Spoke to GP

[BraveButShaking]

He is referring me for psychiatric help.
What does this mean? I thought standard was counselling.

It has never been so hard to be honest. I need a hug...anyone?

I'm sorry about the CBT decision Brave but I'm glad to hear there have been some positive changes and putting on weight is always a good thing. Sending you lots of strength

Really struggling.

It is SO hard to make the small changes the ED nurse suggests.
I have asked her if she can tell me more about the day hospital. She didn't tell me but said I could have an assessment.

Frustrating. I'd rather know if it's something I could even consider logistically before I have an assessment.

Totally understand where you're coming from. My doc keeps muttering about inpatient treatment but I can't even think about considering it until I know what it involves because it would be a massive sacrifice and a huge upheaval (which I don't think will really help as my ED is all about control and order).

I'm sorry that you're struggling so much. My therapist is trying to get me to double my calories this week and I can't even do that.

Sending you strength

Hi OP
I'm 8 years post recovery from EDNOS / bulimia
Frustrated at the moment as recent dental visit wasn't good. Not been in years.
Enamel is worn away. He's referred me to hospital dentist for some work.
I'm cross because8 years on and my ED is still laughing at me

Ironically the carpenters had just come on the radio

I understand what are going through and actually found I never really 'recovered' u tip I'd gone through the whole counselling g process.

Counseling is hard and I found things got a bit worse before they got better.

Keep tlKing to us OP

I'm sorry about your teeth jelly, but really, really well done on your recovery.

mynameiscalypso doubling calories sounds HUGE. How have you been doing?

ED nurse has told me timings of day unit and that it would be symptom interrupting. I just can't do it. No way. It's an hour away from home so 2hrs commuting.

Changing the subject. I am going to Bills restaurant tomorrow.
I was thinking on having the chicken skewers and a salad, but the skewers are done with spicy Korean barbecue glaze. I imagine this to be honey based maybe? Sort of sticky, which I don't fancy at all. Nothing to do with cals, just don't like the sound of it. Could they do it w/o the glaze do you think? I love marinated meat.

I feel so fucking needy and pathetic right now.

I called my psych (as stated on a letter) on Friday, to ask for some advice on meds. He wasn't there. Fine. Reception said they'd email him and that he was good at picking up emails when working on another site.

No reply by 4.55pm, so I called again and was told he's probably finished for the w/e.

So, I then called GP surgery just to see if I could get some support. No appts until mid Feb.

Still no call back from psych. I'm not going to call them again because I feel such a burdensome twat. Clearly I'm either trying to contact him the wrong way, he's forgotten or I'm low priority.

I just hate that I'm in the system that is meant to help me, yet when I try and get additional support it's not there.

I know the system is stretched, but that doesn't help me.

So phone again - it's not like you've already phoned x17 times!

And as regards GP appointment, is there any facility for a same day appointment (if you say it's urgent) or telephone advice.

I don't feel like it. I feel like they will roll their eyes.

Yes, you can get same-day appts for emergencies (it's not) and possibly telephone advice. It just feels like 'the system' wants me to zip up my woman suit and get on with things and stop being so dependent. I've had some bad experiences with my local surgery. Not with my GP - he's fab, but the upstream bit. Staff showing no discretion.

I'm so sorry you're struggling so much. Has the psych got back to you yet? I would definitely try again tomorrow, I'm sure it's nothing to do with you.

I'm doing okay. Haven't worked on increasing my calories at all. Had a spectacularly unhelpful session with a nutritionist that did more damage than good so I've decided not to see her or the psychiatrist who referred me to her. I'm seeing someone new later this week so hope I'll actually get some practical help because at the moment, I don't know what to do.

I‘m sorry you are not getting the support you need 😟

Hope things are getting better for you soon! 💐

Just checking in.
Been a strange time. Horrid side effects from meds.
Eating behaviours improved for a couple of weeks but I'm sliding again.
I decided to postpone ED nurse appt when I felt focussed on improvement, and then my next appt was postponed due to snow so it's been a long gap. I see her on Monday.

TheOrigBrave

I’ve followed your thread.

I jump on the positoce and in your last post you said your eating behaviours did improve. Let’s focus on that.

How did they improve? Did you have more energy? did improve your running? (Even if you didn’t notice, I’m sure it did) / your concentration? What were you eating? Did you enjoy any tiny part of it?

You can get back to where you were and build on it.

Hello,

Saw nurse last week who said I would be able to start CBT when I'd put on 1/2 stone and have better eating patterns.

I then heard from the CBT woman who offered me an appt end of April, independent of any weight gain or eating improvement.
I was confused about the conflicting info and said so (both professionals were on the email) and it seems the CBT woman has a better insight into whether someone is ready or not. nb she's never met me.

So, I need to decide by the 20th April.

I actually felt crap when I started eating a bit better, but I felt better mentally. I have to admit though, that the reasons for starting to eat better were physical rather than mental.

Dunno how I'm feeling really.

Am away at a conference and really struggling.
It's easy for me to compare current behaviour with previous behaviour at conferences and accepting that I'm no better is hard.
It's an addiction I am not strong enough to beat. I am compelled to exercise and eat little.

Thank you for your honest post nails, it all makes a great deal of sense to me.
I know what I need to do, I know how much stress I am putting my body (and mind) under, I have a lot of good things in my life, yet I don't have the strength to jump off the merry-go-round.

I do feel motivated to change, because to be frank, this is shit.
I am scared to start CBT but think I need to face it.

I am seeing my psychiatrist end of next week, my ED nurse and psychologist the week after. I know I minimise. Only when I see something like I've written above (all the MH appts) do I acknowledge that actually I'm pretty unwell.
I compartmentalise things which enables me to live my life.

Your post just made me cry (not in a bad way). You get it.

I have told one sister and a few friends - not the full extent (though 2 of my friends are GPs and worked it out) just that I am having difficulties and am getting help. They follow my lead which I appreciate.

I over exercise for my body weight. CK levels are too high. I will tackle the food before I cut back on that though.

Saw psychiatrist yesterday. He wants me to increase fluoxetine to 60mg (from 40) and to add quetiapine. Jesus.

GP wants me to take a week off exercise so my CK level can be measured in a rested state. I won't think about increasing fluoxetine until after that week off (which is going to be very hard) and I will see how I get on with the increased dose (if I decide to take it) before deciding about the quetiapine. The latter is used as an add-on for depression which is proving to be resistant to other meds.

I had rotten side effects going from 20-40mg so feel very anxious about increasing to 60mg. Sigh.

I havent read the whole thread OP but EDs are often not very responsive to anti depressants.
COuld you try to view food as medicine instead? I have found this a good way to increase the amounts I am eating and I feel much less anxious and depressed when I eat a reasonable amount.

Q. I am competing a visa for travel to China.

It asks "Are you experiencing any of the following conditions? Serious mental disorder"

I don't know what to say. If I tick no and should have ticked yes and they find out (how?) then I may be refused entry to China for ever.

ED nurse said I should ask my GP. I don't want to do that.

It's crunch time. I need to start making progress in my recovery or we will have to accept that I'm not ready. The support will stop, though I will be able to access it again when I feel I am ready. Intellectually I understand this, emotionally it seems like failure.

So I have a meal plan - one I've made myself, and I need to stick to it. I see psychologist next Thursday and I really want to show some progress. The plan doesn't allow for weight gain - it's just eating like a normal person.

Huge progress

What’s the meal plan?

What do you mean, what's the meal plan?
It's an attempt to make things easier for me - to firstly think about what I need and to then just stick to it. Make sure the food is in, that it's prepared at the right time, that I'm eating regularly.

I'm WAY off 'success' but am making small steps.

I have agreed to see the dietician. It's all very well me saying I know what I need to do, but I've completely mucked up both the mental and physical signs and cues that I should respond to that I'm not in a position to actually carry out what I know on an intellectual level.
Something like that!
It was important that I be in control of when I see the dietician otherwise it would be too much like someone else controlling me - and that's a massive issue.

It's been useful to think about seeing her as it's made me face up to how mucked up I am.