Adult eating disorders support

[thesootherfairy]

Hi
Was inspired by the teen thread. Looks really supportive and was wondering if anyone else would like an adult support thread?

I'm 47. Have young pre-teen DC, a DH and a family cat. I work full time self employed. But I've had anorexia since I was 12. Had no help (not well known about back then so no help offered). Recently been diagnosed with anorexia.

Now face a 2 year wait for treatment.

And you?

I agree. Lot's can be done, but no government will invest in something like those supports, as there'd likely have to be significant tax increases.

"Lot's" should be "lots"...

Hello :) I'm 28, on and off bulimic, started when I was 12. I don't do it to lose weight, it's more of a stress relieving mechanism, if it makes sense.

The first year was particularly bad, I had no support at all from my parents, who just threatened to send me somewhere and asked me to snap out.

I met DH at 22 and have 2 DC, who are under 4. Nobody knows about the bulimia, but I also have OCD, which peaks during stress and quit time (I have to be doing something alll the time!). I'm doing CBT, but it's def not helping, it's on Zoom and we are about 8 people doing it.

Welcome @deepestpartofthesea . Sorry to hear about your parents, my mother reacted similarly to my sibling self harming (only short term), thankfully my anorexia just wasn't spoken about at all. Do you find anything else works to relieve stress?

@kowari keeping active (hard witht his weather), talking to people, friends and family (not my parents, more like MIL). I'm going through a dark period, it started after the last lockdown. Generally speaking, not having stuff to do triggers my OCD massively, I cannot hang around doing nothing.

I find it hard not being able to talk to my mother apart from polite talk. I have a supportive DH but have always missed having a maternal figure.

@deepestpartofthesea I'm the same with my mother, I have to be careful what I tell her as sometimes she can be supportive and other times use what I say against me, so I talk to her like I would talk to an acquaintance really . I have younger (adult) siblings and a few other relatives and friends I talk to. I try to get out and be active at the weekend but I don't have young children, just a teenager.

@kowari my mum is the same, I learnt at a young age not to tell her anything about my private life. It was harder when I was younger, hiding all I did and thought, but I'm used to it. In a way I am very close to DH because of it.

How's everyone?
Bit gloomy this end. Can't sleep.

The ED service had signposted me to IAPT so that they could hold my hand so to speak while I wait for the ED service to have space (waited 6 months so far and have another 2ish years to go). IAPT said they couldn't as it was too much for them to manage. They also said they had repeatedly told the ED service not to pass patients onto them as this isn't what they're set up to manage.
ED service literature/booklet/self help crap has a page that insist you "deal with your other problems impacting you eating by getting help elsewhere" and lists IAPT and domestic abuse service.

I guess it's an effective way of bouncing people between services and never needing to offer treatment.
Now that IAPT have said no, I run the risk of ED service telling me I am not helping myself so they won't either.

It's utter crap. I resent paying taxes for something this abominably shit!
I want a refund!

@TheOrigRights I think I see what you mean about this thread being upsetting. It's that most of us have no help and the few that do, seem to have things which are not working.

I started the tread to see if I really was a one off because attending the ED clinic I literally tripled the average age in the waiting room.
Right about now, i am starting to wish I was alone because then the rest of you would all be ok!
🎄

I'm sorry so many of you have such rubbish support, it really is upsetting. I guess I thought things had changed for the better, from my first experience 10 years ago to this time around, I was told at my initial assessment that support was no longer based on weight, but needs. I'm truly appreciating how lucky I am with local services now.

I feel bad to have a moan though, given the above. But today has been tough. My work is in a related field, generally it's distant enough to not be an issue, but today it was. I was asked to deal with something which was far too close, I couldn't do it. I've kept all of this from my work, but had to call the boss and give a reason why I couldn't. She accepted it ok, but I suspect there's going to be some follow up conversation which I'm now going to waiting for and dreading.

Things have changed since 1993. I was taken to the doctor and told to explain myself by my mother. The doctor didn't even weigh me but was nice enough. He said I'd be ok in a couple of months. In a couple of months I had been starving myself for a couple of months longer, my mood was lower and my bones and joints hurt so much I found it difficult to move easily. I was prescribed ibuprofen. Great on an empty stomach. No one talked to me about me. I survived my GCSEs and A Levels with spikes of feeling better and eating better, and then feeling worse and eating worse. No one did anything because you needed a BMI of about 11 to be treated, and mine was about 15 or 16. I seriously considered suicide at 18 because I couldn't take it anymore, but I thought I'd give university a try first! I wanted to be outside of my body. Had someone seemed to care, and talked to me and listened to me, I would not have felt suicidal throughout my early 20s or had crises post-natally in my 30s. I would surely have known coping strategies. Apart from the private therapy I sought, and talking occasionally to my husband, no one has listened to me. To this day I don't speak to my mum about anything personal or anything about my feelings. She didn't welcome me talking about them then, so why would she now? I still feel uncomfortable in my body at times but occasional fasting helps. I am a size 8-10 and a healthy weight but I look down at my body sometimes and can't believe this flabby woman's body is mine! But it's a body that works and doesn't ache or feel painful! What a gift that is.

Welcome @CousinLucy
Sorry to hear this. Hugs for you 💕

If support is based on needs, how do they determine needs? I scored low on the EDE-Q (despite having a BMI of 16 at the time) as it didn't seem to allow for any other motivation for ED behaviours other than to influence your shape or weight.

I had my phone assessment last week , had to weigh myself for the first time in 4 years, I was shaking having to do it! I weighed less than when I was discharged previously, if I’m honest I felt great! I have since lost more , had phone call this week, I am to start CBT again 12th January! This will include weekly blood tests , weigh ins (which I don’t want)
I so want to know what triggered me off this time, I have no clue! Lockdown?? Stress at work?? Arrgh!

I think I have identified why I feel uncomfortable here.

A massive part of the ED is denial:
I'm really not that bad.
Look at all these other - they're properly ill.
I live a full life (work, exercise, single parent, volunteering, I have friends and hobbies).

And then I wake myself up, or one of my care providers reminds me that I wouldn't have a Care Coordinator or only be issued 2 weeks of meds at a time, or live much of my life (and many, many of my thoughts) in secrecy. That I'm just fucking exhausted with it dominating every aspect of my day (and night).

Something like that.

My first round of treatment did involve talking therapy to get to the root of the problem.
I started the talking therapy nearly a full year after ED treatment (ED nurse and psychiatrist) because I needed to be physically (and thus emotionally) stronger.
She was brilliant. It didn't lead to recovery at that time, but it's all in my head and helps me make sense of it all now.

That is incredibly insightful @TheOrigRights

And I think demonstrates how therapy has been helpful to you to allow this insight

If I may... I wondered whether you also felt uncomfortable because I think that you may have interpreted by questions as alluding to fact that whilst you said your therapy had been very helpful - it hadn’t actually resulted in any practical or physiological changes?

They had been genuine questions but I wonder whether my own thoughts (as above) had been picked up by you?

@Hellotheresweet

That is incredibly insightful *@TheOrigRights*

And I think demonstrates how therapy has been helpful to you to allow this insight

If I may... I wondered whether you also felt uncomfortable because I think that you may have interpreted by questions as alluding to fact that whilst you said your therapy had been very helpful - it hadn’t actually resulted in any practical or physiological changes?

They had been genuine questions but I wonder whether my own thoughts (as above) had been picked up by you?

Hmmm, I'm not sure. When treatment stopped first time it was because I was no longer making progress. I had made a lot, mostly emotionally, and needed to go away and put the skills and tools I had learnt into practice (with truck loads of strength and determination).

The psychologist appt took a whole afternoon out of my working day every 2 weeks, which although wasn't an issue, it was something I had to commit to. It came to a natural end really - not to mention I'd been going for over a year.

I think it's only as I battle my way through trying to recover along with the help of the ED team that I am really putting the knowledge into place - or trying to at least. It's almost like a period of time was needed for it to sink in.

I am most definitely kinder to myself as I 'fail' day after day.

How are things? I had a good day yesterday - no bingeing. I'm having a hard time with my partner. He has been welded to the sofa for the last few days. He has also slept on it (for the majority of the day). He is badly depressed. It's hard to deal with on top of my own problems. It's super hard, because the scales are in the living room (under the coffee table), so I can't weigh myself. I feel good, but what if I have gained weight? Not knowing is horrible.

Well done on the no bingeing @DuckingMel and yes it's so hard when you don't have access to the scales to check.

I have an appointment on 29th for an assessment though no idea what it entails. If anyone can give me a heads up that would be great.

I'm trying to eat a little more the scales have certainly show up which I am really struggling with. It's not as if I am shoving tons of food down my throat but the littlest increase causes a gain 🙄

I've realised that I feel guilty for eating and that I don't really deserve to eat if say everyone else is still in bed in the morning and I am up? God I sound insane!!!

Hope you are all doing ok xx

but the littlest increase causes a gain 🙄

Yeah I found this too. I’ve been eating a tiny bit more but the terrifying thing is, in a week I’ve put on a whole kg! It makes me think, if I eat 'normally' again then I'll carry much more fat again, and I don't want that.

Yet I don't like concentrating so much on food and worrying so much about robbing one meal to pay for another, and to put an end to all of that would be nice.

I gain if I eat more but it's just food or water weight because it goes straight back down if I eat less again. I had to make a conscious effort to eat a lot every day to gain 5kg at the beginning of the year. I think you need a 7000? calorie surplus to gain a real kilo, and it can often take more than that because of hypermetabolism.

I had gained 2kg. Not sure how it's happened and I'm trying to keep my head, but it's hard...

Holidays are coming, so I'll probably try hard to rein in eating, because even if it's water weight it's hard to deal with. I'm sure you all understand.

I'm in Scotland, @Luckoftheirish, otherwise would advise on assessment. Here it's literally just a chat about where you are and what you need, as well as chat about what's available. Maybe different in England.

@kowari

I gain if I eat more but it's just food or water weight because it goes straight back down if I eat less again. I had to make a conscious effort to eat a lot every day to gain 5kg at the beginning of the year. I think you need a 7000? calorie surplus to gain a real kilo, and it can often take more than that because of hypermetabolism.

Thanks for explaining that! I can relax a little more then because if I reduce food the next day or two it goes straight back down again. I'm definitely not talking about 7000 excess, it's more like I was eating a total of 7000 calories last week instead of the usual 5000 for the whole week.