Binge eaters accountability thread

[LucyLatimer]

A thread to check in and say how we are feeling with no judgment. Taking one day at a time.

I think that 2 pieces of fudge and a biscuit is a normal way of eating though.
A box of fudge and 2 packets of biscuits not so much. Which is where I could be on a binge.

Agreed. Well done Cheese.

vanderpump thankyou for the brain over binge podcast recommendation. I've started from the first one I could access (no 4 or 5 I think) and it's really useful.

I didn't have great thoughts this morning but I haven't acted on them. And that's a really big step. It's what the podcast aas discussing. It's worth a listen.

Well...i was going to come on and say that I failed spectacularly today as I had a proper binge. And I feel sick and bloated and rubbish. But I listened to loads of rhese podcasts and I'm going to reframe it as a learning curve of a day.

I think listening to thr podcasts made me feel like I might just be able to do this and ot triggered all sorts of feelings pf one last binge. Which was then talked about on a later podcast funnily enough.

Anyway lots of food for thought. The road to recovery is not linear and not easy. Back to eating my filling and substantial meals tomorrow. And not berating myself but learning from today's triggers. (Boredom, anxiety about going back to work, negative body image were all in there)

Sorry for typos, forgot to proofread before hitting post.

I do find that when I emerse myself in anti binge stuff it can actually make it worse as it makes you more obsessed about not binging. Sometimes you just need a breather from it all. I've eaten a fair amount today. I'm actually not feeling to good at the moment my IBD is playing up. My comfort food at times like this is digestive biscuits and lots of tea.

Yes, i did wonder if that was the case. I deliberately didn't read quit lit as it's called to stop drinking as it just seemed to make it a bigger thing. Made me think of drinking more. There was a lot of good advice in it but maybe i should lay off a bit.

It reminds me of many eons ago when i was stopping smoking. There were adverts on telly about not smoking and how bad it was for you. It only made me think of having a fag when i hadn't had it in my mind.

Goodness knows what the answer is. I've not smoked for decades and now not had a drink for 2 years. So, i can clearly get a handle on destructive behaviours. Eating disorders are so much harder though because you can't stop eating.

My downfall is crisps. Dh bought loads today then went out into the garden. I told him it was like leaving an alcoholic in a locked pub. I just ate and ate and ate

I gave up smoking about 2 or 3 years ago too. I've only ever had the odd puff when I've been really drunk. Binge eating is so much harder, as like you say you can't just give up eating, and our desperation to be slimmer etc piles on the pressure. I wore an outfit I usually feel good in today, but every shop window/mirror I passed just showed me how awful I look. I am extra bloated at the moment though due to my tummy troubles. Our big move next week. I feel like something will go wrong... Even though I'm forever checking everything.

Good luck with prepping for the move. It's such a stressful thing to do but will be worth it when you're settled in.

Yes, my IBS has flared up too after my allergic reaction to whatever a few days ago. Makes clothes uncomfortable as I look pregnant. And bizarrely the act of eating seems to ease it very temporarily. But then I'm left even more bloated and uncomfortable from over eating.

High recommend reading out of the pantry. It's a fantastic insight into compulsive overeating. Only 4 pounds on kindle.

Breathmiller

I'm really enjoying the podcasts too

Hi all
How is everyone doing?

I have had a really good few days. More in fact. Although listening to podcast did send me into that binge I spoke about but it's almost like it felt like one last hurrah. (I realistically know it probably won't the last but it feels like there's potential to manage this this time).

One of the things on the podcast was about the way you manage this. She said that some people work well with structure and some don't. Although I have usually spent my life actively avoiding structure, I've realised it works well for me. So, i have gone back to a structure of food in my day. It's a loose structure to a certain extent as in I can eat what I want within each eating space. It really helps me.

So, i have a daily note on my phone.

Breakfast
Snack
Lunch
Snack
Dinner
Snack

I also have timings on it and notes for water and things I have to do. Like yoga, exercise, house stuff, work, rest. It's just like I used to do years ago of a to do list for my day. It gives me safe boundaries in which to be free within. So, a snack may be some water and a date. Or a couple of nuts. Or a piece of fruit. Or a couple of biscuits. Or i may swap my snack and meal around if we're having brunch for instance. Or if I'm hungry and know i won't get a chance to eat properly at lunchtime.

It all sounds so strict but in lots of ways it's not. And within these structures I can eat intuitively. I don't have to worry about later. I don't have to think "well i will eat loads now because I will starve myself later" i can look at each eating window as a new opportunity. "Am i hungry? What would I like? What would be a filling and satisfying and appropriate to my hunger levels, amount and type of food right now". It's like these safe boundaries can allow me to be present each time and help me to eat intuitively at that particular moment. It also helps me to trust that there is food again soon. So i don't need to binge. Or starve myself. Food is a pleasure not a punishment.

Nothing is off the table. I can have treats, bread, biscuits but I can also enjoy good healthy food.

The talk I listened to a few weeks ago also talked about levels of exercise. What amount of movement would you do if it wasn't a punishment for over eating. I am trying to listen to that too. I am enjoying being on my exercise bike reading my book. Not because I have to but by listening to my body I know I would like to move a bit. Or a short walk. Or some stronger yoga.

I know it's early days and I do tend to attach to a shiny new way that works but I've done this before and it works for me. Every time. It's when i fall off that it doesn't. I can sense small changes in my body too. It's not a quick fix diet, it will take time for me and my body to start trusting each other again and liking each other. But, the potential is there. I can see it.

That sounds a good plan

I binged on sweets today, I've got a new job and it's a massive stressful learning curve and it was the only way I knew to help me cope.
I really need to plan my food better with treats planned in and eat more filling food.

Let go of the sweetie binge and move on to today. Keep eating lot of filling nutritious food today. Don't let what happened yesterday affect today. It's gone. It was a blip. Let it go.

Good luck with your new job. Hopefully you will settle into it soon. It's a big change.

I'm back to face to face working today, been catching up on admin this week but now I'm back to the coal face. Covering for someone else as extra in August too which always creates a little bit of nerves. But, I'm hoping to steer a steady path through it all.

I am full of energising and nutritious food though which is good. I usually miss meals before I do the public stuff in case I get bloated and uncomfortable. Then that leads to bingeing. And to be honest I often think NOT eating leads to bloating too. So, I have had breakfast and lunch (was too busy for a snack but that's okay) and I am ready to go. Got a small juice as a snack at 4.00pm. I'll also get a break at the same time as my snack and I plan on going for a little walk
Then dinner when I get home at 9. I can do this!!

You can!
What are you eating? I need inspiration for really filling meals.

I did it! Another day. This way of working really does it for me. And I feel so good. That's a week with 3 good meals a day and snacks. Some exercise and my water intake. The diary thing has also helped me with ticking off jobs that need done and getting my work done. I work for myself so it's good to have structure to my day. Ticking off my to do list every day. And, even though it's not the main thing, i am losing weight. Well, I'm not weighing myself but my clothes fit better and i feel more toned. Who knew that all I needed to do was eat more not less? I needed to be stricter about not missing meals rather than trying to starve myself. This feels like what people do normally.

I've been having everything. Nothing is restricted. Well, i am semi vegan for ethical reasons (i eat local eggs) and gluten free as I'm very intolerant. I also have a couple of allergies so obviously avoid these foods (oranges and edamame beans). But i am not restricting sweets or treats or bread (gf) or chocolate. I am eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm full.

I've been eating...(bearing in mind I have no oven at the moment and am working with a microwave oven and camping stove )

Breakfast...
Toast & jam/good quality PB. Poached egg and spinach on toast. Gf bran flakes with sultanas and pumpkin seeds & oat milk. Porridge &fruit&seeds/nuts&maple syrup . And on Saturdays we have coffee and "breakfast cake" in bed. Vg bacon buttie.

Lunch...
Soup. Sandwiches. Salads with falafel. Toast & egg. Houmous on toast with tomatoes. Avocado on toast.

Dinner...
Pasta and pesto. Spaghetti and sauce. Curries. Salads when it's been so hot with onion bajhis or falafel. Vg hot dogs. Burgers. Baked potatoes in microwave.

Snacks have ranged from...
Tomatoes. Fruit - cherries, blueberries, raspberries, apple dipped in peanut butter. Celery or carrot sticks and houmous. Dates. Nuts. Crisps. Smoothie/juice. Oat/cereal/naked bars. Biscuits. Ice cream. Chocolate. Flapjack. Cake.

Drinks...I am drinking a glass of water with each food time so that's 6. And one first thing with my tablets - 7. I also count one coffee and usually one or two cups of tea a day. Some mint tea from mint in the garden. I don't drink alcohol but i sometimes have one 'treat' drink of an evening, but not every night especially during the week. That will include AF gin or Nosecco or an AF cider. Or a fizzy drink, ginger beer. Or it may just be fruit juice and sparkling water (in a wine glass).

The main thing is that I'm naturally not having as large portions because it's really not that long til I eat again. But it's definitely enough to fill me up. The snacks tend to be a bit on the healthier side in the morning and veer towards chocolate or biscuits by evening. Which is fine. But I'm having 2 biscuits with a cup of tea instead of a packet of biscuits because who knows when I'll "allow" myself a biscuit ever again.

I'm also trying to do 20 minutes of exercise every day. Exercise bike mostly. I just read my book at the same time. Or i met with a friend the other day and we had a decent walk some uphill in the woodlands. I had a busy day at work yesterday but I made sure I got a short walk on my break. I think that is helping too.

Also to say, that my timings are quite loose and moveable. I don't want to get too strict. So roughly breakfast at 9ish. Snack at 11ish. Lunch 1. Snack 3. Dinner 6. Snack 8.30/9pm. But i work late Wednesday and Thursday so I had a small snack at 6 and my dinner at 9. And on Sunday I had a small snack early then a brunch at 11am.

Sorry for the essay. I'm just very excited about how this is working and wanted to share. It feels like a lightbulb has gone off. All these decades of restricting and starving and dieting and then the inevitable bingeing. I needed to eat more not less to be healthy. Its like I've been hit by a hammer. I'm sure it won't always feel this easy but I'm going to enjoy it while it is.

That Brain Over Binge podcast, even though I haven't listened to any more of it, really gave me the belief that I can recover from this. After nearly 35 years of an eating disorder and a difficult relationship with my body I do see that there's the potential of recovery. I don't think I've ever thought that was a possibility really. I couldn't see how i would ever think differently, it was like that's just the way I think and function. But there is the potential for that to change. And I'm very excited about my future relationship with food and body image.

My advice for what it's worth...EAT! Regularly and enjoyably. You deserve to treat yourself and your body with loving, filling and nutritious and delicious food.

Ach. I over ate last night. Not a full on binge, partly because it wasn't emotionally fuelled if you know what I mean? Maybe a little, I was tired aftery first day back at work and had had a little bit of a rubbish evening to do with how some other people had treated my son. But it wasn't that so much. It was more it was Friday night and I felt like letting go a bit. In the same way that if I drank I would have a few glasses of wine.

I remember talking about it on the drinking thread ages ago and a few people said that letting go and having more crisps than you would normally have on a Friday night is not the end of the world and most people (who usually eat normally) would do the same. So I'm not beating myself up. I didn't go over board and i don't feel too bad. Back on track today to normal eating.

I remember hearing Jo Wiley once talk about how she lay on the sofa on a Friday night and ate through a WHOLE big bag of crisps. And I thought if that's the worst you can do then that's not bad. I did that as normal. It was the 3 big bags, the sweets, the cake, the biscuits all after 2 or three helpings of dinner that was an issue. So, maybe lying on the sofa on a Friday after a long week and eating more crisps than you would normally is all fine. I wasn't emotionally eating. I was just letting go because it was some downtime

How is everyone?
How is the house move going Mistyrock?

Hi everyone, breathmiller I need to read your posts properly. I'm very low today and I've realised eating soothes me. I need to find a different coping mechanism to turn too but what?
It's my birthday this week and I feel low cos I'm still overweight.

cheese I tend to waffle on a bit so don't feel you need to read* *it all in detail. If it helps at all then fine but I think I do it as it gets it out , i find it cathartic. I've also been doing an online journal so I don't bore the wod to death with my random thoughts but sometimes it's good to let it ojt here.

I hope you have a lovely birthday and can celebrate you just as you are. Make that decision today! You deserve to love or at least like yourself jist as you are today. Why not? Try ot.

I am on a little bit of a high today. 2 years since I quit booze. And if I can recover from abusing myself with alcohol then I can recover from this eating disorder. It starts with recognising that I truly am worth treating myself well.

Thank you, I have achieved some great things this year, started learning to horse ride, changed my job. Kept my kids alive and happy for another year!

Yay!! Well done. Learning to ride a horse is fab. Are you enjoying it?

I think I am! It's really hard!!

Well, even more well done for doing something that's hard. I live in a very horsey area but have never really done it. My son had some lessons with a disabled charity when he was younger and it was transformative for him working with horses.

Hi everyone
Just checking in. How is everyone doing?

I am feeling a bit of a mixture of low and overwhelmed with a busy schedule. I am trying to remind myself that...

Food is not the answer.
Food is not the answer