Binge eaters accountability thread

[LucyLatimer]

A thread to check in and say how we are feeling with no judgment. Taking one day at a time.

@imnotthatkindofmum thats what I'm thinking too. I know I'm quite lonely and that life doesn't fulfill me friendship wise. I went from being busy with a life outside of the home to the complete opposite

Lockdown has done a number on us financially, still recovering and i hate my job as it interferes with home life. My eldest child has developed severe anxiety as well. My marriage took a huge hit though it is much better now

Until I can leave my job (not financially viable atm and can't change due to the very useful holidays and top pay I earn!) I don't think I will be truly happy. I did manage to leave for a bit before the first lockdown but not long enough to reap the benefits (though interestingly I did manage to break the binge habit and lost a stone!)

Sometimes life is just really sucky isn't it. My goal for the next 6 months is to try to allow myself to be happy about the good things in life without allowing all the shit to overshadow it. I'm a bit of a catastrophiser tbh.

Also I've a lot of health problems atm which makes everything in life so much harder!

Sorry to hear about the stresses in everyone's lives. That all sounds a lot to be dealing with.

I have had a busy weekend. And now i start my long holiday proper. Now, I've had time to pause after the weekend I realise I've been fooling myself. I am putting on weight and not eating well at all. I am over eating crap and thinking it's me "being relaxed around food". I seem to mix up the mentality of eating healthy with dieting. And also mix up being relaxed around food with gorging on crap. I need to remind myself that healthy eating is about fresh fruit and vegetables and healthy fats. Not opening the bucket to sugary treats and crisps and bread. Although I'm not stressed about the building work per se, I've realised I am using not having a kitchen as an excuse to eat crap.

We have a gas stove now and lots of hone made soup in the freezer so I can have that. I also have loads of spinach in the garden to make a spinach salad. And fruit.

The tutor at the weekend's training I was at was talking about social isolation and meals and said that even living on your own (which she does, I think) you should always take time to prepare good healthy food. Make meals with love as you would make food for your family or friends. Although I'm not on my own I liked that. I do do much better when I have time and headspace to make a nice meal. Even if it's just cutting up fruit and having it with yoghurt and flaked almonds or something. Just taking time to prepare something that looks delicious as well as tastes delicious. The food I shove from cupboard or fridge into my mouth sitting on the sofa is never prepared with love. In fact it seems destructive and almost the opposite of love and self care. It's made with self loathing and hate. That has helped me see things clearly a little.

@Breathmiller exactly that. I'm the same. I need to prepare food with love but I'm so sick of preparing any food. I wish someone would prepare me something nice. 🙁 I might buy some nuts today, and some Walkers shortbread. I'm no longer buying salt and vinigar crisps. I just binge them because they are there. No great loss. I'm wearing an outfit I feel good in today. My new jeans and a, lovely navy linen tee from M&S. It sounds boring but I love it. I'm going to wear my new slides too. I think we're off to the cinema as a family. 😊

My binging started with moving abroad and no longer working, and being diagnosed with IBD, I took 3 months of steroids and being at home all day caused me to gain 2 stone. I've lost some and put some (all) of it back on. I can no longer relay on the foods I used to eat to stay at a steady weight. Salad and too much veg are danger foods. It was too much change all at once. I have a lot to be thankful for but when you feel unhappy it taints everything.

mistyrock your outfit sounds lovely. I feel I have a little headspace to think today. About what's happening with the house and what food I'm puttiin. I have a little temporary kitchen and it's less chaotic in here which helps. Im not good with chaos, i get a bit overwhelmed and lose sight of normal eating. I can breathe today.

Hope you enjoy your cinema trip.

Puttin 😄 = putting in it. The Russian leader has nothing to do with my food intake.

Maybe we've been brain washed by him to eat unnecessary foods! 😂 The cinema was a welcome distraction. I'm selling some of my unworn clothes tomorrow. It feels good to make someone happy. They are things that fit but not everyday stuff and I can't pack everything into 40kg suitcase so I'll pass them on to others who will get joy out of them, and I'll use the money towards better purchases like jeans and nice tops. 😊

Also tomorrow I'm going to get a face mask, dye my hair and redo
my nails. A bit of TLC.

Nice. Lots of lovely ways to comfort and self soothe.

I have a temporary, sort of, semi kitchen set up. And I had some time today so I made a delicious fresh dinner with salads. Felt so nice to share a table of healthy foods. Satisfying in many more ways than eating crap.

I have been controlled by binge eating since I was 14. It hasn't been constant but I have gained and lost weight so many times and recently I could feel my mental health really suffering. In an act of desperation I downloaded a hypnosis app specifically designed to help stop binging. I don't know how or why it has worked but for the last 6 weeks I haven't binged once and it's such a relief not to be controlled by food anymore. I just wanted to post in case it might be something worth trying for others 🤞

@purplerabbit007 I'd be interested to know what app. 😊
Breathmiller you're dinner sounds lovely. I had a crap dinner. I'm not feeling the joy at all in cooking. I'm bored of it.

purplerabbit I would* *also be interested in the name of the app. It's great to hear that it has worked for you.

The words "i have been controlled by..." really resonates with me. That's exactly how it feels.

mistyrock cooking and me have really fallen out the last few years. Due to having big gaps between having my children, I have been cooking for a family for over 30 years! I got well fed up with it. Especially because we all have different allergies and food requirements. I am very lucky that my husband as taken up the mantel the last few years and found joy in cooking. But now and again I get the notion. But we rely far too heavily on shop bought stuff.

I was reading up and listening to a podcast about UPF (ultra processed foods) and without getting too obsessed about it (as I can) it is interesting to hear how they affect how our body reacts to calories. I was already wanting to cut down on these things and eat more real food but this has highlighted it. It's even more important to me as gluten free and semi vegan (i eat eggs now occasionally). The difference yesterday in my gut health after eating real fresh food was amazing.

So , i am going to focus on eating good healthy food, real food. Things with ingredients that I recognise for a start. And keeping the ultra processed stuff to a minimum.

I'm hoping it will do two things. Mean that if I do binge (because we all know it's not just physical hunger but emotional) then it won't be as unhealthy. And if I'm not eating these ultra processed foods then maybe I wont feel the need to binge as much. They are known for triggering over eating and an addiction to having more.

I'm also hoping that when we get our new kitchen that I will be inspired to be in it more and cook lovely food.

It is an app called clear minds hypnotherapy. It was not expensive at all. I'm just kicking myself that I didn't do it sooner before I put back on the 5 stone I lost doing the Cambridge diet (biggest mistake ever!!) 🙄

Is that with a guy called Hugh?

@Breathmiller I'm so sick of it. Cooking is all I feel like I do. Then my husband will say, well if you don't want to cook we'll get a take away. 🤷‍♀️ Why can't he cook for once? Then I feel ungrateful as he's the earner and I'm the house 'wife'. I can't remember when he last cooked for me, and if it is a take away I have to order the bloody thing.

@MistyRock Yes!!!

I've got that one too.

I keep thinking about trying to lose weight again. Not actually doing anything about it though. I sold my unworn clothes to a lady who loved them and I've bought some nice t shirts. Pale blue, pale grey blue, a mauve colour and a teal green as well as a navy stripy one which looks really nice on. Its getting closer to our moving date and I can feel the pressure boiling up in me.

They all sound lovely.
Good that you have noticed that thought of losing weight without acting on it in the way we normally do. Just a passing thought, no more.

I moved my rooms around today. Still loads of work to do but I now have a new kitchen area and a new living room area. It's still like a bomb has hit it but I am hoping that I cand get into the habit of this new place for the sofa in front of the telly is not an eating place. The table is for eating at.

We got takeaway tonight, a curry and I didn't eat it all. Too full. Now, that's a new way of being.

When do you move mistyrock ?

I like the idea of creating new habits! I'll try to do that in our next place too.
We move on the 1st August. Whenever we move I tend to buy new clothes thinking it will be a whole new me! It never is! 😬 I've been drained today. I've felt really physically and emotionally worn out. I think tomorrow I need to do something on my own out of the house.

Me and my husband were watching TV and I kept thinking, can I lose 1 stone on slimming world in 3 weeks??? Urgh. Does it ever stop? Last year before moving I bought loads of maxi dresses and clinique lipsticks! 😬

On the subject of another diet regime/losing a stone etc...
What a lot of us found useful on the drinking thread was the concept of playing the video forward.

So, "a drink sounds good, it would be fun, i can stop at one glass..etc". But playing the tape forward means I probably wouldn't stop at one, i would be hungover tomorrow and full of all the hateful feelings towards myself that I get after drinking.

Same with "dieting". Yes, you may lose a stone but all that denying yourself food and counting calories and over control will inevitably lead to binging after and gaining that stone and possibly half of another one.

This has proved the story for me for decades. Time to stop that video. Step off that path.

I have to admit that focusing on more natural foods and being aware (without being hypervigilant or overly controlling) of UPF has made such a difference to my appetite and food intake this week.

I have eaten well, 3 meals a day, not rigid times but when I am hungry and stopping when I get to full. Its not so easy or necessary to binge on salad. 😆. I'm also eating my dinner later which helps with not eating crap later on. I've realised I like eating in the evening regardless of what all the advice is about not eating after 7pm. If I have an earlier dinner then I eat crap in the evening. I seem to be a able to hold on later for my dinner (after a later and more filling lunch) then my eating in the evening IS my dinner rather than an addition to my dinner. I am trying to listen to my own needs rather than what I am told is the right thing to do "to lose weight".

I've also been doing 20 minutes on the exercise bike and a 20 minute led practice of a stronger yoga class to build strength. I feel so much more at ease in my body and with myself. I know it's not a cure and I will have moments where drop back in to my old thought patterns but I am trying to focus on the times I feel I am beating this rather than focus on the darker times.

You sound like you've got it sorted @Breathmiller, I feel like I'm in free fall at the moment. Today I'm trying to make healthy food choices. I feel more lost than ever.