 7000 calories). I made some of the deficit up (around 1000 calories) as I didn't want it to become a 'rule' that I have to eat less every time I am not on my meal plan - which is what often happens if I undereat. However, in making these calories up, I chose highly palatable foods - granola and yogurt, ice cream and chocolate - and felt so sick and bloated afterwards.

Does this count as a binge even though these were calories I should have had in the first place? My bf is having a dinner party this evening and the last thing I want to do now is eat more food...

Welcome wonderingwanderer2

First of all massive well done on being in recovery from anorexia. That is a huge achievement.

I know that one eating disorder can change into another and I have heard of people moving from anorexia or bulimia to binge eating disorder. Which makes sense and they can all be described as disordered eating and disordered body image/control emotional led.

I think the difference between what you describe and what I would* *recognise as a binge for me is that my binges are never based on calories. I wouldn't be able to tell you what the calories I had in a binge were. It's uncontrollable stuffing in food of all kinds. But that doesn't mean it is for others.

I binged last night. A full on binge. It would do me no good to start to analyse how many calories but I wouldn't be surprised if it was waaaay more than a normal day's eating would be. On top of other food in the day. I know when i have checked it before I have eaten 2-3k calories in one binge. More wouldn't surprise me.

I also don't stop when I feel bloated and sick, in fact quite the opposite. The worse I feel the worse I keep going. It's like a punishment. It's very difficult to explain.

I also have to stop myself from keeping the bingeing going today. Or of course denying myself today as another punishment.

Of course not all binges look the same. This is just what mine looked like last night.

I wonder if it might be useful to put up a separate thread to ask those in recovery from anorexia what they're thoughts are. You may get someone who recognises it and can help.

And also because as cheese ,said this thread has gone quite quiet so you may not get much footfall.

One thing I would say is for both of us today is to let yesterday go and get back to our plan. It seems that whatever form our eating disorders take it is apparent that regular healthy meals are the way forward. Not restricting and not over eating. And being gentle with ourselves and forgiving when we get it wrong.

Hi @Breathmiller, thank you for such a lovely and compassionate reply. Like you, my first instinct after my binge was to restrict because it would provide some peace and comfort in the awful state of self loathing I was in but I really don’t want to get into that cycle of binge-restrict. I have woken up today in a more positive mindset and I’m back to my plan and being strict with it. It’s SO tempting to eat less for ‘damage limitation’ and I know that would ease the anxiety and feelings of disgust I currently have but we all know that that is more likely to lead to us overeating later. So breakfast and snack down, I’m about to have lunch and then will have a snack and dinner and a pudding later, and extra snacks as and when necessary. Learning how to eat ‘normally’ is an absolute minefield! I hope you are able to get back to normal today too and thank you again for your reply

I've doney big international move, new country, new food, new supermarkets. Its been quite hectic and I'm exhausted by it all. No time to think about binging/not binging. The good thing is they don't have Cadburys here 😂 once a routine starts again I'm hoping to not sit watching TV and eating crap. I want to cut down on the snacks I buy (for the family) and if I do I'm not going to l buy things I like. School starts in 2 weeks and then I'll be home alone again. 😬 Danger danger....

*done my

Learning to eat 'normally' feels practically impossible. That we can all agree on.

Welcome back mistyrock and well done on your move. I think you're right about harnessing new routines to help us out of what can be habitual patterns as much as anything.

You are right, it's not easy.

Thank you for your reply wonderingwanderer2 . it all sounds very familiar, especially the self loathing which has been a big part of my work on myself and the road to recovery.

I am also a light breakfast (as I still felt a little sick) then a snack. I'm on lunch now. (i have some gorgeous strawberries for after my sandwich) And I'll also have a snack this afternoon and dinner later with dessert. I'm also drinking lots of water.

The good thing about this weather today is water and fruit seem appealing.

We'll get there.

I am not a light breakfast, that would be strange. I had a light breakfast obviously.

Lol @Breathmiller i find it hard to eat enough in the heat because I have no appetite but I have learned from the other day that if I don’t eat enough of all food groups, and consistently, I am more likely to get extremely hungry and that responding to this extreme hunger can become a binge. It feels all kinds of wrong to eat when I’m not hungry but I’m hoping that this approach will mean I am less likely to overeat at other times.

@MistyRock all the best with settling into your new home, hopefully the change in routine will do you good

I lurked on this thread last summer, just wondering if any of you are still around and how you're getting on?

Hello. I'm Mistyrock, I'm doing okay. My eating is a bit disordered but I'm feeling happier in myself. I've been buying clothes that fit me in appropriate sizes. I'm being kinder to myself (cheesy I know!) and I'm feeling like I deserve to feel good iny body. I'm not dieting. I'm not thinking about dieting. This is me.

Good to hear from you Mistyrock.

I think not dieting is key with this issue. But I'm 5st overweight. I'm not even concerned about being slim any longer, my concerns are around my health. Such a dilemma.

Not dieting is the only way to move forward. Its very hard. I have a history of eating disorders which can make life very difficult but at the moment I'm focusing on accepting myself and intuitive eating.

Have any of you read anything about HAES Health at Every Size I think it is called?

I am also in the obese category and have recently started a medication for pain which is giving the side effect of cravings / bingeing. Finding it quite hard.

Does anyone else find Easter particularly challenging?

All the chocolate (:and other indulgences). I find it very stressful

Hi
Lovely that this has been resurrected. I was on at the end of the thread.

Bizarrely after speaking on a different thread that I feel I had it under control I over ate last night. But it hasn't thrown me. It happens now and again but not very often these days and I just get up the next day and carry on as normal. No denying myself healthy food today because I ate too many crisps last night.

bustergonad is right. The only way to really beat this is to stop dieting. And work on liking yourself and then you treat yourself better.

I have breakfast every day, lunch and dinner, and no food restrictions (other than allergies and ethics) or calorie counting. If I find myself moving in to the wrong brain space (dieting/bingeing cycle) I eat more not less. I have a snack mid morning, mid afternoon and supper too if need be. I (mostly) eat foods that make me feel better. Lots of plants, seeds, nuts, lentils etc (I'm a dairy free, gluten free veggie). I have turned my awareness of things like very sugary food from "this will make me fat" to "this will invariably make me feel shit if i over do it" I feel much more aware of eating well to maintain my health rather than focusing on my weight. It has been quite transformational. I no longer constantly eat with my emotions.

It's also helpful to find other things that give that dopamine hit. I have taken up reading again and often go to bed to read my book rather than sitting on the sofa with my phone or telly grazing on crap.

But the biggest thing has been to eat 3 meals a day (unless I'm really not hungry) and reset to that every day even if it goes awry the day before. My body is starting to trust me that i will feed it well.

Oh, that is really interesting Breathmiller and where I hope to be. I feel the same about eating more the more I restrict.

I am also dealing with husband's family in particular elderly MIL who i think has an eating discorder and is constantly on about calories / being 'good' being 'big' and 'small' etc etc.

We do see her quite a bit since her husband died and have been supporting her but it is getting a bit wearing. I am starting to look on it as an eccentricity / something in her generation and slowly introducing the idea that e.g. protein and fat can be good as you get elderly for your bones etc.

I'm finding the holidays quite challening as the DC are off and cooking seemingly all the time. These meds are also helpful with pain but making me really tired (or could be menopause) anyway feeling no motivation for exercise at the moment.

@Breathmiller the 3 meals a day seems to work very well for you. I too find if I eat healthy foods the cravings for sugary stuff isn't so bad.
I've had a lovely few days with my partner, chilling out together away from our son. It's been nice to appreciate each other and be able to actually speak uninterrupted 😂 it's given me a real boast.
Today I've been sorting through my clothes, trying things on, moving clothes that don't fit away from the stuff that does, I've also got a donation bag for anything that that doesn't make me feel good. I've also been dusting off my summer shoes and spraying my suede ones. I feel invigorated. Tomorrow I plan to go out for my favourite lunch, alone then look for Easter stuff for my son. I feel more energised then I have in a while. When in happy the urges really subside.

I'm also going to get my hair cut which will give me a boast. I hate it when it's long and I just stick in a pony tail. I'm all about the messy curly shoulder length look.

bustergonad time to chat uninterrupted is a delight. Enjoy getting your hair cut. I am definitely getting better at treating myself to things that make me feel better about myself.

orangesandlemons my mum had an eating disorder and restricted in many ways, she's also tiny and I'm built more like my dad's side. She constantly made comments about my food intake and how "greedy" i was. I now see it for what it was. Her issue, not mine And yes, wouldn't it be wonderful if new generations of people grew up without this insidious diet culture?

I hear you on the menopause/exercise front. I am coming out of the worst of it (fingers crossed) and I feel a little return of energy. I find little and gentle and often boosts my mood. I don't exercise as punishment or to lose weight anymore. I went for a gentle walk round a pond after dinner tonight purely for enjoyment. I listened to something recently that said we could move in a way that made us feel better, not as a punishment because we'd eaten too much or felt we should. I move now for bone health, joint health, muscle toning etc and mainly mental health. Not as part of my calories in/out, weight or body image. I do it because I enjoy it. It doesn't have to be push push push energy pumping exercise. A walk, yoga, a dance round my kitchen to a favourite song or a fun 5 minutes with a hula hoop. Oh, and soft play or the park with my toddler grandchild is as good as anything for exercise.

Yes it is their issue. I mean even at nearly 50 and her nearly 80 it still goes on!

Now having a great day today. Stressed as had to go in for a blood test early today now eating hot cross buns (3) like there is no tomorrow! And coffee

This is after plenty this morning as well. Stress seems to be a bit trigger for me. Blaming it on the meds as well. (pregabalin)

It was ever thus. It’s pretty much bred into the female psyche over generations that we should be slim. We point at Kate Moss and our mothers would probably mention Twiggy. This article is really interesting (and shocking) - cigarettes or speed to aid weight loss anyone?! Nuts.
https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/5796138/old-fashioned-weight-loss-ads-quick-diet-fix-soap-fat-slimming-pills-tapeworms/amp/

Though I probably would give ‘just sitting on a magic couch’ a go 😊