Binge eaters accountability thread

[LucyLatimer]

A thread to check in and say how we are feeling with no judgment. Taking one day at a time.

For me it’s just been trying to understand who I am as a person. (My psychology degree has been really really helpful for this!)

i think the reason I fail so much is because I’m an impatient person. I want results now and if I don’t see them now then I’ve failed. I’m the same with everything in life. My husband gave me a good talking to the other night about slowing down and he’s right (as much as that pains me 🤣). I’m not going to lose 5,6,7,8 pounds a week and it’s foolish of me to think I am. Self harming with eating (eating till I’m literally in pain!) is my way of coping with stress (and I’m always stressed!).

i have started having the occasional ciggy again which is really naughty, I know. I know I need a hobby in the evenings to distract myself but I’m so knackered by the time the kids are in bed o don’t want to do anything and that’s when I end up binging.

Slimming world is wonderful, until it isn't. It's a fantastic way to learn to eat a healthy diet but if you have binge eating disorder it will only make you become even more obsessed with restricting, then binging, then starting afresh, then falling off the wagon... Then binging.....

It does all start with the diet doesn’t it? Our house was a weightwatchers hose and my mum has always been into fitness but developed osteoporosis as she has got older. I wonder wasn’t helped by a lifelong restricted diet. I rebelled against this in a way, but 14 year old me wanted to be skinny, when I was slim anyway, and I have steadily been making things worse by going more extreme and then losing it for the last 30+ years. I will read those books and try out undiet too x it’s a big mindset change, but we’re aiming to be healthy. Don’t get me started on smoking either. I have gone years without, but when I met my husband I had one and it took me 2 years to stop again

For me, I don’t feel restricted at all on it and it’s the only plan I’ve ever followed that hasn’t made me feel that way.

I’m very aware of its flaws though, and I don’t completely follow it to a T. EG, I don’t syn butter on my toast, I’m not taking that delicious skin off the chicken haha! But overall it’s training me into making healthier choices overall, and it’s teaching me better portion control too (which is really what I need!)

ive had some slip ups, I’ve only been doing it for 4 weeks, but where as before I would be binging every night, I’ve only binged twice since starting it. For me that’s definitely on path to a win!

I have no access to any sort of support where I am so I’m finding the groups the only place I can get any sort of support. And this thread I hope we can talk openly and honestly about how we’re feeling and can maybe even help to talk each other down if we’re thinking of having an episode.

I binge in the day, I'm a stay at home mum on my own all day. I don't really see anyone so my need to look good kind of went out the window. So when the weight piles on I start to dislike myself. So then the self loathing feeds the binge eating disorder. I've accepted that I'm not going to lose the weight fast. All efforts have started off well but I end up in the same place. So I've decided to accept the weight and work on my actual thoughts and feelings. If I can change my way of thinking about myself then maybe I'll start to be kinder to myself and kill of the stupid annoying part of me that stuffs my gob full of crap! 😂

I’m currently at home too! Breastfeeding really doesn’t help with the hunger 🤣 then I’m conscious that I need the extra calories for the baby! Which makes me anxious.

The self loathing is the big one isn’t it? That’s something I know I really need to work on. I think I’ve I loved myself then I wouldn’t be punishing myself so often.

Not to upset you but 4 weeks is nothing (Slimming world). I think you'll eventually get sick of it. Your in the dieting high at the moment. I become fatigued with it after about 4 to 6 weeks. Fall of the wagon and then revert completely the other way. I'm not knocking you or slimming world. I love slimming world (but not for eating disorders) and I use the recipes all the time. But counting syns, eating only syn free foods is terrible for MY state of mind. It makes me feel caged. Like I need to break free and scoff 5000 calories of biscuits.

Self acceptance is a biggy. It's so hard. Keeping away from negative influences is good.

Bustergonad your approach chimes with the Instutite for the Psychology of Eating and Beyond Chocolate. Both absolutely take the line that diets are disastrous. Some key points to think about that these take that may be helpful (some repetition from posts such as yours Buster)
Hunger/appetite is not wrong, it is a bodily function that serves a purpose in the same way as tiredness or the urge to pee. Respect it rather than fighting it.
hunger tells you your body needs food-ie nutrition. Crap food doesn’t provide what your body needs - without demonising the crap, think about whether your are really feeding your body what it needs. So instead of trying to restrict, eat three meals a day and ensure they are balanced.Choose foods you like that you know have decent protein, good fat and some carbs. This alone can reduce the urge to binge because hunger doesn’t become overwhelming because you’ve restricted your intake all day so all you then want to do is reach for (typically) as much sugar as you can lay your hands on. Once you’ve eaten the nutritious food, then have the less nutritious stuff if you still want it. Enjoy that too.
Try not to see a binge wrong or as a failure-try and be curious and see it as a way to understand yourself. We all have coping mechanisms in life - some people end up alcoholics, drug addicts, self harming, compulsive shopping, gambling-bingeing fits into this but causes less harm to everyone associated with the person doing it than many other addictive behaviours.
When you eat meals, eat slowly and without distractions (no tv, mumsnet, books etc). Enjoy them.
This sounds nuts but when you do binge-give yourself permission to do so and see if you can do it slowly and enjoy what you consume. It can give you a whole new perspective on how much you really get from it-so tell yourself you can eat 2/3/4 packets of biscuits but take 2 biscuits at a time, on a plate, savour, go get more, repeat but be present, not checked out, see what happens.
try and practice sitting with emotions, even if you only delay a binge by a couple of minutes try and just feel whatever it is that is coming up-gradually try and make this period longer.

Yes I get feeling caged, I don’t do well when I feel like someone is telling me what to do and I don’t want to do it. Sounds like acceptance is the goal. I was listening to a fitness blog the other day where they said that the day 1 mindset is unhelpful. Fail and start again, life continues so it might be helpful to think about not letting setbacks get in the way and just carry on. Yes, it’s graT to have support on a down day and it’s great to post and be heard

That sounds like a really good way to look at it. Kind of like intuitive eating, which scares me a bit

Intuitive eating scares anyone that's been brought up around diets (mum and sister) and therefore been on many diets. It's so hard it's like undoing everything you've been taught. I've always felt and looked my best when I've let my body guide me and I've eaten intuitively.

Sleepwhenidie I agree with everything you've said. 😊

Intuitive eating is absolutely a goal but it can be interpreted as another thing you have to do ‘right’ so IMO it’s best seen as a guideline. Very few people always listen and respond to their body’s cues-most of us eat/overeat without being 100% ‘present’ now and again and it’s ok.
On the scary idea of letting go of dieting mentality-write down the history of your life in diets-first one, dates, weight at start and end. Then ask yourself, does this approach work for you?

Hi can I join you? Haven't read the thread in full yet but noticed a mention about brain over binge..... I've just put this unread book in the charity bag...... hoping DH hasn't been helpful this morning and dropped it already at the charity shop. Off to check in a mo. I've had a rough few years, depression, anxiety, panic attacks and joint pain. Lost 2 stone in lockdown one to regain it plus an additional stone. Hit 14st 13.8lb last week...... my heaviest ever. I'm only short and it's putting additional stress on my knees that already struggle due to hypermobility. I need to stop using food as a comfort and eating until I feel I could burst. It's not helping my physical or mental health. I keep starting diets managing a few days then a binge comes rolling in which generally lasts longer than the few days on the diet. I need to stop with the dieting, eat for fuel and health and give my head a MASSIVE wobble!!

Meant to say I will come back to read the full thread with coffee later. Just wanted to jump in whilst I was feeling brave!!

Would like to join. I found Brain Over Binge really helpful a few years ago but this time it's taking me a bit more effort to get started

Some days I can remember to listen to my stomach and not my cravings, but I need to concentrate on finishing when I'm full rather than just ploughing through.

I have a couple of feeders on my team at work which isn't helping me. It's not their fault but we absolutely enable each other.

BTW - don'twant to suggest for a moment that BOB isn't a fantastic book, but it was years ago when I read it and lockdown really tested my resolve.

Brain over binge is good, but I do find that I then focus on trying to implement it. I've become too obsessed with losing weight and following 'rules'. I'm feed up to the back teeth of trying to lose weight. I'm off on holiday in 3 weeks, so as you can guess I've been obsessed with trying to get bikini ready. Well it hasn't happened so I've bought another bikini which fits me, rather than me trying to fit into it.

Great approach Buster. Something else we tend not to think about when we want to reach a goal weight is how we will eat and behave once it’s achieved. Flip that - treat your body as if it is the one you want now rather than wait. So eat as if you care for it, move in a way that feels enjoyable (not exercise as punishment or to offset calories), wear clothes that fit, that you like, rather than putting off buying things until you lose weight. Date, go on holidays/whatever activity it is that you think you will do once you have that dream body (very few things are actually not possible because of weight).

Thanks sleepwhenidie, I've bought a lot of lovely stuff that fits me NOW, I'm just so fed up of feeling shit about myself. I talk about myself as of I'm hugely over weight, not that it matters, but I am not. I'm a stone over weight, I'm tall so I don't look terrible. I just want to be happy with myself again. I'm actually waiting on a delivery of 4 summer vests, sod it. I'm gettingy arms out on holiday. I don't care. Its time to stop being so critical of myself and my body. 😊

I’m cheering you on Buster 😊👏👏

Thank you. That means alot. I've wasted so much of my time being negative about myself. I'd never treat a friend in the way I treat myself.

Me too. That’s absolutely the right way to go. I think that the image i have in my head of when I will be thin enough is unrealistic and u healthy. I know that I wouldn’t feel much different or necessarily look better. It’s so weird. Some great advice on here this morning

Yes, being slimmer doesn't necessarily mean happier. Don't get me wrong I'd love to be wearing a size 12 again but I'm so shattered by the hamster wheel of dieting. I've got 3 weeks until my holiday and about 2 months until I move to another country. I want to enjoy it all without all this crap in my head. I don't have many photos with son from the past few years as I felt too bad about myself but it needs to change, and instead of thinking my body needs to change this time my mind needs to change. Once I've accepted myself I'm hoping I'll take better care of myself. 😊