Adult eating disorders support

[thesootherfairy]

Hi
Was inspired by the teen thread. Looks really supportive and was wondering if anyone else would like an adult support thread?

I'm 47. Have young pre-teen DC, a DH and a family cat. I work full time self employed. But I've had anorexia since I was 12. Had no help (not well known about back then so no help offered). Recently been diagnosed with anorexia.

Now face a 2 year wait for treatment.

And you?

I don't really do that, but I have cancelled meals out or gone to the ends of the earth to make sure things fit within the constraints I set myself.

I know I'm doing it and I can see how it must look.

@TheOrigRights

I don't really do that, but I have cancelled meals out or gone to the ends of the earth to make sure things fit within the constraints I set myself.

I know I'm doing it and I can see how it must look.

Are you improving?

I feel I am. I eat breakfast lunch and dinner
But
I’m so regulated and military like with my routine
And socialising doesn’t fit with that
Plus my weight is not increasing but I genuinely don’t see why not

I can eat out but only within the rules I set for myself.

I am not having a great week, feel like I have taken 10 steps back.

Hi @Rustnot sorry to hear you're not doing so great. Have you any support? Anyone to talk to? You're welcome to PM me if you want.

@Reallyimeanreally2022 and @TheOrigRights
It's interesting that you are so aware of cancelling due to your Ed. In my head, im cancelling social events because I "don't feel like it" or "don't want to talk to anyone".
Question is for me: am I really cancelling due to not wanting to eat or is it actually more social anxiety?
I can manage to put a brave face on and eat. I like to hide the issues and pretend there isn't a problem. I don't want anyone to catch on. I always feel confident that I can just skip meals later to make up for it.

I suppose that makes it more about social anxiety for me rather than Ed. Perhaps. Or im not facing up to my disordered behaviour?

Couldn't be sure either way.

All I known is that this is miserable.

@mrsdiddlydoo Same. Just with one child. Been going on since he was little - being a constant provider of food is a real issue and makes me lose my appetite. Exacerbated by my world during Covid getting smaller and smaller, as you put it. Can keep a low, reasonable weight and survive.

I honestly don't know. The ED voice is very strong.
I am not recovered, but I am certainly in a very different place and can look back and cringe both at myself and at what others must have thought. I can also see what the professionals saw that I couldn't at that time.

What has happened with me is that I have swapped certain behaviours for others. I tell myself it's not as bad, and physically I don't think it is, but mentally I'm still very much on the merry go round.

Thanks @thesootherfairy. I have seen my care coordinator this week which has helped. Sometimes it just feels like a never ending battle. So much hard work all the time, and even though I have support I feel like I'm doing it on my own and some days I just wish someone could do some of the work for me, just for a couple of days. Or just a break from the ED for a couple of days.

How is everyone else getting on?

This is the thing with being and adult and having an ED

We have a lot of insight

But it’s not always enough to make real changes.

I suspect I’m more orthorexic. I’ve very low weight but I do eat. Breakfast lunch and dinner. Without fail.

But very very “healthy” ie huge salads, enormous bowls of veg, tuna in sweet corn, lentils etc. No fat.

I’m also very active. And naturally inclined be skinny anyway.

The upshot is… I look like a skeleton

Oh god yes Rust.

Despite being an independent, professional, mature woman, I just wanted someone to tell me what and when to eat and prepare it for me.

The day hospital was offered to me at one point. I still don't think she really thought I needed it (hmmm, guess I still have that 'I'm not that bad, stop making a fuss' mentality), and unless I was literally unable to live my life, there was no way I could make it work.

The main object would have been to break my behaviour patterns.
There are times when I've thought that someone just taking over all the thinking would have been such blessed relief. Although maybe with someone else taking control it might not have been quite as I think.

I have truck loads of self-awareness. I could write a book.
I guess it's a case of all talk and no action.

But hey...we're being quite honest here, aren't we (albeit under the safety of anonymity).

It's actually very hard to find other adults with EDs and it's good to talk.

So, thank you.

Back at you

I've never discussed this in RL with anyone who wasn't a HCP. And then only the ED people and my GP.

I don't have rules on what I can and can't eat. It's not been like that for a long time.

I delay eating and skip meals. In fact I tend to only eat meals with DC and DH.

Am seeing dietician tomorrow. Slightly terrified. I've not done particularly well and all that stuff she wanted me to fill in (20 bloody a4 pages!) and an app thing 8 times a day! I've totally failed.

Lost my post. Eughhh....

I've had a better week than some so long as I don't include the last 24 hrs. A big thing for me is feeling fat. When I feel fat I can't focus and I have particular issues with how my neck and thighs feel. Like I can feel each fat cell growing. I've been reading various things and consequently when I feel fat I'm trying to figure out what it is I'm really feeling because fat isn't a feeling apparently. some days it's been a relatively useful exercise. Right now I feel fat and nothings going to change it now. It's exhausting having to try to change the habits of a life time. I also avoid going out to eat, find excuses and end up losing it if I don't feel in control. Sometimes I can manage it other times.... I am a self destruction wrecking ball.

@CousinLucy today I've had one who has pestered all day for food and snacks. The other is having meltdowns over the food being in the wrong place on a plate. It feels less lonely to hear I'm not alone.

And that goes for all of this... I've never had anyone to talk to about my ED. Unless you count when I get upset trying to make shopping lists and meal plans and have to beg dh to help or take over. He doesn't get it at all. It would be so much easier if someone else made decisions about food in this house.

@thesootherfairy how did you get on with the dietician?

Low point of today was probably skipping dinner because we were both feeling lazy and the random ready meal dh presented me with had too much red on the front (traffic light thing... Red for fat). I just couldn't make myself eat it.

Hope you are all hanging on in there this weekend ❤️

@mrsdiddlydoo I have that too! Fat isn't a feeling so I have to work out what's wrong in my head. For me, I feel like I can feel fat cells accumulating and multiplying around my abdomen and back. My children are older than yours. They are fine. But I do have inner meltdowns over going to the supermarket. Last week I dealt with this being very regimented in Waitrose. Yesterday, I panicked in Lidl and I'm not sure what 'meals' we have 🙄

I'm worse when it rains. Or, my mood is lower I mean.

Someone upthread said they only eat with DC and DH. Me too. I procrastinate. I end up skipping meals. They ask me if I'm ok at work, and if I've had time for lunch. They are supportive. But I'd rather eat when I feel safe at home. I eat all foods. Just halve very calorific ones. In lockdown we had to stay in and it's been difficult for my mindset. I don't know when it'll end 🤷‍♀️

I can get really anxious at the supermarket and I only have to shop for myself, so I can only imagine how difficult it is if you're shopping for a family.

My weekend has been pretty awful, currently in A and E waiting to get stitches because I've self harmed. Hoping next week is better for me.

I am so sorry @Rustnot.

I had to go out for a roast dinner today. I did super well. Even enjoyed it. But since Monday I have, off and on, wanted to kill myself. I have felt so low. I'm sorry you have felt so awful as to do this.

Actually the little bits for the children at the supermarket are OK. It's the meal planning that heightens my anxiety. The organisation and coordination needed to feed a family, plus my mother law really supersedes any ability I have. So I can barely think of what on earth I should eat daily at work. I just can't do it. But I tend to have really awful stomach pains if I don't eat something so lately I've been fasting till 1.30pm and then eating overnight oats with mango. More 'over-the-morning' oats really as I prepare them first thing. It's the best I can do alongside lunch boxes for DC.

@Rustnot

I can get really anxious at the supermarket and I only have to shop for myself, so I can only imagine how difficult it is if you're shopping for a family.

My weekend has been pretty awful, currently in A and E waiting to get stitches because I've self harmed. Hoping next week is better for me.

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you are feeling so low. Can you access crisis support to help you over this dark period?

You sound so lovely and I really hope next week is more positive for you. Be kind to yourself, you deserve it.

@Rustnot oh no. I hope you got your stitches. I'm sorry you feel so bad.

@TheOrigRights I'm sorry to hear about you suicidal thoughts. Hugs for you.

Agreed on meal planning. Stresses me out to the point of breaking.

We went out for dinner. It was lovely. DC had fun. Now I feel bad about how much I ate and can feel the layers of fat piling on me. Psychiatrist and therapist tomorrow. Terrified of psychiatrist appointment. I worry about saying the wrong things. Just another thing which stresses me out.

Dietician went well. She was very supportive and really understood me.

@thesootherfairy

It's not be with suicidal thought, thankfully.

@TheOrigRights sorry. Fat fingers on phone. 🤦🏼‍♀️
@CousinLucy hope you feel
Better soon.

@CousinLucy I can't do proper grocery shops in person. Thank god for home delivery or we'd all starve. I do pop in very seldomly but usually to buy a specific thing we are out of or for a treat for the kids. Being with a 5 year old making their mind us which 'treat' they're buying the whole family is awful. I can cry now thinking about how hard it is and then how hard I'm trying to be a normal person and not say something stupid that might make her think she shouldn't choose something. I can honestly say I've never known if people think and experience similar things to me until now.

@Rustnot have you been seen yet? How are you feeling now? Sending an unmumsnetty hug and hope you manage to get some rest tonight. Keep posting if it helps.

@thesootherfairy glad the dietician was helpful and supportive. The pre worry before things is so annoying isn't it and uses so much energy.

I'm ready for a new day now.

Oh my gawwwd. Tears from dd before school because they didn't want school dinners despite us going through the menu yesterday and agreeing which days this week they would have school dinners and which days they would have a pack lunch. Cue making a last minute packed lunch with what we have in... Buggar all... And her getting upset because she doesn't like the bar I put in. I said just leave it but it's there if you want it but she said you have to eat all your packed lunch. I know I'm dealing with it pretty well outwardly to her but omg. It's breaking me inside. I worry she's going to turn out like me. Randomly I've actually remembered at my first school I didn't like the school dinners and they would make me stay behind to finish them and would withhold pudding if I didn't finish them. It really is just history repeating itself. Sorry for the rant. I just needed to get it out.

@Rustnot hope you're ok xx

Thanks everyone. I was seen pretty quickly in the end. Back at work this morning, which I think is a good distraction.

I hope everyone else is doing OK and is having a good start to the week 😊

Anyone feel like they e pushed away friends due to their ED for so long now… that many have given up?