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Original poster

Adult eating disorders support

850 replies

thesootherfairy · 23/11/2020 18:02

Hi
Was inspired by the teen thread. Looks really supportive and was wondering if anyone else would like an adult support thread?

I'm 47. Have young pre-teen DC, a DH and a family cat. I work full time self employed. But I've had anorexia since I was 12. Had no help (not well known about back then so no help offered). Recently been diagnosed with anorexia.

Now face a 2 year wait for treatment.

And you?
Smile

OP posts:
kowari · 21/12/2020 20:38

@DuckingMel Of course it's still scary to gain weight on the scales even when logic tells you that it's mostly water weight or more food in your system.

Holidays can be hard with family around. I'm lucky that except for meeting to exchange presents it will just be me and the teen this year so we can do what we like, no obligation or stress.

TheOrigRights · 22/12/2020 08:53

@Luckoftheirish who is your assessment with?
It will be OK. They are kind people.

Luckoftheirish · 22/12/2020 20:00

@TheOrigRights an eating disorder clinic that was referred to me by the gp. It's strange as I really want to get well, trying to do it on my own but yet not fully committing as waiting almost to hear what they say? That sounds very strange tbf!!

I'm not sure traditional therapy would work for me, I hate talking about myself. I'm a very practical person, know exactly what I need to do but yet cannot do it Hmm

A dear friend just gave me a book called rehabilitate retire recover by Tabitha Farrarr, it's really informative and I literally cannot put it down! Xx

Luckoftheirish · 22/12/2020 20:01

Rewire!!

TheOrigRights · 22/12/2020 21:36

Yeah, I hated talking about myself as well. I was very fortunate to see the consultant clinical psychologist, who had me pegged very early on.

It almost became a joke how often I shrugged and said "well, you know I just got on with it". I had NO idea that how I had dealt with things, and indeed it worked pretty well. Until it didn't.

I think it's good to be open to try different approaches and different people. The dietician I saw in my first round I saw once and didn't commit to at all.

The one I see now is proving to be the person I have clicked with; who I feel 'gets' me.

kowari · 23/12/2020 07:44

@Luckoftheirish I was thinking of getting her other (shorter) book Neural Rewiring for Eating Disorder Recovery. Is Rehabilitate Rewire Recover repetitive? I was put off by it being 500 pages, I struggle with anything repetitive as I start skimming and lose concentration.

I hate talking about myself too. I can come up with heaps of theories and explanations but they never fit perfectly so just feel like confabulations. I have a tendency to act like I'm on the witness stand with medical professionals now.

Luckoftheirish · 23/12/2020 09:21

@kowari I'm half way through and honestly cannot put it down. It really makes sense to me and I can identify with so much. I was reading out bits to dh last night and he was in complete agreement that this was me!

No whether I can manage to put this into place is another thing but it gives me hope and is lifting my mood so I'll take it for now!

whereisthejoy · 24/12/2020 20:20

Just wanted to jump in on this thread and hopefully give everyone some hope.

I'm 40 and had an ED from around 13 to 38 years old. My pregnancy (and subsequent child!) pretty much cured me overnight (I had done huge amounts of work towards recovery over the years though).

I have (quite alarmingly) gotten to a place where I eat whatever I want without a second thought, I pretty much have a magnum every night Blush - I must easily smash about 2500 cals a day yet don't gain weight. I've always been a bit of an exercise nut but this is now only about 30 mins a day.

The body is insanely clever and will settle where it's meant to be... tbh I'm about 5lbs heavier than I'd like to be but will take that over a plagued mind any day.

My point is to not panic about weight gain, it really, really is not going to go up and up and up!

Luckoftheirish · 24/12/2020 20:31

That's fantastic @whereisthejoy 🙂

Wishing you all a merry Xmas and hope tomorrow doesn't bring too much stress for anyone.

I'm going to allow myself this next 24 hours to just go with the flow eat drink and be Merry with my little family and try and keep the demons at bay xx

whereisthejoy · 24/12/2020 21:26

Yes merry Xmas in this strange world everyone 🎄 Beat are open throughout Xmas apparently if anyone needs to call them, they've been great in the past for me xx

Thank you @Luckoftheirish - I hope my post doesn't come across as insensitive. Just want to give others hope that full recovery is out there and very, very possible xx

Luckoftheirish · 29/12/2020 08:32

Morning

Hope everyone managed to survive Xmas and it wasn't too stressful.

I've got my assessment in an hour and I'm really quite nervous. Had to weigh myself this am which was scary. I've put on a little weight so typically my mind is consumed with that, wish there was an off switch! Xx

whoopsivechangedagain · 29/12/2020 09:07

Hi,

I would not say I had an ED now, however throughout my mid teens and twenties I had anorexia and bulimia and was hospitalised many times. I lost most of my teeth and was close to death a few times.

I managed to build up my life, have children get a career and so on, but it was tough.

Now, my 19 year old son has bulimia and an obsession with exercise. He will not seek help and I live alone with him. I sometimes wish he had any other mental health issue than this, because I remember what this disorder did to me.

Lazyi · 29/12/2020 09:20

Place marking

Sup1979 · 29/12/2020 15:57

Anyone have days where you eat, really really eat.
Not in a bingy way, but proper food in sensible amounts. And feel zero worry or anxiety.

Today being a case in point. Full breakfast lunch dinner and snacks. Carbs, protein, veg, dairy.

It happens every now and then. Almost like my body is saying - enough now. You need to fuel up.

Tomorrow will be back to restrictive but I know from past experience - I will feel so healthy and energetic!

whereisthejoy · 30/12/2020 08:13

@whoopsivechangedagain it sounds like you've stuck two fingers up at the ED and achieved so much! Sorry to hear your son is suffering, it is a fear I have for my own DC to be honest Sad do you have any support for yourself in dealing with this? It sounds like he's been honest with you, I'd see that as a good sign even though he's still resistant to help. Is he aware of your past struggles?

whereisthejoy · 30/12/2020 08:14

@Sup1979 yes Smile it's lovely to hear you've had one of those days Thanks

whoopsivechangedagain · 30/12/2020 10:57

@whereisthejoy Thank you for the reply. My son is very open with me and I think this is because he knows I can empathise with him.

His ED differs slightly from mine in that he wants to be 'big' (muscular) but he has the same body dysmorphia insomuch as he sees himself as 'fat' when he is actually lean.

It is good to hear some positive stories here,

Sup1979 · 30/12/2020 12:30

I feel the cold so so badly
It’s debilitating

5 layers
Heating on full blast
Hand warmers
Thermals
Merino

And I’m still cold, so cold

Anyone else suffer horrendously?

Original poster
thesootherfairy · 04/01/2021 00:05

I'm miserable. Christmas was miserable. DH and DC don't need me. I'm in the way. I've tried and tried to ask for help. Asked for help from the useless IAPT before Xmas. What a bag of crap that was. In essence they can't due to the ED. But the ED service say speak to IAPT while you wait 2 years for us (if we choose to treat you when you reach the top of our list). So there's no help at all.
It's pointless. Everything is pointless.

OP posts:
Lazyi · 04/01/2021 06:01

@thesootherfairy. I’m so sorry to hear that you feel so bad at the moment. Is there some guided self help you could do? Cbt-e? I don’t know about anorexia, but for binge eating disorder, I believe this is nearly as effective as in person treatment. Can you push some more with your doctor? Can you talk to beat again who have a section about advocating for treatment? I really feel for you, and I’m sorry you have to fight for this, but maybe it’s worth it. Another possibility is going private and crowd funding ( could you do this anonymously?). I know that it’s often frustrating having people point out useless solutions, that you have already thought or or don’t help, so please ignore me if you need to, but unsituabtlybit sounds like you are going to need to fight for what you need. I bet there are other people who could also try to help.

Luckoftheirish · 04/01/2021 08:17

Oh @thesootherfairy you poor thing. I assume you have tried your gp so that might sound silly to ask? I got referred quite quickly to the eating disorder team where I live. Not that much has happened the initial assessment wasn't great and it's not finished yet but I have to have repeat blood tests in two weeks (if my gp calls me for them) and will speak again to the eating disorder doctor in 4 weeks.

I agree it all does seem so helpless. I feel locked in my own little world desperately trying to get out. Hate the fact I've gained a little weight want to restrict go back to where I was but struggling to do it. I keep eating and berating myself for it.

My dd is having major mental health issues so all my energy should be focused on her and it's all consuming I shouldn't be thinking about my eating disorder at all.

Original poster
thesootherfairy · 04/01/2021 23:41

I spoke to my GP today. She was unimpressed when I told her about the ED service. Unfortunately she said there wasn't anywhere else she could refer me to so I'm stuffed.

OP posts:
Luckoftheirish · 07/01/2021 12:59

How is everyone doing? This home schooling and lockdown isn't doing me any favours Hmm

TheOrigRights · 07/01/2021 13:50

Hello.

I have a dietician zoom this afternoon, where I will need to tell her I have slipped in the progress I had been making.

I am going to get back on track now we I am back to work, DS1 has gone and DS2 is doing home school.

Thankfully the provision in secondary is so much better than what he was assigned in primary (he moved to secondary in Sept) so he is better able to work independently and is more motivated.

That said, he still needs my input and support and the interruptions to my work mean I am not entirely focussed. My employer is great and understands the situation.

I can still run and cycle, but with DS2's exercise curtained due to not being at school or his football club, it does mean I need to chivvy him along and there's only so many hours in the day to fit it all in. He's struggling so needs to be my priority, the result being I end up doing an enjoyable walk with him, rather than the sport I really want and need.

kowari · 07/01/2021 18:15

I'm just glad my 14 year old can go into school as a keyworker child. I think worrying about him if he was home would be too much to cope with. He became very withdrawn when he was home on his own everyday in the first lockdown (he went back mid May) and had issues engaging with remote learning (did no English work at all). So I'm finding lockdown much easier this time without the constant worry.