Adult eating disorders support

[thesootherfairy]

Hi
Was inspired by the teen thread. Looks really supportive and was wondering if anyone else would like an adult support thread?

I'm 47. Have young pre-teen DC, a DH and a family cat. I work full time self employed. But I've had anorexia since I was 12. Had no help (not well known about back then so no help offered). Recently been diagnosed with anorexia.

Now face a 2 year wait for treatment.

And you?

I thought you also have children yourself? Has it changed your parenting for the positive.

TBH I am struggling to see great things from your last two posts but I don’t know where you came from and certainly the entire tone of your post is so much happier than previous, which speaks volumes.

all the best and thank you

How often do you eat in “public” as opposed to “private”?

I've namechanged since posting here in the old days but often still quietly check in as I'm struggling with anorexia and this thread reminds me that I have a problem.

Maybe I'm alone in this (in which case that's fine, I'll acknowledge that and leave/hide the threads) - but some of your recent posts are making me feel really uncomfortable @Endlesslypatient82.

I feel like this thread is a rare place for support for people who actually struggle with eating disorders. There are endless other ones for supporting others and asking others for advice on how to do that.

Hi @frozengraper ,
You did the right thing speaking up if you don't feel comfortable.
You're right, it is a support thread for adult sufferers. I didn't realise Endless was supporting someone else (maybe it was clear and I missed it).

I shall reply to Endless' last post via pm.

Please don't hide the thread.

Utterly baffled by this

Hi all, I was previously on this thread but under another name I think. Like @frozengraper I still check in sometimes.

@Endlesslypatient82 I’m sure your intentions are good but I guess to me it sounded a little insensitive (I’m sure you didn’t mean it that way) when you said you found it hard to see great things from @TheOrigRights posts when in fact this poster was describing the progress they had made. Obviously I can’t speak for @TheOrigRights (!!!) but had that been my post I would have found your reply unsettling.

I can totally see where you came from if you are concerned about someone with AN but you might be better off joining a thread for people who support people with an ED or start your own thread. I wish you and your DN all the best, you must be very worried.

Hello would I be able to join please? I have had Bulimia for about 15 years. Currently trying to read brain over binge (I have a small baby so not having much joy!) and am looking to fix my binging problem. I feel like once this is sorted then everything else should fall into place!

It's hard to explain @Endlesslypatient82 but it's a bit like finding yourself on display in a zoo or something, having to explain yourself to some (well-meaning) onlooker who wants tips on how to look after their own pets.

It's intrusive, and just an extremely different dynamic from just being in a place with people who "get it" and want to share with each other to try and stay accountable. It makes you feel awkward and on display.

I'm struggling a lot today: the hot weather's stopped me doing much exercise and also made me very bloated all over, so I'm back to wanting to diet hard again. For context I've been a BMI of 18.5 for over a year and I feel so fat and disgusting, even though logically I know I am not. I feel like my body is coated with fat. I am practicing meditation, painting, relaxation, and trying constantly not to think about the thing I live inside of.

So overall, I think I've been hiding the anorexia inside what felt like healthy exercise habits which actually kept my weight down.

Hey @LidFlipper. It must be extra hard when you have a small child.

I’m truly very sorry

not my intention

Hello @LidFlipper
You don't need to ask to join [gives friendly squeeze of arm].

Small babies are NOT conducive to trying to read difficult material.

Yes, binge and purge is a cycle so reducing your bingeing should help with the purging. Take very small steps both in a practical and mental sense.

Do you feel ready to break the cycle?

Thank you, that's kind of you.

There's a huge chance I'm over reacting because I feel like I'm spiralling right now.

But in praise of this thread, it is nice to have a "place" where similar people are around who will understand, where we all know it's a problem and we don't encourage ED behaviours but it's not judgmental either.

I've found it hard to find that mix elsewhere.

I've made myself eat a full breakfast and lunch today, and snacks too.

@frozengraper I am also struggling with not being able to my exercise as freely as normally. I've got a really sore foot at the moment as well. I just feel antsy.

I am back from a swim, which was mostly nice (a bit crowded and the water a bit too warm).

Any that's so hard @TheOrigRights. Hope the swimming is helping you! Have you tried seated cardio routines on YouTube? They got me through a twisted ankle one time last year.

Funnily enough I'm noticing on Fitbit that my heart rate variability has gone up after a week of doing nothing (except a gentle 14k walk every morning); it's normally in the 30s and is now the 60s.

I really overdid it last year and at one point was doing 8 hours of cardio a day; I got anaemic and had to stop entirely for a while then too and it was a nightmare. So I thought I was exercising healthily these days (three weights sessions a week after training from a PT, minimal amount of cardio aside from walking), always eating at maintenance.

But that HRV rate is a bit interesting. Maybe I need to take breaks like this sometimes - which would be super-frustrating if so but also makes some sense I guess 🤷‍♀️

I just had to look up HRV - had never heard of it. So, it looks like your body needed some recovery time.
I've always thought my exercise is reasonable, for me it's the mindset - the feeling antsy, the guilt, the fear of what will happen if I don't, the going out at stupid times of the day, and (something that makes me cringe now) getting people round to babysit my then young son so I could go out.
That said, others seem to be shocked sometimes. Dunno - most people don't do enough do they. I have always been sporty so apart from health professionals, my friends and family don't think I'm odd.

I don't enjoy inside workouts, I can go out on my bike.

Yeah it's difficult to know what's okay or not. Most people don't do nearly enough movement or exercise. But it's also addictive.

I know that people like Tabitha F say no exercise at all, that we can't be trusted in recovery.

But I truly enjoy it beyond the calorie loss, and I have loved building up muscle and being able to lift heavier weights, feeling stronger and having a better posture.

Like you I feel very "antsy" (sort of like a restlessness, a massive itch that you can't scratch) when you can't do stuff, which is possibly not good but also surely something that any keen exerciser feels?

Anyway - I had a 24k walk this morning which felt amazing, my body feels great and I just want to run and bounce and do more and more - but I've given myself a blister so definitely can't. Going to try and paint more today which makes me sit still. It'll be interesting to see if my HRV rate shoots down overnight 😬

I know that people like Tabitha F say no exercise at all, that we can't be trusted in recovery.

I have never read her book, but if that is a measure of readiness to recover then I guess I never will be. I have been a runner all my life. Yes, I accept that what it gives me has changed, but I simply cannot see that doing no exercise would be a positive step for me.

24K is a long way! It is a bit cooler today though.

I am going to boot camp this evening (testing out my ankle). DS is away for a week today so I have 6 nights to myself. I cannot actually remember the last time I had an evening to myself. So I might cycle to and from boot camp, or I might drive but go for a run when I get back, if my ankle holds out.

I do jigsaws listening to the radio or audio books/podcasts during the winter which makes me keep still. Painting sounds nice. I have a needlepoint I'm doing for a wedding present. They got married nearly 3 years ago...ahem (it's OK, I got them a wine voucher on their 1st anniversary to make up for the non wedding present!).

I've binged today and eaten about 1500 extra calories and feel awful about it - but I forced myself to do this, because I under-ate yesterday and the day before, and I was dizzy and out of it this morning. I hate this contrary nonsense in my head.

On the plus side, tomorrow will be cool enough for proper weights and cardio.

I didn't step on the scales today to punish myself and I won't for at least a week. I had a bigger breakfast than usual. I am energetic. I am NOT going to cut calories to compensate for yesterday. I'm writing this down to make it a resolution!

(As in, I avoided going on the scales which would have led to self-punishment. Not as in I punished myself by not weighing myself )

I understand about the scales.

Hold on to that energetic feeling. You sound determined.

My ankle is OK - sports physio found all manner of tightness and eased things a bit. I need to eat more protein to let my muscles recover, I am expecting too much of them (and my bones).

I have a 5K race today.

Oh it's good the physio was able to help! How interesting about needing more protein to repair muscles. How did the race go? Hope your ankle held up okay?

I didn't cut yesterday, and I actually had two biscuits and half a brownie in the evening 💪

I know the about protein, I just find it hard to implement.
The race went well. Mainly it was a lovely evening with friends. I took it easy and chatted round with a friend rather than bust a gut. The ankle was tender but I've stretched it out and it's OK. Thanks for asking.

I'm sorry to hear that you also self harm by cutting, and very well done for not doing so yesterday. That was the challenging option.

And good on the evening treats.

So, I felt a bit embarrassed yesterday answering as I realised I'd cut out a word in my post I didn't cut calories ... not didn't cut. Luckily I've never been tempted to go down that route, I'm a total coward about blood and pain! But I feel for anyone who has.

Well done on doing the race in what sounds like a lovely and relaxed way rather than going OTT. I hope you haven't been in any pain since it?

Revisiting this thread has made me talk to my husband about it all and he's going to gently encourage me to eat more again, so that's a positive step.

Oh gosh - that was quite a significant word to omit!
While I was under MH care I had a couple of scratches on my arms - completely innocuous, but I saw the psychologist eyeing them and then she asked about them. I guess she had to. I have never cut, and I'd told them that, but I imagine it's not uncommon for someone to self harm in a different way when one way (the ED) is being challenged. It opened my eyes to how unwell I was (hello denial).

My ankle is not right, but it's OK. I shall do a long run later.

I'm really pleased you've talked to your husband - real life help from someone who cares for you is the best.